Cha Hakyeon found himself at Taekwoon’s apartment yet again, leveling a glare across the table at the other man. This particular, hostile, staring contest had been going on for approximately twenty-seven minutes and he was refusing to budge on the subject at hand. Sighing, Taekwoon slid the plate of food across the table toward him for the hundredth time that night.

“Please. Hakyeon, you’ve barely eaten since the accident.” Begging him, Taekwoon lifted some of the food to Hakyeon’s lips.

“I’m not hungry.” Pushing the intrusive hand away, he stood, prepared to go to the guest room and just sleep. Exhaustion was as constant as his sorrow and he just wanted it all to end.

“Hakyeon... If you don’t eat, you could die...” Taekwoon caught his wrist gently, pulling him back to the table. A pang of anger went through him as he yanked himself away from his companion.

“I don’t care, Jung Taekwoon.” Shoving the food off the table in his anger, the two men watched it crash to the floor in a cascade of rice and broken ceramic.

“Hakyeon, stop it.” Getting up, Taekwoon began to clean the mess. “I’m just... I don’t want to see you die...”

“Then don’t watch...” Hakyeon began to leave the room, over the conversation at hand. “Because... Maybe I don’t want to survive this.”

“Hakyeon!” Taekwoon sounded hurt by his words but Hakyeon couldn’t be bothered to care. “What would Wonshik say?!”

“Nothing. He would say nothing, Taekwoon.” Hissing, Hakyeon spun to confront the man. “Because he’s ing dead. He’s dead and it’s entirely my fault.”

”Hakyeon, it was not your fault...” Reaching out for Hakyeon, he stepped away, knowing if he felt any contact he’d shatter all over again.

“What do you know? You weren’t there...” Shaking his head, Hakyeon let out a dark chuckle. “I was... I was being me, flirty and overly affectionate... Just a little too physical... I couldn’t wait to get home and be in his arms... He said... He said if I kept it up, we’d crash... And now he’s dead...”

“Hakyeon. No. This is not your fault.” Shaking his head, Taekwoon reached out to hold his shoulders and Hakyeon realized, with that reference of stability, just how badly he was shaking. “You did not kill Wonshik. That drunk driver that plowed into the side of the car did. Not you. You have to know that...”

“If I hadn’t been distracting him... If I hadn’t been...” With a sob, Hakyeon buried his face against Taekwoon’s chest, too weak to deny his comforting embrace. “It should have been me, Taekwoon... I should have been the one to die... I wish I were dead...”

“Hakyeon, don’t you realize?” Taekwoon lifted Hakyeon’s chin so their eyes could meet. “I can live in a world where you aren’t with me but I can not live in a world where you aren’t at all. I do love you, Hakyeon. And I would rather die than live one second in a world where you don’t exist.” Looking up at him, he waited with horrified anticipation as their lips grew closer, eventually meeting for the first time in a really long time.

Jung Taekwoon kissed the man he loved, knowing two things as he did so. Hakyeon would never forgive him, and that it was also exactly what Hakyeon needed at the time. Always being an affectionate creature, the best way to ease Hakyeon’s pain had always been physical.

“I’m sorry...” Taekwoon mumbled into the kiss, knowing that, for these next moments of peace, he was probably destroying any connection he’d have with the man in the future. Even if he did lose Hakyeon, it would be worth it to erase his suffering for at least a few hours.

Their kiss deepened as he gently lifted Hakyeon into his arms. The other man gave very little protest, so broken he could no longer fight off the other’s affection. Hands tugged at Taekwoon’s hair, more aggressive than he was used to from the smaller man. Turning from gentle and loving, their kiss became a rough mix of tongue and teeth as he lowered Hakyeon onto his bed.

“Hakyeon...” Pausing, he looked down at the man already breathing heavily below him, searching for any sign of permission.

“Just get it over with, Taekwoon...” Voice quiet, almost sad, Hakyeon reached up to touch Taekwoon’s cheek gently, looking him in the eyes. “Just do it...” Closing his eyes, he savored the gentle touch for a moment, having missed those soft moments with the man he loved, knowing that soon enough, he’d miss them all over again.

“I love you...” Whispering, he leaned down to press his forehead against Hakyeon’s, slowly beginning to undress the other man.

“I know.” Came his reply as their lips met yet again. There was no turning back. He had made his choice, and it was time to follow through.