Cha Hakyeon stared out the hospital room window, allowing his mind to wander. Replaying his last few moment with his husband, tears began to slide down his cheeks. Wonshik’s words echoed through his mind. “If you keep this up we’re going to crash” repeated over and over again inside of him, making his chest ache more with every refrain. All of this was his fault. He was the reason Wonshik was dead. If he had just a little more restraint... If he had just held off on the flirting and the affection until they had made it home...

A cry of agony escaped him and his covered his face with his hands, sobs tearing through him, causing him to quake. The love of his life was gone and really, it should have been him instead. If anyone deserved a long, happy life, it was the one who no longer got to have it. Arms wrapped around him, only succeeding in making his wails louder. Everything hurt but nothing pained him quite as much as his own soul did.

“I know. I know, Hakyeon...” Taekwoon’s voice was soft and soothing, his fingertips gliding through Hakyeon’s hair in an attempt to calm him, but he didn't want to be babied. All Hakyeon wanted was to turn back time and save the man he loved or at the very least, he wanted to take his place.

“Stop it...” Whispering, Hakyeon pushed the other man away, wiping at his own tears with the backs of his hands. “Don’t touch me...”

“Hakyeon...” Normally the hurt on Taekwoon’s face would devastate him but now he felt numb to it. Whatever his ex was feeling, it was nothing compared to the darkness swirling inside of himself.

“Don’t.” He repeated, more of a warning that it had been previously. An anger had began to rise inside of him, born from sorrow and self loathing, and all he wanted to do was to strike out, to cause pain until his own disappeared.

“I’m not making you deal with this alone, Hakyeon.” Refusing to back down, Taekwoon embraced him again. “Hit me if you need to. Do whatever you have to in order to feel even the slightest bit of relief. I’ll take it.”

“Shut up...” Burying his face against Taekwoon’s chest, he fought down his anger and suddenly just felt incredibly tired. Of everything.

“You can come home with me today if you want.” Rubbing his head, Taekwoon rocked him gently. “If not, I understand. But the doctor wont let you go home alone for at least another week.”

“Fine. I’ll go with you.” Sighing, Hakyeon sat back, shaking his head. “Only because I may lose my mind if I’m stuck in here any longer.”

“I’ll go tell the doctor.” Getting up, Taekwoon kissed his forehead before slipping out of the room. He didn’t want to go with the man, to spend time playing house with anyone that wasn’t Wonshik, but he couldn’t be inside those walls any longer and maintain what was left of his sanity.

~~~

Jung Taekwoon leaned against the wall in the hallway, closing his eyes. All he wanted was to take away Hakyeon’s pain, to make it his own so that the other man could be the happy, sweet person he had always been. Seeing that man so broken was crushing his very soul and he wasn’t sure how to help or even if he could. Seeing the doctor, he moved into action.

“Hey. He said he’s coming home with me. Can I check him out?” Biting his lip, he glanced over his shoulder at Hakyeon’s room. “He’s going to be okay, right?”

“Physically, yes. Emotionally... Well that isn’t exactly my area of expertise.” The doctor sighed as Taekwoon began the needed paperwork to bring Hakyeon home with him.

Finally, he was allowed to wheel Hakyeon out of the hospital in a wheel chair. When the other man had to stand it seemed to cause him great pain, evident in the whimpers and the way he seemed to curl into himself. Watching the man he loved in so much agony was like living a nightmare he couldn’t wake up from.

“Hakyeon.” Getting him into the car, he strapped him in before leaving the parking lot. “Are you hungry?”

“No...” The other man, still spotted with slowly fading bruises, looked out the window, his voice hallow, almost dead.

“You’ve barely eaten since the accident.” Pleading with Hakyeon, Taekwoon reached out to touch his hand. “You can’t just starve yourself. You need to eat.”

“What does it matter? Wonshik isn’t here so what does it matter?” His words stung and Taekwoon put his hand back on the steering wheel.

“I’m here though...” Fighting the urge to cry, he looked straight ahead, not daring to take his eyes off the road. “I’m here, Hakyeon, and I need you to eat.”

“Whatever. I’m going to sleep.” The injured man closed his eyes, growing silent as Taekwoon drove toward his apartment. Heart aching, he did his best to keep his focus on his task at hand, knowing that, despite his pain, the last thing Hakyeon needed was another car accident.

“I still love you...” Murmuring, Taekwoon felt a tear slide down his cheek. “I am so sorry...” If he could, he would trade places with Wonshik in a heartbeat. Gladly, he would trade his life for the other man’s just to make Hakyeon happy again. But he couldn’t so he’d just have to do his best to bring back the beautiful man’s smile, to revive his laughter. Because the man beside him, it was never anything Hakyeon should have ever had to become and deep down, a part of him wondered, with all his wishing for a chance to be back by his side, if somehow this wasn’t all his fault.