18

Two months after his surgery Jackson gets his first emotion regarding Mark and isn’t fondness, oh no, Jackson feels hatred. Burning hatred. And quickly after hatred comes resentment, disappointment, frustration and despair. One emotion after the other, they attack him with the strength of a tsunami, consuming his mind with just Mark.

Mark. Mark. Mark. Mark.

Mark who developed the same illness he did because he was convinced he was in an unrequited love.

Mark who’s loved Jackson since the beginning, too.

Mark who’s throwing up petals, so many petals, even a whole flower.

Mark who couldn’t say anything before, saving them both from the mortal illness.

Now Jackson feels regret and self-loathing, because it’s the same for him. He could’ve been brave and confessed to Mark, sparing himself and Mark. He would’ve never grown roses in his lungs and got the surgery, Mark wouldn’t be throwing petals right now.

And then comes sorrow for the lost possibility of being happy together. Jackson lost his love for Mark while Mark is foolishly holding on to his feelings like Jackson couldn’t do.

Sadness replaces rage. 

Then Jackson is sorry.

One emotion after the other they come back, all about Mark this time, overwhelming him, choking him. It’s like he cannot breathe again, as if the piercing roses are back in his lungs. It’s so much at once Jackson is dizzy and he cannot walk. He has to stop on his