Song for this chapter: Angel - Jack Johnson / Talking to the Moon - Kream

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“Let’s go back.”

Hanbin stood up and offered his hand to Junhoe to help him stand up. Junhoe nods with a smile and took Hanbin’s hand.

They walked to the metro station to go back to Montmartre. It was a cold night and he figured the autumn season has come. Cold air was winding up through their skin which made Hanbin shiver. He clings his arms on Junhoe’s and went a bit closer to seek for warmth which Junhoe doesn’t mind at all. Why would he mind when this is something he knows he wants.

It actually didn’t took them long to travel back to their airbnb. Junhoe throws himself on the bed, relieved that he’s already hidden from the coldness outside. Hanbin slaps his forehead when he remembered something.

“We forgot to go to the supermarket.” He says as he lets out a sigh. Disappointment evident in his voice because he has to go out in the cold again. “Do you still want the beer?”

Junhoe looks at him. “Well, not really. We can just grab some tomorrow. But do you need to buy something?”

Hanbin nods. “Yeah. We need to buy some toiletries, and I’m kind of hungry again. So…”

Junhoe chuckles and pulls himself up from the bed. “Okay. I’ll go with you.”

“No, you don’t need to. Just stay here, i’ll be quick.” Hanbin stops him. Junhoe shook his head and grabbed his jacket.

“I won’t stay here alone. I’ll get bored.” He says as he helps Hanbin put on another jacket.

“Okay. But what is this?”

“Just wear it. It’s cold outside.” Junhoe smiles at him and drags him out of the place.

****

The supermarket isn’t that far which Hanbin is really thankful for. He really wants to just lay in bed and sleep to ease his tiredness away.

“Do you also want a beer?” He hears Junhoe ask while he’s busy choosing what snacks to buy.

“Yeah, sure. Maybe you can just get six cans, that’s more than enough.” He says without looking up.

“Okay.” Junhoe says and rushes off to the fridge.

After contemplating on what to get, He finally decided to just get one kind each of everything and puts them on the basket. After all, no food is ever enough especially with the both of them. He didn’t have much problem with the toiletries as they would only use it for a few days anyway.

After about a good five minutes of bickering in front of the cashier that’s probably judging them secretly in her mind, Hanbin won and made Junhoe pay for the half price of everything they bought. Even after they’re walking back to their place, bickering started again about the most nonsense things they can think of.

Hanbin walks out of the bathroom already changed with his pajamas on and Junhoe couldn’t help admire how cute and young Hanbin looks in those clothes. He smiles at him when he meets his eyes and pats the space beside him on the sofa telling him to sit. Hanbin grimaces because Junhoe is weirding him out. He went to grab two cans of beer from the fridge and handed one to Junhoe before he plops himself down beside him. It’s a pity that the place doesn’t have a tv, so they only have each other to entertain themselves.

“I feel like i’ve been drinking quite often since you showed up in Limousin.” Hanbin states not that he cares, but he just noticed.

Junhoe shrugs. “Well, alcohol is a bit good of a company, so why not?”

“Alcohol does nothing good to my sanity.” He says, gulping down a bit too much beer.

“You’re not even sane to begin with.” Junhoe says and giggles when Hanbin slaps his face playfully.

“You’re not any better, Koo Junhoe.” He says and Junhoe just laughed.

“Want to hear a story?” Junhoe asks. He looks at him and furrows his brows before nodding his head.

“It was back in grade school, there’s this little girl that I had a crush on. We’re in the same class..” He chuckles. “I don’t know why but back then I always make a fool out of myself in front of her. It seems like everyone in the class knows that I have a crush on her except her. Anyways, February came and I always ask myself what has gotten into our English teacher. She made us do something for Valentine’s week.” He looks at Hanbin and laughed when he saw him being confused before continuing his story. “So there’s this fishbowl that I don’t know where she got it from and there are papers in it. She made us draw one paper each until everyone in the class has one, there’s a certain number written on it. Those who have the same numbers will be paired up. I thought back then that it’s so silly but then the girl I had a crush on also got the number same as mine. So we’re paired up and man, I still remember how wide my smile was during that week. We were given a project where we need to give each other chocolates for one week and we need to collect the wrappers of the chocolates and put it in a box for memories. I remember how I always give her those expensive chocolate bars and get contented with the cheap ones that she gave me. And then for the last day we need to answer a quiz about each other and the winning pair gets a prize. So we’re given a few minutes to ask each other and then that’s how I knew that blue is her favorite color. She likes stitch and her favorite movie is ‘Beauty and the Beast’. I forgot what her favorite song, though. And then after that week we became close, but I never saw her after we graduated. But you know what’s more surprising?”

