Exactly one year of endless pain & misery.

During these times, Yongsun unnie always goes for shooting We Got Married with Eric Nam oppa. As expected, they get along so well and like each other alot. Everyone is so supportive about them being together, even their parents who also appeared on the show once together. They both brings so much high rating for show it self that eventually, they both are well-known to the public and run on the show for quite a long time than other couple. Rather than just fake couple, they both are also close outside that we meet up outside every week to cinema, or visit coffee shops together. I don’t hate Eric oppa though. He is a super nice guy that Yongsun unnie really deserve. He usually visits our dorm and treat us nice food, out of sincerity. There’s nothing bad about him that I disapprove. I just hate the fact that I can never be like him.

For Mamamoo, the other two always tease them together, and it only makes Yongsun unnie smile shyly and doesn’t say much out of that. For me, I just act along to tease, but inside, I know I am not fine. Or I will ever be fine again. Once again, my distance with her is even far. But I like it this way, because I would not dare to look into her eyes like before. I am afraid I will fall even harder that I can never help myself out of it.

WGM end after one year, but things between them are even closer. They start to date in real life too, but our fan are okay about it. I had to pretend along too that I am okay with it. I don’t plan to let Yongsun unnie know about how I feel ever. There’s just no chance I can fix this. To me, the only solution is to heal myself.

During this healing time, I did something I am not supposed to do. Byul unnie confessed to me one night.

“Wheein-ah, be with me. I will make you happy again.” she said while I was crying silently in my bed just like usual. Without saying anything, I just let her kiss me throughout the night to ease my pain.

She’s always there for me the whole time, taking care of me to make sure I won’t be crying or sad again. I am grateful for the love she showers on me. Inside, I know myself that I won’t be able to return any of those feelings she has for me. I feel bad about it everyday, but at the same time, I don’t want to hurt her. I tried to fall in love with her too because I know it’s not fair for her to experience this. But I still feel empty after all.

“Congratulation, Byul! You finally found your soulmate!” Yongsun unnie gives Byul unnie a hug when we both announce our relationship to the team. “I know! She’s the right person for me!” I just stood with all the congratulation going on. I feel bitter everytime Yongsun unnie tease me and Byul unnie together.

One evening

Byul unnie is going to her hometown and Hyejinie is spending time with her boyfriend. Only Yongsun unnie and I are staying at home this evening. Before leaving to her hometown, Byul unnie gives me a peek on my cheeks in the living room and says “Yongsun unnie! Help taking care of Wheepup for me, I am coming back in few days! She’s having a fever right now. I am worried to leave this puppy alone so much.” she then frowns “Alright, but I am going to dinner with Eric oppa tonight too. I will be home late to look after her.” “That’s alright, unnie. I can take care of myself” and I tries to comfort Byul unnie not to worry so much.

After giving a proper good bye kiss to Byul unnie, I go back to my room to sleep in. I still feel the heat in my body, I guess I need some rest. I sleep in the room for hours, and I still don’