I check the time on my watch again. It’s my 4^th time doing that and I find it hard to stop. My insides are tickling with anticipation for this evening, where I’d meet Dara at my place. I didn’t think I’d ever be this excited to meet a woman, but Dara is just radiant and hard to ignore as a person. Her wittiness, her eloquence, her undeniable energy, everything about her draws me in to her more and more. I look at her eyes and for the first time, I see my reflection in it. She makes me feel like Jiyong, and that’s exactly why I want her by my side.

But her sudden threats about not falling in love with each other puzzle me.

Her red lips clearly say not to fall in love, but her eyes convey another story, a story only she knows the ending to, and I can only sit back and watch everything unfold in front of me.

A knock on the door interrupts my chain of thoughts. Namgook bows and hands me some files.

“The auction will take place this evening sir, all the details are listed down in the files I gave you. Mr. Yang said to be there by 5” I go through the documents quickly and toss them away, uninterested in what’s written in them. I know I should be interested, I’m a business man after all, but I’m not. Knowing that this auction will stop me from seeing Dara bothers me and I’m not sure why.

“Tell him I’m not going” I say and Namgook stares at me in confusion.

“Are you sure sir? This may affect our relations with-”

“Tell him I’m busy and I can’t attend, I have an important appointment I can’t miss this evening” he looks at me worriedly and scratches his head

“but, I checked your schedule sir, it says you’re free this evening” I shake my head and return the files back to him

“well, not anymore, I’ll be busy every evening so add that to my schedule, also, I won’t be needing these so just throw them or whatever” he takes back the documents hesitantly and bows his head in defeat.

“I got it, I’ll go cancel it, Sir” as he starts walking away, I call him out

“Namgook” he turns around on command, and I smile at him

“Call me Jiyong” he tilts his head in bafflement, as if calling his boss by his first name is weird. But I’m sick and tired of those honorifics that creates this hierarchical barrier between us.

“From now on, No more ‘Sir’, no more ‘Mr. Kwon’, just call me Jiyong, and no bowing anymore, that makes me feel weird especially that you’re older than me” he stays frozen in his place, thoughtfully absorbing what I just said, until he cracks a smile that is so widely visible on his face, and I smile back.

“I will, Jiyong”

Around 4 p.m, I jump from my seat, with an unusual burst of joy and a wide smile that’s supposed to surprise me, but it doesn’t. Everything that relates to Dara doesn’t surprise me anymore.

By the time I reach my apartment, I find Dara leaning on the door, wearing a casual white lace dress with a jeans jacket on top and brown leather sandals to complement her look.

It’s nothing too showy or flamboyant, yet she still manages to take my breath away.

She looks up from her phone and smiles when she sees me

“For a minute, I thought you’d bail on me” I smile goofily at her statement and unlock the door with her trailing behind me.

“Trust me, I would never do that, although it is tempting” she glares at me and hits my arm playfully. I grin at her and bring two chairs near the desk.

“So, how was your day?” she rests her elbows on the desk and watch her play with her fingers.

My day was bound to be average, as usual, but knowing we’d meet again and that I’ll get to see your warm smile made it a lot whole better.

But of course, I can’t tell her that.

“It was good” I suffice with a simple answer and she nods.

“alright, what are we doing today?” I get up and bring out empty white papers and a bunch of mechanical pencils.

“As you may not know, Munjae is planning to surprise Chihiro with a wedding. He requested for some of my graphics to decorate the wedding halls along with other artists’ works, so” I pick a pencil and point it at her “You’re going to help me with the designs” she side eyes me

“And why should I do that?” she picks another pencil and points it at me, imitating me “Why should I help you?”

“I told you, didn’t I? it’s because of your honesty .I don’t want to disappoint Munjae on such an important day, and you’re the only one who’s honest with me when it comes to my graphics, that’s why your take on them is pertinent” she abruptly gets up and gently puts her hand on my shoulder.

“Do your best then, Jiyong” she whispers and takes her hand off, but the lingering warmth of her hand is still there, and I slowly touch the same spot with my fingers .

I take a long steady breathe before getting into work.

I try to think of every theme possible, every symbol, every little aspect that could relate to the word ‘love’ and I would sketch freely.

After an hour or more, I’ve finished about 3 illustrations, and just when I’m about to start the fourth, Dara grabs the three of them, eyes them carefully and sighs.

“They’re very basic and simple, even a first grader could make them with his eyes closed” I wince visibly at her brutal candor and she notices it.

“You told me to be honest, so I’m being honest” she shrugs and I run a hand through my hand out of frustration. She taps my shoulder twice and points at the couch at the far corner of the room

“Let’s go sit there” I nod and follow her. We both collapse on the couch, and I heave a long sigh, completely drained of moral energy, so I close my eyes in hopes of relaxing.

“Jiyong” she calls out my name and I hum in response. “Have you ever fallen in love?” both my eyes shot open at her question. I stare at her warm eyes, momentarily getting lost in them

“I still don’t know what love feels like actually, I mean, sure I had crushes, I went out with different women, but love? What is love even?” I chuckle at the ridiculousness of my question. I sound pathetic and weak, why am I even saying this? My mind’s a complete mess, but a sudden warmth envelops my hand and that’s when I lift my gaze to see Dara firmly holding my hand with a comforting smile.

“It’s not a sin, to not know what loving someone feels like, besides, Love doesn’t take only one form. There’s family love, there’s self-love, and” she grabs my wrist and lightly slaps my cheek with it “there’s graphics love, and I believe those are all the reasons your motivation decreased. You’re depressed because you can’t see your family, your confidence is at its lowest, and fame made graphics nothing but a source of income to you. Jiyong, you’ve got to find yourself first, before engaging into something that may consume you”

My hand falls nimbly to my side, utterly tired from everything and nothing.

