15

Mark bought primroses to keep in his room and other parts of the dorm. The others are confused as to why he’s bringing flowers every few days, but they don’t question if they find spare petals around the flat.

Mark is eating… just a little without throwing up. He has to make everything into a shake and drink it, slowly. He makes sure every shake has the vitamins and nutrients he needs, and he gets shots to keep himself alive. Doing everything he can just not to lose too much weight and to stay strong to carry on as an idol. When the others ask him —everyone except Jackson— why he looks so pale and sick, Mark replies he’s just tired and he misses home.

Jackson continues not caring about him.

Mark continues throwing up yellow petals, he doesn’t even remove his face mask by now.

Yellow petals in his sheets. On his pillow. On his carpet. In his pockets. Yellow heart-shaped petals everywhere. 

One day, Mark is alone at home because J.Y. Park ordered him to take it easy until he stops looking unhealthy pale and he looks just chic pale. Mark nods and obeys even if that isn’t happening, but it’s okay, he cannot do anything else like photoshoots or whatever. He wants to sleep even if he can’t. He wants to eat, even if he can’t.

He is completely alone at home, so he curls in a blanket on the sofa, watching television, feeling sleep crawling, calling him, but his flowers don’t let him fall asleep, instead he coughs more petals.

By now, the petals slip so easily from his lips, almost effortless. He just coughs and the petals are out, as if they were waiting in his oesophagus.

Mark is so tired, just lying on the sofa, eyes closed, the telly loud muffling every sound, many petals on the floor, tangled in the blanket he keeps up to his neck.

Mark