Youngbae sat on the beach watching the waves lap at the shore as a single ray of orange/yellow sunshine stretched across the water toward him. It was the dawn of a new day. And a new year. One that he knew would change everything. 

     It was cold, & he was bundled up head to toe. But try as he might, he couldn’t find one of his gloves. He normally kept them in his left coat pocket & his phone in the right, but this morning, only one glove was to be found. He plunged his hand into his right pocket, hoping to retrieved the glove, but instead of fabric, his hand brushed a small box. The ring. He’d almost forgotten that he had placed it there. He should have put it away. He wasn’t sure how that had slipped his mind. He retrieved the blue velvet box from his pocket & carefully opened the lid. The beautiful diamond solitaire sparkled in the early morning light. It looked so cheerful the sight made him feel a bit queasy. 

     He sighed. 

    What a difference a year made. Or a few months. Or even just a day. Or night, in this case.

     He wasn’t sure how he had gotten to this point. How things had changed so much between himself & Jiyong. Or between himself & his girl. 

     She was supposed to be here with him today. He had had it all planned out for months. He was going to make all her favorite foods & bring her to the beach for a fireside picnic. And then, as the sun set, he was going to present the ring to her & ask her to be his wife. Instead, here he sat, cold & alone. And he was seriously considering throwing the ring into the ocean. He might have done just that if it hadn’t been his mother’s ring. 

     He felt so frustrated. What had he done wrong? 

     Maybe this was his punishment for the whole thing with Jiyong. But he’d never seen that coming. Honestly. 

     That night months ago after he’d inadvertently heard Ji’s declaration of love in the restaurant, Bae had driven around for hours & in so doing, he’d seen parts of Seoul that he'd never seen before. When he got home sometime in the wee hours of the morning, he just collapsed into bed. He was so tired. But his mind wouldn't shut up. He still hadn't figured out what to do with this situation with Jiyong.

     He finally drifted off just before dawn. When he awoke later, he had a missed call from his best friend, so he called him back, but only got Jiyong's voicemail. He felt guilty for being a bit relieved by that. But he wasn’t sure how to deal with this. And he sure didn’t want to hurt his best friend’s feelings. 

     Ji called a few more times over the next couple of days, but Bae was always so busy that he never even knew when Ji called. And by the time he found the messages on his phone, he knew Ji would already be asleep so he didn’t try to call back. 

     Then on the day of his Inkigayo performance, following his White Night album release, Youngbae was preparing for his stage when he heard someone walk up behind him & turned to see Ji standing there. Bae instantly froze. But before he could move, or could even really think how to react, Jiyong threw his arms around him & somehow it felt like it always had between them. Like friends who had become brothers.

     Maybe it was due to his focusing on his performance (he wanted it to be just right), but he felt less awkward (at least for the moment) than he'd expected to feel around Ji. And it meant a great deal to him that Jiyong had been willing to come celebrate the launch of White Night's debut tracks on his own birthday. 

     Bae was a bit nervous at first. (After all, it had been a while since he’d done this.) But when he looked out into the crowd & saw his best friend smiling & clapping for him, he couldn’t help but smile too. It made him feel so special to have his best friend there supporting him when Ji could have been anywhere else celebrating his birthday. And Ji had even brought him the hat he’d forgotten at the restaurant a few nights before! 

     Bae wanted to do something special for Ji in return, so he spoke to his manager & got him to pull a few strings & after the end of the performance, Bae threw a sort-of impromptu surprise birthday party for Ji. There was a cake & everything. It was small, but he could tell it meant a lot to his best friend. And he was so happy to have been able to make Jiyong smile, his awkwardness had all but disappeared. 

     No one had ever been more supportive of him than Ji. He had been there through all of Bae’s struggles with depression & feelings of inadequacy. No one believed in him quite like Ji did. And as he gazed at that gummy grin that lit up the room more than the birthday candles, Bae realized that no matter what, Ji would be his best friend forever. He hoped that didn’t make him a bad friend. Or that he would lead Ji on. Or worse, hurt him. He still didn’t know how he felt about the feelings that Ji had. But he knew he was not himself without Jiyong. And he knew that Ji would always be his best friend.

     The memory warmed him from the inside. He’d been so certain then that he & Ji would be brothers forever. Now... Well, now he wasn’t so sure. 

•HAPPY NEW YEAR, YA’LL!•