Every word she said, every word, is true, and realizing that makes me nothing but fearful.

You lost yourself Jiyong, a long time ago, and you knew that, but why are you surprised by it? Why am I suddenly feeling feeble and frail? And why is this woman, starring somberly at me with a mild smile, telling me this?

We’ve only met just three days ago, but why does she know me better than I do? Have I lost control over myself? Why? Just..why?

“Dara” I call out in a whisper

“hmm?” she hums and with no warning, I rest my head on her shoulder

“Your words are very dangerous, I feel like a vulnerable kid whenever I’m with you” she laughs and gently rests her hand on my head.

“You’ve always been a kid Jiyong, but not vulnerable” she stops for a moment before she continues “You need more honest people in your life, people that aren’t afraid to speak their mind and would notice every single difference in your behavior” she my hair softly with her delicate fingers in a graceful way that reminds me of the old good times.

I miss mom, I miss dad, I miss my sister Dani, I miss our old house in Imjado, I miss the kids at the workshop, I miss my university friends, and I terribly miss my old-self.

It’s funny how I’ve turned a blind eye to all these things, thinking I’m okay without them, but I’ve been deceiving myself too much.

How can I wish people to be honest with me when I’m not even honest with myself?

I let out a shaky sigh, feeling the urge to break down.

“Dara” I call out again

“Yes?”

“Thank you” it sounds unsteady and insecure, but she says nothing more and instead, pulls me closer to her.

We spend the rest of the evening like that, until it gets dark and I send her off to her place.

But before getting into the house, she comes back running to my car and stretches her fist out. I look at her sticking fist then at her and she smiles

“Let’s do our best, for Jiyong” I chuckle at her adorable gesture and we fist bump, the sudden touch warms my heart. She waves goodbye and gets into her house.

I watch her every step until she closes the door and I sigh in contentment.

‘You need more honest people in your life, people that aren’t afraid to speak their mind and would notice every single difference in your behavior’ I recall her words and grin to myself.

Doesn’t that mean that I need you the most, Dara?

With a satisfied smile, I drive back to my apartment, already giddy for the upcoming days to come. No matter what comes in my way, one look at Dara and everything will become meaningless. I step on the pedal with a renewed determination.

The following days are nothing but a bless from the stress of work.

Every evening, Dara and I would talk and gossip like high school girls. It doesn’t matter what topic it is, it could be food, movies, art or even comic books, and I would still enjoy it, because it’s Dara who’s talking, it’s Dara who’s laughing at my lame jokes and it’s Dara who’s gazing at me with her warm eyes.

It’s different because it’s Dara, and I can’t deny anymore the attraction that is developing between us. I could be the only one involved for all I know, but I don’t care, I just love being with her. I love her sweet voice, her quirky face expressions and her cold façade whenever she warns me to not to fall in love with her.

Every second with her makes me feel like a kid who owns the world, and I don’t want this feeling to stop. I love being a kid; Jiyong was a kid too, so that’s a good sign already.

On the last day before the wedding, I have completed all the necessary designs, I check them out proudly and put them back on the desk. I feel Dara’s presence behind me, peeking from my shoulders at my works. She studies each one very carefully and chuckles once she reaches a specific design.

“Why do I feel like this one relates to me more than it does to Munjae and Chihiro?” she shows me the last design I made and I smile.

‘Because it does, I drew this while thinking of you’ I want to say, but I can’t.

It’s simple but very expressive. A girl and a boy, surrounded by the dimness of the night, standing in front of each other, seemingly speechless. Their faces can’t be seen, because it’s dark, but their body language gives away the strong love they have for each other with the moon as their only witness, because people’s opinions don’t matter to them, as long as they’re together, they feel strong and secure, and I wonder if that’s how love actually feels like.

“It’s very beautiful, I love it. I love all of them, Jiyong, you’re amazing!” she exclaims joyfully and twirls around with the drawing in her hand. I watch her every movement with a gentle smile on my face. Her happy aura is very contagious, not that I’m complaining. She catches me looking at her and I immediately avert my gaze, blushing from embarrassment.

“Jiyong, don’t give me those looks please, I know what they mean” I frown at her tight fake smile.

“What do you mean?” she rests the illustrations on the desk and sits opposite of me

“I told you, didn’t I? Not to fall in love with each other”

It’s those words again. I hate them, and I hate that she doesn’t actually mean them but always says them as if she’s convinced and so sure of herself but she’s not. I can see her waver whenever she utters those specific words

“Why?” I finally voice out the question that’s been bothering me for so long. She pushes away some hair strands from her eyes and looks at me.

“I’m not who you think I am, Jiyong. If we ever fall in love with each other, and we won’t, you’ll deeply regret it” she grabs the previous graphic she was holding and the guy’s shadowy face.

“I’m saving you from the deception that is me, Jiyong, trust me, it’s for the best” she gets up and adjusts her blue blouse

“So let’s not fall in love, Kwon Jiyong”

I stare back at her cold yet warm features, and shake my head with a weak smile.

I can’t take her words seriously anymore. They’re sharp and full of aloofness, but they’re not enough to stop me from what my heart wants

I will not let your threats fool me, Sandara Park.

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AN: Only two chapters+an epilogue are left ^^ hope you enjoyed this chapter

The graphic that Dara loved is the one above (the chapter image) it's from GD's Butterfly MV

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