Chapter 4

            A few days had passed, and we had all started our classes smoothly.  It was remarkable for the other half of our mansion to be open to us just for the day.  During the short time we were allowed to pass through those forbidden rooms, we had discovered a beautiful library, the actual dining hall which was humongous and regal, as well as small, dusty rooms and closets that seemed to hold an essence of the past in the musty air.

            Several different types of classes were offered during this study abroad program.  They were held primarily in the main dining hall, as well as outside or in various parts of the mansion or forest.  I was primarily interested in the entomology class, as it seemed like the most fascinating and lively subject available.  Additionally, I signed up for the French film class, which only the older students seemed find appealing. 

            The dining hall was set up as a classroom, and for our class, the thick curtains were drawn and a projector screen was clumsily set up at the front of the room.  I was surrounded by primarily seniors and juniors, including Sua, with whom I finally shared a class after a year of barely seeing her inside our high school buildings.  This was our second class of the program, and Purple Noon was being projected onto the screen.  But with the beautiful furniture and antiques all around us, I could barely focus.

            Just as the credits began to role, Sua left the classroom before we were dismissed.  She had done this our first class as well, and I hadn’t said anything about it, but it bothered me a little.  Our professor didn’t seem to notice her though, and he didn’t say anything about it to me or her, so I figured it wasn’t too serious.

            The professor, who had looked particularly uncomfortable during the more scandalous scenes of the film, dismissed everyone quickly after giving us our homework assignment.  A few of the senior boys rushed over to the curtain and drew them quickly, filling the room with beautiful orange light.  I stayed seated for a moment to look at the enchanting view of the forest through the window.  The dust swirled through the room and looked like a manifested magic that you could touch.  After a few moments, I noticed my friend Minjun, who had opened the curtains nearby, was staring at me with a smile.  I snapped out of my trance quickly and scowled at him.

            “What are you looking at Minjun?”

            He leaned against the wall next to the window and crossed his arms.  “I was just…noticing how pretty you look today.”

            “Gosh…”  I covered my cheeks right away, knowing I would blush quickly.  But Minjun and I had been friends for almost ten years, and we had nothing to hide from one another.  I put my elbows on my desk and held my chin up as I looked at him.  “You say that every time we run into each other.  When will you stop saying it?”

            “Hmm, maybe when it’s not relevant anymore,” he smirked, though he dropped his gaze bashfully; he could never pretend to be arrogant for very long.  “But…I don’t think that will ever happen.”

            “You’re honestly too much,” I sighed playfully, looking out the window again.  “Are you adjusting to our new home alright?”

            “It’s been fine,” he answered blankly.

            I felt his eyes still on me, so I glared at him teasingly again.  “Is something wrong, Minjun?”

            “The light is just really pretty right now,” he chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets.  “And I just noticed you’re still wearing the ring I gave you in first grade.”

            The plastic ring with a fake pink diamond that used to fit loosely on my middle finger was now tightly wrapped around my left pinky.  Suddenly I felt the most embarrassed I had felt in a long time, and I awkwardly began to twist the ring around my finger.  But when I looked up at him again, my heart slowly settled down, and I felt like we were in the first grade yet again.  We both laughed quietly and looked down.

            “Yeah, well…”  As I twiddled with the ring, I began to realize it was one of the most cherished items I had.  I looked up at Minjun and grinned brightly.  “It feels wrong to take it off.”

            “Every once in a while, I check to see if you’re wearing it,” he admitted with a chuckle.  “Honestly, I’m surprised every time.”

            “It wouldn’t be right to throw away an engagement ring,” I jested, still spinning the ring slowly around my finger.

            “I know we haven’t talked very often the past few years…” he started quietly, his gaze returning to the window.  After a few moments of silence, he looked back at me with a halfhearted smile.  “But somehow it feels like we’re still going to get married one day.”

