!

Why was I feeling like this?!

Am I going crazy? Why am I getting so worked up over Jaejoong kissing another guy?

It's just a guy. It's just a guy.

Jung Yunho, you have to chill. You want Jaejoong to be happy, right? You want to let him go? Your wish came true. The guy is a million-no, an infinite times better than you. The guy literally looked like a god, a Venus that descended from the heavens. His face was sculpted like an actor from dramas. He knew how to cook. He was manly. Clothes looked good on him. And most importantly;

He didn’t hesitate to give the affection that Jaejoong needed.

Look at that gaze coming out of his eyes. It looks like ing honey dripping; it was so sweet and lathered with love. I couldn’t do that.

Look at the way his hands are cupped around Jaejoong’s face. Look at Jaejoong’s response. He’s happy. There’s that sparkle, that glint in his eyes.

God. They looked ing good. So good. It’s like heavens decided to gift Jaejoong the most perfect man in this whole universe, while I was left out here to suffer.

My chest ing hurt, it ing hurt that I could die of chest pain.

God. How am I supposed to face the two of them now?

How was I going to act normal for the rest of the night?

My own fear unfolded in front of my very eyes, like an uncontrollable nightmare.

There was Jaejoong, right in front of my hyung, his lips on top of his lips.

Hyung was unaware, still as a rock from his slumber.

God, how would it feel like to have Jaejoong’s lips on top of mine? Would it taste like fruit? His lips looked like fruit.

I clenched my fists as anger pulsed through me.

Why did Jaejoong like Hyung so much?

What did he have that I didn’t have?

We shared the same blood, the same family, the same wealth. Maybe not the same smarts, but at least we shared something.

I d my chest, letting this all process.

God. What should I do?

Never have I ever felt this so heartbroken before. God. This was worse than losing a gang fight. This hurt more than bones breaking, or getting a black eye.

“Yunho...”

Oh god. He was right there, standing in front of me. His eyes casting a perplexing gaze.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes shifting back and forth.

“Jaejoong-ah...did you just kiss my hyung?”

“I...I...” he stuttered.

“Jaejoong...are you perhaps...gay?”

“Don’t tell anyone!! Please!! Keep this a secret!!” he pleaded with those eyes of his.

“I won’t...but...I also have a secret...”

Grabbing his face on impulse, I tilted my head towards him, soon conquering his lips. In my hold, he twitched, trying to jerk away.

“What...are...you...doing...” he moaned, taking hold of my wrists.

His grip was too strong, causing my hands to retract.

“Jaejoong-ah...I...” I panted.

Before I got a chance to explain myself, Jaejoong darted away from me as he overtook the house with his steps.

Was I that disgusting?

~

God.

The hurt I’d felt from ten years ago daggered through my back, except worse.

God. Was I going crazy for Jaejoong?

Was I confused from jealousy?

Why did I only want Jaejoong for myself?

I knew his love for me, I was aware of it. The whole world was. God knew. The heavens were my witness.

Maybe I was driven from his love.

I doused myself in it, knowing that someone had harbored strong feelings towards me. Maybe I took pleasure of his desperation, maybe I took pride of it. It boosted my ego, and brought my self esteem to staggering heights.

I was a bastard for possessing such thoughts. I’m a jerk. An ego-maniac. A cheater. A coward. An amnesiac. An amoral being.

“Yunho...” Jaejoong said, immediately pulling away from Ji Cheol’s arms. The orbs of his eyes expanded, exhibiting utter shock.

“Is dinner ready? I’m hungry,” I said, sitting on the dining room chair. I crossed my arm, scowling at the both of them.

“Almost,” Ji Cheol said.

“Good,” I responded flatly.

I propped my elbows on the table, rubbing my temples. God knows I couldn’t hide my emotions to save my life.

“Wow Jaejoong-ah...this soup tastes good.”

“Really?”

“What recipe did you use?”

“Oh...it’s a very long, complicated recipe...”

“You should go to my house and show me how to cook it,” Ji Cheol suggested.

I turned my head towards them, witnessing their intimacy. Their shoulders were touching, their distance non-existent.

. . .

“I’m really hungry....”  I said, drumming my fingers on the table.

“Just wait Yunho,” Jaejoong responded.

“Can’t help my hungriness...” I replied in a snarky tone.

“Just distract yourself with some drama or something...” Jaejoong said. “We can’t just finish cooking just because you said so.”

