That day, the night fell quicker than usual, so the two went to the gymnasium very early. Going to concerts three days in a row was, in fact, pretty exhausting.

Junmyeon would never say it out loud, but because he wasn’t a fan of every single song, some of the hype was gone by the end of the second concert. It wasn’t because he disliked EXO’s music, far from it. Concerts just shouldn’t be held too many times in a row and he was so glad Exo split the performances in two. Otherwise, he might not leave the performances with as much enthusiasm as he had coming in.

Yixing turned his lip in disdain as he realized they decided to perform Lucky on the very last day. It was a hype song. It made you feel excited for what’s to come. It should have been played on the very first day, but in the end, Yixing was glad the concert would close on a high note.

Lucky was among one of his favorite songs by EXO. There was just something about the energy and the way the members rushed around the stage in excitement. There was no choreography, only the ad libs and and singing and jumping. Both of them witnessed the happiest of their idols during this song.

During Exo’Luxion, Junmyeon remembered very clearly sitting next to a group of five girls who each had a different bias. They didn’t immediately speak to him, but as soon as Lucky started and the members stationed behind the white canvas to change, the six of them shared a mutual surreal experience. They all turned to look at him, too.

They progressed normally with the members singing their lines. First it was Baekhyun, who looked over the canvas cutely and ruffled his hair. Each of them took turns bobbing their heads side to side and popping up to sing as they changed behind the canvas. The program went as far as to project flashing lights through the canvas so fans could see the silhouettes of the members changing (every time the flash came on, Junmyeon felt like dying).

“Gateun saeg kareul joha hago,” Chen began the second verse by himself, popping out and smiling his iconic dinosaur smile. “Gateun yeonghwareul joha haneun geol!” He pointed the microphone towards the audience.

“Lucky!” The entire audience shouted back in response. Junmyeon’s voice was only one of the many.

Then the magic happened. Every member burst through the canvas, some of them already fully changed and some still struggling with the last clip on the suspenders, but all of them excited and running into the audience as if they were running home. Junmyeon screamed on the top of his lungs and started waving his lightstick like the other girls next to him.

Lucky was also one of Junmyeon’s favorite songs by Exo, so he was also every bit as glad as Yixing for the concert to end with this song.

Yixing stood very very close to him as the lights dimmed again. The stadium was very hot from all the lights and the screaming. Thousands of bodies moved together in one space, and Junmyeon couldn’t think of anything, anything besides the members on stage and Yixing next to him and all of his glowing merchandise and just how much he loved being an EXO-L.

The intro started as the fans started to scream again, them included. The light stick in his hand was getting very heavy and Junmyeon thought for sure that the next day, his arms would be sore. However, hearing the song come on with Kyungsoo’s smooth vocals, Junmyeon’s arm seemed to move all on its own, fanning the light stick around so quickly like a bee’s wing that he was afraid his wrist might fall off.

Junmyeon and Yixing wanted to ditch the Chen poster earlier in the concert, but there was simply no other place to put it as they were in the GA section. So they kept with holding it up as the concert progressed. The lights shone defiantly throughout the blaring stadium as well, as if Junmyeon’s faith for Chen would remain even in the most stubborn circumstances. The same could be said for Yixing’s shirt (which he had worn three days in a row now). Even though the small lights should be drowned out in the brighter lights, they were still glowing from next to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon turned to Yixing as soon as the song began. When Yixing expectantly turned  his way as well, he realized that Yixing had been wanting to do the same thing.

“Gateun nara e tae eonaso, gateun eoneoro mareul haeseo,” sang Junmyeon. He bounced his head to the beat the same way Baekhyun was doing it onstage. Yixing mirrored him with sheepish eyes and that dimple on his right cheek.

“Cham haengun iya, cham dahaeng iya... sesange dangyeonhan geon eobseo,” Yixing followed.

“Gwaenchanheun oseul ibeotdeon nal,” Junmyeon lead. “Geureohge neoreul mannatdeon geon Lucky, na chag hage saraseo geurae.”

“Neoui ireumeul bureugo,” they both sang, looking more at each other than at EXO. “Neoui soneul jabado doeneun na. Buseo jineun haet sareun, naman bichuna.” Junmyeon pointed at Yixing dramatically to cue his line.

“Na ireohge haengbog haedo dwae?” Yixing bent his elbows in a rhythmic ‘platter-serving’ gesture as they sank into an enthusiastic world of lyric-acting. Instead of the cool dancing Yixing, this Yixing was dorky and every bit as embarrassing as Junmyeon thought himself to be.

“Naui ireumeul bureugo.” It was the both of them again, holding an imaginary microphone to their lips and dropping the poster completely. “Naui eokkaee gidae oneun neo. Jeo haneurui haet sareun, neoman bichuna, neo geureohge nunbushyeodo dwae? So lucky, my love!”

“So lucky to have you,” Junmyeon pointed at Yixing. “So lucky to be your love, I am. Hmm.”

“Gateun saeg kkareul joha hago.” This was Chen’s line onstage, so both of them turned their glassy, infatuated gazes towards the man on stage in front of them. “Gateun yeonghwareul joha haneun geol, lucky.”

Junmyeon tore his eyes away from Chen to see Yixing looking at him, opening his mouth for the next line.

“Unmyeong gateun sarangin geoya,” Yixing sang, holding his hand to his chest like a singer on stage caught in the mood of his own music.

