A/N: Major suicide trigger warning!

Everything was a blur.  A dream.  A nightmare.  The only thing reminding me this was all real was the pain shooting up and down my ankle and leg.  I could hear Dami far ahead of me, running as fast as she could through the halls.  Her hurried footsteps stopped suddenly, and a loud thud made me jump and trip just as I rounded the corner.  Dami looked back at me from the foot of a wooden pull-down ladder at the end of the hall, holding the book tightly in one arm as she reached up on the ladder.  The desperation and excitement in her eyes made me shiver.

            “Dami, please!”  My voice was only a screech, a sound I had never made before.  “Please stop!”

            She stood there, frozen, her eyes wider than I had ever seen them.  For the first time in her inexplicable obsession with this book and its magic, I noticed fear in her expression.  It was the same paralyzing dread I saw in Gahyeon’s eyes just moments ago.  No matter what kind of magic was controlling her, there was an essence of knowledge and terror she couldn’t ignore yet couldn’t control. 

            “Dami…” I called exhaustedly, reaching out a trembling hand to her.  “Dami…please…”

            Her anxious appearance slowly faded, and my heart stopped as gradually morphed into a small smirk.  She put one foot up on the bottom rung of the ladder and held the book out to me.  “Hurry up, Jiu!”

            “No!” I screamed as she hurried up the ladder.  My whole body ached as I pushed myself up from the floor to follow her.  I reluctantly limped toward the ladder, wondering what would await me up above.  Wondering if I could bear it.

            I cried in pain as I tried to climb the ladder.  But no matter the pain or fatigue my body felt, something pushed me higher and higher.  The thought of losing yet another friend kept energy pumping through my body.  Shouting her name, shouting in agony, I finally pulled myself up to the top of the ladder and spotted Dami on a nearby edge, reading the book with a smile.

            “Dami!”  Peeking my head up from the opening, I tried to pull myself onto the roof, but my ankle was too weak.  “Dami, please come down from there!  Give me the book!”

            She peered over the book excitedly, anxiously.  When she finally looked at me, I noticed tears forming in her eyes.  “Jiu…it really doesn’t matter anymore.  Whether we want it or not, it will have us.”

            “That’s not true!”  My hands started to tremble as I held onto the top of the ladder.  I reached for the old clay tiling and felt my fingernails break as I lost my grip.  I screamed as I rushed to steady my balance.  My arms quivered as I desperately held on to the top of the ladder.  “Dami, please!”

            “This drawing…”  A tear fell from Dami’s eye onto the journal.  “It’s new.  I guess it’s Gahyeon’s fear.  A fear of falling.”  She slowly looked up at me, her expression calm and empty.  “I…I’m not afraid to fall.”

            “Dami!”

            I felt my heart stop as I watched her body fall over the edge.  She seemed to fall gently, in slow motion.  I saw her eyes close and her chest deflate as she let out one last breath.  My mind was petrified.  I barely noticed as my tired hands let go of the ladder and I fell to the hardwood floor below.  I laid there on the floor in silence as a sharp pain started to shoot through my back and my tailbone. 

As my shock melted and melted, the throbbing pain grew sharper and sharper, and I screamed.  For just this moment, every other thing wiped away, and I could only feel my physical pain throughout my entire body.  I felt like every bone was broken and every muscle was sore.  Every breath was excruciating.  Every heartbeat was just a vexing reminder of the hell I was experiencing.  Only the sound of my own screams filled my ears and consumed my mind. 

“Jiu?”

The echo of my screams faded in my head and down the hall, and I froze at the sound of Yoohyeon’s voice.  My time of torment was put on hold; there was one more soul left in this house.  One more soul left in my world.

“Yoohyeon!”  My ribs ached as I called her name.  I whimpered as I struggled to flip myself over and hold myself up from the floor.  At first I slowly crawled down the hall, giving my ankle a short rest.  When I finally turned the corner and saw Yoohyeon at the end of the next hall, I used all my strength to stand up as she ran towards me.

“Jiu!”  When she reached me, she grabbed my arms and looked me up and down before embracing my tightly.  “What happened to you?  Are you okay?”

“Yoohyeon…”  I buried my face into her shoulder, wishing I could just collapse into her arms.  “Yoohyeon…Dami…and Gahyeon…”

“What?”  She continued to hold me close and put her hand on the back of my head.  “What are you talking about?  What happened?”

I couldn’t say another word.  I sobbed harder than I ever imagined into her shoulder, clutching onto her as if she were the last thing I ever had.  Because she was.  She was the last human being in this house, and the warmth of her body felt like the last warmth this world had to offer. 

            “Jiu…”  I could feel her embrace weaken as she began to shiver.  “The thing I’ve feared most in this world is being all alone.”

            “Yoohyeon…”  I held her tighter, with all the strength left in me, unable to bear whatever torment was left for me. 