Why was he acting like this? Why was he responding to me with such sass? Such rudeness?

“You’re being too mean to your friend Jaejoong-ah,” Ji Cheol said, nudging Jaejoong’s elbow.

“I’m sorry. He’s quite annoying.”

Since WHEN did Ji Cheol change Jaejoong’s suffix? Before it was Jaejoong-ssi. Now it’s Jaejoong-ah! How did they get so close? They’ve only talked for like a day. I’ve been with Jaejoong for months. But Jaejoong treated Ji Cheol differently from me. He acted like some sugar-coated permission, and it sickened me greatly.

It’s Lee Dong Wook-ssi, coming back with a new perfume.

I use this perfume to get all the girlies.

If you buy this perfume, all your manly dreams will come true.

It exudes masculinity and charisma...

Dior...

My eyes were glued to the screen, my focus directly at Lee Dong Wook, who was walking out of some helicopter, dressed in a nicely fitted suit.

“Oh, it’s Lee Dong Wook,” Ji Cheol said, his eyes on the T.V. “I bought that cologne...it has a nice scent.”

“They’re all the same,” I grumbled.

“Well, the fragrance has a distinctive scent,” Ji Cheol remarked. “Smells like it’s from Europe,” he said, turning towards me.

“And how would you know Europe smells like?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Oh...well,” he said, shoving his hands in his trouser pockets. “Europe’s always associated with wealth.”

Ugh. He’s always putting up a show, trying to show how intelligent he is by speaking eloquently.

“Dinner’s ready,” Jaejoong said.

“Really? Let me help,” Ji Cheol said, rushing over to the counter.

“I’ll help too,” I said.

“No Yunho, you can just sit down,” Jaejoong said, transferring the bowl of soup from the kitchen to the table.

“I want to help,” I repeated, standing up.

“You already helped with the table. Your work here is done,” Jaejoong said, dusting off his palms.

I sat down, not bothering to object.

“Wow Jaejoong-ah, the galbi you cooked looks pretty good,” Ji Cheol said, placing the plate of meat on the table.

“Thank you...it took me some time to perfect the sauce.”

“You should open up a restaurant. I would be a frequent customer,” Ji Cheol said, setting down the side dishes.

“You’d get best customer of the year,” Jaejoong responded, pouring water in Ji Cheol’s glass. Why did Ji Cheol get the drink first? I was the one who set the table, not him! What atrocity.

You know what’s worse? Jaejoong pours my drink lastly! How infuriating.

“There, dinner is ready,” Jaejoong said, placing the pitcher down.

“Finally...” I grumbled, rolling my eyes.

“Yunho...” Jaejoong said, sitting down beside Ji Cheol. “Is there something wrong?”

I’m officially revolted. The tone he used was definitely intended to provoke me. The look in his eye, the cocking of his head. He wanted me jealous, right? For a man, he was a fox. A sly one.

“No. Nothing is wrong,” I answered, lifting my chopsticks. “Let’s eat.”

“Wow Jaejoong...this meat is amazing...as expected from Kim Jaejoong...”

“As expected? This was the first time you’ve seen me cook seonsaeng,” Jaejoong muttered, his cheeks tinted with red.

“Well, if you’re a straight A student, you’re probably a good cook.”

“Aish...that doesn’t prove anything,” Jaejoong said, sipping the stew.

“You’re an exception Kim Jaejoong-ssi.”

God. How cheesy. So cheesy that I wanted to rip my ears and feed it to this Ji Cheol.

My cheeks were about to rip from the amount of rice I’ve put in my mouth. I chomped loudly, watching them flirt.

“I’ve tasted better,” I said, placing my chopstick down.

“Really? Then why are you so keen on stuffing yourself with the meat?” Jaejoong asked, raising his brow.

“Um...because,” I stammered, trying to find a good comeback. “There’s nothing else to eat.”

“Then why won’t you order take out?” Jaejoong asked, tilting his head.

“Too much money.”

“So then you have no choice but to eat my crap.”

“I don’t think there’s anyone who can surpass this kalbi, how can you call it crap?” Ji Cheol asked, glancing at Jaejoong.

“It’s because of him,” Jaejoong said, aiming his finger at me.

“You’re overly too picky if you’ve tasted better,” Ji Cheol remarked.

How dare he call me out on my pickiness? He had no right.

“No. I’m not picky. It means I have better taste buds.”

“You’re so salty,” Jaejoong said, shaking his head.

“I am not salty. I am stating the facts.”

