Song for this chapter: You're Gonna be Ok - Brian and Jenn Johnson

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Nothing beats a sunday afternoon lazing around with his pajamas on, Junhoe feels like this day off is a very much-needed award making up for the pile of works that kept him busy during the week.

He’s leaning against the kitchen counter, waiting for his coffee to be done. He smiles to himself as he pours the liquid into a cup and brings it to his lips, the cozy warmth of coffee suddenly reminding him of Hanbin’s cafe.

He decides on what movie to watch and settles with ‘The Hobbit’, not his favorite movie but thought it’ll do. He was just about to wrap himself with a blanket when the doorbell rang, ruining the relaxing mood.

He lets out a groan. ‘Nice’ he thought. Who on earth has dared to disturb Junhoe on his rest day? One of the guys, probably. He pauses the movie and drags himself lazily to the door.

He opens the door with a scowl on his face and he was greeted by Yunhyeong and Donghyuk’s smile.

“Who are you? I don’t know you.” He says a bit grumpy making the other two laugh. He’s still moping as they weren’t able to hang out when he came back.

“Oh, shut up.” Yun beams at him. He frowns at him and lets them in, closing the door behind his back.

“Wow, you guys suddenly remember me now? It was already two weeks since I came back. None of you has even bothered to drop by.” He rants as he goes back to his sofa and wraps himself with the blanket.

Donghyuk laughs at that and pinches his cheek, settling himself beside Junhoe. “We’re sorry, okay? We’re caught up with work.”

Yun occupies the single seat across them and nods at what Donghyuk said. “Yeah, that’s true. And it’s also just 2 weeks, Junhoe. We know you can’t stand not seeing us even for a day, but yeah.”

“Excuse you, I haven’t seen you guys in a month and 2 weeks. I don’t care about you, I only care about Dong.” He argues and pouts, like a kid being teased by his sibling.

Yun lets out a laugh and finally settles himself comfortably in his seat. “So, how are you?”

He lets out a smile. “I’m fine. I just hate working right away after a vacation, but oh well, nothing I can do. What’s up with you guys? Anything happened while I was gone?”

Donghyuk steals his mug away from him and sips a bit of his coffee before he can even protest. “Yeah, quite a lot actually. I’m doing fine, and just like you, also busy with work. The rest are the same.”

He nods, turning to Yunhyeong. “You, how are you?”

Yun pretends to be shocked and places a hand over his chest. “Oh wow, Junhoe is asking me how I am? Is he the Junhoe I know?” He asks dramatically to Donghyuk, making the latter burst out a laugh.

He throws a pillow to Yunhyeong making him laugh even more. “Okay, okay. I’m doing fine. Thanks for asking.” Yun says with a smile.

He raises his brows and looks at Donghyuk. “So, tell me some news. What happened this past month?”

He noticed how Donghyuk’s face turned grim before looking at him blankly, like he doesn’t want to talk about it but has to. “Well, I don’t really want to talk about it but Chanwoo learned about Bobby-hyung and Hanbin-hyung’s relationship. It was a surprise, really, when we heard about it. If only you were here and witnessed it, you would be scared of that kid.”

Yun nods at that, turning serious all of a sudden. “Yeah. Chanwoo was really furious. I never saw him like that and even I, was scared at how he blew up like that.”

He looks at them both. “Wait, what?! How did he know?”

It’s Yun’s turn to look at him, confused. “Why don’t you seem surprised? Did you know about it?”

He shook his head and hides his face with the coffee mug. “Not really. Hanbin hyung confessed it to me when I was there..”

Yun startles at the mention of Hanbin’s name, he haven’t heard about his friend for a long time. “You were with Hanbin the whole month?”

“Yeah, he was with him. That’s why he went right away after I came back here from France. I saw him too.” Donghyuk answers for him.

Yun squints his eyes at them and hits Donghyuk, making the latter whine. “You guys! Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve come with you, I wanted to see him too!”