Hanbin looks at him. “What?”

“I wrote a story about us, me and her. You know, like fictions that you read in the internet.”

Hanbin chokes on his beer which earned him a laugh from Junhoe. “No way! Really?”

He nods at him with a giggle coming out of his lips. “It’s true. Oh man, this is embarrassing.”

“You’re an idiot.” He says while shaking his head and chugs down another gulp of the beer. “Does it still exist?”

Junhoe looks at him. “What?”

He smirks. “The story. Does it still exist? I want to read it suddenly..”

Junhoe shook his head and hides his face with the can of beer before answering. “No, it’s been long gone. I don’t remember the title.” He says with another giggle, alcohol slowly creeping up on his consciousness.  

He lets out a laugh and stood up to get some snacks before he sits back down again. “Why are you telling me this story, then?”

Junhoe turns to look at him and smiles as he grabs a handful of chips. “I don’t know. I just felt like it.”

“Okay..” He just says, thinking maybe Junhoe has gone crazy.

With three cans of beer and two unfinished chips, they decided to sleep. Hanbin was already lying in the bed when Junhoe came out of the bathroom since Hanbin has gone first. He dives into the space next to him and tried so hard not to wrap his arms over Hanbin’s waist.

“Get some rest. We’ll go out early tomorrow.” Hanbin says with his eyes closed. He just hums in reply.

“Goodnight.” He says before turning to face his back to Junhoe.

He just watches Hanbin’s back. For some reason, sleep can’t get to him. He just watches the slow rising of Hanbin’s shoulder because of his breathing. He watches how his neck was slightly bent and his head buried in the pillow. He wants to see his calm face when sleeping.

Mixed feelings slowly creep up in his heart. How he feels lucky that he’s beside this person sleeping on the other side of the bed. He feels happy that he can be with him, breathing the same air with him. He feels thankful that they found him. But then, he also feels helpless because he can’t do anything for him. He’s there for Hanbin and he knows the latter is thankful for it, but he still thinks it’s not enough. He can’t do anything to lessen his pain. And he can’t do anything but to make him feel that he’s not alone. He’s ready to risk his heart just to protect this person beside him, it doesn’t matter what it takes.

He has a lot to say. There’s a lot of things he wants to say. But then again, the time is still not right and it crushes his heart bit by bit with every unsaid feelings he wants to at least whisper against this person’s ears.

Maybe it’s the beer or maybe it’s his thoughts that made him fall asleep.

*****

They were sticking close to each other as they walked through the streets of Montmartre to the metro station, cold morning air brushing through their skin.

Hanbin halts to a stop and turns to look at Junhoe. “This is the real trip. No worries for today and we’ll just have fun, okay?” He says as he grins widely.

Junhoe chuckles and pinches Hanbin’s cheek before nodding. “Okay! Let’s go!” He suddenly grabs Hanbin’s wrists and they run their way to the metro station. Their day already started with a good note.

Maybe it’s because of the beautiful sceneries or maybe it’s the wide smile that hasn’t left Hanbin’s face the whole day that made Junhoe happy. Hanbin was really not joking when he said that it’s a worry-free day.

It’s the carefree feeling that makes them laugh everytime they say nonsense things in between their waffles and iced coffee. It’s the carefree feeling that made Junhoe so amazed while walking through Champs-Elysees street. It’s the carefree feeling that makes them do silly poses when taking photos infront of Arc du Triomphe.

“Aren’t we going to take a break? We’ve been walking for a while now.” He whines as they walk along River seine on the way to Louvre. Hanbin laughs at him.

“Just walk a little more. We can take a break by the garden.” He says as he smiles warmly to Junhoe.

“Is it far?” He wants to refuse because they have been walking starting from Arc du Triomphe all the way to Louvre. He doesn’t know what got into Hanbin, but last time he checked Hanbin doesn’t like walking either.

“Not really. It’s not far, I promise. C’mon!” Hanbin giggles and drags his wrist to make him walk. Junhoe sighs and lets himself be dragged again.

Maybe this little sacrifice of walking is worth it. He sees how happy Hanbin is while telling him about the places they walk through. No, not maybe. It is worth it. The bright smiles and laugh that Hanbin is letting out that day is like a memory of how Hanbin used to be before he got broken. He prays, to anyone who might be listening to his thoughts, to keep Hanbin like this. That if they’re listening, they could do the favor of taking Hanbin’s worries away and just leave him the happy thoughts, because all he remembers is how lovely Hanbin looks when he’s happy.

