Song for this chapter: Natalie Taylor - Surrender

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Life goes on, even when he’s sleeping. Or even when sleep doesn’t come at all.

Hanbin just watches the afternoon sun peek through the curtains, dust swirls in the streak of sunlight.

He was resting, but couldn’t sleep. Jinhwan is taking a nap in the other single bed in the room.

He sighs as it occurs to him slowly. He’s back. He’s really back.

He never thought that this would actually happen and now he realizes how much he missed his hometown. The air, the streets, everything.

He used to love living here, and he still does. Even after all those years. This is still his home.

He lifts his hand and places it where the streak of sunlight shines. He watches it burn against his skin and the warm feeling of it makes him feel light.

He was like that for a moment when he’s interrupted with a light knock on the door. He turns his head as the door quietly opens and sees Donghyuk

peek his head. He gave him a smile and the latter returned it just as bright.

“Hey.” He mutters. Donghyuk smiled wider and closes the door behind him before walking towards him.

“Hi, hyung.” Donghyuk says as he sits on the side of the bed. “Did you sleep well?”

“Not really.”

Donghyuk’s forehead creases. “Why?” He smiles at his face. Donghyuk still hasn’t changed. He’s still the warm and bright kid, always concerned

about the people close to him.

“Because I’m hungry.” He whispers as if Jinhwan might hear it, even though he’s sleeping. Donghyuk’s frown breaks into a smile and punches him

in the arm lightly.

“You should have told me sooner. Come outside, I’ll cook something for you.” Donghyuk says as he stands up.

“Ramyun?” He smiles sheepishly. Of course, that’s the first thing he really wanted to eat.

“Sure. I actually restocked just for you.” Donghyuk muses.

He just let out a chuckle and reaches his hand out, Donghyuk took it and helped him stand up. They get out of the room quietly to let Jinhwan rest.

They walk inside the kitchen while Donghyuk still doesn’t let his hand go. He chuckles as he takes his hand back and gently pushes Donghyuk

towards the stove.

“I just came back and I’m not leaving yet, so don’t worry.”

Donghyuk pouts but doesn’t argue. “I’m just being affectionate, hyung. Do you know that? No, probably not.”

He sits beside the table and props his chin on his hand, his mouth breaking into a toothy grin. “You missed me that much, huh?”

“Of course. But do you know who missed you more than me?” Donghyuk says as he puts water in a pan and let it boil.

“Who?” It’s Chanwoo, he thinks but still asks.

“Junhoe. I swear, that guy became an idiot after he came back from Limousin.”

“Junhoe? But we talk everyday. It would likely be Chanwoo.” He laughs. It’s true that he talks with Junhoe everyday. He wonders if he still doesn’t get

sick of his voice. Of course he doesn’t mind talking with Junhoe everyday, he’s quite fun to talk to.

“You talk everyday?” Donghyuk snorts which made him laugh.

“Yeah. Well, except for the past two days.” And he wonders how that works. How Junhoe could still possibly miss him. Even though he confessed

about his feelings, he can’t help but think.

“Now I’m looking forward to his reaction if he sees you. When are you planning to show up to them, anyway?”

He hums as he taps an uncertain beat on the table.That thought hasn’t crossed his mind yet, although sooner or later he has to show himself. There's

no point of going back here if he’s just to hide.

“Maybe tomorrow? Speaking of, is it okay if we stay here for tonight? Only tonight, I promise. Tell the boys to come here tomorrow, I want to surprise

them.”

Donghyuk smiles at him and nods. “Of course. You can stay here until whenever you like. But the boys, you mean all of them? Including

Bobby-hyung?”

Bobby. He looks away and thought hard. Going back here is a big step, showing himself is another and he knows he’s still not yet ready for an

emotional meeting with Bobby. Everything is too much in one go and he’s afraid this will build up and before he knows it, he’s already exploded.

But there’s also a possibility that it won’t be that bad.