He laughs at Yun before giving him an apologetic look. “Sorry. It’s just, we don’t want to shock him if all of us go there at once. He almost freaked out when I suddenly showed up and told him I’m gonna stay for a month, you know.”

Donghyuk nods in agreement. “Yeah, Junhoe’s right. Although he was okay when I saw him the first time, I don’t think he was ready to see any of us yet.”

Yun sighs and sinks himself further to his seat. “How’s he doing, then? Is he okay? Anything new?”  

“He’s doing okay... but not really okay. He’s not blonde anymore, he changed it to black. Still the same Hanbin we know.” He says, somehow careful of his words. Yun only nods and sighs. He turns again to Donghyuk realizing his question was unanswered. “So, how did Chanwoo know?”

Donghyuk stays quiet for a moment and hesitates, he still can’t somehow believe it even happened. “He read the letter Hanbin hyung wrote me. He said he saw it in the book I borrowed from Hanbin-hyung. I actually don’t know how he got it, but it doesn’t matter.”

Junhoe nods and tears his gaze away from Donghyuk. He sips a bit of his coffee and looks back at him again. “I see. How’s Chanwoo doing?”

“Chanwoo’s a bit better now. Bobby already talked with us three and explained on why he hid it from us. Chanwoo understands where Bobby’s coming from, but he’s still hurt. Even we, were upset, but we don’t know anything so it’s best that we just try to understand him. How about you, did Hanbin tell you anything?”

He shakes his head. “No, he’s still closed off. He wasn’t ready to open up to me or to anyone else yet. I just hope that he would be okay soon.”

The both of them nods. They fell into silence right after, minds filled with thoughts. To prevent the heavy atmosphere that’s slowly enveloping them, Yun changes the topic and tells Junhoe about a girl he’s met a few weeks back and how he’s into her. Donghyuk teases him being a loser and Junhoe agrees, both joining forces to tease the hell out of the man sulking in his seat. Yun, while mumbling, is questioning himself why he chose to be friends with these people which made them laugh.

They were talking about nothing in particular when the doorbell rang.

“Did they say they’re coming over too?” He asks, referring to Bobby and Chanwoo.

“No, but maybe that’s Chanwoo. I texted him this morning that we’re going to hang out here, maybe he decided to follow.” Yun says as he stands up and offered to answer the door.

It was really Chanwoo when he walks in seconds later after Yun. He half hugs Junhoe and Donghyuk.

“What’s up?” He asks as Chanwoo settles himself on the other single sofa across the room. He noticed the hint of tiredness from his face, making him feel sorry to the kid.

“I’m fine. How’s it going with you?” Chanwoo smiles. He smiles at him back.

“I’m good.” He just says and stands up to make him some tea.

He comes back a while after and hands Chanwoo his cup. The other two guys frown at him. “You made him some drink, but you didn’t offer us some?” Donghyuk says bitterly. Yunhyeong nods in agreement.

Chanwoo snickers as he warms his hand with the cup. “Because he doesn’t love you guys.” Junhoe laughs and high fives him.

They both scowl at Chanwoo and stand up to get their drinks themselves. Chanwoo smirks at Junhoe, making the latter chuckle.

“So…” Chanwoo mutters, he stares at Junhoe for a bit. “How is he?”

He gives him an assuring smile. “He’s okay. I gave him your hoodie too.”

Chanwoo nods and smiles wearily at him. “Thank you..”

He nods. Silence took over them as they wait for Yun and Donghyuk.

He knows there are a lot to be said which also what made it hard to speak. Chanwoo didn’t even ask him if his brother has finally decided to go back, he knows that the kid’s slowly getting tired to ask that question and get the same old answer; Not yet.

***

“Hanbin-ah~” He hears Jinhwan call him playfully. He chuckles and turns his head to see the older’s head peeking through the doorway, brows wiggling.

“Goodmorning.” He greets him. Jinhwan grins and reveals himself completely, he’s holding two plates with pancakes on it.

