Guess who’s back with a new chapter?

I try to follow my new motto : better done than perfect. So here you have an imperfect chapter but at least, you can read it!

Enjoy <3

***

         Taekwoon’s last day in Japan passes in the blink of an eye. Hakyeon was supposed to have the day off but is called into work on short notice just after they finished their lunch. He can’t stop excusing himself for having to leave so suddenly, but Taekwoon doesn’t mind. He has to pack his luggage and Hakyeon wouldn’t have been able to help with that anyway. Luckily, Hakyeon is back just in time to take him to the airport, so it really is okay.

         Hakyeon spends the ride complaining about his co-workers, how they take him for granted and how he is ruthlessly exploited, but Taekwoon knows he just loves feeling indispensable and he tells him so. Hakyeon just smiles. They have time for one last coffee and then Taekwoon heads for the gates. Hakyeon is, of course, waving at him with big gestures and just before Taekwoon passes the security checkpoint, he hears Hakyeon shouting a loud, “Have a good flight Taekwoonie!” Despite the embarrassment, he can’t help but smile...

         When Taekwoon arrives at the airport in Seoul, there isn’t anybody waiting for him. It was expected. It’s late at night and Minah told him she had to work early tomorrow. When he gets to their apartment, she’s already sleeping and he’s careful not to wake her up while he prepares himself to bed. She doesn’t move when he takes place by her side on the bed. Staring at the ceiling, he’s reminded of another sleeping form in another country. He wonders if Hakyeon is feeling lonely now. They had such a great time together. He remembers to send a message, wondering if Hakyeon is still awake, and the answer is almost immediate. The feeling of their connection eases his heart and sleep comes to him at last.

         It’s lonely when Taekwoon wakes up. He didn’t hear her but Minah has already gone to work. Since he isn’t going back to work until tomorrow, he texts Hongbin so they can meet in the afternoon. Hakyeon forced tons of mochi on him to give to Hongbin. They’re Hongbin’s favourite Japanese dessert. He doesn’t have much to do before they meet. Once he’s done with unpacking, he thinks about cooking but there is already food prepared for him in the fridge. The apartment is very silent so he turns on the TV but nothing really appeals to him. After lunch, he goes through his notes from the conference and prepares his report for his company.

         He meets Hongbin at their usual place, a café they’ve frequented since college. In the beginning, it was sort of Taekwoon’s hidden base, but not for long (he never managed to hide anything from Hakyeon for long). It quickly became the meeting point for their whole group of friends. The beverages were pretty decent and, above all, affordable, which was so important back in the day. Hongbin is late but Taekwoon doesn’t wait to order. They pretty much always get the same thing anyway. When Hongbin finally shows up, he’s slightly out of breath.

         “Sorry hyung, something came up at the studio and I had to take care of the mess before I could leave.”

         “Is everything okay now?”

         “Yeah, everything’s fine now. How was your stay in Japan? How’s Hakyeon-hyung?”

         Taekwoon scoffs at the questions. “Like you don’t already know everything...”

         “Doesn’t matter hyung. It’s what’s called small talk. You know, that unimportant but important thing that help socialising?”

         Taekwoon freezes. He didn’t think that Hakyeon would have talk to Hongbin about his insecurities.

         “What’s with the long face, hyung?”

         “I didn’t think Hakyeon would have talked to you about it...”

         “About what?”

         “He didn’t tell you?”

         “What? I’m not following, hyung... Is there something Hakyeon-hyung should have told me? Or not told me?”

         Hongbin looks genuinely confused and Taekwoon realises he’d just assumed things too quickly. It’s stupid. Of course Hakyeon wouldn’t have been so indiscreet...

         “No, it’s nothing, never mind. Here is your mochi, don’t choke on them. Seriously, I don’t know how you’re so addicted to these. They’re so filling...”

         “Not everyone is able to sustain themselves with black coffee only, hyung. Sometimes you also need to eat real food... Wow, there are so many flavours! Hakyeon-hyung really is the best!”

         After that, the conversation continues quite easily, to Taekwoon’s surprise. He assumes it’s because they’re speaking about Hakyeon. For some reason it’s always easy for him to talk about Hakyeon.

         Unfortunately, Hongbin has to go after a phone call from his studio. The earlier problem is not quite resolved yet. It’s something about unwilling pets and Taekwoon is very tempted to enquire about it but Hongbin has to go at once. Whatever, he’ll ask Hakyeon later. Hakyeon always manages to know about everything and everyone...

         When Taekwoon gets home, Minah is already there and dinner is ready. She asks him some questions about his trip and then goes on about some things at work he can’t make himself care about. He doesn’t remember having this problem before they got married, but the awkwardness he feels so often with people is definitely there. It’s not just people, though, it’s his own wife. He suddenly feels like crying, exactly like when he talked to Hakyeon about it. Instead, he carefully makes sure he keeps his neutral mask on.

         Minah doesn’t seem to realise that anything is wrong. He can’t help but think that Hakyeon would have. Hakyeon always knows when he’s faking anything. Hakyeon is the only one he can’t play poker with. But his wife doesn’t see through his poor acting... It shouldn’t matter. After all, it’s not uncommon for a couple to not share everything and to have separate interests... It is normal... Maybe a necessity even? He tries to reassure himself, but can’t.

         Soon, their meal is finished and after clearing their plates, Minah gets closer to him. She puts an arm around his shoulders and sits on his lap. He smiles like an automaton, wraps his arms around her waist and puts a small peck on her lips. She moves closer and kisses him back, demanding, but he stops her by pushing slightly against her shoulder. She stares at him, questioningly.

         “I’m too tired, love, I’m sorry.” And he keeps smiling that artificial smile of his. It seems he’s getting so good at fooling her with this particular smile.

         She understands. Of course he would be exhausted from his trip. She kisses him again, lightly this time, and asks him if he wants a bath. He declines and tells her he needs to have one last look at his notes before going to bed. She doesn’t have to wait for him, he’ll make it quick.

         While she’s making her way to their bedroom, he stares at her retreating back for a long time and tries hard to keep his distraught thoughts at bay. However, they come to him anyway when she shuts the door behind herself.

         How did the woman he married became a stranger to him?

         He wonders if he proposed too soon in their relationship. They were doing so well and he really thought she was the one. She was definitely his type, petite and delicate, and he liked her carefree and positive personality. She didn’t mind that he was ambitious and understood when he sometimes had to put work first. She had friends of her own and found it natural that he spend time with his own without feeling jealous. She always was understanding. It was such a change from his previous girlfriends who always turned out to be kind of whiny after a while, seeking his exclusive attention and at some point tiring him with their relentless demands. He thought he wouldn’t find a better match and that’s why he proposed.

         However, since their marriage, it started to change. Now Minah was complaining when he came late from work or when he would rather stay at home than try a new restaurant. They started to argue about everything, and it wasn’t just about inviting people to dinner or about their living room looking more and more like a pretty but lifeless showroom, it was also about his lack of talking and supposed indifference, and her sudden decision to not having a child yet. This last one hurt him a lot but given the circumstances, he couldn’t say it wasn’t wiser for them to wait.

         He thought they understood each other without having to say things aloud, but it was just wishful thinking because now that they were living together, it became obvious that they disagree a lot. It wasn’t always bad and sometimes, like tonight, she reminded him of the woman he fell in love with and wanted to marry. But he didn’t understand her anymore and he was getting tired of her unexpected change of mind. He tried his best but never felt it was enough. So like in his previous relationships, he chose the easy way around by letting her win every argument.

         But he isn’t happy. And they’re drifting apart.