            “I wondered what I could do to keep you all with me…I tried to take as many pictures as I could.  I tried to put you all deep inside my heart.”

            “Yoohyeon…please stop,” I wept, squeezing her as hard as I could.

            “But I don’t need to try anymore.”  Her voice became weaker, like was closing in on her.  She began wheezing as she began to stumble to the floor.

            “Yoohyeon!”  I tried as hard as I could to keep her up before helping her gently lie down on the floor.  Her face was turning red and puffy.  I noticed the large, red blotch on her arm and knew she had been stung.  “Yoohyeon!  Where is your EpiPen?”

            “Jiu, I’m…sorry…” she coughed, her whole body shaking.  “I know…you’ve suffered…the most…”

            “Where is your EpiPen?  Yoohyeon!”

            “Soon…it’ll all be…okay…”

            She began to convulse as she desperately gasped for air.  I felt helpless as my hands hovered over her, unable to do anything for her.  “Help!  Someone, please help me!  Please help us!  Yoohyeon!”  I lifted up her body and held her tightly as the slowly stopped shaking, wheezing, and breathing.  “Yoohyeon, please don’t leave me!  Please don’t leave me all alone!  Yoohyeon!”

            Her body that always seemed plagued with excitement and nervous ticks became still and heavy in my arms.  Even as my fingers squeezed her skin so tightly I thought I would hurt her, she didn’t flinch even an inch.  I knew I was calling her name and begging her to stay with me, but all I could hear was a high, piercing ringing in my ears.  The warm daylight pouring delicately through the hall windows faded into a looming silver glow, and I could eventually hear rain start to fall outside.

            As I sat there with her, holding her broken body against my own, I remembered when I found Handong in that bathtub a few days ago.  That first moment of terror and denial, that burst of energy and rage that led me to this point, constantly trying and failing to protect my friends.  My heart had bounced up and down, both enraged with denial and defeated with acceptance.  In this moment, I couldn’t figure out which one I was feeling now.  All I knew was that I wanted to escape.  I wanted to escape it all.

            I awoke from my trance when I felt a chilly puddle forming under my foot.  The rain had poured in through the rooftop door around the hall, and water had gradually accumulated along the floor. 

Before I got up, I placed Yoohyeon down onto the floor gently and pushed the hair out of her face.  “Go to sleep, Yoohyeon.  Go to sleep.  We just need to sleep…I…I need to sleep.”

I limped slowly down the hall, every bone in my body enduring a dull ache.  Closing my eyes as I passed Gahyeon and Siyeon’s room, I headed into Yoohyeon and Dami’s room.  There on Dami’s night table was her bottle of sleeping pills, and my hand seemed to grasp it before I could even decide to walk over to it.  I sat on her bed and held the bottle in my hand, breathing slowly, feeling a strange sense of calm.

“I just need to sleep,” I repeated.  “Just for a little bit.  Then I can get the others.  I can tell them what happened.”

The pills were small, and I took one in my fingers and placed it in my mouth.  Even without water I swallowed it with ease, eager to sleep, eager to escape.  Just for a moment.  Just for a night.

“I just need to sleep.”  Another pill.  I wasn’t sure why I swallowed another one, but I figured it would be fine.  Both of them together might work a little faster.  I needed to escape.  This place didn’t seem right for me anymore.

“I just need to sleep.” 

A third pill.  A fourth pill.  A fifth.  When the bottle was finally empty, I was surprised, but not worried.  I calmly placed it back onto the night table and laid down on the bed.  Sua appeared by my bedside and smiled as she leaned closely to me.  For the first time in a few days, I wasn’t angry with her.  I was happy to see her, and I smiled.

“I just need to sleep, Sua,” I whispered to her.

“That’s right, Jiu,” she grinned.  She suddenly looked down as tear filled her eyes.  When she looked back up at me, I could see how weary she was.  With the ache in my heart and my body, I could finally understand the exhaustion she felt.  My heart broke remembering all the times I had cursed her and made her feel alone.  I thought I would cry, but my thoughts were getting hazy and my eyes were growing tired.  I reached out my weak hand and grabbed her hand.  In that moment, as I felt the warmth of her skin, I realized what was happening.

“This…This is it, huh?” I asked quietly, feeling her fingers squeeze my hand tightly.  “I didn’t know what I was doing…”

“Yeah…”  She whimpered as she held my hand to her wet cheeks.  “I’m so sorry, Jiu.  You worked so hard to save them…I tried to warn you…”

“Sua…I’m sorry…”  Her skin grew warmer and warmer, and so did the air.  I felt like I was floating.  I held onto her hand as tightly as I could, hoping I wouldn’t float away from her.  “Sua, don’t let me go.  Don’t let me go, please.”

“I won’t, Jiu.  We’ll be together now.  Don’t be afraid.  Don’t be afraid, Jiu.”