“Uhm... Yeah, including Bobby.” His voice was quiet and Donghyuk looked hesitantly at him.

“Are you sure?”

He nods. He really can’t take it back now, can he? It won’t really make sense if he’s still going to hide from him. So he decided, he’s going to be brave

this time. No matter how painful this might get. No matter how this would crush him alive.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Don’t worry hyung. I’m here, Jinhwan-hyung too.” Donghyuk gave him one of those smiles, the comforting and warm one.

“Thank you. I’m thinking of showing up at Chanwoo’s tonight, though. I really miss that kid. Do you think it’s a good idea?” He decides to get his

thoughts off of Bobby for now. His brother is who he really wants to see at the moment. He knows they have a lot to talk about and showing up alone

might be the best option.

Donghyuk hums as he finishes cooking the ramyun. “Of course. He really wants to see you, you know. He had it the hardest.”

He knows Donghyuk doesn’t intend to make him feel bad but he knows he’s right and he feels guilty. Chanwoo is the only family he has who

genuinely cares about him and leaving without a word is something he’s forever going to be sorry for.

He doesn’t say anything and just watches Donghyuk prepare the food. They settle down on the table and they catch up as they eat. Talking about

work and their daily life, things they weren’t able to talk about in Limousin.

They soon wake Jinhwan up to eat but he refused and just wanted to rest, tired from the long flight they had that morning. He just let him sleep

after he told him he’s going to Chanwoo, which the older didn’t question.

It was late evening when he finally decided to go. He takes a deep breath and grabs his jacket he got from his luggage.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to bring you?” Donghyuk asks as he sees him off at the door.

He slips his shoes on and zips his jacket up before patting Donghyuk on his shoulder with a smile. “I’m sure. I’ll be okay, I promise. I’ll text you if I ever

need you to pick me up.”

“Okay. Be careful.”

“I will.” He says before going out the door.

This will be the start of it. He’s actually doing this and he can’t help but feel nervous. Even though he knows Chanwoo missed him, he doesn’t know

what his reaction would be when they actually meet. It’s going to be hard and it’s going to be harder as he faces each one of them. What would come

out of this? Would it really be worth it?

As he thinks about it, he can’t help but feel the guilt that’s been creeping up on him since Jinhwan talked to him about going back. Sure, he came back.

He’s here now, but it doesn’t change the fact that he left them without a word. And it’s frightening. It frightens him because he realizes now, he

realizes that he still has his friends. He still has his brother. But he was too caught up with his pain that he forgot how important they make him feel.

How they let him know that he’s never alone.

He takes the bus that would bring him to Chanwoo’s house. Their house. He watches the streets as the bus passes by. Nothing much has changed

but everything felt different. Or maybe he’s the who changed. Everything looks familiar yet felt so foreign. It’s a weird combination of different feelings

and it’s making him more nervous. He can’t wait to see Chanwoo and he knows he would only calm down when he’s already in front of his brother.

He’s finally trying to be brave; to own up, to forgive and ask forgiveness, to move on.

****

The traffic lights turned red again as Chanwoo drives on the way back to his house. He had fun playing video games with Junhoe, but it was also

exhausting. His friend’s energy was a bit too much this day that he couldn’t keep up and had to smack Junhoe’s back a few times to calm him down.

Days like these don’t happen often like back in the days when they’re still young and not working. Adulthood has given them too much responsibilities

and time for each other was minimized, though they still make sure that they all still meet up. It’s just that everything that’s happened in the past

months have made him put a bit of distance from the others, particularly Bobby. He just needs time to sort it out and maybe he’ll be okay again.

The traffic doesn’t seem to get any better and big droplets of rain have started to pour down, making the traffic even more worse. He sighs as he

turns the radio on and an old song from Paramore greets him. He hums along as he taps his fingers on the steering wheel and waits for the other

vehicles to carry on.

