It was almost their one-year anniversary.

Almost. In a few months.

"Let's stop..."

The younger one of the two thought it will happen longer, maybe around their second-year anniversary of being together. The part where her older girlfriend is already in college and the younger one is in her final year. The part where they'll be too busy taking care of their own lives to even look back and fix whatever mess they made.

But she knew this was gonna happen. She knew that what they have is eventually going to end this way and it's only about time. She just doesn't expect it to happen this quick and abrupt. They were happy, so happy—god, she was the happiest whenever her girlfriend is involved. She loves her and her girlfriend loves her back ten times fold. But it was short-lived, like a heat of the moment, temporary.

"No..." The younger clenched her fists, gritting her teeth. She refuses to believe. "No, don't say that. I'm not listening to you."

No matter how many times the younger told her she will make them work, though she said she believed her, she just knows right now isn't the time. She was only feeding her with false hope, just because she couldn't bear watching her girlfriend's face fall, watching her get hurt, because hurting her is all she ever did. Even right now.

"Goddammit, Yongsun... This is all you ever do."

For the younger, her older girlfriend is just scared and lately have been a lot more paranoid about everything. About her parents, about the students at school, the teachers and just every little thing involved in their relationship. She gets it, she's been having the same feeling but she knows those were only negative thoughts. Nothing will happen only if they're careful enough. And with the reduced time together, Byulyi was certain it will work out in the end.

Even when her girlfriend keeps on calling them off—this time has been the third for the past two weeks. The first time it happened, Byulyi didn't say a word to her about it. The news was too shocking for her and she broke down crying because of it and the unhealthy cycle happened again. It took a toll on Byulyi so bad that she's gone into a self-destruct mode. She skipped school, skipped meals, skipped tutoring sessions. If it wasn't for the loyal friends, Wheein and Hyejin, she would've been a dropout student. Yongsun played a part too on the fourth day of Byulyi's absence, and it completely made her feel guilty. But she thought it was the best way and yet she couldn't lie that knowing about Byulyi's state, hurt her just as much.

It was only when Yongsun came to her, said that she's sorry and that she doesn't mean everything she said about breaking up, does Byulyi start to function again. And to be honest, the whole thing terrified both parties.

Yongsun knows about the worst result and now she knows how much it would affect Byulyi. How it destroys her Byulyi. While Byulyi herself knows that her life is now depend on Kim Yongsun's existence in her life so much. That she puts Yongsun in a spot leveled with air that if there's no Yongsun, she wouldn't been able to breathe nor if life ever have any more meaning to her anymore.

And they know how unhealthy that becomes.

They were fine for a couple of days until Yongsun threw a fit when she witnessed YooA giving her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek. She was mad, no, she was fuming in anger because that's definitely crossing the line. And the fact she couldn't talk back when YooA told her off.

"Why are you being like this, sunbae? You're acting like a jealous girlfriend. You're not her girlfriend...are you?"

Yongsun were left speechless and hurt because one, she can't confirm her relationship with Byulyi and two, she had to deny YooA's accusation in the most disgusting way. She even though she went a little too overboard, but who could blame her? She was extremely jealous and the fact that Byulyi was okay with it only puts more gasoline into the fire.

"Me? With her?" She scoffed, "Why would I when there's plenty others who are far better than her?"

And she swore she regretted it as soon as she saw Byulyi's face fell.

"Right... Solar-un— Sunbaenim is out of my league after all."

They didn't talk for a few days after that.

And Yongsun wondered if this is how they're going to end. Over some misunderstanding just because they wanted to keep everything in secret. Because Byulyi wanted to keep her girlfriend's image at school and Yongsun wanted to keep Byulyi's chance of a better future. But she should've known Byulyi better. Because for Byulyi, Yongsun is her priority, thus making Yongsun happy is first and foremost while everything else comes after that.

Which is not a big surprise when Byulyi ditched a few tutoring sessions just so she can have more time with the president. The first two times were believable enough, but after the third, it became too obvious. Of course, Yongsun doesn't like that.

Even though she kind of liked it when Byulyi told her, "I don't want to upset you. You were right. YooA likes me more than as a tutor or a sister. And I know if you knew and I stayed, you'd be upset and have ideas—"

"I won't do such thing."

"I know you, Yong..." Who are we kidding? It was definite that Yongsun will get ideas. Negative ideas. "If I were to choose, then it would certainly be you. It always been you, Yongsun-ah. I'd rather lose her than you."

