Happiness. 

The place is full of it. The kids are shrieking in delight, excited to go on the rides as the parents hold them tight and exchange knowing smiles to each other, glad that their kids are enjoying their time together. 

Bubbles float across the air and a sweet melody fills in the background. All around the amusement park, everyone looks pleased. Love is rich in the air. There is this identical light with the same wavelength radiating off from each of their faces. A blissful light. A sign of appreciation and gratitude.

I wish I could be one of them. But I couldn’t join them as I still don't have my reason to be happy.

I’ve been sitting alone at the fountain for almost twenty minutes, taking a break as my legs are aching from the long hours of walking and standing, as I wait for the boys to finish up their visit into the haunted house so we would go for lunch together.

“Why would you do that?” A voice pierces across the chaotic atmosphere amidst the buzzing chatters of the crowd.

It strikes me hard that the choice of words are familiar. It feels like I have said them out tons of times. To Daniel. 

My curiosity overpowers me and I glance to the side to witness the ongoing scene. At a corner, a girl is seen to be upset at her boyfriend. She has her arms crossed and a frown is plastered on her face. Her boyfriend by her side is furrowing his eyebrows and keeps sighing. Both of them are wearing matching stripy clothes. They seem new into the relationship.

I hide a small smile to myself as it reminds me of the times I spent with Daniel. The early days where our love flowed beautifully. 

How I had treated him. How he had treated me.

Instantly, I get pulled back to the day where we had been standing at the same exact spot. As if there was a canvas unfolding right in front of me and a scene of our memories was playing on it, like a movie. 

I could see myself storming off as I wore a grumpy look. It was just another date in the amusement park. That somehow went wrong. Daniel ran after me and managed to stop me in no minute as his legs were longer and his force was stronger. I was trapped between his arms. 

He made sure that I couldn’t get anywhere further. Though he had known I wasn’t planning to.

Deep within me, there was an explosion of happiness. My celebratory mode as it was expected of him to chase after me. He would always do. 

His grip was firm on me as our eyes met. He studied my face. At the same time, his eyes were telling me that he was puzzled what had ruined my mood and guilty that he somehow knew he was the reason why.

 “Jihye, please. I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I’m sorry if I had wronged you. Tell me in words. What is it that makes you upset?”  

“Why would you do that?” Frowning, I looked elsewhere to avoid losing to his pitiful eyes.

“What?” He was thrown aback. 

“You freaking let the group of girls talked to you earlier. You know how much I hate that.” I huffed. “I was just gone for a few minutes but the girls took the chance and huddled around you like a magnet.”

“Like seriously.” He cracked up. I couldn’t comprehend what was hilarious about my jealousy and my right to be possessive so I casted him a glare.

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop.” He wrapped his arms around me, smiling. He leaned closer as his eyes glinted alluringly. “They were just asking for direction. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.”

I groaned in reply.

“They were flirting with you. And you looked happy with all the attention.” 

He heaved another sigh as he retreated and poked my cheek twice. “Hey, it wasn’t mutual. You shouldn’t blame me for that. What do you want me to do then? Should I cry and wail the next time I get asked for direction? Or should I think of every girl except you, as a psychopath and run away whenever I see one? And besides, girl, you know I always have this with me.” He shoved his finger onto my face and the ring with the carving of our initials and a heart shape between them, sparkled under the sun.

Without knowing, it made me caress mine in silence. 

“As long I’m wearing this, I’m bound to be with you. I only have one girl in my life. You know you're the only one that matters.”

My heart resembled a blooming flower at his response. I felt like I was almost close to flying. I couldn’t control my facial expression that my smile emerged and finally greeted the world. 

“If I dared to add more to my life, my life would be destroyed. You, alone, is a handful of trouble.” He shuddered in fear. It scared him to even imagine about it. “I choose to live longer. With only you.”

Funny how it did help me on feeling better. Though it was an insult directing at my unyielding persistence. I scrunched up my nose and pretended that I was innocent all along. Nothing like what he had claimed.

“Am I forgiven then?” A smile spread across his face as he held out his hand. I blankly stared at it for a minute. It shouldn’t be that easy for him to get out of the trouble. So I looked up to him with puckered lips. 

“Only if you buy me ice cream.” 

“You really never change.” Shaking his head in bewilderment, he slipped his hand with mine and dragged me away. “Let’s go, princess.”

As we walked, he raised our intertwined fingers and planted a kiss on the back of my hand before giving me a meaningful grin. My smile kept growing wider and I rested my head on his shoulder as my heart skipped a beat. 

The scene fades away the moment I blink my eyes. There is no more us. A tear slips down without knowing. I wipe it away quickly so no one would know of it.

The couple has already made up by the time I come back to the reality. They are walking away as their hands are linked together. And they are smiling to each other. 

I smile along. Though I couldn’t be happy for myself, I should be happy for them. 

“Jihye.” A voice hollers and I turn around to see Jaehwan walking to me.  

“How was it? And why are you alone?” I stand up and head toward him with another bright smile. As if nothing had happened. 

Jaehwan isn’t looking good as his gaze lands on me. His lips fall into a flat line and it seems like there is a lot of things going on his mind. 

“Daehwi and Jinyoung decide to go for another round.” 

“Oh.” I feel unsettled that he looks disturbed. I wish I would know what and why. 

“Is there something wrong?” Puzzled, I tilt my head to the side, wondering what is bothering him. I want to help him out. If I could, I would.

