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Jeno dragged his heavy feet across the street while adjusting the mask covering the lower half of his face and the black cap he was wearing. Security measures.

The sun was high up the sky and he was thankful that he actually wore a light cottoned shirt and shorts instead of wearing jeans or he’ll probably be soaked with his own sweat by now. Its already a little after 4 o’clock in the afternoon but the heat in the air wasn’t in any way decreasing.

He stood rooted in front of a door, eyeing the 4-story building painted in dull yellow and brown. Jeno wasn’t sure if the loud thumping inside his chest was caused by the heat or the fact that he was nervous as hell.

A cat was sitting on an empty pot just besides the door, and Jeno was sure it was glaring at him. He snickered to himself, thinking that he probably went insane already. Or possibly-- that cat counted the number of times Jeno thought of turning back and going home before he could even reach his destination and it wasn’t amused with him.

He rub his hands on his face to pull himself together before moving forward with the little courage left in his body. He hastily pushed the glass door that clearly said “pull”, footsteps heavy against the tiled floor.

He sighed in relief when he felt the coolness of the insides, probably because of the air condition placed besides the narrow stairs. He eyed the steps, shaking his head at the thought of using them when he’s barely catching up with his breathing. He proceeded anyways, thankfully he just needed to reach until the second floor.

Jeno took his cap off while going up, combing his fingers through his freshly dyed blond locks just to put the cap back on. Finally reaching the said floor, he looked left and right to make sure there was no one in the hallways before walking towards the far end. He was feeling jittery but he chose to continue.

His steps were slow, almost hesitant, wanting to walk away if not just because of the small mocking voice inside his head telling him he’s a coward, a loser, a huge who’s already this close to losing the love of his life.

The dancer adjusted the bandage in his hand out of habit. The cut in his knuckles that he got from punching the table after he found out that Jaemin was living in this exact building was burning under the soft fabric. As much as he wanted to removed the bandage, he also wanted it to heal fast because they still have an upcoming performance.

These days, people were already asking for Jaemin too. Every time they have an appearance, he’ll see a comment or two asking about Jaemin’s condition under every article posted online. Some people wanted to know how his treatment was going, some were asking if he’ll come back already, but most of them are just saying they miss him- and Jeno couldn’t agree with them more.

His mind was turning hazy as he got nearer and nearer to the door of the smrookies dorm. He was hoping there aren’t anyone in there except for Jaemin because doesn’t actually like the idea of the younger hanging out with the new trainees. Sure he knew Kun, but he wasn’t particularly glad with how Jaemin was always spotted with Jungwoo and Yukhei by the fans. He doesn’t like the idea of Jaemin hanging out with others in general- especially that jerk called Chani.

You can call Jeno selfish, but he never wanted to share his man.

He reached the doorstep of the rookies’ dorm and he got more nervous. He knew there’s a possibility that Jaemin would just kick him out but he got to try, he couldn’t just lose his boyfriend without putting up a fight. He needs Jaemin back into his life.

If you weren’t just an this won’t happen yknow. A voice in his head spat, disappointingly. Jeno would have to agree with the voice though.

He pushed all the thoughts of backing out away from his mind before pressing the doorbell of the dorm. For a moment he thought that no one was there because he stood too long outside without anyone answering the door.

Jeno flinched when the knob suddenly turned and the door opened revealing Kun in his orange apron. The man had a surprised look on his face upon seeing Jeno before he quickly offered a warm smile. “Jeno! Ugh, what brings you h-here?” The Chinese asked, not even stepping aside to let Jeno enter.

Jeno smiled nonetheless. Kun probably knew the whole situation. “I came to see Jaemin, hyung. I heard he moved here a few days ago.” He honestly stated, looking behind Kun to check if there was a Na Jaemin inside.

Kun looked behind him uneasily, contemplating on letting Jeno in or not. He turned to Jeno again before sighing and widening the opening to welcome the younger. “He said he doesn’t want to talk to you but—you two had been hurting each other for so long. I think it’s time for you to talk it out.”

Jeno nodded and entered the small but cozy dorm. “Is he here?” He hesitantly asked when Jaemin was nowhere to be seen.

