Daniel knows.

He knows that I’m leaving.

When Jinyoung mentioned that Sungwoon sent me regards and congratulated me for landing a permanent job, I come to know that he knows. My heart has been racing since. It isn’t a good feeling though.

Even Woojin and Jihoon made their time and dropped by my apartment to see me before I leave. They didn’t come empty-handed as they gave me a farewell gift which is a jar full of red velvet-flavoured cookies wrapped with a glossy red ribbon and their shy smiles on top. I’m genuinely touched that they still remember those favourite cookies of mine from the bakery I used to frequent, the one nearby their dancing studio. Tons of times, I fought over them with the late Ong back then.

No one is confirming it for me but I know that Daniel must have known. Why wouldn’t him if the rest of the bunch did?

I wish I could know what he feels about my departure. Where do I stand in his line of thoughts? How much have changed in a year?

“Just call him already.” A voice from behind startles me. That my hand almost drops the phone I’ve been holding for an hour. I look back to see Jaehwan snickering as he takes out a piece of chip out of the bag and makes those parade of annoying munching noises.

“It’s tiring me out that your drama is always stuck at the same scene. When will the buffering end?” He pushes my forehead with the tip of his little finger, smiling. “There you go. I’ve pressed the play button for you. Go and call him.”  

I glare at him for touching me with his dirty hand. But the feelings that accumulated at the thought of Daniel are stronger that I’m quickly defeated at one blow. It annoys me that I’m still helpless against him and I could do nothing about it.

With a frustrated sigh, I glance down to the contact number on my phone before tossing it to the side. How irony that I did have the courage to sneak out the number from Daehwi’s phone. But when I'm just an inch away to execute the plan, I’m trembling in fear. As the present is nothing like the past, he might have not wanted to hear my voice or any form of me invading his life. 

“I couldn’t. I'm scared.”

Jaehwan sits by my side on the bed and leans close as concern is raw in his eyes.

“What could be the problem? You’ve sorted out with Minhyun, haven’t you? Doesn’t it make sense that the only thing left now for you to do is to settle it with Daniel?”

I spin around to face him. My hands fall onto his thigh naturally as it is a habit of mine whenever I’m conversing with someone I’m comfortable with.

“It’s not that easy. What do I say if I were to call him? What do I talk about? What if he didn’t want to talk to me?”

“Tell him that you’re leaving because of him. Wait, no. Let me rephrase that. That you’re running away so you could forget him.”

“Kim Jaehwan.” I spit out his name like a ball of fire.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” He chuckles. “You know better what you want to tell him. What kind of ending do you want for your own drama? Ask yourself. What is it that you want exactly?”

His gaze softens on me as he smiles slightly.

“I hate to break it to you but you’re leaving in a few hours. Don’t think too much. The more you think, the more you hesitate.”

I bit my lips, thinking hard. It’s not that I’m hoping Daniel and me getting back together. I have given up on that. It’s just that I want to empty out the feelings I have for him. I want to be free from him.

“I… I don’t think I could ask him to meet me.” Somehow, I chuckle because it’s funny that I’m afraid if he were to appear before me, I know the first thing I would do is breaking apart in front of him as I would fall in love with him deeper without him knowing. I don’t want to seem that pathetic and weak to him. But at the same time, my heart is craving for a glance of him.

That’s how unstable the condition of my heart is. It has a mind of its own and I have no control over it.

“Then you don’t need to meet him. You have other options.”

Dumbfounded, I  my eyebrows at him. 

“Like what?”

Jaehwan gives me a meaningful grin that begins to triggers doubt inside me.

The announcements of flights overlap with the hustling and bustling of the crowd. People are everywhere. Various types of luggage and colourful antics of their owners. Always different faces that come and go which I could never memorize the face of any nameless stranger I have seen.

The four of us are sitting in a circle at one of the food outlets, killing the time as there is still one hour left before my boarding gate opens. In the midst of waiting, Jaehwan keeps throwing glances at me that it is getting on my nerve.

“What is your freaking problem?”

