Donghae’s mornings are usually chaotic. He prepares breakfast for Hyukjae who has to head off to work earlier than he does and then for his two children before dropping them off at preschool. He then finds time to stuff some biscuits into his mouth, crumbs messily falling all over the seat of his car and then finally rushes off to start his day at work.

In the morning, it’s usually a mess of spilled drinks, whines, and pacing left and right in the kitchen but if he’s given a chance to trade this for something else – A more relaxing life, perhaps- Donghae won’t hesitate to push the offer aside. As tiring as it can be, Donghae doesn’t mind living a life like this.

Because this is what he has always wanted.

A family of his own, a family with just the right mix of chaos and love. Donghae admits that it’s not easy, especially when his four-year-old daughter, Amber, refuses to go to school and throws a tantrum or when his five-year-old, Jeno, decides that he doesn’t feel like eating breakfast and quietly but stubbornly requests for ice cream. With every different crisis, Donghae doesn’t break down no matter the scale. Because there is Hyukjae. Hyukjae does everything in his power to keep Donghae on his feet. Hyukjae offers whatever help that is needed whenever he can and sometimes go the extra mile, always wanting to ease Donghae’s chore.

Today is no different. Donghae’s working around the tiny kitchen, frying eggs in one pan and stirring vegetables in the other. He hears a little girl’s wail in the background and he sighs because today’s one of Amber’s bad days once again and he feels a headache approaching as he predicts the argument he’s going to be having with his daughter later about why school is important for her. 

The sizzling of the eggs tunes out the sound of soft footsteps walking into the kitchen and Donghae is caught off guard when he feels his shirt being tugged. Donghae glances down and drops the spatula he’s holding, the emotions of last night hitting him full force. Busying himself has distracted him from the one thing he doesn’t want to be reminded of. But of course, it’s impossible to distract himself for too long.

“Good Morning, Appa.” Jeno greets, always calm and with a gentle smile on his face.

Donghae freezes at those words as they echo in his head. Appa. He feels like breaking down, he feels like shouting and screaming at the world for being unfair, he feels like hugging his son tight so that no one will take him away. But instead, Donghae is paralyzed on the spot, staring straight at the five-year-old.

This is impossible.

He is my son.

He looks like me.

This is a mistake.

Donghae convinces himself that it’s a mistake, that the hospital has got it all wrong. There’s no way Jeno isn’t Donghae’s son. Donghae and Hyukjae used to spend nights talking about how their son looks exactly just like Donghae, joking about how strong Donghae’s genes must be because both their children look completely like him instead of Hyukjae. But as Donghae studies his son, quiet and cool, Donghae notices it. The white elephant in the room. That although Jeno has the similar facial features as Donghae, his personality never once matched neither Donghae or Hyukjae’s. It causes Donghae’s heart to flip in both fear and panic as Donghae wonders if Jeno will grow up and realize that his parents are not the people he thought they were.

“Donghae, why does it smells like something’s burni- Yah, Lee Donghae!”

Donghae flinches in surprise when his husband zooms past him, pushing him slightly as he hurriedly switches the burning stove off. Donghae blinks and then realizes the thick smoke that’s filled the kitchen and he waves his hand. Breakfast’s burnt crisp and black and Donghae apologizes to Hyukjae.

“It’s okay.” His husband sighs, rubbing Donghae’s back, “Let’s just have a quick breakfast outside today.”

“Are we gonna hawve wafflwes?” A tiny voice interrupts and Donghae glances to his daughter, joining them in the kitchen with her oversized dress falling off her shoulder and her milk bottle in one hand.

“Anything you want as long as you promise to be a good girl and go to school today without any trouble.” Hyukjae negotiates and Amber beams flipping her long fringe off her face, promising that she’ll be good today. She starts jumping up and down and Hyukjae groans when the little girl drops her bottle and spills her milk all over the kitchen floor.

“Lee Amber, how many times do I have to tell you to- Yah, where are you going? Came back here!” Hyukjae grumbles when Amber runs away, giggling. Sighing, he turns to his son and then says, “Would you help me to look after your sister while I get this cleaned up?”

As always, Jeno nods and goes after his sister without any complaint or whines. Hyukjae watches his son follow their little girl before he turns around to Donghae.

“Hae… Are you… Okay?” Hyukjae asks, rubbing Donghae’s arm.

Donghae steps back from Hyukjae’s hold, feeling himself hurting even more. Hyukjae’s trying to be strong for them both, Donghae knows that and he hates it. He doesn’t want to disappoint Hyukjae more than he already has. Hyukjae hasn’t said it out yet but Donghae knows that Hyukjae must have been questioning how Donghae hadn’t realized that Jeno isn’t their son after giving birth to him. Donghae knows that he’s stupid and although Hyukjae tells him that he isn’t, he’s probably thinking it right now.

Stupid Donghae, you can’t even recognize that this isn’t the son you gave birth to.

Donghae grips the edge of the counter, feeling his knees weak with strong negative emotions that are filling up his heart. Hyukjae attempts to give Donghae comfort but Donghae once again avoids it, shifting further way from his husband.

“What do we do?” Donghae asks, eyes looking at his feet as he brings his fingers up and starts chewing on them, “He’s not our son.”

“He is our son, Hae.” Hyukjae corrects Donghae softly.

“I didn’t give birth to him, Hyukjae.” Donghae whispers shakily, “The baby that I gave birth to… Our real son…. I don’t know where he is, I don’t know how he looks like, I don’t know if he’s even healthy and… I-I don’t even know if I can love him the same as Jeno.”

Hyukjae looks at Donghae sympathetically before he sighs, leaning his body against the counter. He understands his husband, he knows that Donghae’s hurting more especially because he’s the one who went through the pain of giving birth to their son. Hyukjae brin