            Even though his words were shocking and made my heart skip a beat, as I looked at him, I realized I felt the same way.  It was almost funny how naturally the idea felt.  For the past few years, we had both committed to not dating anyone until graduating high school.  Yet somehow the both of us, and even everyone in the school, knew that the future wouldn’t let us separate. 

            “Minjun, you shouldn’t say that so loudly,” I insisted jokingly.  “Kiwon might be lurking around.  If he hears you say that, he’ll drag you into a fight.”

            “Ah, I’ll fight for my wife.”  Minjun scanned the room with curious eyes before finally letting out a chuckle.  “I’m…sorry to suddenly act like this.  I just feel like I haven’t seen you in such a long time.”

            “Well, Minjun, I think Paris is making you act really lovey-dovey,” I noted, rising from my seat.  “Remember we have a whole year left before we graduate.”

            “Hmm…And after we graduate?  What will happen then?”

            I looked at Minjun one more time and gazed at him carefully.  His question was full of curiosity, yet he somehow had so much reassurance and faith.  I began to walk towards the main door of the room.  “We’ll have to see…Husband.”

            “I’ll be waiting, then!”

            My heart and my steps felt light as I entered the entrance hall of the mansion.  Yoohyeon was at the foot of the stairs checking the settings on her old film camera.  She looked just like a doll in her colorful school uniform.  Her puffy bangs hanging down from under her beige hat ended just over her eyes, causing her to blink constantly.  I slowly wandered over and carefully pushed away the strands of hair that bothered her the most.

            “How were you classes today?”

            She remained looking down at her camera, but I could see turn into a pout.  “They were alright.  History is so hard.  I can’t remember these French names.”

            “I’m sure you’ll do fine,” I grinned, patting her head.  “Do you still want to hunt for bugs with me like we planned?”

            “Yeah, but can I have a few minutes to work on my camera?” she requested, still fidgeting with different buttons and settings on the device.  “One of the buttons is jammed.  I want to be able to take photos as the sun is setting.”

            A few boys rushed past us and opened the huge double doors of the entrance hall to exit the mansion.  Before the doors could swing shut, I noticed Sua standing gracefully in the front yard near a patch of flowers.  After the boys ignored her as they passed by, she stared after them with the saddest eyes I had ever seen her possess.

            “That’s fine, Yoohyeon,” I told plainly.  “Take your time.  I’ll wait for you in the front field.  Could you grab the glass jars from my bedside table before you come out?”

            “Yeah!”

            As Yoohyeon rushed up the stairs, I slowly headed outside.  Sua stood by the patch of flowers with a pretty white flower she had picked.  Every day she seemed to fade more and more from the friend I used to know.  She was once a girl with endless energy and joy, ready to hug us or playfully smack us at any moment.  Sometimes at night, that Sua would return, but during the day, she was entirely a shadow of her former self.

            I stepped towards her, and she turned towards me even while I was still far away.  Dropping the flower, she gave a small wave and a broken smile towards me. 

            “That movie in class was awfully interesting, wasn’t it?” she asked as I got closer. 

            “Why did you leave early?” I questioned suddenly, folding my arms.  I was trying to be playful, but my voice sounded a bit more forceful than I had intended.

            “Ah…”  She raised herself on her tippy-toes a few times before descending to her usual height and shaking her head.  “I don’t know…the room gets stuffy after a while.”

            “Hmm…Well, you didn’t hear the homework,” I sighed, looking down at the vibrant flowers.  “We need to write a summary of the film and then write a short paper on one of the main themes.”

            “Okay.”

            “…The minimum is two pages,” I continued slowly.  “Do you even intend to do the homework?”

            “Of course.” 

            “I…”  There were so many things I wanted to say, but I decided to keep them to myself.  “Sua…Try not to shut us out during this trip.  Don’t make me worry.”

            “I hope you know that I don’t want to,” she said quietly, still staring down at the flowers.  “There are some things that can’t be helped.”

            Her voice was weak and shaky.  I immediately regretted my words.  The wind began to pick up, and she seemed to sway frailly in the breeze as if she might blow away. 

