Jessica POV 

"i heard everything. i talked to Tiffany and i talked to Taeyeon and her cousin, Hyoyeon too"

i sighed. Sooyoung is now asking to meet her at Yoonyul Cafe. so here i am, i was supposed to rest at home or sleep even if its still early at 8pm now

i thought she have a problem with Tiff but turned out it was all about me and Taeyeon

"Jessica, its not the time where you can play a push and pull anymore. things are getting way too serious now"

"i know Soo"

"so? you should have figured everything out already. and if you still say that you dont know what are you feeling, i will really need to knock your head so hard to wake you up"

i glared at Sooyoung when she said that

"what? im not scared of you right now. glare all you want", she said

i looked away outside the window

"tell me honestly Jessica, tell me if you dont even feel a bit of love towards Taeyeon. but i bet thats impossible", she said

"..."

"well, speak. im listening. come on Jessica"

i took a deep breathe and sipped my drinks first

"it would be a lie if my heart does not flutter when her arms on me, when she said those sweet warm words", i slowly speak

i looked at Sooyoung and she just gestured me to continue

"i do feel those butterflies in my stomach sometimes. i admitted i was too dumb to realise it at first, that i thought maybe.. just maybe its natural to feel like that when you have the sweetest bestfriend ever"

"it was only after she had confessed to me that i started to observe how i feel and what im feeling but.."

"what i have with Taeyeon is just too beautiful to let go. our friendship is pure. the bond we have is strong. i've seen how my friends get together but broke up in the end, they drifted apart and become strangers. i dont want that to happen to me and Taeyeon. so i decided to just ignore everything and just be happy being bestfriends with her"

"people around me thought that i was ignorant and didnt care about Taeyeon's feelings. but no, i care more than anyone else do. i was just afraid"

"you guys can call me selfish, because i do. yes i am selfish. i dont want to lose Taeyeon, i dont want to ever drift apart from her, i dont want any of that to happen. so i thought, maybe i could just stay by her side by being her bestfriend so she will be happy. we are happy and i have her with me so i thought that its enough already. i dont want to risk what we have together"

"the real reason as to why i rejected all my suitors is because of her too. going out for simple and quick dates, yes i have. but i never going more than just one date with them all. i dont want to hurt Taeyeon in any way, so knowing how she loves me and wait for me, i dont give any chance to anyone else. i did it for her, so she would always know that im not going anywhere no matter what."

i leaned my back on the backrest of the chair after i talked a lot about what i feel

"but you never tell this to anyone, not even Tiffany", Sooyoung said

"you even said that you dont know and not sure about your feelings for Taeyeon", she said again

"because im confused. sometimes i thought maybe i just love her as a sister but sometimes, its beyond. so i dont know, i dont want to confirm my feelings for her because im afraid that i cant control myself the moment i've confirmed everything"

"and only lately that i started to think about it because Taeyeon have opened up about her feelings again. and people around me too, give me a push to do something about it so.. well yeah, like what you advice me, i tried to think twice and see if its time to give her a chance"

"since then, i have opened up my heart more and more. so i admitted to Tiffany that yes i actually like Taeyeon. but im overwhelmed with the fast feelings that rushing inside of me. so i got scared again and confused. thats why i keep holding back"

"but i think.. slowly, im losing myself", i mumbled

"what do you mean?", Sooyoung asked

"when i saw Taeyeon with other girl for the first time, it really hits me. i feel jealous and insecure. i dont want to share her with anyone. i dont want to share her attention with anyone else either. i want Taeyeon to do all the things she do to me just for me only. so i got mad. all those feelings attacked me at once. so in the end, i burst out in front of her and ended up pushing her away which i... regret. because i miss her", i said sadly

"hey... its alright. dont be sad ok?", Sooyoung comforted me

"but you said, you keep holding back your feelings right?", she asked and i nodded

"then stop Jessica. you shouldnt be holding back. let it out, let yourself fly. you'll feel the burden lift up from your shoulder. trust me"

"but im afraid Sooyoung"

"there is nothing to be afraid of"

"there is! because i dont think i will able to hold myself back again if i express all this feelings out, if i confirm it"

"what?"

"dont you understand? i've been in love with her long enough, far more longer before i realised. the feeling was born naturally from my heart. and as times passed by, it grows slowly, it grows further and further. do you understand me now Soo? this feeling i have for her is just strong, too strong that i cant take it all. it can drive me insane, it can make me restless that i might lose my mind. this is what im afraid of Soo. the moment i expressed my feelings, i will never be able to hold back anymore. i think i'd rather die than losing her. i just, i think.. i love her that bad"

...

Sooyoung POV

Jessica, Jessica. i think you were really born for Taeyeon. 

i smiled after hearing her long explanation of expressing her feelings. 

"i dont know what to say but, maybe this helps", i said and played on what i have recorded before 

"but to be honest Taeng, what did you see in her? i mean yes she is beautiful. but she is so violent, cruel and cold"

"right"

"she may be violent, cruel, cold or whatever it is that you think. but, i know her better. i've known her for years. and if you ask what do i see in her? the answer is simple Yuri ah, its my heart. she have my heart in her possession, thats why i like her"

"and no, this isnt just a simple crush nor just a temporary liking. my feelings for her growing even more than i realise. im in love with her. deeply, crazily, truly in love with her. i cant love any other woman. she's the only one that i want to love"

"i love her. i love Jessica Jung"

"until when Taeng? do you think she will return the feeling?"

"i dont know. im not sure. but all i know is that, im gonna love her either she love me or not. im gonna love her for as long as i am still breathing. im gonna love her again in another life. im gonna love her still, no matter what"

"because, living without loving her will hurt me more. im used to be loving her this much and im not gonna stop myself. please Yuri, dont stop me from loving her. just let me be. let me at least dream, dream to have her loving me back one day. let me love her for all i want"

i stopped the recorded audio and looked at Jessica. tears welled up in her eyes. 

"i know you are afraid, Jessica", i said to her

"but Jessica, can you try? go try asking Taeyeon. ask her, would she take the wheel if you lose control? would she take you home? could she take care of you? try asking her that. im sure, you wont be afraid anymore after hearing her answer", i told her

"because i bet all my life, she wont let you take the rough road alone however it takes", i said again

"and she wont kill you with those feelings thats just too much for you to feel. she wont Jessica", i added

"Soo..."

i smiled at her and nodded my head

"go, find your answer", i said 

"Taeyeon is at the club, Sunny and Hyoyeon informed me", Yuri suddenly came to us with Yoona and told Jessica

"im sorry for everyhing Jessica. i know i've been a bad friend but, i believe you have your reasons. now please, end your misery and allow Taeyeon to get her happiness", Yuri said

after few more encouraging words, Jessica finally listened to us and left to go after Taeyeon

"you listened to our conversation?", i asked Yuri

"all of it", Yuri smirked

"well this time, im the one who record everything", Yuri said happily

"hahahaha good job then", i praised her

i am seriously having a hard time how to make the readers understand with what Jessica is saying about her feelings.

its so hard to describe, really. 

but if someone who actually have experience of how Jessica is feelings exactly would know how she feel, why she did all the things she did, why she havent give Taeyeon the chance, etc. 

hmmm, what am i saying now? lol just forget it and please enjoy the story. no complaints!!! accept it with ease guys XP

for those who wants Taeyeon with Seolhyun even just for temporary, sorry not sorry. i have made up my mind even before i started this story. once Taengsic, forever Taengsic. 

nothing and none can change my decision. peace. :))))

thats just how the story goes whether you like it or not. heh ^^