My life’s pretty bleak, not in a bad way though. It’s just there, filled with what humans should do to live, what they should do to survive, and what they should do to stay sane. I keep my hands busy during the day and walk off at night with things to do, sleep with plans in my head, and wake up to an appointed schedule. It’s all part of a very structured life plan that I, unfortunately, must succumb to.

But, it doesn’t suffocate me like it used to, because I’m not timorous of myself anymore.

I used to search for my scattered self, in hopes of mending my pieces together, but the thing is, I was a mess, and the puzzle remained unsolved, not because the pieces didn’t fit, no, they complemented each other perfectly, but like the sad tale of the moon and the sun, they weren’t meant for each other. Something was wrong, and had I searched a bit more, I could’ve found out the flaws and easily repaired them.

But I was blind, throughout the whole journey. I refused to see myself as who I am, and instead, wore a mask that was supposed to be a quick escape from the truth, but it eventually became my shelter, and that’s when I lost contact with the man beneath that mask, the man named Kwon Jiyong.

Many times, the kid Jiyong knocked on my door, asking for permission to come into my life again, and I deliberately refused. But he was rock-headed, he kept coming back over and over, and I wonder if he ever, for once, thought that what he was doing was worth it, because whenever I peeked through the peephole, I would see him shivering in cold, staring solemnly at the door, waiting. Just waiting.

One day however, I saw him smiling brightly, shouting my name with such excitement and enthusiasm, but he wasn’t looking at the door anymore, he was staring at the woman next to him with a toothy grin on his face, and I couldn’t blame him, because, strangely enough, I found myself smiling too upon seeing her. She was the one who knocked on my door that day, and I hesitated. For the first time ever, I actually thought about opening the door, and I did. I threw away all the suspicions and doubts that kept me sleepless for days, and welcomed the beautiful stranger along with kid Jiyong who attacked me in a bear hug, adamant not to let me go. That was the first time I actually looked at him, properly, and god, I felt so guilty for not opening the door sooner. His touch was cold, even his hair strands felt solid under my touch, but even so, I felt warm inside.

The lady smiled at me and took a quick glance at kid Jiyong

“He’s a keeper, don’t ever lose him again” she said as she ruffled Kid Jiyong’s hair for a last time, and left without a goodbye. And what did I do?

I chased after her, and I have never regretted that decision.

I stare at the painting hanging firmly on the wall, isolated from the rest. It looks lonely and somber up close, but if you take two steps back and fully focus your attention on it, you’d see it in a whole other perspective, and that’s what I love about art. There’s no fighting over what’s right or wrong, there’s just this idea, presenting itself in different formats, and all of them are equally beautiful.

“Dad, you’ve been staring at that painting for a long time now, I’m getting tired of standing” Jisoo complains with a pout and a fake frown, but I smile nonetheless

“Go sit then, no one’s forcing you to follow me around” I state, matter of fact, and she sighs

“I wish, but this place is full of fancy looking adults, and there’s literally nowhere to sit, look! The place is so packed!” she points at the obviously taken seats and I shake my head in amusement.

“You’re the one who wanted to come, if you’re just going to complain then go home”

“But I wanted to support you! This is like, a big deal for you dad, I didn’t want to miss it” she confesses and I smile at her warm words. It’s not often that Jisoo professes her true feelings, and when she does, you can truly feel her sincerity, which is something I’ve always yearned for.

“Thanks for everything Jichu, I couldn’t have come this far without you” I pat her head and she gives me a proud grin

“Yeah well, that’s why we have each other, Jiyongie” she winks and I roll my eyes.

“God, I told you to stop calling me with that stupid nickname”

“You call me Jichu! I have the right to give you a nickname too! And Jiyongie is just a perfect fit!” she grins playfully and I sigh in defeat.

“Fine, you win this, just don’t call me that in public” I warn her, and she nods.

“got it, Jiyongie” she says with a loud voice that made some guests turn their attention to us and I face-palm myself. Why oh why did I believe for a second she could do it?

“ahh, kids” I sigh and before I could say anything else, Namgook approaches me and informs me that the press conference is about to start.

I look at Jisoo and offer her my hand. She tilts her head in confusion as she stares at my extended hand.

“I’m not going out there alone you know” I usher her to take my hand and she smiles widely before taking my hand in.

