True to his word, "Mama Bae" did his best to make sure Jiyong had something to eat at least once a day. Even when they were each busily preparing for their world tours, he always managed to either bring Ji food himself or he would order it delivered to wherever Ji was at the moment. And Bae was there, along with Daesung, to cheer Ji on as he kicked off his world tour. But for a while after that, they didn't see each other much. They were rarely in the same place at once so spending time together was impossible. Ji missed seeing that beautiful face more than he'd like to admit. The picture of the two of them on Ji's phone screen still made him a little sad, but that didn't stop him from spending perhaps a little too much time gazing at it.  

     The Chanel show in Seoul was a blessed reprieve from their crazy schedules & it was the first time Ji had seen Bae in a while. They hadn't even spoken in days. And Ji almost didn't want to let go when Bae hugged him. He had missed his best friend so much. 

     Bae didn't know the reason why, but he felt Ji's need to be close to him, so he kept an arm wrapped snugly around Ji's shoulders even after their hug was over.

     Bae's ability to just know when his best friend needed him never failed to amaze Ji. His presence was like Ji's favorite coat: warm, comforting, & protective. And when they were apart, Ji always missed it greatly until they were together again. So he clung to the moments he had with him like this. 

     After the Chanel show, they were each thrown back into the crazy busyness of touring & tour preparations. Ji wished more than anything that he could be there when Bae kicked off his world tour in Japan, but that was impossible due to the tight schedule of his own tour. After the concert, Ji watched the fan-cam clips of Bae's performance online. He knew exactly what Bae was capable of. After all, they'd been performing together since they were just kids. Yet he was still blown away by Taeyang's strong, yet emotional performance. It never failed to amaze him how quiet, shy Youngbae could create such a connection with his audience. And how deeply he could touch his viewers' hearts.  

     Before he fell asleep that night, he sent a quick text to Youngbae. 

     "Dope concert! Congratz!" 

     He knew that would make Bae smile. And then he added a fire emoji, a sunglasses emoji, a heart emoji, & a music note emoji because that was more his style. 

     It didn't take Youngbae long to reply.    

     "Thanks, Jiyongie. Missed you." 

     "I miss you too," he wrote, knowing that Youngbae would never know just how much he missed him or how badly Ji had wanted to be there at his concert. But there was nothing he could do about that now. He sighed sadly as he hit send, & then rolled over & fell asleep. 

     Despite his loneliness, Jiyong's tour was going well. The fans were loving & supportive & he soaked up their energy & attention like a sponge. It brought him such joy to interact with them & he felt happier & more lighthearted than he had in months. Yet when he was offstage, it seemed everything he saw reminded him of the man he loved. The sunshine reminded him of Youngbae's bright smile. The chocolates left on his pillow by the hotel staff reminded him of Bae's sweet tooth. In some ways it made him miss Youngbae more, but somehow at the same time it made him feel as though Bae wasn't quite so far away. The thing that reminded him most of Bae, however, was a single daisy he found growing in the grass while he was out sightseeing. When he saw it, he couldn't help but smile because he remembered that daisies were Youngbae's favorite flower.

     As he smiled down at the flower, Ji imagined what it would be like if Youngbae was with him. He would pick the daisy, do a silly waltz over to Youngbae's side, give a dramatic bow & then present the flower to the man he loved. Bae would give him one of those beaming eye-smiles that he adored so much & a big hug. Then Bae would tuck the flower in his boot & wear it proudly for the rest of the day.

     Ji's smile turned wistful as he snapped a quick picture of the little flower that had inspired his daydream. He missed Bae with every fiber of his being. Sometimes he missed him so bad he wasn't sure he could go another day without seeing him. He had it bad. He was beginning to acknowledge that.

     "I'm done fighting it," he thought to himself. "I'm in love with my best friend."

     This was not a new revelation, he'd known that he was in love with Bae for a while. But the whole time he'd been making himself miserable wishing that he could change things. Wishing that he hadn't fallen in love with his best friend (mainly because he was afraid that it would ruin everything) & simultaneously wishing that Bae would love him back. But as he gazed down at the little daisy, he had a moment of clarity. He loved Bae. He really did. And this was the sort of love that didn't just go away. So he figured he might as well just accept it, no matter the outcome. 

     He sat down in the grass beside the daisy & gently touched its' petals. He was tempted to give over to childish whimsy & pluck the flower just to play a game of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. He'd seen it done in films & was tempted to try it himself, but he didn't want to destroy something so beautiful for his own entertainment. And he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer the flower might give him despite the fact that he didn't really believe in the ability of a flower to predict romance. But it didn't really matter anyway. Bae's lack of romantic feelings had not changed his own thus far. And he was pretty sure that at this point, they were not going to change.

     "Even if he never feels the same, I'll still love him," Ji said softly, in barely more than a whisper. "I can't make him love me, but I refuse to regret loving him either. He's the most amazing person I've ever known. And there's nothing shameful about falling for someone like that..." 

     Another sigh escaped his lips.

     "But these feelings are gonna just have to wait. I can't let them distract me from doing my best during this tour. My fans deserve nothing less," he said with determination.

     He the soft petals of the flower one last time. His touch as gentle as if he were caressing the face of the man he loved. And then, being careful not to crush the flower, he stood to his feet & walked away.