After the little outburst between Jongin and Baekhyun, Sehun decided to be extra kind to Baekhyun for the rest of the day. Even though Jongin was one of his best friends, the youngest did agree that the dancer had been completely out of line earlier. Baekhyun may have started it with her little unnecessary comment but Jongin knew better than to fling it back.

They were the last two to do their couple shoot and Sehun straightened his back before tucking one of Baekhyun’s locks of brown hair behind her ear just in time for the camera to click. Then they both turned so that their bodies were facing the front and he casually placed an arm around Baekhyun’s bare waist and tugged her close. Most people would find it awkward to be doing such a skinship filled shoot but they had been doing stuff like this for five years now. From tightly packed dressing rooms to time sensitive concert changes, every single EXO member had seen each other close to now. He had lost count of the number of times he had seen even Kyungsoo in nothing but a bra and underwear by their third year.

“Baekhyun will do her solo shots first and after Sehun we’ll do the group photos and call it a day,” the photographer announced as he took one last picture of them together. Then Sehun walked to behind the scenes and looked at some of the cuts appearing on the computer monitor. He and Baekhyun had turned out pretty nice together with their cold, chic images. Satisfied with a majority of the shots and ignoring the few where he accidently blinked he went back to sit on the seats next to Chanyeol, who was playing a game on his phone. Joonmyun was talking with one of their managers about an upcoming schedule in the week. Minseok and Jongdae were talking quietly to each other and Kyungsoo was fast asleep, leaning on Jongdae’s shoulder. That was odd. Kyungsoo and Jongdae were good friends but Sehun had never realized they had been that close.

 Jongdae was a kind enough person to lend a shoulder to almost anyone but Kyungsoo was very selective with who she let her guard down. They were all comfortable together now after five plus years but Kyungsoo and Jongdae together just never struck him as something before. They had vocal duets before and practiced dances together often though. Maybe Sehun just hadn’t been looking hard enough at them all those years. He glanced at Chanyeol and found the older boy fiercely concentrated on the game he was playing and decided to not bother him. Then his eyes caught Jongin sitting alone in a corner and tapping away furiously at his phone.

The other boy had been ignoring everyone after Joonmyun and Minseok both chewed him out in a private dressing room earlier. After his solo shots were done, he had plunked his down in that isolated corner and pulled out his phone, probably texting and ranting to her. Sehun let out a deep sigh and got up and walked over to Jongin before sitting in front of him. He was the youngest in the group but sometimes he had to it up and smack some sense into everyone else.

He stuck his foot out and toed at Jongin’s thigh. The other boy shrugged him away and pulled his body closer into himself, still concentrated on his phone. Sehun scooted closer and stretched out his leg even further to tickle Jongin’s stomach with his toe and it only took a few seconds for Jongin to give in and start laughing.

“What do you want?” Jongin asked, trying to be moody again but failing horribly.

“To cheer you up,” Sehun said, sliding closer to his friend and resting his head on Jongin’s shoulder. “You were an but that doesn’t mean we don’t love you.”

“Baekhyun started it,” Jongin complained again, the scowl coming back on his face. He turned his phone screen off and leaned back against Sehun.

“You know that Baek went through worst than you did,” Sehun reminded him. Her contract had been at stake. The entire group had been teetering over the edge of a cliff back then.

“You think she’ll forgive me by the end of the day?” Jongin asked, finally showing some guilt.

“She doesn’t hold grudges for super long,” Sehun nodded. “Especially towards us. You know she loves us.”

“I was an ,” Jongin agreed. “I knew what I was getting into, it just dealing with it all still.”

“It’ll blow over,” Sehun tried to reassure him. “These things always do.”

“What are the others doing?” Jongin asked. A message dinged on his phone and Sehun diverted his eyes away, ignoring Jongin’s bright smile.

“Chanyeol’s on his phone. Joonmyun is talking about a schedule I think. And Minseok and Jongdae were talking about something too. I didn’t really hear them.”

“Where’s Soo?” Jongin asked, texting away on his phone.

“She’s sleeping,” Sehun answered. “Jongdae’s got her.”

“Jongdae?” Jongin asked, finally sending his long message and shutting the screen off again.

“Why? Does that bug you?” Sehun asked, trying to hide the amusement in his voice. Sometimes he didn’t understand Jongin at all but it didn’t keep him from being entertained.

“No,” Jongin shook his head. “I just thought she would’ve come to me instead.”

“Lol, why would you think that?” Sehun asked.

“Did you just say lol out loud?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Never mind,” Jongin shook his head. “I don’t know. Soo’s always just slept on me.”

“Jongin you do realize it’s been like a year and a half since she’s even willingly stood two feet in front of you,” Sehun pointed out.