They started running from the entrance of Jardin des Tuileries like little kids who had just gotten out to play. When they reached the fountain, they sat on the chairs and started gasping for air. They looked at each other and started laughing.

“That was fun.” Hanbin says while settling himself comfortably in the chair.

“Yeah. We we’re like fools running through those people. I saw one guy who was looking at us like we have just lost our mind.” He says with a smile and scans his surrounding before he looks back to Hanbin.

“Where are we going after this?” He asks.

“We’ll go to Louvre and then maybe look for somewhere to eat.” Hanbin says as he looks around and spots something. “Hey look! There’s a small fair going in there.”

Junhoe looks at the direction where Hanbin is looking at and sees different kind of rides at the left side of the garden. “What is that?”

“It’s a small fair. They usually last for a week and then move to other places. Do you want to go there?” He looks at Junhoe and sees the hesitation in his face. ‘Oh right… he can’t ride those kind of things.’

He smiles. “We’ll just check it out, okay? We won’t go in those rides, you have to pay for them anyway.” Junhoe smiles and nods.

They stayed seated for quite a while before Hanbin leads them both to the fair. There are different kinds of games available which made Hanbin excited. They decided to try the shooting game once before they head off to Louvre.

“Shall we bet on this one?” Hanbin smirks at him.

He scoffs at Hanbin’s confidence. “Sure. If you don’t hit the target atleast once, you’ll treat me for dinner.”

“Ha! I’m telling you, I can hit the target three times. What if that happens then?” Hanbin says with one eyebrow raised. Junhoe shrugs.

“Then I’ll treat you dinner and you can have my prize if I hit the target. Call?” Hanbin grins and nods at him.

Contrary to what he said, Hanbin hasn’t hit the target. Not even once which earned him a laugh from Junhoe and the latter grabs the gun from his hand.

Junhoe looks at Hanbin who’s sulking on the side and smirks. “Watch and learn.” He mocks and Hanbin scowls at him.

He misses the target at first try but hits it twice with the following tries. Hanbin’s frown got even more worse and Junhoe is just laughing at him for sulking. He chose the Mickey mouse plush toy as his prize and hands it to Hanbin.

“Here, you can have it.” He smiles. Hanbin just looks at him. “Just take it, okay? It’s a gift.”

“You’re so corny.” Hanbin says but takes the plush anyway. Junhoe grins at him and ruffles his hair.

They finally decided to walk to Louvre as it is their last stop on Hanbin’s itinerary.

“You want to see Mona Lisa?” Hanbin asks him after taking a picture infront of the museum.

He shook his head and smiles. “No. Maybe next time.”

Hanbin also smiles at him. “Why? So you have a reason to go back?”

“Exactly.” He chuckles, ‘But I’ll be coming back for you..’ he wants to say but didn’t and takes a last look at the museum before they head off to the metro station.

They decided to eat dinner at Chris’ restaurant, but this time they’ll definitely pay for their food.

They are seated on the same spot where they first had their dinner there and waits for their orders. There’s no live performer on that night and classic music just plays through the speakers.

Their food came and they started eating quietly. For some reason, they don’t have anything to talk about, but they don’t mind. It makes up for the relaxing ambiance the place offers.

After they finished eating, Junhoe excuses himself to go to the toilet and Hanbin just nods. But after quite a while, Junhoe’s taking so long that it bothers Hanbin.

“Good evening.” He hears someone from the small stage says.

Confusion takes over him as he sees Junhoe sitting there with a guitar on his hands. He smiles when his eyes met Hanbin’s. ‘What is he up to?’

“I’ll be singing just one song for you guys tonight. I dedicate this to someone very special.” He hears Junhoe says before a bright smile formed in those lips. He started strumming the guitar and looks at Hanbin.

‘I’ve got an angel

He doesn’t wear any wings

He wears a heart that could melt my own

He wears a smile that could make me

Wanna sing

He gives me presents

With his presence alone

He gives me everything I could wish for

He gives me a smile

Just for coming home’

He knows Junhoe can sing. He knows he has a beautiful voice. And it overwhelms him because he never expected that he would hear that voice sing a song for him.