“Amazingly, Kim Jihye has successfully passed stage two.” He utters.

I give him a half scolding and half confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Stage one is leaving your apartment. Stage two is checking in and dropping your luggage. And you’re still not crying. That’s very… tough of you. Applause for that.” 

I should have seen that coming. Jaehwan enjoys being the one in control. He loves watching the sight of me getting irked. 

“She will break down at the departure gate.” Daehwi joins in with an I-know-it-all look. “I bet my MacBook on this.”

“Idiots.” I roll my eyes as Jinyoung erupts into laughter, amused.

“Why isn’t Minhyun coming though? He is running late.”

I look at the time that is running out and sigh. He is supposed to arrive ten minutes ago.

“I’m not surprised if he didn’t show up at all.” Daehwi pitches daggers towards me through his glare. He hasn’t been perceiving the news of our break-up positively. “You’re really doing sorts of things since you’re leaving, aren’t you? It is easy being the one who is leaving. The one that gets left behind that suffers.”

I feel offended that I retort back, “Though I couldn’t deny that I’m guilty but please remember that he initiated the break-up. I never brought it up until he did. You don’t know how much I’ve been through that I’ve crawled my way to this point.”

“Oh, come on, guys.” Jaehwan has to step in between our bicker before it could get any worse. “Like seriously. This whole situation is already sad but why are you guys going to ruin it more?”

Both of us remain silent at the realization. It suddenly reminds me of something. Of this quote I’ve read somewhere. That the reason we’re raising our voices though we’re just centimetres away is because our hearts have grown apart from one another.

Daehwi doesn’t want me to go. He doesn’t want me to let go of him and leave him. But I badly need to go. Our hearts couldn’t communicate at the presence of difference that we couldn’t embrace. Which we have chosen not to.

I slowly avert my gaze at Daehwi. He lowers his head in guilt, “I’m sorry. I get carried away.”

Grinning, I lean forward and pat him on the head gently, “Noona is sorry too. Remember that I promised you I would buy you plane tickets so you could visit me every month?”

He holds onto my hand tight as he pouts, “Make it two. Every two weeks.”

“Can you count me in?” Jinyoung who has been a good listener for the past hour finally speaks up. His eyes glow in anticipation and he has his hand clasped together, pleading. Daehwi blinks rapidly as hope is lighting up his face. Excited that his best friend would tag along.

“Sure.” I don’t hesitate once. Anything for my younger brother. Though I might be eating ramen for months because of that.

“Guess you have work hard till your bone breaks. I’m going to block your number so you couldn’t borrow any money from me.”

Jaehwan brings laughter to us at his nonsense talk.  

Even after all the bickering and laughing, somehow I still feel empty that I need to fill it up with something. I push my chair backward to stand up.

“Where are you going?”

“Washroom.”

I literally have to lie to escape from their keen eyes. That I actually need some space and time to take my mask off my face.

I manage to have the time of my life by walking around aimlessly. At one point, I just stand there in the middle of the airport and stare at the entrance that is full of people. My mind asks me to stay still and wait for five minutes. My heart tells me to wait for more. In case, miracle would happen. That Daniel would be there among the sea of people.

I know it is unlikely to happen and I’m just being greedy. But I couldn’t neglect my foolish heart that misses him too much. Which has been calling out for him thousands of times. Maybe, just maybe, he could hear me at one of those times and walk his way to me.

Just like how I used to scream out his name mutely at the playground near his dancing studio. We didn’t plan to meet that night but I just extremely missed him that I hung out there alone as I thought of him. Back then, he was occupied with practice as their competition was right around the corner. However, without any calls or texts, he came running onto my sight, all smiling and waving happily. He said that he heard me. That he could feel me. That was how he got to find me.  

I wonder if the same magic would work again. If I still had such power over him.

But after some time, though I delay the time till I couldn't offer any of my time anymore, he isn’t anywhere on sight. 

I guess I really have lost my power. It doesn’t feel that disheartening as I’ve foreseen it and calculated the pain.