            “Forget I said that,” I insisted quickly, forcing a smile onto my face.  “I won’t bother you like this again.  Let’s just have fun whenever you feel like it.”

            A tiny grin appeared across .  “That sounds like a good plan.”

            “Sua, are you taking any other classes for this trip?” I questioned, hoping to change the subject as quickly as possible.  “You had to take at least two, right?”

            “I…I’m taking an astronomy class,” she mentioned hesitantly. 

            “Astronomy class?  I don’t remember seeing that on the list of classes?”

            “Actually, Professor Choi personally selected a few students to attend,” she explained slowly.  “I guess you can say I’m sort of special.”

            “Wow, I didn’t even know you liked astronomy to be honest,” I admitted with a chuckle. 

            “I became very interested in it over the past year.”  She looked up at the sky with a smile on her face.  “It’s a special class; we meet only once a week.  And when we do meet…It’s really late at night or very early in the morning when it’s still dark.”

            “Really?  It doesn’t seem worth it to lose the sleep,” I jested.

            “Would you…Would you want to come to a class some time?” 

            “Sure,” I smiled.  “It sounds really interesting.”

            She seemed relieved as she looked back at me.  “I think you’ll like it.”

            “I fixed it!” Yoohyeon exclaimed suddenly, rushing out of the mansion towards us with her brown leather bag hanging from her shoulder and two mason jars in her hands.  “Are you ready, Jiu?”

            “Of course!” I replied, taking the jars from her.

            “Yoohyeon, do you have your EpiPen?” Sua asked sternly.

            “Gosh, you guys won’t let me live,” Yoohyeon grumbled, rummaging through her bag.  “Yeah, it’s here.”

            “Good,” Sua smirked.  “What are you guys going to do?”

            “I have to find a specimen for my entomology class,” I explained excitedly.

            “Bugs?” Sua gasped.  “You two can barely handle a fly buzzing around the room?  How will you even catch a bug?”

            “Hey, I’m not a wimp,” Yoohyeon argued, squinting her eyes.  “Anyway, we’re going to try to catch a butterfly.  They’re not gross like spiders or bees.”

            “Speaking of bees, make sure to keep an eye out for them.”  Sua spoke with the most worried of gazes.  One thing that never changed about her was her need to be a mother. 

            I waved casually before taking Yoohyeon’s hand and leading us towards the forest.  “We’ll keep an eye out, don’t worry!  See you later, Sua!”

            “Please be careful!” she called with one last pout before giving a loving smile. 

            Yoohyeon and I trekked into the forest on the west side of the mansion.  The sun was low, and its light dashed through the tree branches towards us.  On this side of the forest, the trees weren’t quite as densely packed together, and we had plenty of room to walk.  We traveled slowly, stopping to check the surrounding plants for bugs or capture a captivating shot with Yoohyeon’s camera. 

            After searching for a few minutes, Yoohyeon gave a long sigh.  “I feel like we’ll only find creepy beetles and spiders in the forest.”

            I opened one of the jars and pulled a folded piece of paper from it.  Yoohyeon crept up right next to me to sneak a peek.

            “What is that, Jiu?”

            “Professor Jeon gave us a list of dangerous species to watch out for in this area.”  The paper contained colorful photos of venomous spiders and their short descriptions. 

            “Oh my gosh, this one looks evil,” Yoohyeon noted with a trembling voice, pointing at the picture of the black widow spider.  “‘A red hourglass on its abdomen’…like an hourglass counting down to death.”

            “Calm down, Yoohyeon,” I snickered, carefully observing the photos.  “It looks like this one called the the brown recluse spider is especially dangerous.”

            “It looks sort of plain…How will we know to stay away from it?”

            “Um…Why don’t we stay away from spiders in general?” I suggested mockingly.  “Don’t worry too much, Yoohyeon.  The only insect you should be worrying about is bees.”