Maybe it’s the lyrics, or maybe it’s the way how Junhoe smiles at him, or maybe it’s the way how those eyes never left him. The sincerity hits him hard like a er punch and it takes his breath away. He feels thankful yet he also feels sorry, because he’s still broken as ever. He feels sorry because he can’t accept Junhoe’s feelings yet. He feels sorry because he doesn’t know when he will be whole again. Love always comes in the wrong timing for him.

Junhoe feels like his heart is about to burst because of the feelings inside him. The way how Hanbin looks at him while he’s singing made it worth the effort. He knows. He knows that they can’t be together yet. He knows that there are a lot of things to be taken care of. He can wait, no matter how long it’s going to take. But right now, he just wants to express his feelings towards the person who his eyes will never stop searching for in the crowd full of people. The person who stole his heart but he doesn’t mind. He can take it and he can keep it. He won’t mind.

The song ended but his eyes are glued to Hanbin. In those eyes that he doesn’t mind getting drowned in. He takes in how Hanbin looks. He has always been handsome, but it still takes him by surprise. Every single time.

They looked at each other for a few moments before he says thank you to the audience and bows as they clap for him.

“How was it?” He asks as he gets to their table.

Hanbin smiles warmly at him. “You still have a beautiful voice.”

He’s taken aback by the compliment but still smiles at him. “Wow, I didn’t expect a compliment. But, thanks.”

Hanbin chuckles. “Thank you.. for the song.”

Junhoe nods and smiles. “No big deal.”

They walked back silently to their airbnb. Their minds a little too calm, but they’re content on how the day turned out.

*****

Chanwoo was busy playing on his computer when his phone rang. He looks over and saw that it’s just Yunhyeong.

He just lets the phone ring and returned back to his game. He lets out a sigh of relief as his phone quiets down, but just as he thought he’s finally going to have peace, his phone rang again. He huffs and paused the game before answering his phone.

“What? Hyung, i’m busy.” He says as a greeting.

“You really should learn how to greet properly.” He can already imagine the scowl on Yun’s face. “Busy, you say? If I know you’re just playing computer games, Chanwoo.”

“Whatever. Why did you call me?” He went out of his room and settles himself on sofa.

“Well, I don’t know if you’re deaf or you’re just lost in your game but i’ve been knocking on your door for five minutes now.” Yun says as a matter of fact. Chanwoo jumps out of the sofa with eyes wide.

“And why are you here? I was having a peaceful day hyung!” He whines but still went to open the door.

Yun was standing there but he didn’t expect to see Bobby and Donghyuk standing behind Yun.

Yunhyeong ended the call and smiles at him. “It’s cold here outside.” He says before he playfully pushes Chanwoo aside and went straight into the living room, Bobby and Donghyuk following him. Chanwoo just eyed them as they passed by him and closes the door.

He sits on one of the single sofa and looks at them. “Why are you here?”

“I want to talk to you.” Bobby says quietly.

He’s been stressing out how he would talk to the three of them after Chanwoo confronted him about his and Hanbin’s relationship.

The three guys are just looking at him. He lets out a sigh before he prepares himself to tell them what he came here for.

“Look, I know that you’re mad at me for not saying anything after all these years. I’m sorry... I really am. But I don’t want to break my last promise to Hanbin the last time I saw him before he left.” He looks at Chanwoo, hands clasping together out of nervousness. “I know you told me a bit too many times, not Hanbin. I know you warned me, but I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to be more than just a friend in your brother’s life. I love Hanbin. I still do… everyday, I pray that he would come back. I was the one who insisted to become a part of his life and yet I was the one who broke him into pieces. I’m sorry….”

“Why did you keep it from us, Bobby? Why? You’re both important to us, you know that. We deserve to know something. What happened between you two?” Yun questions him quietly. Chanwoo and Donghyuk just stayed silent.

He lost Hanbin, and he wouldn’t dare lose these people infront of him either. Out of all the judging eyes looking at him his whole life, these are the only people who accepted him. His flaws and all. He might mess up but they’re always there supporting him every step of the way. He doesn’t want to wake up one day, he lost everyone that matters to him. That’s why he will be forever sorry for failing them like this.

“I...I cheated on him.. It’s just, pain took over me. I was blinded that I didn’t realize I hurt him too much. The first time was a mistake but the next ones weren’t.” He looks down. “I completely understand why he wants to keep us a secret. He even warned me, but I can’t stop myself because there’s just something about him that no warning can make me stay away. I know that being with him won’t be easy, I knew that. But no matter how I try to understand, it’s still hard. And I know that i’m so stupid for not being strong enough to be with him. I’m sorry. I know i’ve said it a lot of times already, but I really am sorry.” He didn’t intend to cry infront of them but he couldn’t help it when a tear escapes from his eye.

