“I’m going to Olympia this weekend,” Wonwoo says loud enough for everyone to hear. They’re at the dinner table, his younger sisters, sixteen and seventeen respectively stare at him in disbelief. His mother tries to ignore whatever he says. His father doesn’t say anything. He takes it as an approval because there is no yelling at the table, there is no opposal, and it just means he can do whatever he wants.

It’s the first time in a long time that he gets this kind of response. They don’t say anything about anything when he says it, but when dinner is over, his sisters star complaining about who’s going to drive them around, who’s going to be the eye candy that their friends want, his mother pulls him to the side and tells him that this is a terrible idea. She wants him home for the break and not with his new friends that are no good for him. His mother starts a monologue and he isn’t very good at being an audience. He daydreams about what the world has to offer. His eyes look off somewhere else and he forgets that his mother is yelling at him. She finishes and he just nods his head.

His father is different though. He walks into his father’s bedroom and he waits for some kind of complaint. Nothing comes. Instead, the television is still blinding his dad and when Wonwoo asks about it, his father laughs a little.

“I know you can take care of yourself. Let me know if anything goes wrong. I trust you,” he finishes. And it’s the oddest thing he has said to him in a long time. Wonwoo is a bit startled that he’s so complacent. It’s eccentric and out of character, but he shrugs his shoulders and takes it as a yes. Though when he comes out of the bedroom, his mother stares him down with disappointed eyes. He knows then that he won’t be sleeping in his own room tonight.

/Is your apartment free of roommates?/

Wheein has always been quick when it comes to his texts.

/Come. You still have your sleeping bag, your extra clothes, and your toothbrush here. Roommate just packed her stuff and left. Get your over here./

He goes home. He packs his bag, grabs his wallet and keys, and goes home. She opens the door to her building and smiles at him. There is something warm about Wheein that he doesn’t get from the others.

She takes him up the stairs and onto the fourth floor. Her studio apartment is small. Her bed is against a wall in the living room and his couch invites him to slumber. He throws his stuff on the couch. Wheein pulls the sleeping bag out of the closet. It’s routine now.

Her roommate always hated being surprised by her friends, but Wheein always hated her roommate. Now that she’s gone, a lot of things are gone too. The shower curtains are gone. The knives are gone. The towels and the noises she used to make, it’s all gone. Wheein’s smile doesn’t disappear though. Nothing truly disappears. There are still remnants of her roommate there. The kitchen seems barren. The bathroom is empty and Wonwoo has to wonder how she’s living without someone else. He wonders how she can still sit on those counters without feeling some kind of loneliness. He wonders how anyone in the dorms can get away without hearing her brilliant laugh. When he sees her sitting at her desk, he knows that she isn’t the Wheein she wants to be, and it’s obvious in the bags, the cuts on her arms, and the sadness she whispers into the darkness. They don’t need words to know that they’re both not okay, but none of them will say anything.

“You’re not okay,” Wonwoo states. Wheein shakes her head when he comes over to her desk and pulls her close to him. Something in Wheein crumbles. He can feel it when she wraps her frail arms around him. He can feel every bone, every rib, and he knows that she isn’t okay. The facade she lets everyone see is starting to crack and she’s starting to evaporate. “You don’t have to be okay. People are terrible,” he whispers into her ears. She laughs between sobs. But she stops and she looks at him.

“Are you? Are you okay?” she asks as she pulls away. Wonwoo has never been someone to let anyone in. He doesn’t say anything for a little bit. He can feel her shifting in his arms. Uncomfortable and tense because he might never let her into his own story. It’s scary never being able to touch someone. Wheein has been trying for years. They both know it, and she has seen inches, only inches of his being, but never the whole thing. She doesn’t know that he doesn’t dream in color, or that he’s worried about the future, or if he’s struggling with school or not. She only knows what he lets her see. It’s more and more every day, but he knows she just want to know everything. They sit in silence for a little bit. The lights blink.

“I’m not as strong as everyone thinks I am,” he whispers. Wheein doesn’t ask him to continue. Instead, she sits there, next to him, looking at what the world calls stars. She waits for him to continue if he does. “I wish everyone would stop asking me questions as though I knew all the answers,” he adds. His voice quivers a bit and she wraps her arms around him because they both know he might fall apart. They both know what’s it like to be that close to breaking. They both know too much about the other to just let them go, and sometimes they’re assumptions, but they only want the best for the other. He cries into her chest. He cries and the hot tears feel so right with her there. She apologizes on his family’s part. She hums words of encouragement and validation. It’s okay to feel that way. People will continue to assume things about him.

People will continue to want everything from him. They both know. And Wonwoo only wants Wheein to be here for him, to tell him it’ll be okay, to tell him things will be alright. And she does, she does it. The only thing he ever wanted her to do. She does perfectly. (He forgets that Wheein is falling apart, but she looks at him with such love and attention that they both forget that she was ever upset.)

“We still have to beat up Mingyu,” Wheein comments because Mingyu is a jerk for not letting them use his car. The heavy atmosphere disappears and they continue a conversation about killing Mingyu. Wheein is creative while Wonwoo shoots her down as quickly as possible.

“Okay, but it’s a really good idea. We shave off his eyebrows John Green style!” Wheein exclaims as they discuss different ways to get revenge.