            “Gosh, I almost die once and you guys will never let that go.”

            I wish I could have detected an amount of sarcasm in her voice, but Yoohyeon was genuinely irritated about our concern.  Patting her head a little harder than usual, I ushered us to keep moving.

            “It looks like there’s a field through the trees up ahead,” she observed, stopping to quickly take a photo.  “Maybe there will be some butterflies.”

            The sky was turning a warm orange as we finally reached the broad meadow of wheat on the other side of the forest.  With all the captivating clouds alit in the sky, I could barely focus on any insects in the air or on the ground.  Yoohyeon had already taken several photos of the scenery by the time I snapped out of my stupor. 

            An old tree that looked unlike any in the forest stood tall in a round patch of dirt.  Resting at its base was a big, smooth rock with small yellow flowers growing just beside it.  I sat on the rock and watched Yoohyeon fiddle with her camera for only the most beautiful photos she could get.

            “Yoohyeon, is this another one of your many hobbies, or are you thinking of becoming a photography professionally?” I asked with a chuckle, admiring her passionate, almost comical poses.

            “Um…”  Her full concentration was in her photography, and she didn’t speak again for at least a whole minute.  When she finally looked at me, her confused expression told me she forgot what I asked.  After a few moments of silence, she decided to completely ignore my question and sit on the rock next to me.

            “Are you waiting for a butterfly to pass by?”

            I looked back at the golden sky.  “I guess.  It feels nice just to sit here and see the view, don’t you think?”

            “It reminds me of when we were at the beach last month…” she whispered sadly.

            “Are you still thinking about that day?”

            “I…I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said,” she sighed, looking down at her camera.  “I think I made Handong really upset and stirred up some emotions.  It’s probably been hard on you and Sua.”

            “Don’t apologize, Yoohyeon,” I insisted urgently, taking her hand.  “We’re all thinking about the future.  It’s best to talk about it and figure it out together.”

            Both her hands wrapped around mine, and she rhythmically tapped on my palm with her thumbs.  No matter how long I stared at her, she would look up at me.  “I guess you’re right.”

            “Do you want to talk about it, Yoohyeon?” I asked in the softest voice I could muster.  “Is anything wrong?”

            “I…” 

            I noticed her chin twitch as she continued to look down at the ground.  Yoohyeon hated to cry, and she would rather keep her tears in till her face was blazing hot and red before she would be caught crying.  Her thumbs stopped moving for a few moments as she collected herself.

            “You took such good care of me in middle school,” she started shakily.  “You moved on to high school before I could even enter the seventh grade, and I’m sure you remember how much I cried when I realized you weren’t coming back next year.  But we were reunited when I finally got to high school.  I’m realizing that after high school…I don’t know where you’ll go and I don’t know if I’ll be able to follow you.”

            “Ah, Yoohyeon, don’t have those thoughts.”  I wrapped my arms around her and placed one of my hands on her cheek.  Her skin was getting warmer and warmer, and I could hear her gulping back her tears with all her might.  “You always think these thoughts and get into these sad moods.  Don’t do that.”

            “I know, I know.” 

            She slowly opened and gently bit down on my hand.  If anyone else had done it, I would have been shocked, but Yoohyeon had a tendency to absentmindedly try to bite other people.  Her bright teeth let go of me almost immediately, but she looked neither concerned nor embarrassed.

            “You’re putting too much stress on yourself for no reason.”  I took off her hat and brushed her bangs out of her glowing face.  “Just try to have fun while we’re in France.”

            “I just…don’t like change,” she admitted in a strange trance.  She reached up and tapped on her teeth in frustration.  “It makes me so nervous.”

            “Yoohyeon-”

            “What is it going to be like when we’re not all together?”  Her voice broke, and she finally looked up at me with her teary eyes.  “One day we’ll all be separated…Even Dami will leave me.”

