I wake up in the midst of my sleep.

I have a habit of checking the time, but this time, I don't stay true to it as I literally don’t care what is happening around me. Be it that I am late to work or not, I just want to rest more. My body is anchored to the bed. It feels heavy so I tend to move less. The throbbing pain in my head that resonates to all over my body comes along as a set.

I am still blanketed by the drowsiness that I lazily toss and turn to get the right momentum to doze off again. In the progress, my arm that has spread out happens to hit something which is cushy and hard at the same time. I push it away so it wouldn’t get in my way. But it doesn’t budge.

Frustrated, I flutter my eyes open in my half-conscious state. And I come to notice that I am not alone as usual.

It is hard for me to register what unveils before my eyes. I couldn’t react as my brain is tangled with the knots of shock and there are the waves of fatigues crashing in. I feel like I am floating around though my body remains intact onto the bed.

Under the dimmed light, I see Daniel, next to me, lying on one side of his body on the bed as we face one another with my hand pressing against his chest.

I quickly pull it away from him. My heart drums wildly at his presence as it recognizes him and his scent. I could hear the loud beating of my heart and it is still with the same frequency, just like the last time I heard it.

Wordlessly, we get caught into a marathon of blinking and staring. My eyelids threaten to shut but I go against the odd to hold on longer so I could see more of him. I blink my eyes once just to pry them wider the second time.

I have always favored the way his eyes draw me in as I roam around like a lost wanderer into its depth. There is a world beyond that I haven’t yet explored fully.

It is unfortunate but I have to admit that everything is too unreal. It doesn’t make sense. Why would Daniel be here in my room?

I finally realize something the moment I manage to connect the dots of absurdity and impossibility. It sums up to that very one conclusion.

“This must be a dream.”

He raises his eyebrows and breaks into an amused grin.  

 “It is.” His voice dances away in the air beautifully, only to be locked up in my mind in the form of echoes. He casts another small smile as he tucks my hair that has fallen out of place behind my ear. “It will be a good one. I promise.”

Way too good.

My urge to yawn vanishes halfway. My cheeks are heating up at his touch as I let his gaze penetrate through my soul. The warmth still lingers behind though his hand is back on his side. Somehow I keep craving for more. My greed grows bigger and I start to get scared of myself.

Every bits of me seems to refuse to wake up. I badly want to stay with him. Like this forever.

But I know science are all logics and forever doesn’t exist. So I seize the chance to take in as much as possible, whatever I could, of any pieces of him. The way his hair is dyed darker with the color of wilted tree. It doesn’t put out the glow that his eyes are emitting, instead they make a great match. There is a balance in their combined strength that he comes off irresistibly dazzling.  He still wears the same pair of earing I’ve bought for him on his 22^nd birthday. They are of his initials, embedded with checkered patterns of black and white; K on his left and D on the other side.

He looks thinner that I wonder how have he been living. Every little thing that has happened to him during the times that we have spent separately. Away from each other.

I am dying to know them all. The unsaid stories behind his silence.

He sneaks a few smiles in between his breaths. I smile along as I fall in and out of consciousness.

The peace doesn’t last long.

Thousands of feelings cascade over me as the memories of us begin to flood my mind. The bad ones settle down the fastest as they are denser and more menacing. They roll around in my mind like I’m on a ride on a cursed carousel that has a broken brake.

I’m helplessly losing to the parts where I was blinded by self-defense and destroyed us. Where I left him so I could protect myself. They strike at once and I couldn’t afford to look at Daniel without tints of regrets tainting my facial expression. 

And I decide to ask him the thought that has been bothering me the most.

“Do you…” I pause as I gravitate around hesitation. I am anxious that he will say something that has the power to crush me. But a voice in the back of my mind scolds me to stop running away. Not in this piece of dream that isn’t even a chunk of the reality.

I should just try to satisfy my curiosity, even if it meant by dreaming of his answer. It might help to trigger a pleasant change of trend in the pattern of my thoughts, or not. Nothing worse would come out from this, wouldn’t it?

I take a deep breath but it isn’t enough to refuel my strength to pour the words out. So I inhale another, which is deeper, before I could continue, “Daniel, do you hate me?”

I try to read the meaning behind his pursed lips. Then he slowly nods, “At one point of my life, I did.”

A flash of pain across his face and my heart drops.

“I’m sorry.”

I truly am.

I don’t know what else to say. I’m too disappointed with myself. No excuses would get me to undo the past. Our miserable past. I engulf myself into the darkness alone, dwelling over my tendency to be an idiot and stay as one.

He heaves a knowing sigh.

“You should be.”

That is it.

I couldn’t win against the facts that I am weak and he is my biggest weakness. I look away so he couldn’t see my tears.  

The pain is clawing in my inside and I don’t think I could listen to more of the biting truth. That I hurt us. That we’re beaten and bruised in pain because of me.