People stare our way as we walk towards the press-con room, talking in hushed tones about Jisoo. I could hear them badmouthing her, calling her a bastard child, and it disgusts every single part of me, but when I glance at her, I see this beautiful smile on her face that reminds me of a certain someone, and I easily calm down.

Jisoo is, to put it simply, the greatest inspiration I’ve ever met, and it amazes me how at this young age, she managed to overcome the cruelest things a person could imagine.

I squeeze her hand a little hard and sigh in relief. I could do this.

Camera flashes blind our sight as we make our way towards our seats. It’s that sound again, the shutter sound. It’s been so long since I’ve heard it, and honestly, I didn’t miss it.

I notice Jisoo fidgeting in her seat, seemingly nervous, and I pat her back to calm her down.

And so, the conference begins, with a lengthy speech from the announcer, reciting my biography and my achievements throughout the years. I wonder if they ever get sick of doing this, because truthfully, it pains my ears to hear this every single time.

“-and now, Mr. Kwon will accept your questions. Yes, the lady in the back!” she picks a random journalist and I prepare myself for the question

“Mr. Kwon, first of all, congratulations on the opening of your exhibition. Second of all, you’ve been on hiatus for three years and the theme of your new exhibition differs completely from your previous collaboration project, could you tell us why?”

I feel a lump in my throat as I hear the question. It’s been three years.

Long hellish three years passed by in the blink of an eye, what happened during those times remain a bittersweet memory to me, but I’ve grown a lot and learned so many things from different people: there was Namgook, who became the best friend I never thought I’d have, and Jisoo, who never considered me as an outsider and feverishly welcomed me into her home.

And then, there was Dara, who not even for one second stopped believing in me.

She was that safe blanket I used to hold around the house when I was a kid. Mom used to laugh at how attached I was to that blanket, even Dad found it bizarre, but I knew better, because it was mine. It protected me from the cold icy nights whenever I stayed up late, doodling random shapes, it hid me from the harsh reality that refused to see art as a sublime lifestyle, but most importantly, it accepted me, as who I was: the frail short but very passionate Jiyong.

That blanket was my home. Dara was my home, and that was enough for me.

With a melancholic smile, I muster the courage to answer.

It’s time to be honest, just like she taught me.

“I want people to see the things they were missing, especially the heartbroken dreamers who believe they’re nothing but a downgrade to this society. I used to think that the world could hold nothing wrong and that I’ll always find a place to fit in, but once I grew up, I realized how naïve I was. We live in a world where calculating the mass of the sun matters more than appreciating the beauty of the sun itself. Passion still exists in this world; I believe so because I feel so. I felt so. And I’m not going to let other artists lose sight of their dreams simply because the world said no. I know the pain of succumbing to others’ wants, and the feeling of anonymity that comes after it, which is why I created this exhibition; to give people the freedom to scream and voice out their deepest secrets through their personal style, because art, not matter what, can never do wrong”

I feel everyone’s eyes, seemingly shocked by my answer, but I remain unfazed and wait for the next question

“Mr. Kwon, can you tell us the meaning behind your exhibition’s name ‘PEACEMINUSONE’ ?” one journalist asks and I nod slowly, vividly recalling Dara’s anguish smiles.

“Because Peace could never be achieved as a whole. Sometimes, you think you’ve got everything under control, but often times, comes an unexpected event that tests your limits, especially when it involves someone you love so dearly” I stop for a second, unable to speak, because what I’m feeling right now, goes beyond words. I look at Jisoo and she gives me an encouraging smile that awakens my senses and I continue “The challenge becomes harder as time goes by, it becomes a matter of life or death, and you wonder for a second if you could turn back time and recreate the old peaceful memories you shared together. You know it’s impossible, but that little wish remains however. That little glimmer of hope stays with you forever, amidst the havoc you’re living. And this exhibition, is my gift to that special someone that brought joy to my life in every way possible, my first and last love, my wife, Sandara Park” I put the mic down and exhale loudly, mindless of the journalists’ weird stares. I feel Jisoo’s eyes on me, so I turn around to look at her, only to find her crying, which takes me by surprise.

“You never told me this exhibition was a gift for mom..” I smile as I pull her closer to me and wipe her tears.

“Without your mom, I wouldn’t even be who I am today. This is the least I could for her”

Jisoo smiles despite the tears and nods.

“Yeah, she was truly one of a kind”