“He’s in his room, the second door to your left. He’s rooming with me so you don’t need to worry about someone else barging inside. Lucas and Jungwoo went to the company earlier this morning and they won’t be back anytime soon. Go on and talk to him, I’ll be right here outside if you two need something.” Kun muttered, trying his best to tone down the volume of his voice.

“Thank you hyung.” Jeno replied sincerely and offered a timid smile.

“Welcome. And Jeno-“

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t hurt him more that you already did.”

Jaemin was trying to finish the book that his Taeil hyung lent him when he heard someone ringing the door which got him curious. Jungwoo and Lucas both have duplicate keys so it’s definitely not them.

A visitor.

He listened intently to the noise coming from outside his room. Jaemin wasn’t really planning on getting up from his bed anytime soon so he just wish his Kun hyung would take care of whoever it was that came.

What he didn’t expect though, was for his door to open, revealing a figure of someone too familiar that Jaemin almost forgot how to take a breathe. With his jaw dropping with an audible gasp, he raised from his original position to meet the person’s gaze.

“W-what are you doing here.” was all he managed to choke out as tears swelled his eyes. He didn’t originally plan on crying in front of this guy but he could barely take hold of his emotions. Anger, confusion, disappointment, and the one that he hates the most, him missing Lee Jeno. ‘

The older gave him a timid smile before stepping inside, slowly, like he was walking on thin ice. “Hello to you too, Nana.” he greeted politely, and Jaemin didn’t miss how Jeno called him by his nickname which gave him streaks of nostalgia making him want to throw up.

His body tensed as Jeno went nearer, pulling a char from Kun’s study table and turning it towards Jaemin before sitting on it comfortably. Like the er didn’t just ted on him months ago.

Jaemin inhaled sharply as he watched the man he loves, the man he trusted his heart with but broke it, the man he thought he could have a future with, the man who failed him. His best friend, his group mate, his ex lover, his Lee Jeno.

He is beautiful as ever. And Jaemin hated it. He hated how the sunlight coming from outside his big window highlighted Jeno’s strong features. His sharp-lined Jaw, his broad chest, his perfect sculpted nose, his freshly bleached locks that fell upon his forehead, his starry eyes which held his long beautiful lashes, and his deceitful lips. Lee Jeno is a demigod.

Jaemin hated himself for even admiring his ex when he really shouldn’t. He had been picturing this day, this same exact day when Jeno would come to him for a talk- to fix them or to finally break the “us” in them. Jaemin always wondered what would his first reaction be.

And he, a fool, admired Jeno’s perfection two seconds after they met again.

“I said, what are you doing here? Kun hyung let you in---?” the younger stuttered out in a frantic manner after the shock sunk in.

“He said he wants us to talk. Let’s talk Jaemin.” Jeno firmly announced, squirming in his seat to find his comfort before looking up to meet Jaemin’s burning eyes.

Jaemin snorted, unable to believe the other’s words. “Are you ready to tell me everything that you’ve refused to let me know? Are you ready to explain yourself? Why now Jeno?”

“Because I can’t let you go.”

“Bull.” the brunette spat. This is bull. He can’t let him go but he did all that? What was he even thinking?

Jeno sighed, already expecting this reaction from Jaemin. He couldn’t blame him. Jeno hurt him bad, he neglected him for so long. “Listen to me first, will you Nana?”

“No listen to me Jeno! Do you know how lost I felt all these months you neglected me? Do you know how many sleepless nights I spent thinking about what went wrong? What did I do for you to hurt--”

“NO! You did nothing wrong Nana, it was me. It was all on me please--”

Jeno was cut off when Jaemin suddenly turned to him with tears flowing out of his eyes. Jaemin was crying, his shoulders shaking as he pressed his lips together to stop himself from emitting a sound. At that moment, all that Jeno ever wanted to do was to run to the younger and envelope him inside his harms.

“I don’t want to ask you Jeno, I don’t want to ask you if your love for me was real. Because I know it was. I just want to know why? Why did you do that? Why did your love fade? Why did you hurt me?” He asked helplessly, his eyes full pain as he looked directly into Jeno’s own.

“It never did Jaemin. Believe me- it never did fade. I… I still love you. For ’s sake I love you so much. I was stupid and selfish.” Jeno choked out a whimper, his head hanging low as he reminisced the day it all went wrong.