I’m just a nobody to him now. That's a fact I will have to live for the rest of my life.

“Excuse me. Is this all? Does the dark-flavoured chocolate bar with the mint layer on the top is out of stock?” I crane my neck from the shelf to the girl at the counter in the sweet shop. One of the heavens on earth. As I am in need of some sweetness to cast the bitterness away.

She nods in reply.

“Ah…” I sound a little bit too disappointed which she takes notice of it and apologetically bows.

“Oh, don’t be!” I mimic her gesture, bowing back before taking my time to find the replacement for my favourite. Just when I start to get immersed on what to buy, all squatting on the floor, someone covers my eyes from the back.

At the pleasant surprise, I spring up with a bright smile as the hands are still intact on my eyes.

“Hwang Minhyun. I know it’s you.”

But wordlessly, the person wouldn’t take his hands off me, no matter how much I struggle and exert force to uncover my eyes. As if I had given him a wrong answer.

“Ah, Kim Jaehwan?”

No response.

“Daehwi?”

And again, nothing.

“W-who are you?”

The never-ending silence sets off a storm onto my heart. I suddenly freeze on spot as one name haunts my mind.

Daniel.

“Look at them. How sweet.”

I hear a passer-by commented.

Maybe, it could be him.

No. It couldn’t be.

But what if it is really him?

There is still a possibility that he could be the one.

The person willingly breaks off his grip on me and reveals himself before I could fall into the guessing game any deeper.

Unsure what to react, I get pulled into a trance as I digest what my eyes are conceiving.

There is no Kang Daniel.

Or Hwang Minhyun.

But a beaming Yoon Jisung standing before my eyes.

“What’s with this reaction?” He frowns. “Couldn’t you even act that you’re happy to see me? I know that I’m not the one you expected to see alright. I’m sorry for that.”

“No, no. It’s not like that.” I break loose from my blur, holding onto his arm and grinning sheepishly. “It’s just that I’m too startled. Didn’t expect to see you.”

“Oh my god, did you somehow forget I work as a flight attendant and this is my workplace?” Jisung sneers as he points out to himself. I just get to realize that he is wearing his uniform. He looks stunning with his hair styled, showing off his pretty forehead. I would say that he is the best-looking flight attendant I have ever seen.

“Honestly…” A faint smile is hanging on his lips. “I’m the one who is surprised to see you’re here. In this airport. As someone who is leaving.”

His words bore a hole onto my soul and my smile almost wears off. But I couldn’t let him see through me. So I ignore my own feelings and keep on smiling.

“How do you know I’m here? I mean… that I’m in this shop.”

“Oh, I happened to see you by chance. I was about to call you though.”

He stares at me with a softened gaze. “The last time I saw you was at the funeral. It wasn’t a time to be happy. Now when I can finally say that I’m really, really happy to see you again… you’re about to leave.” He sighs knowingly. I notice the way his lips waver. I’ve seen it a lot in my reflection on the mirrors. The look I wear when I pity myself.

“It’s been a long time. Can I have a hug?” He opens his arms wide to which I jump right onto his embrace.

His touch is still as warm just how it is in my old memories, melting down my cold soul.

“Hey, let’s go somewhere else. I have something for you.” 

He grabs my wrist and takes me out of the shop to lead me into a new one.

“Choose anything you like.”

He gently pushes me forward into the shelves that are full of woman’s product. From bags to scarves to heels, all are branded and strikingly elegant. My mouth immediately falls open, stupefied.

“What— no, you don’t have to—“ 

“As life will continuously be harsh on you, I shall get you something that would work as a mental support as I won’t be physically there. You’re really precious to me. This is the only thing I could do to prove so. Remember back then, when I had to fast for three days straight because I had no money since someone scammed me and you came to know about it so you always brought food along whenever you visited our dancing studio. That… that really moved me. And it still does. At least, I want to do this much for you. Let me, would you?”

I get dragged back to where I previously stand. Which means it is a must to comply his demand. In the end, I pick up a pair of gloves that fits in with the season. Something that is as warm as Jisung.

