Message from Love of My Life <3

Jongin cracked a smile as his phone buzzed in his hands. It was early morning and they had a performance at a festival in Busan resulting in a long drive to the city. Jongin opened up the message and was greeted with a sweet good morning message and a picture of his girlfriend, hair freshly died blonde for her new promotion cycle. Chaeyoung was a fellow idol from the girl group Fortune, another group under the same company as EXO. They had known each other for years and began dating roughly a year and a half ago. It had been nearly a year since their relationship was outed though and Jongin admitted that it was terrifying at first. He had gone through so many emotions in the span of twenty-four hours: anxiety, fear, anger, and disappointment. He had lost fans and been called names. Rumors were spread and his image and face value had dropped quite a bit for a few months.

The members, all of them had known about his relationship before it leaked, had tried their best to be supportive but Jongin knew that the entire topic was uncomfortable for them. Baekhyun had already been ruined because of a dating scandal and he just had to spring another one on them just when everyone was ready to move on. It wasn’t that they weren’t allowed to date, Kris and Joonmyun had a pretty serious thing going on before and Minseok and Luhan were also together for a while, they were just expected to not get caught. Jongin had gotten careless. He knew that he had been stupid but he was in love and love made people do stupid things. How could he notice paparazzi cameras lurking around when all he could see was Chaeyoung’s beautiful face?

Sehun had been one of is greatest pillars of strength. They shared a room at the dorms and were the same age. Jongin had spilled all his worries and problems to Sehun and the other boy had listened objectively and answered wisely and honestly. The fans who had stuck with him too had given him so much comfort and love and he was grateful for them. They were his drive to do even better and make a name for himself in this cutthroat world.

The van did a sudden turn and Kyungsoo’s sleepy head rolled onto his shoulder. He smiled at the sudden weight against him and adjusted her head so that she was more comfortable. When the news had leaked, the person he had wanted to comfort him the most was Kyungsoo. But she had been away on an island for months filming a movie without cellphone reception and by the time she had returned to the dorms, the news had been old and it was useless to bring it back up.

They had a rather odd friendship, he and Kyungsoo. Although the older girl had joined the company way later than he did, he had followed her around like a lost puppy and begged for her undying attention and praise. He admired her greatly for all of her special talents and her passion. Kyungsoo had the voice of an angel and although she wasn’t a natural dancer, she had picked it up quickly and now she had no trouble keeping up with their hard choreography. Kyungsoo was also never meant to be an actress. She was the quiet one who didn’t like to stand out and loved singing. One day, a director expressed interest in her innocent image though and she was scheduled for an audition against her will.

Jongin remembered the night before her audition. She had paced back and forth in his room, hands sweaty as she expressed all her worries to Jongin. Kyungsoo had only been wearing a sleep tee from Victoria’s Secret that barely reached her thighs. He remembered this because every time she turned around to pace even more worriedly, the tee would ride up and he could see the plump curve of her cheeks for a quick second before the tee slipped back down. Conservative Kyungsoo was sometimes not so conservative in private. It wasn’t a big deal for Jongin though. He had already seen all the girls in nothing but their underwear thousands of times due to quick outfit changes and Kyungsoo and Baekhyun had accidentally seen his when they walked in on him in the bathroom once.

After watching Kyungsoo worry for a good ten minutes, Jongin had grabbed her and sat her down on his bed.

“You are going to do amazing,” he said. “You’ve read through the script like ten times. They are going to fall in love with you and cast you on the spot.”

“Jongin I don’t even know how to act!” Kyungsoo had pointed out, panicking again. “I’m gonna embarrass myself in front of everyone and they’re all going to laugh at me.” An upset pout had decorated her lips and Jongin pinched her cheeks.

“If they laugh at you I’ll beat them up,” he told her.

“Oh yeah,” Kyungsoo had scoffed, “that’ll be good for our reputations. Young idol beats up prestigious director, I can already see the headlines.”

“If they don’t want you, it’s okay,” Jongin said, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “We’ll always want you. I’ll always want you.”

“That’s very sweet of you but it still doesn’t make me not want to throw up my guts and run home to my parents and hide behind my dad,” Kyungsoo said.

“Remember what you told me the day before our first live performance?” Jongin asked. “When I was hyperventilating like crazy and freaking out because I thought I forgot the entire MAMA choreography even though I could do it in my sleep?” Kyungsoo stayed tightlipped, fingers fidgeting again. Jongin grabbed her hands to make her stop.

“One day at a time,” Jongin reminded her softly. “That’s what you told me. We’ll take everything we go through one day at a time. It doesn’t matter if we make a mistake or fail horribly, there’ll still be tomorrow and we can always make that tomorrow better. So what if you fail that audition tomorrow? You tried your best and I know that you tried your best because you’ve been dissecting that script for days. Maybe they’ll decide that they don’t like you. That’s okay because I like you and what I think matters more than them. Tomorrow is just one day. If you get that part, that’s amazing and you deserve it. If you don’t get it then it’s whatever. Either way, I’ll have a tub of ice cream waiting for you and we can binge watch Harry Potter or something.”

“You’re the best, you know that?” Kyungsoo said quietly, rubbing Jongin’s fingers in between hers.

“I’m your favorite for a reason,” Jongin smiled at her. She was his too. He loved all of s but Kyungsoo was special. He couldn’t explain why but she was just completely something else to him.

“Lies,” Kyungsoo stuck out her tongue. “Joonmyun is my favorite and everyone knows that.” Then she bounced off the bed and ran away with a squeal before Jongin could catch her and make her take the words back.

