Jeno-yah, can you come visit me today? 
Sent

30 seconds, 2minutes, 5 minutes, 15 minutes... The reply never came. 

Jaemin huffs as he stares at his phone, getting more pissed off as time goes by. 

Lee ing Jeno has been ignoring his texts for a week now, and it’s frustrating and annoying at the same time for Jaemin. 

Back then, Jeno would reply in the span of 20 seconds because he's scared of pissing Jaemin off. But now, it’s been 20 minutes and he hasn’t received even a single emoticon from Jeno. 

He opens his cellphone again and it says that Jeno has already seen his text. 

Then why isn’t he replying? 

Maybe he doesn't love you anymore. 

Maybe he’s found someone better. 

Maybe he's already planning to dump you. 

Maybe because you’re a useless boyfriend to him since you’re injured and you can’t even go out with him. 

Maybe he already finds you annoying.

Maybe he’s already replaced you. 

Maybe he's dating another member now, Donghyuck? No. He's your best friend and he's with Mark. 

Maybe Jisung? Nah. Jisung is my baby he wouldn’t betray me. Plus he likes a girl from his school. 

Or... Renjun perhaps? Well he's Jeno's type... 

STOP IT NA JAEMIN. STOP DOUBTING YOUR BOYFRIEND FOR PETE'S SAKE. HE'S JUST BUSY WITH THE COMEBACK. 

Yeah. I shouldn't have bothered Jeno. He's just busy. 

To say that Jaemin is upset is an understatement. He can't join the comeback, he can't dance, he can't meet with the members, he can't perform in front of the fans, and he can't be with his boyfriend.  
He just sits at home. He's so bored and Jeno isn’t even talking to him. 

The last time Jeno visited him, it was New Year’s and they celebrated it together at Jaemin's place with his parents. 

A week after that, Jeno texted him that he couldn’t visit him that Saturday since he's busy. 

They fought because of that because Jeno promised to visit him every Saturday when he got injured. 

Jeno called him over the phone that night to say sorry and asked him to understand that he's just busy with his job. 

Jaemin felt guilty for getting mad at Jeno. He knows Jeno's job, he's an idol himself. Of all people, he should be the first one to understand him. 

After that, Jeno stopped sending Good Morning and Goodnight messages. It bothered Jaemin but he didn’t want to start another fight so he brushed off his disappointment. 

Jeno rarely replies to his texts too. Sometimes he’ll just answer a simple yes or no, or worse, a single stupid emoticon. 
Jeno didn’t visit him again the next Saturday. But this time, he didn’t even texted Jaemin that he wasn’t coming. 

Jeno stopped replying after that. No “yes” or “no”, no “I’m fine”, or not even a single “:)”. Jaemin keeps on texting him everyday despite that. He can’t just give up on them, can he? 

Everyday, he would greet him with a “Good morning Jeno-yah”, and he’ll randomly ask if the older has eaten his meals yet, or if he’s tired already. Sometimes he would wish jeno good luck or give a “fighting!” He would still ask Jeno to come visit him every Saturday too, even though the latter never complied. 

He always updates Jeno with his condition, telling him about his check up results, bragging about the improvements on his condition, assuring him that he’ll recover soon.

Every night, he’ll wait for the clock to strike 8:15pm, because he knows its break time by then. He would call Jeno and listen to the painful empty ringing of his phone, always ending the call before the operator speaks because it felt like she was rubbing salt unto his wounds. Telling him the obvious fact that the one he’s calling is not interested in answering at all.

And of course, he will never let the night pass without sending Jeno the usual “Goodnight my lovely prince, fighting~! I love you so much.” 

If you would ask him, he’s honestly already sick and tired of their relationship. He’s sick and tired of being the only one who seems to care.

He’s tired of being in pain. Being helpless, restless and hopeless. He’s known for being the positive sunshine of the group, but with his current situation, he can’t think about positivity. He’s simply full of doubts. 

He trusts Jeno. But he doesn’t trust himself. He’s insecure. He feels so useless, pathetic, ugly and unworthy of attention. He blames himself for everything. If he wasn’t injured, he might be joining the comeback by now, practicing until he drops, lacing hands with Jeno during break time, joking around with the other members, getting all giddy from performing in front of fans again. 