Though it was sweet, so very sweet of her. Yongsun felt like she's carrying a burden. Because how come Byulyi being this sure of them? What she's saying even besides the whole point here. This isn't the part where she has to make a choice between her and YooA. This is the part where she has to know that being with Yongsun may have been an obstacle for her future—their future. They may as well have no future being together.

"Please, just..." Yongsun sighed tiredly, "Just go back to tutoring her, okay?"

"If it'll hurt you then I won't."

"And it'll hurt me anyway if you won't, so why does it even matter now? If you hurt me now, it may not be half as what I've done to you, Byul... Just tutor her, okay? Do it for me."

But Byul has always been a stubborn one.

"You never hurt me."

Thus, Yongsun decided to come up with another thing to stop everything. Because Byul has all the reason to prevent her from breaking up with her, because Byul always know the right thing to say and do, because Yongsun knows that she will give in the moment Byul start her reasoning. She, too, was weak and whipped for Moon Byulyi.

And she also knows, this might be a horrible idea.

She thought maybe if she hurt Byulyi with the fact that she and Eric kissed (though completely accidental), Byulyi would hate her and it'll be easier for her to let go of her. Byul would scold her, curse at her for breaking her promise, leave her.

Good, she thought. Isn’t that the goal of this…?

But she should’ve known better.

She, Kim Yongsun, should have known better that there is more possibility for Byul to react the total opposite way of what she expected her to be. That way, it would be less surprising and she would have thought of another way and yet, she completely forgot. But maybe it wasn’t a complete fail. It wasn’t when Byul let her know how she knew what was the whole reason behind this revelation. Behind her suddenly confessing to Byul that she has broken her promise and let Eric kissed her on the lips. And Yongsun couldn’t even hide her guilt.

“Did you want me gone that bad…?”

No…but I had to do this for us. For you…

But nothing comes out of .

“I honestly had no idea what you were trying to do, what you intended to do, but right now everything is getting clearer and I couldn’t jump into conclusion without asking you properly. Just…” Byul closes her eyes, sighing deeply.

She was tired, that much Yongsun noticed. She hasn’t been having enough sleep recently, she knows though Byul didn’t tell her anything, because it shows clearly from her very visible eyebags. How she’s also gotten thinner. It was partly Yongsun’s fault as well when Byul refused to ‘function’ due to her issue with Yongsun. That’s why Yongsun thought maybe it is best if they break apart.

Because nothing is healthy anymore.

“Just why…?”

“I did it for you.” It came out almost as soft as a whisper.

But Byul caught it in her ear.

“For me?” Her tone almost close to a mock. “What are you saying, huh? That you do this so that you can let go of me? You needed a bad enough reason so I would leave you? I don’t get it… I just… I’ve told you a million times already, haven’t I?” Byul’s jaw clenched, her fists closed tightly. “You’re the one I want. You’re the one I need and yet the one thing you wanted to do so badly was to get rid of yourself from me… Jesus, did I do something wrong? Was it something I said to you? Was it something I did? I love you, Yongsun…

I love you…so much.”

And at that moment, Yongsun lets out a held back sob. She couldn’t even hold it in when the tears flew out of her eyes, down to her cheeks and she fell down on her knees. But of course, before her knees meet the hard floor, her girlfriend was there to catch her from hurting herself. Byul scoops Yongsun in her embrace and they both cry their eyes out because either of them knows their own tragic ends. That even if Yongsun didn’t tell her reason, Byul knows exactly what’s going on because it’s not her girlfriend alone that has been thinking about their relationship. That she, too, acknowledges her girlfriend’s fear of what’s in the future.

That’s how they end up with a deal.

“I know you, Yong…” She pulled back from the embrace, hands grabbing both Yongsun’s as she looks at her in the eyes. The both of them have the same red eyes, wet from the tears. “You love me too…just as much. But if I was wrong… and if you really want me to go… Say it. Say it to my face right now—look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you want to break up with me…”

But even then, Yongsun couldn’t even look at her eyes properly. She refused to look at Byul’s eyes though the latter tries to make her, she keeps looking down and cries. It hurts Byul seeing her defeated state, but she’s not a fool because she knows the both of them loves each other too much to even ask one another for a break up. After the few times Yongsun asked to call it off, she noticed whenever she says those words, she would