He has never liked the rain but the sound of it against his car accompanying the song felt comforting. The road seems to clear a bit as he nears the

street of his house, letting him drive smoothly. He parks his car across the street in front of his house and rushes off to open the gate, the rain wetting

his coat.

Once he passed through the gate, he was about to run inside when he noticed someone sitting in the step of the front porch, making him stop in the

middle of the rain. The person was shivering, probably from the cold and his head was hung low. It was clearly waiting for him but he has no clue on

who it might be. He decides to walk closer to get a good look and stops right in front of the person, it was a guy. It was then that when the guy looks

up at him, he felt his heart stopped. His eyes widen in shock as he looks back at him. It was his brother.

“Hey,” Hanbin greets him as he drags himself up and smiles. “I was waiting for you.”

That face. God, he missed that face. That smile. His presence. Chanwoo was suddenly flooded with all the built up emotion and he pulled his brother

into a tight hug. He doesn’t know why but he started sobbing the moment Hanbin hugged him back. He buries his face on Hanbin’s shoulder and

held him tighter, not minding the rain that’s pouring.

“You’re back.. you’re really back…” He mutters. Hanbin sniffs and lets out a chuckle before pulling away from him. Hanbin smiles at him and pats his

head.

“I am. But before all this, let’s go inside. Your clothes are soaked. You might get sick.”

He nodded at him and lets his brother drag him towards the house. He hands him the keys and soon they were greeted with warm air. He lets out a

relieved sigh as he takes off his shoes and coat. Hanbin did the same.

He went to his bedroom to eliminate his wet clothes and changed into pajamas. He feels his eyes tear up again and stops himself before they even

threaten to fall. He grabs a shirt and sweatpants from his dresser before heading back out the living room, suddenly scared that he’s just

hallucinating and that Hanbin wasn’t really there.

But he’s there. Standing in the middle of the living room, drying his hair with a towel. He bites the side of his cheek, trying to prevent himself again

from tearing up. Hanbin notices him and smiles fondly. It was clear that they missed each other and the thought that they’re both there physically

made Chanwoo even more glad.

“Hey. Come here.” Hanbin softly orders and Chanwoo obeyed wholeheartedly.

As he got closer to Hanbin, the latter suddenly put the towel on Chanwoo’s head to dry his hair. He watches Hanbin who has a fond smile in his face

and a concentrated look in his eyes.

“As much as I would like to say that I’m not a kid anymore, I’m letting you off the hook this time.” He muses and Hanbin can’t help but chuckle.

“Oh shut up. You’re still a baby, okay?” He frowns and Hanbin just grinned at him, but he didn’t stop him from what he’s doing. He missed Hanbin

babying him, though he’ll probably get sick of it after a while.

“Whatever. Here, you should change. You’re wetting the carpet.” He says as he hands Hanbin the clothes, the latter takes it and went straight to

the bathroom without question.

He realizes how natural Hanbin moves around the house, maybe because this is also his home. Maybe because this is where he should be. ‘He

belongs here.’ He thought.

He went to the kitchen, the towel still on his head, and prepares the hot water to make tea for himself and coffee for Hanbin. He still knows by heart

how his brother prefers his coffee. Two lumps of sugar and three teaspoons of creamer. Hanbin likes it sweet. He smiles to himself as he brings the

two mugs into the living room and settled himself on the couch to wait for Hanbin.

After a few minutes, Hanbin reappears from the bathroom and joined him on the sofa.

“I made you coffee.” He says as he reaches for his tea, he hands Hanbin’s to him.

“Thanks.” Hanbin smiles and sips from the mug, letting out a contented sigh from the warmth of the coffee.

They were soon surrounded by silence. He knows Hanbin has a lot to say and he has too, but wouldn’t it be too much after they just reunited? He

thought about asking Hanbin right away, but decided against it. It would be too much for Hanbin, given the small amount of time.

“So..” He hears Hanbin say. “How is my little baby brother?”

He whines against the name Hanbin used while the latter just pinched his cheeks. He swats his hand away.