If only he was just as beautiful as Renjun, as funny as Donghyuck, as adorable as Chenle, as cute as Jisung or as cool as Mark, then maybe Jeno wouldn’t get tired of his ugly face.

Maybe he’s worthless. Maybe he doesn’t deserve the attention from Jeno. And maybe Jeno has realized how ugly and useless he is. Maybe Jeno is already sick of him, and maybe he’ll dump him soon. 

Jaemin cries that afternoon. He always does. 

His mom knocks on his door at dinner time, asking him to come down to eat so he hurriedly washes his face so that his mom wouldn’t know that he cried. He hates worrying her. He hates being a burden to the people around him. 

He goes out of his room and sits by the dining table where he waits for his mom to finish setting up. He can hear his mom in the kitchen, humming to the tune of her favorite 80’s song. She comes back to the table with a bowl of curry and sits down in front of her son. 

“Your dad won’t be home until tomorrow, he said he’s busy with work.” She tells him while smiling sweetly at him. 

“He’s always busy with work mom, nothing new.” He bitterly jokes. 

He sees his mom’s eyes show signs of pain but she holds her smile as if she wasn’t affected by her son’s remark. 

“Jaeminnie, you understand your dad right? He’s working hard for us, so we should be grateful.” 

She sounds like she’s not just convincing Jaemin, but also herself. It’s funny for Jaemin. Sharing the same fate as his mom and all.

His dad never prioritized them. He’s always at work and he rarely comes home. 

His mom used to tell him when he was still young that his father is a great man, that he’s doing everything for his family and he loves them so much. But as Jaemin grew up, he learned not to listen to his mom’s comforting words. Saying that his mom was blind and martyr, that she doesn’t deserve to be treated like this by his dad. 

But now, he’s just doing the same. Sticking with someone who wasn’t even giving him a little bit of his attention.

Their situation was just so funny that he actually laughed out loud. A bitter forced laugh. He wants to laugh until he’s out of breath, which is stupid. 

His mom was caught off guard when her son bursts out laughing. She’s not sure if she’s said something funny that made her son laugh like that, but she notices how painful the laughter sounds. Like someone is choking him instead. Soon enough, the laughter dies down and turns into a sob. 

Jaemin looks down, tears streaming down his face. He doesn’t stop sobbing though. Instead, he makes it louder. He’s fully aware that he’s breaking down in front of his mom but he doesn’t care. He couldn’t take it anymore. He just wants someone to comfort him, hug him, tell him that everything is fine.

 
Mrs. Na’s face shifts from worry to pity. Her son was a mess before her eyes and it’s breaking her heart. She rushes to comfort him and hug him from the back. She can feel her tears threatening to fall too, hearing her son crying so helplessly. 

“Mom, Jeno is ignoring me. I bet he found someone better than me and he’s already dropping me. I-I’m so s-scared.” 

His shoulders shake as he speaks as though he’s been carrying a heavy load on his back and was this close to giving up. 

Jaemin’s mom sighs. This is her worst fear- seeing her son all broken and hurting. Jaemin is her only son and she only wants what’s best for him. Not for him to experience her own pain with Jaemin’s father. 

“Nana, maybe you’re just overthinking things. Jeno loves you. We all know that. You know he’s just busy right? Their comeback is nearing, of course he’s busy.” She tries to console her son but the wavering of her voice didn’t sound that convincing. 

“You don’t get it mom. He’s missed 3 Saturday visits now and he’s not answering my calls. He’s not replying to my texts, he’s just reading them all but never bothering to reply! He won’t to talk to me mom! He’s s-sick of m-me.” Jaemin continues sobbing in his mom’s arms.   

Mrs. Na inhaled sharply at his son’s outburst. 

“Calm down son, shhh. How about you text Donghyuck or Mark and ask them about Jeno’s whereabouts?” 

“D-do you think t-they’ll tell m-me?” The boy asks her, uncertainty laced in his voice.

“They’ve been your friends since you started training. Donghyuck is your bestfriend next to Jeno, Mark is one of the most responsible friends you have, you said so yourself. You can trust them.” She smiles reassuringly at her son.