We head back to the rest of the group. The noise multiplies when all of us gather. The happiness too.

In the midst of smiling, there is a slight second where my smile falters when Daniel comes to mind. I’ve met those wonderful people because of him. Yet, he isn’t around to see it.

The boys are going off about asking for any female flight attendants’ contact number to which Jisung replies with a snarky glare as he claims that they’re all his.

As I laugh at their silliness, I still couldn’t hush the uproar in my heart. My eyes hover around Jisung who is busy talking. Somehow, I ponder if he has anything to say to me about Daniel. He hasn’t mentioned about him at all, neither Daehwi, Jinyoung, Woojin and Jihoon. None of them do. Are they being conscious of my relationship with Minhyun?

“What is it, Jihye?”

I get caught staring at Jisung and all of them stop talking as they turn their heads to me.

“You got something on your hair.” I immediately make my escape from the suspicion by reaching out to move the non-existent dirt from his hair.

“Still lovely as usual.” Like a bulb lighting up, a wide smile brightens his face. “Thanks!”

“Noona…” Daehwi calls out. “There is not that much time left. Don’t you think you should call Minhyun hyung?”

I shake my head deliberately.

“I don’t want to rush him. He must be getting stuck in the traffic somewhere. He will come if he wanted. He doesn’t have to if he didn’t feel like to.”

Like that someone.

As time flees by, we seem to talk less. They are being mindful of me. As if they were tiptoeing around me. A few minutes more and I would have to bid them goodbye for real.

Minhyun is still not there.

Nor Daniel.

I think I’ve been living my life like the villains in the fairy tales that I’ve grown up with. I used to hate them but it turns out I'm becoming one of them. That it is understandable that I deserve this. The blame is wholly on me. I remind myself to not get upset even if they made the decision to never come to see me. They’re not at fault because I am.

I close the door of hope and welcome the heartache. With a troubled heart, I grab all my belongings in silence.

That’s when a voice calls out for me. 

“Kim Jihye.”

My body somehow gets tensed. When I spin around, within two meters away, there is Minhyun with a messy hair and sweaty face. He gasps for air as he closes the gap between us.

“I’m sorry. The traffic is really bad. I had to run—“  

Unconsciously, I get on my feet and rush to him. Maybe I’m too overwhelmed that he tramples over his pain just to save me from mine. I pull him into a tight hug as I bury my face in his chest.

“Jihye…” He must have been flabbergasted at my sudden outburst.

“Thank you, really…” I start to cry. “Thank you for coming.”

Little does he know that his presence greatly affected me. As if I'm drowning and he reaches out his hand at the right moment. I swear I would feel indebted for the rest of my life.

At the departure gate, I receive hugs and exchange thoughtful words from each of them. When it comes to Daehwi’s turn, his lips quiver as his teary eyes meet mine. We stay in each other’s arm a longer time than others.

“Don’t cry. I will contact you often. Everyday... till you get sick of me.”

He chuckles in the middle of crying.

“Remember what I asked you to do?” I whisper in his ear. “I trust you, Daehwi.”

We retreat from one another and Jaehwan is next.

Patting the back of my head tenderly, he says in the lowest voice he could, “So… what do you write in the letter? What kind of ending do you choose?”

I exhale a deep sigh.

That somehow blossoms into a smile. Like the rainbow that comes after the rain.

My eyes secretly crawl to Daehwi’s sling pouch where a letter for Daniel is safe inside. A letter where it contains all of my feelings that I’ve been keeping to myself. Everything that I’ve been wanting to tell him. Everything except that I still love him.

“A sad ending.”

Even after I walk past the departure gate and I look back to wave to the rest for the last time, Daniel is never there.

He knows that I’m leaving.

But he just doesn’t care. 

a/n : okayyyyy so i'm back again. i'm having my finals currently and just finished an exam yesterday. hmm the story is coming to an endddd. please feel free to share me your thoughts on your kind of ending. who knows i would change my mind about the ending that i have planned ;)