            The look in her eyes broke my heart.  Yoohyeon had always been the one who was quick to be strong.  She went through life acting just like a child, but in difficult moments, she worked hard to be the strength for those around her.  Even with all her efforts, I knew she would be the one most hurt by the coming changes, mostly because of how she let her feelings burn within herself until she collapsed. 

            “Yoohyeon…Do you remember what Sua used to tell you when you first started Freshman year?”

            “…I don’t think so.”

            “She always said, ‘Feel happiness in the simple things,’” I whispered softly, holding Yoohyeon close to me.  “You were so worried about your classes and your grades, and you were having trouble making friends in your grade.  Suddenly a girl named Dami invited you to a Manga Club meeting.  And even though you hated manga, Sua demanded you be happy about being invited and go to the meeting.  Now you and Dami are best friends.  Do you remember now?”

            “Hmm…I guess.”

            I could tell she knew I was going to teach her a lesson that would make her fears look silly, and I laughed quietly at her hesitation to listen.  “Yoohyeon…I think sometimes things look really chaotic and sad.  But when you appreciate the little things, you’ll find a happier path than you could have ever imagined.”

            “How could there be a happier path without you?”

            “Well…I guess you’re right,” I sighed playfully.  “There is no such path.  I guess I’m stuck walking with you forever.”

            She grabbed my arm and shook me lightly in frustration, but a small grin appeared on her face.  Resting her chin on my shoulder, she started to play with my fingers.

            “I’ll try to do that then,” she promised with her tired voice.  “I’ll…ahh!”

            Yoohyeon suddenly leapt up from the rock, causing her camera to fall to the ground.  She quickly began smacking her left shin with her hands.  In complete confusion, I rose quickly as well, trying to see what was bothering her.

            “What is it, Yoohyeon?” I cried, my eyes frantically scanning her legs.

            “There is is!” she screamed, pointing at a large grey spider on the dirt.  Just as it began scurrying away, she reached her leg out and stomped on it.  I frantically grabbed her arm as she stomped one more time on the terrifying creature.

            “Is it dead?” I asked nervously as she slowly bent down to look at it.

            “I…think so.”  Taking a nearby stick, she poked at the spider a few times, receiving no response.  “Yeah…It’s dead.”

            “Gosh…That thing was crawling on your leg?” I asked, kneeling down to check her shin.  “Did it bite you?”

            “No, I just felt its legs on me,” Yoohyeon explained with wide eyes as if she could barely believe it herself.  “Um…Do you think we could go back to the mansion now?”         

            “Of course.”  I looked around the field one more time for a sign of butterflies, but they seemed to be done for the day.  “Can I use that stick?”

            “Are you going to use this spider for your class?” she questioned, handing me the stick.

            I set the stick down beside the dead spider and took the poisonous spiders list from one of my mason jars again.  Glancing through the pictures, I couldn’t find a similar image or pattern on any of them.  I flipped the spider onto its back with the help of the stick, and was intrigued by the white splotches on its underside. 

            “This skull-like pattern…It seems to resemble the noble false widow,” I suggested slowly.  “But…other than the pattern, it has no resemblance at all.  I can’t really find anything like it on this list.”

            “Maybe it will get you a good grade,” Yoohyeon said with a nervous grin, obviously still recovering from her close encounter with the spider.  “You can thank me later.”

            I carefully used the stick to scoop the spider into the one of my jars.  “Is your camera okay, Yoohyeon?”

            She picked it up from the ground and fiddled with the settings.  “It looks like it.  If it were broken…”  She gave a menacing glare towards my mason jar.  “…I would have burned that thing alive.”

            “Hmm, maybe we can have a funeral for it after my class project is over,” I jested.  “You can be in charge.”

            “Perfect.”

            By the time we made it back to the mansion, the sunset had almost completely sunken into the horizon.  We entered the kitchen to find Siyeon, Gahyeon, and Dami making ramen for themselves as Sua watched them carefully and judged their skills.

            “Sua, I know you think you’re our mom, but I’m pretty sure you can’t even cook yourself,” Gahyeon suggested after Sua gave one too many tips about what extra ingredients to put in their ramen.