“Since when were you a food judge? Are you a regular on food network? Your tastes aren’t that superior Yunho...”

“At least I don’t eat octopus,” I retorted.

“Octopus is quite delicious,” Ji Cheol said.

“No it’s animal cruelty. Who eats a live animal?”

“You’re spewing out hypocrisy since you’re eating meat yourself...” Ji Cheol stated.

I winced as his shrewd statement. Why was he using sass against me? Did Jaejoong influence him? I was aware of my hypocrisy, but I couldn’t let this pass.

“Since when did you have the right to call me a hypocrite?”

“You brought it upon yourself Yunho,” Jaejoong said.

“Are we playing the blaming game?” I asked.

“It seems like we are,” Jaejoong agreed.

“I’m not interested in playing. So you two play it yourselves,” I said, standing up.

“Where are you going?” Jaejoong asked.

“I’m going to eat somewhere else. Somewhere better.”

~

“I want five slices of cheesecake, two brownies, strawberry frape, one slice of strawberry shortcake and two cream puffs please,” I ordered, gazing at the menu.

“Are you having a party?” the woman at the cashier asked as she punched her fingers on the keys.

“Yeah. By myself,” I said, pulling out my wallet.

“That’s the best kind of parties,” she said, nodding. “That will be 15,000 won.”

I pulled out my pocket and gave her a wad of cash. Normally I would hesitate to buy a large quantity of food, considering the price. But my feelings were getting the best of me, influencing me in the wrong way.

The café was quite empty. Only I was here, along with this girl. It was quite nice I guess, escaping the wrath of your own home. It was a cozy space, the walls painted in pastel colors, and the room decorated with cute, minimalistic furniture.

“Are you suffering from heartbreak?” she asked, giving me the box, along with the drinks.

“How...how do you know?” I asked, gasping.

“Your face says it all. And you’re buying food.”

“I’m not heartbroken. Just jealous,” I said, taking my box and drink.

“Oh,” the orange hair cashier said, soon walking out of the counter.

I sat on one of the tables, positioned near the counter.

“I been through it too,” she said, mopping the floors.

“Really?” I asked. “Did you eat this much?” I asked, munching on the brownie.

“Yeah....when Xiah Junsu’s dating news came out,” she said, pouting.

“But...he’s a celebrity...he doesn’t know you!”

“I...was his fansite manager!!” she exclaimed, pointing at her chest. “I took so much nice pictures for his concert, and dedicated all my time into stanning him...but he...he rewards me with dating news?!! At New Years too!!!”

This girl was bat crazy, but also endearing.

“He was my oppa since middle school! I wrote fanfics about him!! I declared love to him on the posters on my wall!! And then this Hani girl takes him away from me!!!!!!” she cried.

“How did you get over it?” I asked, sipping my strawberry frap.

“I got a new oppa.”

“Who’s your new oppa? Is it a celebrity?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said, changing the direction of her mop.

“Who?”

“Exo Baekhyun,” she said, smirking.

“Aish...I don’t know half of the kids these days...”

“You don’t know Exo Baekhyun?! You’re a total ahjussi!” she gasped.

“I am not an ahjussi!” I exclaimed, the whipping cream off my mouth.

“Tell me all the groups you know.”

“Okay, um so,” I said, lifting my hand up. “I know Dong Bang Shin Ki, Girls Generation, Big Bang...Twice...that’s it...”

“You’re totally old ahjussi! Don’t you know BTS, EXO, or Seventeen?”

“How am I supposed to know them?! They all look the same!! And plus, I don’t have time to focus on celebrities...and judging from your age...you should stop focusing on celebrities. How old are you?” I asked.

“I’m eighteen,” she replied.

“Eighteen?! You should be studying for college...not investing your time on some boys that don’t even know you...and you should wear less makeup around of your eyes because it makes you look like a racoon....psh...kids these days,” I said, on my straw.

“It’s the new trend ahjussi!!! Don’t you have daughters? Don’t they wear this makeup too?”

“Daughters?! I’m not even married yet!” I shrieked.

“Well...instead of lurking here, stuffing your face on food...you should fight for your woman...”

“Nope, not interested. I’ve given up,” I sighed, popping a crème puff in my mouth.

“Stop being such a coward!! Don’t let your jealousy get the best of you!! You should chase the woman of your dreams!!!” she exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air.

“You couldn’t even get Xiah Junsu, what gives you the right to give me advice?”