Donghyuk lets out a sigh and pats his shoulder. “We’re not mad at you, hyung. We’re not. It’s just that, we don’t understand because we don’t have an idea about anything. It’s been hard for you, and  it’s also hard for him to the point that it made him run away from here. Maybe you were not his main reason why he left, but this may have scarred him deep.”

Donghyuk remembered the first time he saw Hanbin after three years. He looks almost the same, but he might not be the same person they used to know. He’s in pieces and it makes it painful to look at him. Those eyes that were once full of life but now it’s looks empty, and sad.

“I’m not mad at you, hyung…” Chanwoo mutters, eyes looking intently at Bobby. “But do you know what’s making me mad? It’s the fact that I haven’t done anything for him.” He points at the direction of Hanbin’s room as he also starts tearing up. “Do you know how hard it is when I can’t do anything every time he locks himself up in that room? It ! It not being able to do anything. And I hate it even more now just thinking about it.” He hung his head low and started sobbing. Yunhyeong hugged him and pats his back.

“Don’t be hard on yourself, Chanwoo. He just doesn’t want to worry you.” Yunhyeong whispers as he comforts Chanwoo.

“There’s still a lot you don’t know about him...but i’m not the one to tell you that. He has a lot of things he’s keeping to himself. I should have stayed by his side…” Bobby says almost like a whisper. He looks away from Chanwoo. Everything felt heavy on his chest. He wants Hanbin back. He wants them to be complete again, like how they used to. He wants to fix them in every way he could. But how would that be possible if he’s not here?

“He will come back, Chanwoo…. I’m sure he will..” Donghyuk says, but even he himself is not sure about what he just said.

*******

Junhoe was humming the song while looking at the person lying beside him.

How much deeper could he fall for this person? How far could he go just to see this person smile? How much is he willing to give up just to not have this moment taken away from him? How many prayers would he have to say to have strength while protecting him from all the sadness? Just what does it take for them to make Hanbin completely happy?

“Do you know why I told you that story last night?” He whispers. Hanbin opens his eyes and looks at him. “Because like in the story, I also seem to make a fool out of myself when it comes to you. This is the first time I felt being content when I made you smile.”

The smile that’s worth something more than gold. It’s the kind of smile that he could compare with the sun. It’s like every ray of the sun was gathered into one’s smile. A smile so bright that it had the power to warm his heart in the most unexpected times. The kind of smile he wishes would never leave Hanbin’s face.

Hanbin gave him a small smile before closing his eyes. “Goodnight, Junhoe.”

Hanbin knows he could fall. He could let himself fall if he wants to. He could let his selfishness take over him, let himself fall and accept Junhoe’s heart. But he can’t do that. Junhoe has already gained a special spot inside him. He wouldn’t want to hurt him and bring him so much pain. He wants the day to come where he could give themselves a chance and there would be no complications. Right now, he appreciates all the effort this person has made for him.

Junhoe smiled back at him and covers himself with the comforter. “Goodnight.” He closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep with the hopes he would never stop having until they come true.

******

“You really don’t listen to me, do you?” Says the man sitting in the sofa. Hanbin just looks at him.

“I know you don’t really care about me. Why is it a big deal to you?” He states quietly.

His father’s face hardened and looks at him. “I am your father, Hanbin. I know what’s right for you.”

He scoffs in disbelief. “I know that. But you don’t care about me…. You only care about what others might say to you.”

His father stood up from his seat and grabs his collar, pulling him closer. “Look, all you need to do is listen to me. You need to stop this craziness you’re into. Right now!”

He looks at his father’s eyes. “I won’t. I don’t want to.”

He saw how his father clenched his teeth before he brings his fist into Hanbin’s face.

He takes in all the punches thrown at him without a word. He didn’t fight back and just lets his father beat him until he stops. This is just another normal day to him. He just worries about how he will cover up all the bruises for the next day. He’s immune to this. He’s already used to his father’s beatings, because ever since he started to understand things, he grew up with the thought that his father never really loved him. So he just lets him. He lets him hit him. Be his punching bag and take everything in without a word. But like every other human, he gets tired hoping that someday, his father would accept him.

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So, how was it? Do you think the story is doing just fine?

I think I would be updating during weekends because school is starting to be hectic.

I hope you guys liked this chapter. As promised, this is longer the the preivous one.

Please let me know what you think. Your feedbacks do help me a lot and is very much appreciated.

Thank you for reading!