“You forget that Nair actually hurts,” he shoots back. “You’re kind of terrible,” he continues with a laugh. Wheein only flips her hair to the side and bats her eyelashes.

“Of course, we wouldn’t want it any other way, now would we?” she asks teasingly. There’s only one of Wheein and he absolutely is amazed by her. Wonwoo hits her with a pillow and she complains with an “ow!” But it doesn’t matter because the two of them are too busy having a quarrel that has no solution.

“Don’t forget we gotta get going tomorrow afternoon,” Wonwoo reminds her. Wheein just throws her hand in the air and says whatever to it. Her nonchalance always surprised him. This would be their biggest adventure and she couldn’t care less about it. “Are you ready?” he asks. Wheein never really thinks too much about things that she plans. Instead, she has the lowest expectations for something and somehow that crashes too. He knows that her insides are probably quivering. Her stress levels are at a high and she has the prettiest fake smile. It is how she copes.

“Go sleep,” she mumbles from underneath her blankets.

He smiles one more time because Wheein is just something else. His best friend is amazing and he’s grateful everyday for her. There is something between the two of them that no one will ever know.

“Goodnight Wheein,” he whispers.

Wonwoo wakes up to Wheein making pancakes. He wakes up to Wheein’s humming of “Sunday Morning” and the smell of good old pancakes. He turns on the fan and opens up a few windows because as good as Wheein is at pancakes, she is terrible at recognizing that things are burning. He’d stay here forever if he could, but she’s in a different place and he is too. She’s in love with early mornings and late nights while Wonwoo is still struggling to wake up before noon and going to bed before three am. Wheein has to teach him how to be a guy who does both.

“Mornin’ Loser,” she laughs when Wonwoo comes out of the bathroom. Her smile is bright and her eyes are wider than usual. Even on four hours of sleep, she just looks like she’s well rested. She isn’t perfect though. There are dark circles under her eyes and there are few burnt pancakes because she’s never been really good at cooking, but her pancakes are still so good.

“What time is it?” he yawns before she gives him a plate of pancakes. Her eyes look towards her clock and says, “Ten. What time are we leaving? Do you need to pick up anything from your place?” Wheein has always been the one to forget about her things, but remember his things. He thinks for a moment and shakes his head. He packed all his essentials yesterday when he was leaving his house. He takes a seat at her table and she sits with him, stealing a few of his pancakes before smiling.

“Cool, then we should just pack up your car real quick, watch some Family Outing, and head over there.”

Wonwoo smiles. Wheein dabs his face with a napkin and smiles back. He isn’t sure what they are and she isn’t sure either, but he doesn’t mind. This is his kind of perfection.

“Carpe diem,” she reminds him. He flings a rubber band her way and he knows what they are all over again. The kind of friends who have nothing more to say than laughing out loud and being each other’s pillar. She grabs some bags, he takes a few, and they continue their bickering about Family Outing being one of the best Korean shows they’ve seen. He likes this, he likes them.

“We’ll be there in two minutes,” Wheein voices over the phone. Wonwoo drives and his nerves start acting up again. When they were over at Taeyeon’s place a few nights ago, his parents called him and wondered where he was. It continued for a few more calls until he couldn’t take it anymore and had to call them back. He was in a safe place. He knew what he was doing, but that moment when his parents decided that he wasn’t trustworthy, he could feel something in him break. He didn’t do anything terrible for the last twenty-one years of his life.

He did everything right, but even when it was right, he still had to face some kind of consequence. And when he did go home, he had to answer all the questions. One of the few kids who stayed home to go to college and now he was deemed the most intelligent person in the group. They bombarded him with questions when all he wanted to do was rest. Why did he have to figure things out like that? Autopilot turns into the present and remembers that Wheein is sitting next to him, reminding him that this isn’t the situation. She changes the station and starts singing to the songs that they both know. It’ll be okay, he reminds himself as he sings. It’ll be okay. He drives over to Taeyeon’s apartment.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re not driving until we head up to Oregon, anyways.”

It’s not that. It’s just that he’s terrified that he won’t be comfortable enough to talk to anyone but Wheein. And he’s spent too much time in the past beating himself up for not doing anything about it. But when he parks his car out front and starts to unload his car into the one that Kibum’s putting things in, he thinks otherwise. Wheein decides switch places with Wonwoo  to take the trunk packer duty with Kibum while Taeyeon and Wonwoo are the ones in charge of handling things over to them.

“You ready for this?” Taeyeon asks Wonwoo as they pack.

His throat closes up a bit. He still isn’t too comfortable with anyone new and while Wheein could always help him in these situations, he can’t always have her help. “Sort of,” he manages to say. He beats himself up for not saying anything more, but this is the only thing he can get out of his mouth. He just wishes he could say something more. He wishes that he could say something, but instead, he doesn’t and is afraid of what’s going to happen next. He sits shotgun because Wheein doesn’t want to sit next to someone she knows too well. But he smiles because he knows things are going to be okay in the end. Taeyeon gives him a reassuring smile and pats his back.

“Oh my gosh, Wonwoo, we be bumpin’ in this ride!” Wheein exclaims in joy. Well, he knows for sure it isn’t going to be a quiet ride full of heart-to-hearts with Wheein around. “We better play some ratchet songs!”

It definitely will not be a boring trip.