I wake up in tear, I could see Yongsun unnie laying near my side. What time is it? It’s already 3PM. Since when I sleep? “You wake up already?” “Yes, unnie. When did you come in?” “Wheein-ah, you pass out on the floor 2 hours ago. “Really? That would explain why my body is in ache then.” “Don’t move too much. Are you hungry? Unnie already make porridge for you.” “I am kind of hungry as well, unnie.” She then pat my head, and she go to take the porridge for me. “Unnie, where’s the others?” “Moonbyul and Hyejin are having their rap training.” I just eat when I hear her name, and then I try to be normal “Oh, how about you, unnie?” “I take a leave. How can I let you stay here alone? You are fragile these days, Wheein-ah! Eat a lot!” “Arasseo unnie” I keep eating and eating till it finishes. “So want to tell unnie what is going on?” I freeze.

“Unnie, I don’t want to talk about it. Even I myself don’t understand it as well”

“Wheein-ah, you are my member in the team. If you are not ready to tell me, I am also not going to force you as well. Just take care of yourself too!” She then gets up and is about to leave. I hold on to her hands. “Stay with me, unnie.”

As she sits back on my bed, I decide that I am going to tell her.

“Back in highschool, I used to be upset with Hyejinie once. She was dating a guy in our class, and she wouldn’t tell me for 3 months. I feel useless that she doesn’t think of me as her bestfriend. She should have told me. And today, when I went downstair, I saw her meeting up with him. They are together again, unnie.” After I finish, my tear rolls down again. It hurts me too much.

“Wheein-ah, but why are you upset? Just because she didn’t tell you?”

“Unnie, I am her bestfriend. How can she not tell me?”

“Are you sure this is the only reason? and it makes you upset this much?”

I pause for a long moment. I reflect back. “Maybe, I’m afraid to lose her?”

“Wheein-ah, she’s your bestfriend. Just because she’s dating someone else, doesn’t mean she stops talking to you” she tried to console me, and I am still in freeze trying to think clearly.

“Alright, pupwhee! You need space to think alone. I will go out and prepare food for others when they come back. I will tell Byul not to sleep here tonight, so that you can spend time alone thinking”

“Ok, thanks unnie.”

What she said does make sense, and it hits me so hard. Why am I afraid to lose her? That night, I think a lot about what happened and about how I feel. I finally realize that I love my bestfriend. Because I’m jealous, that’s why I was so upset back then. However, the fact that Hyejinie doesn’t tell me, it hurts me so much. I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive her that, but I don’t want to ruin her happiness because of my selfishness too.

After that day, I try to distant myself from Hyejin. I pretend to be normal also, because I don’t want to cause any discomfort in the team. I tend to spend more time with Yongsun unnie since I am comfortable with her now, and also we both are in vocal, and we are trained together a lot. In this depression moment, I am grateful that I have her by my side. She h