“I told you I’m not a baby. You’re still annoying. Oh my gosh.”

Hanbin laughs at him and pinches his cheeks again. “Oh, if I know you like me babying you. Atleast I’m affectionate to you, duh!”

He grunts and just lets Hanbin be. “Whatever. I’m doing great here. How about you? How’s, what’s the name again, Limousin?”

Hanbin nods and finally lets him go. He returned in drinking his coffee. “Yes, it was Limousin. It was fine, the place is lovely. I don’t know if you

remember but we’ve been there before. I was not alone there, so that’s good. I’m glad you’re doing fine here.”

“Really? Who were you with?”

“Jinhwan-hyung. I met him there, he also came here with me. You’ll meet him tomorrow.”

He nods. “Okay. By the way, are you going to sleep here tonight?”

Hanbin looks at him. “Do you want me to?” He says with a soft smile and Chanwoo can’t help but feel expectant, so he nods his head.

“Okay, then. I’ll just text Jinhwan-hyung and Donghyuk so they won’t worry. But I have to be back there tomorrow.”

He nods again. “No problem. I can bring you there.”

Hanbin just gave him a smile and even though he’s not saying anything, Chanwoo can see the troubled expression on his. He clearly wants to

say something, but he doesn’t know where to start.

“Chanwoo-ya..” He hears Hanbin call him softly.

“Hmm?”

“I’m really sorry..” His effort was visible when he tried to prevent his voice from cracking and Chanwoo can’t help but feel a lump in his throat

again. So he held Hanbin’s hand although he’s not one to be really affectionate.

“It’s okay, hyung. You don’t have to explain it to me now. We have time.” He reassures.

Hanbin looks at him. “Aren’t you mad at me?”

He shake his head and smiles. “No, or maybe I was, but not for too long. I was rather worried about you.”

Hanbin’s expression relaxed and he pats Chanwoo’s shoulder fondly. “Thank you.”

“Now, should we take a break from being emotional? Let’s get some rest.”

Hanbin nods and they head over to their respective rooms.

***

As Hanbin closes the door behind him, he roams his eyes around the room. His room. The bed was neatly made, obvious that no one has used

it. The pictures on the bedside table are still there. The whole room hasn’t changed at all and he felt thankful. Thankful that the place still looks and

feels familiar.

He turns off the lights and darkness finally surrounded him. He walks his way towards the bed and tucked himself under the soft comforter, letting

out a relieved sigh. This was his safe haven. This room was his shield against the world outside and having the chance to come back here felt nice.

He wonders what would happen if he didn’t run away back then. Would he still hide himself in this room whenever his father beats him up? Would

he still hide in the protection of this room when all it did was make him more insane? Would he still have the will to live?

He knew that running away is a choice of a coward yet he doesn’t really have any other option, does he? Maybe it did help. Maybe it’s also the

reason why he’s still alive, because he ran away.

He’s interrupted with thinking when he heard a light knock on the door before it opened. Revealing Chanwoo with a pillow in his hand,

he looked so cute he couldn’t help but smile.

“Are you already sleeping?” Chanwoo asks.

“No, I was about to though. Why?”

Chanwoo scratches the back of his head before asking, “Can I sleep here?”

He lets out a chuckle and moved himself on the right side of the bed. “Yeah, sure.”

Chanwoo doesn’t waste a second and he lied down immediately on his bed. He just grins at Hanbin and closes his eyes, feeling already at peace.

He can’t help but smile at his brother before patting his hair fondly. He tucked both of them under the covers and closes his eyes. Yep, this is really

his safe haven.

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It's here! Sorry his took soo long. I have no excuses, I just went through a bit of a writer's block and I had a hard time to grasp the feeling for this chapter. It was short I know, but I'll make it up to you in the coming chapters. How are you guys anyway? I hope you're all doing well. Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it.

Feedbacks/ Comments are very much needed for motivation. Hehe.