Hello! Here is a new chapter at last!

I’m sorry I didn’t update sooner. I’ve been a bit sick when I intended to edit this chapter and post it. Then I wasn’t home and it was a bit complicated...

Actually, I won’t be able to post a chapter every week like I did until now. But it’s just temporary: I’ll be back to a regular schedule in September!

Last but not least, thank you to all of you who subscribed! I’m so grateful and happy to see that you’re 100 now! It’s awesome! It makes this update even more meaningful... Thank you!

And as always, a big thank-you to Fortify-Countrye who makes an awesome job at editing every chapter and guiding me to make this story better!

***

         Hakyeon wakes up with a serious hangover. Catching sight of the dark rings under Taekwoon’s eyes and of the lonely sock remaining on one of his feet, Hakyeon can’t help but feel a bit relieved. At least he’s not the only one feeling like . Thankfully, after some painkillers, a good shower, and the help of some bb cream, he looks as fresh as a daisy. Or almost.

         They don’t talk about what happened last night. Hakyeon doesn’t feel like explaining himself again and Taekwoon, being more reserved when he’s sober, doesn’t seem eager to address the subject either. It’s not like it’s forgotten either. When Taekwoon hands him his coffee (one sugar and a splash of almond milk), Hakyeon knows it’s his way to show that he cares. Taekwoon himself must be to his third cup of black coffee. They sit quietly together at the kitchen table, enjoying the warm beverage in silence, and it’s comfortable, familiar even.

         Today, they’re having lunch with some of Hakyeon’s new acquaintances. It’s always been like this, Hakyeon meeting new people and then introducing them to Taekwoon. That’s why they have most of their friends in common. Hakyeon’s bubbly personality is what attracts them first. Taekwoon’s calm and appeasing demeanour is what makes them stay. Being friends with the two of them is like having the best of friendship in a set: the fun and the quiet, the exciting and the sobering, the craziness and the rationality. Neither of them is a caricature of these characteristics. Hakyeon is the most responsible and trustworthy person you can find even if he comes across as carefree. Taekwoon has a playful side and a weird sense of humour that only their closest friends have the privilege of knowing and enjoying.

         They arrive a bit late at the restaurant and Hakyeon is welcomed with cheers and vigorous handshakes. Taekwoon follows right behind him and it’s awkward at first. It always is. Until Hakyeon’s magic happens. Subtly, naturally, unconsciously even, he involves Taekwoon in each conversation and soon the latter is immersed in the loud chattering as if he knew the others for as long as Hakyeon did. There are lots of jokes, passionate debates, laughs and the afternoon is spent in good company.

         They don’t go straight back to the apartment after lunch. There’s this ice cream shop that Hakyeon absolutely wants Taekwoon to try and there they go with Jaehwan, one of Hakyeon’s new co-workers-turned-friend who lives in the same area as Hakyeon. The cheerful man has a sweet tooth, and he’s too happy to make the detour with them.

         The ice cream is delicious. Through the walk and the tasting, Taekwoon is told all about the Tokyoite life of Hakyeon by his new friend. There are mostly things he already knows but it’s interesting to hear them from another perspective. Hakyeon is, of course, trying to neck chop Jaehwan every time the latter shares something embarrassing about him, teasing him relentlessly. It’s all for a good laugh and Taekwoon can feel the tenderness behind it. Yet it stirs some uncomfortable feelings inside of him. He knows he should be happy for Hakyeon to be able to make friends so easily but when he sees him having so much fun with others, he wonders if someday he’ll be left alone. Then he remembers what Hakyeon told him last night, about feeling lonely, and he supposes that both of them know how to hide their insecurities, Hakyeon behind a smiling front and Taekwoon behind a neutral one.

         Back at the apartment, Taekwoon crashes on the couch, exhausted by the day. On the contrary, Hakyeon is feeling restless. Meeting with people always has this energizing effect on him. Smiling brightly, he answers to the messages his friends already sent him. ‘It was fun’ - ‘We have to do this again’ - ‘Did you get back safely?’ This one makes him laugh: you would think they parted ways in the middle of the night...

         Taekwoon observes Hakyeon replying enthusiastically to his friends’ texts and the uncomfortable feeling is back. He tries to ignore it but he can’t get it out of his mind, seeing Hakyeon so cheerful when he himself is so awkward most of the time.

         When Hakyeon looks over to tell Taekwoon that he has managed to charm everyone, he doesn’t expect to see his friend staring at him with a sad look, his lips tightly closed in a straight line like he’s trying hard to keep things inside. Taekwoon turns his head away as soon as their eyes meet, but it’s enough for Hakyeon to know that something’s wrong.

         “Hey, what’s wrong? What’s with the long face?” He says softly.

         “Nothing.” Taekwoon doesn’t want to bother Hakyeon with his childish thoughts. He also knows he doesn’t stand a chance if Hakyeon starts to pry.

         “Doesn’t look like nothing to me. Hey!” Hakyeon pokes his arm lightly. “Tell me. Taekwoonie.” He whines. “You know it’s doing you no good to keep everything inside. What’s upsetting you? Did I do something wrong...”

         “No, you didn’t. It has nothing to do with you”. The last thing Taekwoon wants is for Hakyeon to feel responsible. “It’s me. Something’s wrong with me.”

         Taekwoon’s voice sounds miserable. He doesn’t look at Hakyeon but keeps staring at an elusive point in front of him. Hakyeon can’t see his eyes but the side profile he’s observing right now is so full of sorrow. He wasn’t expecting that. What could possibly be wrong with Taekwoon? How didn’t he guess that something is obviously eating up his friend? He’s always been so good at decrypting Taekwoon’s mood but what he witnesses right now, it puzzles him. He murmurs.