“Jeno! That’s not your spot! You’re supposed to come forward after Mark’s verse!

“YOU MISSED A BEAT! WHY CAN’T YOU FOCUS!”

“Lee Jeno how can you forget your own solo part? Why are you so out of it? You know what, you need a break. Take 5 everyone!” The choreographer dismissed them, disappointed.

Jeno felt a hand patting his back which turned out as their leader, displaying a worried tight-lipped smile that made him even guiltier. He roamed his eyes around the room only to see his other members equally exhausted.

The raven-haired nodded when Mark asked him if he was fine. An obvious lie. He pressed his back against the cool wall of their practice room as his mind got clouded with another set of thoughts about a certain male close to his heart.

His boyfriend.

Na Jaemin-- who was currently injured and hurting. And Jeno can’t do anything about that. He knew Jaemin had that same spine problem before, but the boy told him he was already fine before they debuted. Jeno shouldn’t have believed him.

Jaemin has always been a bright boy, always smiling, always having positive outlook in life. He always had this glimmer in his eyes, always excited about learning and doing new things with the people he loves. Jaemin is full of talent and passion, enough to make him shine on stage. He loves being on stage, he loves performing. And Jeno just can’t understand why all of this happened to Jaemin.

Jaemin’s didn’t deserve this, but Jeno found it more unfair than Jaemin ever did. Despite everything, Na Jaemin had always been positive, assuring everyone that there’s nothing to worry about and he’ll be back in no time.

He could easily fool everyone, everyone but Jeno who knew him like the back of his hand. Jeno was aware of how bad Jaemin’s condition was, especially that he’d been there for the younger during their trainee years and he was able to watch Jaemin go through a lot of therapies and medications causing him to halt practicing and skip training sessions before they even debuted.

When their debut was announced, the first thing that came to Jeno’s mind was Jaemin. He didn’t want to debut without his best friend. He didn’t want to leave Jaemin. So it made his joy over the top when Jaemin became the final member to join the line up, delay caused by the hesitation of letting him debut despite the uncertainty of his condition.

Even Jeno was convinced that everything will be fine after their debut. And it was probably the most stupid of him to believe that.

They all practiced hard to show spectacular performances for their stages, determined to catch the public’s love and interest as SM Entertainment’s youngest boy group to debut. They were all working hard, practicing till dawn, bodies collapsing to exhaustion but rising to move forward. Because they were close, close to their dreams getting fulfilled.

It was that exact determination that kept them too busy to even take care of themselves, but Jeno, Jeno was never too busy to care for Jaemin. He knew Jaemin’s condition was getting worse, too mindful of the boy that truly owns his heart. He saw every change in Jaemin’s face every time he dances, he saw how he would flinch at every bend and break of their choreography, he saw how he would fill all the spaces in his back with pain patches that smelled like mint. Jeno’s favorite scent is mint, but he was never pleased to smell that on Jaemin’s body especially if it meant Jaemin was in pain.

All these worries seemed to vanish when they had their first stage. Nervousness and excitement mixing in the air as they held their positions before the beat started. The crowd cheered for them, and it was like music to their ears.

He heard screams of his name from the fans, and he heard Jaemin’s too. Jeno smiled, heart filled with delight before he glanced at his boyfriend who’s eyes were already on him. He forced a wink and he heard Jaemin chuckle.

That day nothing else mattered, because as soon as the music started Jeno knew, they’ll be fine. He’ll be fine. He’s already there, he’s standing right in front of his dreams and he’s reaching it with Jaemin.

It was probably the best moments of his life, performing in front of the fans who loves him with the person who owns his heart. Being an idol is tiring, stressful and nerve-wrecking. But they all enjoyed it.

Jeno and Jaemin’s relationship went smooth, pretty stable. Maybe they lost a bit of time for each other, or maybe a lot. Their schedules hip to hip a long with their school and practices, it was hard to maintain a good relationship. They managed, at least.

There were fights, but they never lasted overnight. Jeno being the less prideful one, always apologizing or forcing one out of Jaemin before they go to sleep. He refused to sleep over their feuds. At the end of each, they’ll climb unto one bed, snuggling close to each other as they take all the amount of sleep they could get until a new day starts.