            “I don’t appreciate that tone,” Sua snapped playfully.

            “We’re back, we survived,” Yoohyeon announced, putting her camera on one of the kitchen counters and leaning on the nearby wall.

            “Did you find anything cool?” Dami asked, rushing up to me with curious eyes.

            “There was a spider that tried to kill me,” Yoohyeon pouted, a fierce fire suddenly appearing in her eyes.  “But the victim became the victor in the end.”

            Dami looked at Yoohyeon in confusion.  “What the heck are you talking about?”

            “This spider crawled up on Yoohyeon’s leg,” I explained, holding up the jar for everyone to see.

            “Oh my god!” Siyeon exclaimed, abandoning her ramen to look at the hideous spider.  “That thing is huge!  Ah, please get it out of the kitchen.  I’m going to be sick.”

            Just as I began to laugh at Siyeon’s dramatic reaction, I noticed Sua staring at the jar with a horrifying look of fear.  The petrified expression on her face made it seem like she would be the one to become sick.  She approached me slowly, her wide eyes focused solely on the spider.  Before I knew it, she had snatched the jar out of my hands and held it close to her own face.

            “Sua?”  As I watched her panic grow, I could feel my own heart start to race.  “What’s wrong?”

            “Where did you find this?”  Her frantic, high-pitched voice was nearly a scream.  She shook the jar and kept her eyes on the spider.  “Is it dead?  Did you kill it?”

            “Yoohyeon brushed it off of her leg and killed it,” I clarified.  “Is there a problem?”

            “Yoohyeon!”  Sua’s face became red as she turned to face Yoohyeon.  “Why did you do that?”

            Yoohyeon stared at her with fearful eyes.  “I…I had to…”

            “Sua, please tell us what’s wrong!” I demanded, taking a few steps towards her. 

            With each step I took, Sua took one step away from us.  Tears began to fall from her anxious eyes and whimpers escaped her lips as she held the jar limply.  “We have to…We have to get this out of here.  We have to take it far away…But I think…it’s too late.”

            “Sua, you’re scaring us.”  My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest.  “What’s going on?”

            Slowly placing the jar on the kitchen counter, she backed away from us towards the hallway leading into the entrance hall.  “I…I’m sorry…I don’t know why I’m acting like this.”  She forced a laugh, which seemed even more heartbreaking with her pained expression.  “I just…I need some air.”

            She rushed out of the room and left us all stunned.  Besides Sua’s words and actions, the darkness of dusk brought an eerie, sinister feeling that consumed me, and my hands felt cold and clammy. 

            “I…I’m sorry,” Yoohyeon sniveled, staring after Sua with tears in her eyes.

            “No, Yoohyeon, it’s okay,” I assured quickly, taking her arm.  “You had to kill the spider…I don’t know why Sua is acting this way.”

            “Should we go and talk to her?” Siyeon suggested, taking a few steps towards the hallway.

            “Just…let her be.”  With all of Sua’s sad episodes I witnessed over the past year, I was beginning to wonder if she had finally broken psychologically.  The things she would never share with me…was it all evidence for a more serious issue?  As I tried to put the pieces together in my head, it all felt more and more out of control.  I held onto Yoohyeon’s arm tight and prayed that Sua would eventually tell me what was bothering her.

*          *          *

            “Jiu.  Jiu.”

            I opened my eyes to the darkness of the room I shared with Handong.  As my sleepiness faded more and more, I could see the moonlight shining through the window and onto Sua’s face.  She was leaning over me and shaking me gently.

            “Sua?” I whispered, sitting up in my bed.  “What are you doing here?”

            “Jiu…I’m really sorry about how I acted earlier,” she sighed, brushing her hand across my cheek.  “I was wondering if you’d like to come to my astronomy class tonight.”

            I squinted my eyes curiously.  “What?  What time is it?”

            “It’s almost 2AM.”