He puts the plate on the table and sits beside Hanbin, clapping his hand like a kid.

“Morning! Let’s have breakfast.” Jinhwan beams and he lets out a chuckle before nodding.

They eat silently at the terrace, the neighbourhood still silent, it was still so early in the morning but they’re both already awake.

Hanbin had woken up suddenly at dawn, he tried to get back to sleep but it has already left him and just decided to get some fresh air. He has been sitting in the terrace for hours, giving him time to breathe and think. He watches as the sun rise up, peach color slowly paints the sky. It oddly gives him a calm and warm feeling, contrary to the crisp air biting his skin.

His mind goes through the things that’s been haunting him since he came back from Paris. He knows that he’s falling much deeper into his dark corners and that his depression is slowly getting worse. He feels helpless, he wants to be saved, but he wants to save himself on his own. How is that possible? His dreams are always the trigger; of his panic attacks. Of his sadness.

He’s tired of being so caught up with his past and maybe, just maybe, it’s time he face it. So that he can move forward, and love again.

“I have something for you.” Jinhwan says, a smirk plastered on his face. He looks at him suspiciously.

“What is it?”

Jinhwan laughs as he saw his expression. “Don’t worry. It’s something nice.” He says and gave him a knowing smile. Jinhwan stood up and went inside the house to get whatever it is.

He’s a bit worried about what it might be. Sure, he is overthinking but if there’s anything he dislikes from the past month it would be surprises. It did nothing good to his sanity.

Jinhwan comes back after a while with a tablet in his hands. He looks at him confused, thinking when did he even had a tablet. Jinhwan chuckles and hands him the tablet without saying anything.

He just eyed the thing and looks at Jinhwan, still confused. “Just take it.”

He sighs and took the tablet from Jinhwan’s hand before the latter walks back in, not letting him ask any more questions.

He finally looks at the tablet and, “Hi hyung!” Junhoe beams through the screen. It took an effort to show he’s not startled and smiles sheepishly, realizing they’re video calling. He lets out a small giggle at their silliness.

“Hey..” He says. Junhoe chuckles at his reaction.

“How are you?” He takes in Junhoe’s smile. It’s been awhile since he last saw him and he got to admit, it feels nice to talk to him like this.

“I’m good. How are you?” He replies with a small smile, still a bit conscious.

“I’m fine. I already miss you and Jinhwan hyung. What’s with you? Are you shy?” Junhoe teases when he noticed his awkwardness.

He laughs before shaking his head. “No, it’s just.. it’s awkward.”

Junhoe chuckles, his smile still hasn’t left his face. “It’s okay, you still look ugly.”

“Ya! Me? Ugly? As if!” He fires back making the kid laugh.

“I’m kidding. Jeez. I know you’re handsome.” Junhoe smirks and winks at him, making him choke from his drink.

“Ya, don’t wink at me.”

“Why? You don’t like it?”

“No, it’s disgusting.” He says, face flushing.

“As if!” Junhoe laughs.

He watches Junhoe as he talks about how his work is tiring him, ranting like a child to him. He smiles at how warm this makes him feel. He doesn’t know what he feels for Junhoe yet, he doesn’t know if he’s ready to let him take a bigger part in his life. All he knows is Junhoe is doing his best to make him smile and make him feel that he’s sincere about his feelings. He’s scared but maybe it won’t hurt to give him a chance.

Would it be worth the try? He always asks himself. Maybe after he faces his problems, maybe after everything have worked out; maybe he could see the answer for himself.

After the call has ended, he returns the tablet to Jinhwan. They both sat again in the terrace, trying to relax as they both don’t have to work early.

“You know..” Jinhwan mutters.

“Hmm?”

“I’ve read Anne Frank’s book the other day. There’s one line that really made me think. You want to know what it is?”