As time passed by, Jeno noticed how Jaemin’s consultations got more and more frequent too. Sometimes he would even skip the whole day just to stay to the hospital for his check ups. It worried Jeno a lot but Jaemin always brushed it off when he asks, saying Jeno’s just being paranoid and that he was totally fine.

He didn’t believe him of course. Jeno could always see through Jaemin’s lies. The younger didn’t know, but Jeno caught him crying twice in the middle of the night, phone clutched closely to his ears as he talked to his mother in a whispering manner not to wake Jeno up. The brunette would discuss about his therapy and tell his mom how it was going rough for him.

A tear or two would slip pass Jeno’s eyes before he scurries to wipe them before Jaemin could end the call and turn to him. He would always pretend asleep. Jaemin didn’t want to tell him, he wanted to respect that.

But when Jaemin collapsed one day in the middle of their practice, face contorting as he cried in pain, hands shooting towards his back, Jeno knew it was already bad. Worse than before.

They rushed him to the hospital without the fans knowing, leaving Jeno behind because his manager thought he could still practice knowing his boyfriend was in pain. He was pissed, angered that nobody seemed to consider his feelings as everyone went to their places to rerun the dance after recovering from the shock of their groupmate collapsing.

That day, Jeno yelled in rage, asking everyone else why they didn’t seem affected which got him a stern look from their dance instructor. “We are all worried too kid. More than you can think of. But panicking won’t help him recover, crying won’t lessen his pain, it happens a lot in this industry. That doesn’t gives you a reason to stop.”

Jeno was upset. Too upset that he bolted out of the room and went back to their dorm to cry his heart out overnight. Jaemin didn’t come home that day, and that said a lot about how serious his condition was.

The next day, despite the lack of will to practice, Mark dragged him out of his bed and encourage him to come. Next to Jaemin, Jeno only listens to Mark and the older male took that as an advantage to force Jeno out of his slump.

Their dance instructor gave him a glare before he told him he missed a lot, and Jeno couldn’t seem to care. What made his mood go downhill though was the fact that their whole dance changed. They informed him that Jaemin would skip the performance and they rearranged the positions making Jeno stay behind to catch up with the amount of practice he missed when he left the day prior.

The sun was already up when he left the practice room, his muscles burning in pain and fatigue. He didn’t mind though, because his mind was clouded by the thoughts of Jaemin.

1 week. 2. 3. a month. Jaemin didn’t come back. The younger sent him texts everyday assuring him he’s recovering but Jeno didn’t believe him this time.

When the company announced that Jaemin would be put on a hiatus because of health reasons, Jeno wasn’t even surprised. He expected that already. At first, he refused to accept that it was the best thing to do because he knew a comeback would be up soon and he didn’t want to go up the stage without Jaemin. But when he visited the brunette in his house after he went out of the hospital and saw how he was in so much pain, Jeno changed his mind.

He was more than thankful that the company considered giving Jaemin a rest.

“You’re such a worrywart! Mark-hyung told me you even cried when I got hospitalized! It’s a pity nobody took a video. It could have been a great blackmail props.” Jaemin laughed at him again for the 4th time that day, the corner of his eyes wrinkling as he kept teasing Jeno.

Jeno didn’t answer him, letting the younger make the fun out of his misery without any protest. Instead, he fixed Jaemin’s blanket to make it comfortable for the younger as he laid on his bed.

“Come lay besides me Jeno.” He heard him say after awhile.

The said boy looked at his boyfriend hesitantly, before eyeing the space he provided for him. “I’m scared. What if I accidentally hit you and--”

“Hush. Just climb up here will you? Your snuggles are the best.” Jaemin reprimanded with a pout.

And Jeno did. He carefully settled himself on the other side of the bed. Jaemin clung on him instantly, head buried on Jeno’s chest as he inhaled the minty scent on the older that he always love. “Thank you Nono, for being the best boyfriend ever.” he heard him whisper.

He smiled down, pressing a chaste kiss on Jaemin’s forehead. “I’ll never leave you, Nana.”

Everything went fine. Except it didn’t.

Practicing the new comeback song, recording, music video filming, photo shoots here and there. It drained Jeno. The burning desire in his chest to do well was getting into him, making his frustrations grow.