I would appreciate if the dream ended here. Right at this part.

Before I could close my eyes and the weariness could wash me away, I feel him scooting closer. His arms find their way around me and they gently pull me towards him. Rather than being trapped in his embrace, I would say that I feel like I’m home.

My strength almost completely depletes that I struggle to squeeze the words out of me so they would come out audible. They really do, in the swirls of whispers.

“Why…. are you doing…. this?”

One meaningful smile before he leans in and presses his lips against my temple. It sends a zap of electricity all over me. A chaos erupts as my heartbeats go out of control but at the same time, I am physically at the verge of passing out.

“I told you it’s going to be a good dream.” His words tickle my ears.

His smile doesn’t waver as I swoon due to my lack of energy. I have one last glance of him and then black out without getting to say goodbye. Or letting him know that I have been thinking about him and missing him too often. That I begin to think that I am still in love with him.

If I were to stay and tell him those words, it would have been a better dream.

I extremely regret that I didn’t do so.

I stare at the ceiling as my thoughts go loose beyond it, soaring to everywhere they could reach. The emptiness isn’t just physical. It’s not limited to the bed that seems bigger in size. There is no trace of Daniel though I am aware that he is never there.

The massive crack in my heart is the worst of all. Something keeps flowing out and I’m not sure if it was the reason behind my heartbeat that mirrors those of the undead.

My troubled emotions cease down an hour later. My body feels lighter that I could move around easily again. I glance at the clock on the table and it is expected that it is almost lunch time.

I might as well don’t show up at all to work. I tell myself to just skip a day and fake a sickness. An intern like me is very noticeable that if I wasn’t around, they would know as they would call out my name the second they enter the office. I make and deliver coffees to them. They always shove little, petty jobs my way and I could do nothing but to accept.

I search around for my phone to inform them of my absence. But it isn’t anywhere on sight.

My back starts to ache from bending and kneeling that I walk to the door. I might have left them somewhere around the house. Kitchen, most probably.

On the way, I hear something out of ordinary. Someone is keying in the password to unlock my secured front door. A few beeps and the door flings open, revealing more than one person.

“Oh, you are already up.”

Jaehwan pats my shoulder with his free hand before he passes by and heads to the kitchen. A bag of groceries is on his other hand. I could only blink as I try to decipher what is going on. What have I been missing out? My cousin is here in my apartment.

Even the best friend of my younger brother too.

“Do you have a good sleep?” With a bright smile, Jinyoung trots behind him as he embraces the bag of goods differently.

Like I’m struck by lightning, I just stand rooted there. Still unable to recover from the shock.

“Which part of wait for me is that difficult to understand?” Daehwi closes the door behind him, frowning. He holds onto a neatly packed pink box, twice the size of his grip, and a big-sized cup of blended drink. I couldn’t help but to chortle amidst my puzzlement. That he must have stuck at a nearby bakery and a drink outlet. The reason why the others arrive faster than him as they might have grown tired of him and left him on his own.

“Oh, hi noona.” He greets me with a hug. “How are you feeling?”

I get to gain my piece of sanity again and send him a scolding look.

“As far as I remember, I’m the one with the authority to ask question. The only one with the right. Why are the three of you here? In my house? What's the occassion?”

“What?” His head leans backward in disbelief.

“What is what?” I ask him.

Flustered, Daehwi turns around to look at the guys in the kitchen, requesting for help. As he is ignored, he glances back at me. His eyebrows are pressed together and there are layers of concern and confusion clouding his face.

“Oh. My. God. Did you really forget?”

“Come on, Daehwi,” I get too impatient that I want answers instead of being questioned. “What is it?”

“This is why I hate you sometimes.” He puckers his lips as a symbol of detest. “I hate that you’re my sister. I can’t even label you as selfish though you prioritize yourself over the rest all the time. Because you don’t take care of yourself well either. Let me remind you again what have happened. You passed out at work. Your colleagues thought that you were just having a rest but after two hours, they realized you weren’t. You’ve been sleeping for two days straight, at that. Thank goodness, it’s only fatigue and nothing chronic. And now you dare to forget that you make lots of people worried over you?”

I feel choked. Everything is too much for me to handle. I'm just about to lose my mind for real.

A loud ringing of phone cuts through the thickening silence and I don't even know what is what anymore. 

“Answer your phone. I put it on the rack next to the television. Minhyun hyung is worried about you, really. He was here yesterday and the day before.”

Daehwi is about to leave and join the others in the kitchen but he spins around with a pleading look, “Please don’t get hurt anymore. I beg you.”

And I'm left alone to succumb to the reality I have been missing out.

Hi readers! I am sorry that I'm back after so long. Hope this chapter can make up for it heheheh. Enjoy and do comment! <3 I love you guys!