“That’s not true,” Jongin argued. “We ordered chicken together the other night and watched a movie when you guys were all out practicing for that Sketchers commercial.”

“Okay so that was one night out of like the four hundred past days,” Sehun said.

“We just got busy,” Jongin tried to justify it. “She’s always away filming and I’m-”

“Out with your girlfriend,” Sehun finished for him. “It’s okay Jongin. People drift apart all the time.”

“We haven’t drifted,” Jongin insisted. “We talked this morning and everything was good. Kyungsoo said it was all good between us.”

“Kyungsoo would say that the earth was flat if it made you happy,” Sehun deadpanned, lips pulling into a tight line.

“Because I’m her favorite,” Jongin smiled. “And I’ll always be her favorite.”

“Idk man,” Sehun shrugged. “She’s got her acting squad and they’re in the news together all the time.”

“I’m her favorite,” Jongin repeated. “That’s not going to change ever.”

The drive back to the dorms was surprisingly quiet. Minseok was in the passenger seat while their manager drove. Joonmyun, Sehun, Baekhyun, and Jongdae were squeezed in the middle seats while Chanyeol, Jongin, and Kyungsoo were in the back row. Most of the members were sleeping after standing in the hot light fixtures all day. Chanyeol was in the middle seat of the back row and Jongin and Kyungsoo were both sleeping on either side of his shoulders. In the middle row, Sehun was leaning against the window and Jongdae was slumped against him. Baekhyun was curled up next Joonmyun who was leaning against the other window.

Despite their long day, Joonmyun was still wide-awake. Her head thumped against the glass lightly as the van rumbled over the road and she could see the reflection of the moon out of the corner of her eye. They were about half way home and Joonmyun knew that she would be the last one in the showers. The kids were asleep now but the moment they pulled into the underground garage there would be a scramble for hot water and Joonmyun had long learned to not fight against them for shower time anymore. The past five years had taught her that it was easier to not be a control freak and to just enjoy the time she had with her members. Life was a lot more fun when she was at the same level as them.

The shadows of an abandoned basketball court passed her vision and she finally shut her eyes, feeling awful for letting such a minuscule thing get to her. It had been three years since Kris had left them. It was three years now that he had left her and Joonmyun still wasn’t over it. She had loved him-maybe she still loved him, she wasn’t sure but he had left her without a word and she will never ever forget that weakening feeling that had drained her entire body when she saw that first headline. She never wanted to feel that vulnerable and useless ever again.

She can remember Jongin and Sehun’s faces, both of them barely at the cusps of adulthood, looking so confused and hurt. They had all turned to her, all 10 of them back then and looked at her as if she knew all the answers, as if she was supposed to fix everything with the snap of her fingers.

Did you know? Their broken faces read. He was your boyfriend. Did you know?

She hadn’t known at all. The night before they left China she had been in Kris’s hotel room. He had held her in his arms while they watched some poorly directed action film together. Joonmyun didn’t remember much of it because Kris had been too distracting with his soft kisses and deep chuckles. He had kissed her good night; long and sweet with a tight hug as usual before she had left to her own room again. The next morning she had gotten a text from him. He was flying back later because his mom had an emergency to take care of.  She had left not knowing anything and when she arrived in Korea, everything seemed to have gone to hell.

The first twenty-four hours were a whirlwind and Joonmyun remembers just being muddled with confusion and hurt. Phones were confiscated; gag orders were put on all of them after a few controversial SNS posts and their managers looked more stressed than ever before. It was Chanyeol’s anger that had comforted her the most during this time. The Park boy was fiercely loyal and it was him who sat next to Joonmyun on the balcony late at night and held her hand without a word. She had squeezed Chanyeol’s hand so tightly she was sure his blood circulation was cut off but the younger boy just sat there and took it all. Joonmyun remembers the waves of anger radiating off of Chanyeol but his presence still brought a wash of calm over her. She had cried into the shoulders of one of his big hoodies that night and he had covered her and wiped away her tears with his sleeves. He knew exactly what she had been going through because she wasn’t the only one who lost a boyfriend, he had lost a best friend too.

The thing that hurt the most was the fact that they never had an official breakup. There were no calls, not even a measly text to signal the end of their relationship. Joonmyun deleted his number two months after he left and she told herself that was the end of it. They were over. Three years later though and some things still opened up old scars. For the most part, she was doing fine now, she really was. She had eight members who she loved and cherished even though they could be a rowdy bunch. There were thousands of people out there who adored her too and showered her with attention and affection and she couldn’t ask for a more blessed life. She didn’t need Kris anymore and he sure as hell didn’t need her based on the glimpses of his new snazzy life she saw. They were fine without each other, arguably even better without each other. She just had to keep on telling herself that.