            “2AM?”  Even as I said it, somehow all my tiredness faded.  “You really have class at 2AM?”

            “Will you come with me?”

            “Yeah…Let me get dressed.”

            When we eventually made our way downstairs, I noticed Sua was carrying a sketchpad and pencil with her.  She led me out of the mansion and towards the east field slowly, keeping her head and eyes down.  After today’s incident, I really wasn’t sure what to say to her.

            A small group of students, as well as Professor Choi, were gathered on the field under the stars.  Some of them sat with sketchpads on their laps, looking up at the sky and drawing.  Others were lying down, simply marveling at the sky.  Sua and I sad a few feet away from them, and we both looked up at that deep blue sky.

            “Tonight we’ll be observing the constellation Apus,” Professor Choi announced in a warm, velvety voice I had never heard him use before.  I could barely see his face, but his figure seemed large and prominent among the students.  “It is made of five stars.  Apus means ‘bird of paradise,’ thought it barely appears as a definite shape.  When you find it, please sketch what you see.  We’ll discuss our findings next class.”

            It was dark, and it seemed like the air should have been thick with frost, yet somehow it all felt like the perfect temperature.  I felt like I was sitting near a fireplace; I felt so warm and comfortable.  Sua sat quietly as she sketched the constellation.  Each student seemed robotic in their motions as they observed the sky. 

            “You just sit here and draw the sky?” I finally asked, peering at each student.

            “Yes,” Sua answered plainly.  “It’s our first class, so we won’t have any discussion yet.  For now we’ll just observe.”

            With nothing else to do, I lay down and looked up at the stars.  There were more stars than I had ever seen in my entire life.  I could see the entire Milky Way with all its brilliant colors lit up across the sky.  My mouth had fell open before I could realize it as I noticed a shooting star appear and disappear in the night.

            “Were all these stars here just a moment ago?”

            Sua put her sketchpad down and lay down right beside me.  “Of course.”

            “I’ve never seen a sky like this,” I told in awe.  “Are we really that far away from the city for the stars to be this bright?”

            “We’re quite a few miles away, I think.”

            She grabbed my arm tightly and rested her head on my shoulder.  “I am really sorry for how I acted today.”

            “I…It’s okay,” I sighed, not knowing what else to tell her.  “Honestly…You really scared me.  And I think you scared the rest of the girls too, especially Yoohyeon.”

            “I know.” 

            “I just…Don’t understand why you reacted that way …”

            “For some reason…the spider’s death made me really sad.”

            Her voice was calm and collected, a tone I hadn’t heard from her in a while.  I turned my head to face her.  Her eyes were so close to mine, I tried to explore them for answers, but they only stared at me back without giving a single response.

            “Are you still afraid of being alone?” I asked carefully, hoping to pry at least a few truthful words from her mind.

            “I wish that was still my fear.”  She stared at me blankly as she spoke, as if she were in a trance.  “But…somehow I know we’ll always be together now.”

            “Really?”

            “I realize it’s even more terrifying that way,” she chuckled darkly.

            “What does that mean?” I sighed, desperate for answers. 

            “Don’t worry about it,” she smiled, pressing her face into my shoulder.  “I love you guys so much.”

            “We love you too.”

            “I tried so hard to protect you,” she said suddenly sternly.  “I tried to catch every nightmare and give you every dream you wanted.”

            “Sua, you’ve protected us all so well over the years,” I insisted.  “You should have no regrets.”

            I felt her sudden whimper resonate through my shoulder and to my head.  She looked up at me with her glimmering eyes and smiled.  “Thank you, Jiu.”

            “These mood swings…I wish you’d just tell me what’s going on.”

            “I think…the answers will come out naturally,” she sighed.  “No matter what happens, Jiu, I’ll always be here to protect you.”

            No matter how much I wanted to argue with her again, I simply took a deep breath and grinned.  “I hope you know I’ll do the same.”

            “I know.  I really do.”