He just nods. Jinhwan sometimes surprises him with random thoughts. There were more than a few moments where Jinhwan suddenly blurts out his thoughts and it would get Hanbin thinking, every single time. He likes it when they talk about serious topics without getting embarrassed for being thoughtful. It has somehow became a thing between the both of them.

“She said, ‘Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.’ I don’t know why it stuck to me at first.”

“Why are you telling me about it?” He says quietly. Jinhwan smiles.

“Because I realized that I should say it to you.”

“Hyung…”

“Just think about it, Hanbin. Sure there are a lot of things that are hurting you, but you should realize that there are also other good things that’s happening to you. Think about Junhoe, think about your friends. You can even think about me. My point is, there are still people who care about you. I think it’s time that you should free yourself and be happy.”

Jinhwan hasn’t talked to him about what happened in Paris. Jinhwan understands that he needed time to be able to talk about it and he’s very thankful that Jinhwan avoided to bring it up. It’s the first time he mentions something about it and it made him guilty; for worrying him and he knows he has hurt him.

“But how?” He asks helplessly.

Jinhwan looks intently at him and smiles. “If I offer to go back to Korea with you, would you accept it?”

All his fears suddenly flood his mind.

***

‘It’s a real great wonder how one could have the power to break another someone;

I never wished for death, I’m someone who always treasured life

But it seems that life has a cruel joke for me;

I treasure their lives, but they ridicule mine

I give them love, why can’t they give it back?

What would it be like if I run away and take my memories out of them,

Let them forget me into oblivion, maybe that’s easier’

Donghyuk has read the same entry over and over for the past hour. He has finished reading the book, it’s like full of what Hanbin would write in a diary.

It hurts and confuses him at the same time. What is it that they don’t know?

“Is that Hanbin’s book?” Bobby asks, dragging him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, it is.”

“What is it about?” He notices how Bobby eyed the book. He thought hard before handing it to him.

Bobby is taken aback before he pushes the book slightly back to him. “No, no. It’s okay… I don’t think I should read it.”

“Why?”

Bobby sighs and fiddles with the thread of his pants. “I don’t think I can handle it.”

“Well I think you should read it.”

Bobby stares at him for a minute, contemplating on whether to take it or not. He breathes in before muttering a silent “Okay.”

He hands him the book and drags himself up from his seat, letting Bobby have time for himself to read the book and goes to the kitchen to make some tea. He wants to clear his mind for a bit and not think.

He just needs a break from all of it. It will drain him if he thinks about it all the time.

After like ten minutes or more, he decided to go back to the living room and sat beside Bobby. The latter hands him the book and leans his back on the sofa before letting out a sigh.

“I don’t think I can read any much further…”

“Why?”

“It hurts and it feels very private… I don’t know. I didn’t know that he’s hurting that bad.” He closes his eyes as Donghyuk pats his shoulder.

“I think I should go. I’ll just come hang out again after some time.” Bobby says as he stood up.

Donghyuk nods and half hugs him before seeing him off at the door. After Bobby left, he settles himself on the sofa and the tv, wanting to avoid thinking about anything just for the night.

He’s focusing on the music show he’s watching when his phone rang. He looks over to see who it might be but the number’s not registered. He hesitates whether to answer in or not, but curiosity got to him and decided to just answer it.

“Hello?” He says as soon as he puts the phone next to his ear.

There was silence on the other line and he thought that maybe someone is just prank calling him. He’s about to end the call when someone suddenly spoke, the voice too familiar.

“Donghyuk-ah, I’m going back..”

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Soo, here it is. I know its late, I'm very sorry. I don't have any excuse, its just I got stuck.

Anyways, who's excited for Idol School Trip? Also, the boys have ruined me with the updates wearing suits. And Hanbin's Daze Korea shoot just ruined me even more. *sighs*

If you guys like to read another story, I have a new one posted, it's called "Collided Galaxies".

I hope you liked and enjoyed this chapter. Please do comment what you think. I appreciate it very much.

Thank you for reading!~