“Nothing.” He replies me with a restrained smile. “Let’s get some ice cream. You like them, don’t you?”

Though I swear that he has something to say to me but he chooses to keep them under the surface, so I decide to wait for him to spill it out. Time will bring me there, I guess.

“Sure.” 

Jaehwan is being odd. He doesn’t hum or sing a word. Or tell a lame joke that would make me slap his arm. Neither of his current action defines the Kim Jaehwan that I’ve known. 

My eyes keep going to him as I calculate his every move, letting my ice cream melt away by itself in the progress. 

“Jihye.”

My body jerks, startled. I don’t expect him to break the silence this early. I’ve thought it would be a little later. Giddy that he opens up to me, I turn to him with full attention.

“Y-yeah?”

He sips his drink and looks at me. He splits his lips apart to speak up just to close it again. I get annoyed with the waiting game that I elbow him so he would talk.

A sigh and he takes in a deep breath.

“It doesn't help at all that we brought you here, does it? You still don't look happy."  

“What? There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m perfectly fine. I like it here.” I chuckle. 

“Jihye..." His voice trails off. Somehow I could sense that I might not like what he is going for. 

But I decide to just go along. It is not every day that Jaehwan gets to be serious. He must have his reasons.

"You can keep lying to others, but not yourself. Not your family. And not me. I’m your other half. I’ve been there with you since we were born. Your family and I notice you’ve been acting weird since the break-up. When Minhyun comes along, we thought he could save you. But you’re still the same. Somehow we feel that you’re getting worse. So, tell me. It is about Daniel all along, isn’t?”

My smile drops and I stop moving at once. My body gets tensed and my eyes start to lose focus. The mention of his name brings about the pain which weakens the system within me.

“Why do you break up with him if you were going to be like this?” 

“Don’t assume things. You know nothing.” My face hardens as I walk away from him in a rush. 

“You’re still in love with him, don’t you?” Jaehwan screams out as he stays rooted at the same place.

The time in my world comes to a halt. I find it hard to breathe. My lips quiver and I begin to cry. I hate that someone gets to read through me, breaking my walls of defense and accessing my darkest secret. The one that I want to bury forever within me. As if it was never there.

I glance back to Jaehwan with tear running down my cheeks.

“So what if I do? I am the coward that has pushed him away. Before he started working and I was still in college, he said he would remain the same. But we began to spend little time together. And whenever we met, he was always drunk or tired. The pressure from the work has changed him. The new environment has shaped him into a new person. He became different and I was scared that he might have a change of heart. He couldn't even see that I was struggling too. I started to think I was the only one who was trying. I was scared because I loved him too much. And I was scared that would destroy me. So what if I still love him now? What will change?” 

Even if I admitted my feelings, nothing would change. My hand would still remain cold without his warmth. The ring is no longer there. Daniel isn’t mine anymore. He doesn’t love me anymore. He must have thought that I'm not the one for him. 

Emptiness floods over me every single day and I could do nothing about it. 

Jaehwan looks at me with concern tainting his face. Though we stand a meter away from one another, his soul still could reach me and support mine. So I would feel free and safe to keep on going and speak out what is on my mind. The story of my heart that has been enclosed for hundreds of days.

“Jihye, love can’t be persuaded. It comes and goes naturally. Sometimes, it lasts and sometimes, there is a limit to it.” 

“I know.” My tone gets higher as my emotion is failing me. “I know, that’s why I stop myself from wishing for us to start again.”

“No, listen to me. You can’t force yourself to not love him. How would you know if you had reached your limit? Back then, you ran away before the real fight could even start.” 

I couldn’t believe that he is saying it is okay for me to love the same boy again. The boy that I had taken for granted.

I cry harder as I am overwhelmed with emotion. I feel glad and sad at the same time. Like there is hope for me but then it is somehow gone. Its flame is weak as the uncertainties are not siding with me.

I’m torn between what to do or what not to do.

“What should I do then? Things are not the same anymore and I’m the only one living in the past. Daniel…” I close my eyes to gather the leftover strength within me to say it out. My breathing gets heavy as I pour out the truth that I couldn’t undo.

“I hurt him. He wouldn’t want me back.”

“Look, Jihye. We never stop growing up. We make mistakes and we learn from them, till the day we leave this world. Now that you’ve learnt something, why don’t you try again? Run to him once again. And when you do, never back off when you’re scared. Go all the way to the end. See whether you would last or not. You can do it. You’re stronger than before.” 

And again, Jaehwan makes me ponder if I truly deserve a second chance. 

“Just be selfish one more time. Try it out and only then you’ll know. To let him go or to love him more.” He adds.

“But Minhyun…” My guilt pins me down and it seems wrong to do whatever my heart asks of me.

“The answer lies within you. You should decide. Take the risk. Or you will regret it for the rest of your life.” He sounds so convincing that I want to believe that I could change the direction of my life. That my choice in the present will determine the next path of my life so it is acceptable to be selfish. 

Of course, I badly want to it to stop going downhill. 

I want to be happy. I want my life to be wonderful again.

For that dream to come true, I need Daniel.

I need to talk to him. I need to try for one last time.

And Minhyun.

I need to untangle the mess I have created. Then, I shall reset.

But how?

a/n : sorry for the late update. feel free to voice out your opinion. i will be reading each of them! thank you for staying tune, love :)