It has been a month after the funeral. The world still goes around like nothing happens, though everyone is fighting to survive from being unable to unravel their yesterdays.

There is always a new day after another. Time flies by fast and as usual, it doesn’t wait. At all.

For the same reason, I find myself slaving away to work. A few hours longer in the office till I’m convinced that I’m at the state where I’ll black out the second I reach home.

My thoughts are all twisted and I don’t want to get trapped in them. I couldn’t let myself being beaten around by them like I haven’t had enough.

Every night, I would be wide awake but the nightmares would still come to crush me.

Every night, I would break down and cry my heart out.

Every night, I would regret and hate myself, but nothing would change.

Daniel is already a world apart. Out of my grasp.

Our memories linger like a smoke of terror around me. All they ever do is suffocating me. To the extent I couldn’t take it anymore. I need to save myself. And when I do, I do it the hard way. 

Thousands of words into the report and I stretch my back that has been aching two hours ago. The empty office looks wider than it does during the office hours. Never have I been so peaceful being alone.

Too early to conclude that.

I hear a beep sound and the sliding door automatically opens to reveal a whistling Jonghyun who is occupied with his phone. When he realizes the light is still on and I’m there waving at him, he doesn’t look amused at all.

“Again? Whose work is it this time?”

“Almost done with it though. What are you doing here?”

Bouncing the keys to his car on his hand casually, he walks past me to the end of the room where a pile of boxes are. I trail behind him like a chained puppy.

“Manager Park called me in the middle of my movie date, asking me to recheck the supplies for the project at Jamsil tomorrow.” He looks back at me with a snort. “I’m the most devoted employee ever, don’t you think? I ditch my fiancée for work. She thinks I’m a jerk now.”

“You should have asked me to do that for you. I’m always a text away.”

Jonghyun groans in reply. “That would be great but I have sincerely hoped that you are not here. That you’re home. Getting some rest.”

His words render me speechless. And they somehow sting.

“You know what, Jihye...” He lets out a long sigh after placing one of the boxes on a nearby desk. He rests his arm on it as he turns to look at me. His gaze is soft, but at the same time, it demands me to listen to him.

“It’s good that you’re being hardworking. But you should stop. You’re being too hard on yourself these days. You skip your meals and you stay up late. You’ll pass out at this rate.”

I give him a faint smile so he would stop frowning.

“I’m fine, Jonghyun.”

Rolling his eyes, he gets back to the box as his eyes scan its content roughly. “The only perk of having the same girl around for five years is that I know when girls don’t hesitate to answer that they’re okay, that means they’re not.”

I could only chuckle as I watch him diligently moving his hand from a box to another.

My time of comfort ends too soon when he blurts out a question. “It’s not about our Mr. Perfect, is it?” Which feels like an attack to me. Like a slap in the face.

“No, of course not. Minhyun takes care of me well. He’s really a good... good guy. There’s nothing wrong with him.”

A good guy. There’s nothing wrong with him. I repeat those words in my mind and my heart wrenches in guilt. Minhyun has perfect score in everything. He sends me flowers almost every morning. He buys gifts randomly as he says his most common words to me, “I saw it by chance and thought it would look good on you. And it really does.” I also literally have to stop him from fetching me from and to work.

And I still couldn’t open up to him despite all that. I hate myself for being inflexible.

“That’s odd. You seem too depressed for someone who has a great boyfriend by her side.” A judging stare and Jonghyun clicks his tongue. A slight seconds later, he gasps.

“What? Don’t tell me you’re cheating on him or something?”

My whole body turns pale and cold. He might not strike at where it hurts me the most, but he is almost there. That the truth is that I still couldn’t escape from the thoughts of my ex.

“Relax, girl,” Jonghyun pats my tensed shoulder with a goofy grin. “I’m just kidding. I know you’re a good girl.”

No.

I am far from being one. Now and then, I am never one.

I force a smile that looks like I’m truly falling for his joke. Enough for him to buy it, I guess. He gets absorbed into counting and checking.

After his task is completed, he offers me a ride home. I have to reject it as I still need to stay to finish up mine. Deep inside, I’m not ready to be home. Alone with my dark and monstrous thoughts.

With a brotherly smile, he shakes his head. “You’re really stubborn, do you know that? Go home as early as you can, okay? Or I’ll have to call your Minhyun to drag you home.”

I bid him farewell and watch him leave till he disappears from my sight. The office feels emptier that I’m left to be alone again. Maybe having someone around is better than being on my own.

I throw myself against my chair and just stare on the laptop screen blankly.

A text comes in when I’m about to get lost into a trance. Minhyun’s name pops up on the screen.

Where are you?

I send him a reply without thinking much.

Still at the office. You?

It is beyond my expectation that I still don’t receive another text from him though thirty minutes have passed by. I start to become restless as he has never been that unresponsive.

Should I send him a new one or just give him a call?

Unsure, I slowly dial his number. Which he beats me to it.

There is an incoming call from him.

“Can you come down for a minute? I’m in front of the building.”

I could detect the change in his voice. He sounds undeniably distressed. It keeps me edgy but I still head out to find out why.

The night wind embraces me the moment I step out from the building. It isn’t aggressive enough to make me shiver. Just perfect for a walk in the park, if we were to go for one.

A few meters away, I see him leaning against his car. Something feels off that he has his gaze fixed on the ground with his shoulders hanging low. My heart pit pats at the nerve-wrecking tension.

“Minhyun…?” I try to approach him as gentle as I could.

At his name mentioned, he glances at me.

“J-jihye…”

I stop advancing at a meter away. The scent of alcohol is too strong I couldn’t stand to get any closer. And his teary eyes are the major shock of all. Somehow, they cause a pang of pain in my heart.    

“What’s wrong? How much did you drink?” I brave through the nauseous scent so I could hold onto him that couldn’t even afford to stand properly as he struggles to reduce the gap between us.

There is a long silence before he opens up his mouth to speak.

“C-can... can you p-please hug me and s-say nothing?” He staggers over his words as he spreads his arms wide. “I-if you d-do, I t-think I’ll be f-fine in any second.”

And I dive into his arms right away.

 a/n : It's actually Kim Jihye. Not Kim Hyeji. I don't believe I could make such mistake. Sorry! and yeah, sorry for the late update too! :)