The next day, Jongin waited anxiously on the couch in their shared living room for Kyungsoo to walk in through the front door from her audition. He had three pints of ice cream waiting in the fridge; cookie dough for him, mint chocolate chip for Kyungsoo, and coffee for Minseok who decided to join in on their marathon. The sound of the passcode being entered triggered his senses and he stood up nervously. The door clicked open and shut quietly and there were the soft sounds of shoes being put on the rack followed by quiet footsteps. Jongin held his breath as he waited for Kyungsoo to turn the hallway corner and into the living room. He was expecting tears and the saddest dejected face in the world. Or maybe Kyungsoo killed it and got the role and if that were the case, he would be so incredibly happy for her.

The footsteps got closer and Kyungsoo’s small face appeared the round corner. For a split second, they made eye contact and then Jongin saw her lips stretch into a wide heart and her eyes crinkling into little half moons. Kyungsoo was running then, right into his arms where he caught her and twirled her around.

“I got it Jongin!” she had said excitedly into his neck. “I got the role. They liked me!”

“See,” Jongin chastised her playfully, being tickled by her hair getting into his face. “I told you everything would turn out fine.”

And things turned out more than fine. Shortly after Kyungsoo finished filming her first movie, she had been cast in the highly anticipated drama It’s Okay, It’s Love with major leads like Jo Insung and Gong Hyojin. Then more movie roles came and she began to win awards and get more recognition for her skills. Their little, quiet Kyungsoo became a huge hit and as she was swept up into the acting world, Jongin did feel proud and happy for her but something had changed about their relationship and he knew that it wasn’t a good change.

No matter how hard he tried to deny it to himself and everyone else, he knew they had drifted. She would be gone for weeks sometimes even months at a time for filming and he would only see her during concerts. Those lasted one maybe two days and then she was off again on a separate plane to whatever project she had next. When Kyungsoo was at the dorms, she was either sleeping in her room or studying a script or memorizing lyrics. The rare times that she was free either the girls stole her or she was out with her set of acting friends. Jongin had never been personally introduced to these friends but he was definitely jealous of them. He had read her interviews and could tell how much she adored these men and women and he often wondered how he compared to them. Was he still her favorite? Or had things changed too much between them?

That one night last week when it was just them in the dorms though made it feel like nothing had changed between them. It had been a bit awkward at first when they both emerged from their rooms and realized they were the only ones left at home. Kyungsoo asked if he wanted to order chicken and just like that, they were back to sitting on the couch, thighs touching, and popping in Kingsmen. The violence and gore made Jongin flinch sometimes, even though it was his fourth time seeing the movie but sweet Kyungsoo sat through the entire film without a jump, fingers oily from the chicken and slurping her soda through a pink crazy straw.

That’s what Jongin liked about her. Kyungsoo was a walking contradiction. She hated showing skin in public but didn’t wear pants at night before bed and would dance in her underwear with Baekhyun if she were in a good mood. She looked like a petite, innocent woman, which she was most of the time, but when she wanted, she had a forceful aura and could even control Chanyeol, who liked to to her breaking point. Kyungsoo also hated being called cute and didn’t believe she was a standard beauty but her visuals and charms were completely effortless. Everyone who met her and worked with her had become absolutely smitten with her. Off stage, she didn’t like the attention much but put her on stage and all the energy and light just beamed off of her. She was still an enigma to Jongin even though they had known each other for close to eight years now.

The van swerved again and this time Kyungsoo’s small body leaned towards Chanyeol and her head fell against his shoulder. The older boy had been sleeping too but the turn had jerked him awake. He noticed Kyungsoo on his shoulder and patted her head gently before falling back asleep. Jongin watched this and felt something conflicting grow in his belly. First Jongdae and now Chanyeol? When had the sight of the other guys with Kyungsoo become so weird for him to stomach?

Jongin’s phone dinged again and for a brief second he forgot about Kyungsoo as he checked the message. Chaeyoung was filming her music video so she would be gone for the rest of the day. Jongin sent her a good luck message with a heart back. Kyungsoo’s phone on her lap dinged next. The ringtone went off three times quickly, followed by five more dings. Wondering who was double texting the girl this early in the morning, Jongin grabbed her phone and pressed the home button. The sender had a honey pot emoji saved as their name but Kyungsoo had the contents of the messages blocked on her lockscreen. Curious as to who this person was and what the messages said, Jongin slid her lockscreen, noticing that it was a pretty landscape photo of the ocean when they were in Fiji. The screen for the passcode popped up and Jongin entered in what was usually Kyungsoo’s passcode only to find himself denied access. He wrinkled up his brow and typed it in again, maybe he had punched in a wrong number. Once again he was denied access. That was odd. Kyungsoo hadn’t changed her passcode ever since they had first gotten smartphones. Everyone in the team knew it because Baekhyun had peeked over her shoulder once and repeated it out loud. Baekhyun and Chanyeol always and said that they would go through her phone but Kyungsoo didn’t care. She said that she had nothing interesting in her life and nothing to hide.

Now she was saving mysterious people under emojis and blocking the contents of her messages from appearing on the lockscreen. Her passcode had changed and she was spending more time out of the dorms. She even went on a trip to Japan without the other members and Jongin had only found out because Minseok had shown off the fabric softener that Kyungsoo had brought back for her. He used to know Kyungsoo like the back of his hand but now he was becoming uncomfortable with how much he didn’t know. It was hard to believe that in two years, things had changed that much between them. He didn’t know how to change it back but he knew that he must do something. He couldn’t bear to watch Kyungsoo slip even farther away from him.