         “Hey, what’s wrong with you? What are you saying?”

         Taekwoon lets out a sad, self-depreciative laugh.

         “Everything... It just took me time to realise it... But everything...” Taekwoon suddenly feels overwhelmed with sadness. There is such a contrast between the few month of his married life and the last days spent with Hakyeon. At first, he thought it was difficult because he was so used to Hakyeon’s presence it left a void in his life, but after some time, he started to think it was more about himself, his lack of social skills and his personality. “I’m just... I’m not good with people. And it’s so obvious since you left...”

         “What?”

         Hakyeon doesn’t understand. Taekwoon never bothered with people. It’s not like he doesn’t have a social life. Besides, he’s married now...

         “I don’t know. It’s just... Something’s off. It’s awkward whenever I see the others. They don’t know how to deal with me and I can’t blame them. I have nothing interesting to say and it kills every conversation. I haven’t meet them that much lately. Maybe it’s better that way...”

         Well, Hongbin told Hakyeon they didn’t see Taekwoon as much as they used to, but he thought it was to be expected with Taekwoon getting married and his work. He’s as much as a workaholic as Hakyeon is.

         “Isn’t it normal? You’re a married man now!” Hakyeon punches Taekwoon’s arm playfully in an attempt to cheer him up. “How is it going with Minah? When are you having a baby? I want to be an uncle soon!”

         Taekwoon knows that Hakyeon is trying to make him feel less sorry about himself but inadvertently hits a nerve.

         “She doesn’t want to for now. Well, she’s right. We still have to adjust with our new life together and I’m so busy with work.” He doesn’t sound very convinced and Hakyeon supposes the words are Minah’s rather than his own. And there is that laugh again, that sad, pathetic laugh which tears up Hakyeon’s heart a little. “It’s better like this anyway, with how things are now. I... I think she might regret marrying me...”

         Hakyeon is too surprised to reply. What the heck happened while he was away? In less than six months, what could possibly go so wrong?

         “She likes to have people over, you know? Preparing fancy dinners and everything. She asked me to invite one of my co-workers with his wife...” Taekwoon snorts. “I really feared he would spit his coffee in surprise when I asked him. And the whole evening was a disaster. Minah did all the talking and I had nothing to say. That’s how it is. I’m a boring and uninteresting person. I’m so pathetic...”

         Just remembering that evening makes Taekwoon feel miserable. Except Hakyeon is set on making him feel better and not swallow in self pity.

         “Come on now, this is so not you! And just to state things right, you’re not boring, you’re not uninteresting. You’re mistaking it with being bored and uninterested! You told me about these colleagues of yours. They seem a bunch of annoying, smug, pompous asses. Of course you have nothing to talk about with them. You don’t have to force yourself to appreciate unworthy people.”

         Hakyeon’s strong reaction does manage to reassure Taekwoon a bit. But he saw today how different Hakyeon is and before he has time to really think about the bitterness of his words, he lets them out.

         “But you don’t have this problem. See, you’ve been there only a few months and you already know everyone and have tons of friends: you don’t miss me. You don’t need me to have a life...”

         Hakyeon looks surprised and Taekwoon realises he sounds a bit like a whiny child. They stare at each other without saying anything for a second before Hakyeon chuckles behind his hand and then embraces Taekwoon in a tight hug.

         “Oh, did you miss me? It’s alright, I missed you too, Taekwoonie. We’re best friends, remember? And don’t worry, I’m good at befriending people but it doesn’t mean everybody is or will be my friend forever or I don’t know... It’s people I appreciate and like to hang out with. Nothing life changing. And it’s okay to be different. You would go mad if you had to keep up with as many people as I do, right?”

         “Humph...” Taekwoon has to agree but he won’t say so easily that Hakyeon is right.

         “And you know you’ll always have the first place in my heart.”

         Hakyeon is shaking him back and forth as he’s saying this and Taekwoon is doing his best to escape his suffocating embrace, pushing Hakyeon away and complaining loudly about being asphyxiated. But the truth is he feels weirdly relieved to hear this from Hakyeon, as if a weigh was suddenly removed from his chest.

         As for Hakyeon, even if the words are painful for him to say, he doesn’t mind. The only thing that matters is Taekwoon’s happiness, Taekwoon’s smile. He would never rejoice in hearing about his marriage going wrong, and he’s sincere when he says that he can’t wait for Taekwoon to have a child because he knows how important it is to his friend to start a family. He imagines it sometimes and he knows he would love the little being without a second thought. He’s not a saint though and at times, he just wants to shout and cry. But their friendship will always come first, since that’s all he has.

         “Seriously, don’t worry about such useless things. You’re just so used to having me there that you need some time to adapt. No need to freak like that. And I’m sure Minah will understand that you need some rest from social life... Now, what do you say about cooking dinner? Just...” Hakyeon sounds hesitant and Taekwoon looks at him questioningly. “Don’t get worked up again if you can’t find anything to say to the vegetables...”

         Taekwoon hits him playfully as he unsuccessfully tries to suppress a grin.

         “You’re stupid.”

         “So are you since you laughed!”

         Taekwoon does again and this time it’s a real laugh. They stand to go to the kitchen and it’s an hour of teasing, bickering and giggles. At the end of the day, Hakyeon is reassured that he has back the Taekwoon he has always known, the confident one boasting about the dinner they both prepared but is taking all the credit for it. They can’t stop talking about fun memories and each story seems to lighten their hearts.

         Just before Hakyeon falls asleep, he hears it, just a whisper but it is loud and significant in the silence and quietness of the night.

         “Thank you.”