“I couldn’t...but with my perseverance, I managed to get front row seats and take good pictures of him...you should have the same perseverance as me!!”

“I can’t believe an eighteen-year-old is telling me what to do,” I scoffed.

“Aish ahjussi, you’re underestimating me too much!”

“What is your name?” I asked.

“Ji Eun Tak...just like what my name tag says.”

“Ji Eun Tak-ssi, you are a very endearing girl,” I said. “Wish me luck,” I said standing up.

“Ahjussi, where are you going?! You didn’t even finish your food!”

“You can eat it all. I’m going to chase my dreams.”

~

Instead of acting like a coward, I should’ve showed Gong Ji Cheol what I’m made of and what I’m capable of doing.

I shouldn’t have ran away from that dinner.

God, I’m so stupid. I’m the epitome of idiocy. Way to go Jung Yunho.

Entering the house, I was greeted with an unwelcoming, dark silence. No light was in sight, nor traces of life.

Looking down on the mat, their shoes were in sight, indicating their presence.

The quietness persisted as I furthered myself into the room.

Not a single electronic, nor light was on, leaving the silence undisturbed.

“Jae...jaejoong?” I said.

I gravitated towards the kitchen, hoping I could catch a glimpse of them.

The countertops were spotless, void of any cutlery, or leftover food. The tables were empty, its surface gleaming in the moonlight. The chairs were pushed in, positioned to their proper spots.

Only the sounds of my feet sliding were to be picked up by my ears as I paced back and forth. Along with my palpitating heart.

“God...where can they be?” I whispered, peering in the darkness.

I drew myself to the staircase, mounting my feet on the steps. Sweat seeped from my palms, gliding them on the railing. My libs grew heavy as I reached the last step.

Sounds grew apparent as curiosity furthered me into the hallway.  

My heart stopped as I caught a glimpse of their movements between the door’s gap. The gruesome images unfolded in front of me, engraving themselves in my memory, in hopes to haunt me in the future. The memory of it was too vivid, too graphic to consider it vague.

Their moans melted in my ears, along with the smacking of their lips. This was worse than a nightmare. It was borderline trauma. Was it my heart that hurt, or my eyes? I couldn’t decide.

“Seon...saeng...nim....”

“Jaejoong-ah....”

Weren’t they doing it too fast? Did they go at it the minute I left? How could they do it? Was it at the heat of the moment? Were they desperate for each other’s bodies?

Putting my hand on the doorknob, I slightly pushed the door, trying to sneak in a better glimpse.

To my relief, their clothes were on. But their position was anything but innocent. How could a man with children do this? But then I forgot, he was divorced. But it didn’t matter. His kids were probably oblivious to their father’s uality, and deemed him as a prideful, family man who could do no harm. As if! Here he was, doing amoral, dirty acts with a man who used to be his student. If I was his child, I’d be furious.

But I couldn’t stop Jaejoong’s happiness, right? He was probably craving for a man’s touch, after being deprived from it for such a long period of time. As they say, men were ual beings. And Jaejoong was not different. Even I yearned for them.

“Aren’t....we...doing it...too fast....?”

“You wanted this....right....”

“Yes....I did...” Jaejoong panted.

“Did...you want Yunho to do this to you?”

“I...did....”

I had to get out, I could no longer hear this. If I would, my heart would burst into pieces.

I refused to harbor feelings of jealousy, even though I couldn’t deny its intensity.

Conflicted with my current situation, I sprinted down the steps, rattling its wooden beams.

The night jumped at me as I flung the door open. Soon enough, I ran far, far away as I could.

I cut through the blades of grass, disrupting the stillness of the night. Night air pierced through my skin, erupting a wave of shivers.

The wine cellar’s structure grew into prominence as I approached it in a fast, determined manner.  

It was a cellar located in a wooden shack, just meters away from the main house. Vines grew from the rooves, hanging in front of the murky windows.

 I yanked the door open and dashed inside, welcomed by its tranquility.

The door shuts behind me as the hinge creaks. I jolt out of fear, realizing the trouble I’ve encountered. I spun around, cupping my hand around the knob. Exerting all my strength, I attempt to open the door, resulting in no avail as it remained lodged to the frame.

“!” I yelled, kicking the door.

“No matter what you do, don’t close the wine cellar’s door,” Hyung said, flipping through his newspaper.

“Why?” I asked, sipping my coffee.

“The door’s broken, so if you close it, you’ll be