“Neoui ireumeul bureugo,” the members began again.

This time, instead of popping through a canvas, confetti and glitter rained down upon all of the GA audience members.  The sudden pop of the canon was so loud that Junmyeon’s heart skipped a good ten beats and he leapt up in the air in surprise response to the shock. That was only for a split second though, because the next, he was washed over by a sense of euphoria as he felt the glitters touch his cheeks. He closed his eyes and tilted his face upwards to welcome the rainbow rain.

Nothing, nothing made him happy the way EXO did.

He opened his eyes to see Yixing staring at him with a full look, something stuck between a laughter and a smile. His face pulled up so naturally but to no extremes, the corners of his mouth turning up just slightly and his eyes unblinking, shimmering. He looked positively enchanted, though maybe not by EXO.

Junmyeon felt himself instantly drawn towards Yixing. The only thing that seemed to matter then was that Yixing was there and Yixing felt what Junmyeon felt. Yixing was the most important thing at the concert, the centerpiece.

Before the next line of the song could start, Junmyeon allowed his sudden burst of happiness and understanding to drive them together. This was it, this had to be the best moment of the entire concert. Yixing had leaned in at the exact same time as Junmyeon- their lips pressed together finally under the confetti, against thousands of other fans and EXO on the stage. Yixing’s arms latched around Junmyeon’s lower back and Junmyeon found he had to lean slightly upwards to capture Yixing’s lips, so he wrapped his arms around Yixing’s neck. The screams around them were deafening, yet they could still hear the beats of their own hearts against one another.

The kiss must have lasted only a few seconds, but they must have been one of the few most pleasant instances in his life.

As soon as they pulled away from each other, Junmyeon couldn’t stop the heat pulling his cheeks up into a wide grin. He didn’t give a damn how weird he looked smiling, because he saw Yixing’s dimples pinch two deep holes through his cheeks as those soft eyes bent into moons. Junmyeon was happy with Lucky, but now he felt something more. He felt complete.

   -

Again, they didn’t speak of it as they headed back up to the hotel room. There was just a newfound sense of comfort between the two of them. Junmyeon just knew that they had overstepped at least fifty thousand boundaries that night. Somehow it still felt right.

It terrified Junmyeon, because both of them had to leave by the next day, and now all Junmyeon wanted to do was stay here for as long as possible.

This ache in his chest was soothed by Yixing’s shoulder. They walked closely side by side, without the earbuds connecting them this time. They walked so their shoulder would bump occasionally, just to remind each other of their presence.

I’m here, Yixing wanted to say, but it sounded too weird in his head so he stayed quiet.

They entered in the elevator together. The door closed and they were sent upstairs. The rumble filled the silence between them as the numbers slowly increased on the little black screen.

Junmyeon wanted to grab Yixing’s hand, to feel his fingers and his skin just to know he was really there. Somehow it felt like a creepy gesture, so he stayed put as well.  

Junmyeon remembered all the things he had put on hold for this one event. His university meetings, his school work, everything. He still needed to buy a gift for his mother’s birthday. He also needed to meet up with Kun to study for their upcoming exams. Not only that, they were planning to swap study notes within the next week as well. Junmyeon had been putting off doing his extra reading. Normal life was just so lackluster when you considered the fact that you’d much rather be seeing EXO and traveling around with them. Junmyeon wanted so badly to devote all of his time to the fandom, but when responsibility called for him, he couldn’t say no. No matter how much he hated studying, he knew his future was the biggest of his concerns. If it came down to it, he would have to choose school over EXO. It was a given, of course, but EXO made Junmyeon happy. Normal life hadn’t necessarily done the same.

He just didn’t want to go back.

As Junmyeon thought deeper about the things he needed to mentally prepare himself for, he felt a pair of warm hands on his shoulders, pivoting him to face Yixing.

Intensely, he felt the same warm lips on his again. This time, it was much slower (though by no means more gentle)  and Junmyeon had time to register everything. Yixing was holding him by his shoulder, but soon his hands glided under Junmyeon’s arms to tightly cup his back like a pair of wings. The sensation was almost electric, Junmyeon shuddered and loosened his lips. He brought his hands up to cup Yixing’s face.

He ran the pads of his thumbs across the texture of Yixing’s skin, across his jaw, down his neck. His middle finger began to gently massage against the tragus of Yixing’s ear out of sheer instinct.

It was only when Yixing suddenly moaned that Junmyeon realized where they were- what they were.

The elevator came to a stop. The door opened and Yixing slowly slid his hands off of Junmyeon’s back, though not without leaving a burn spot where Junmyeon felt his hands should have remained. Yixing walked out first with Junmyeon trailing after him like a shadow. The hallway was empty and quiet. There’s a comforting whir in the background from the air conditioner and heating vents.

In the room, Yixing brought himself down on the mattress before Junmyeon had the opportunity to say anything. With a sigh, Junmyeon swallowed some of the words he wanted to say. Instead, he went into the bathroom to prepare himself for bed.

It was twelve AM and Junmyeon’s eyes were closed so tightly that it hurt. He’d been trying to sleep for the past hour and it was just not working. He could tell that he wouldn't be able to sleep for the rest of the night, as far as his mind was wandering towards Yixing.

“Yixing-ah...” Junmyeon asked, a little shocked at the unintentional syllable at the end of the name. “Are you awake?”

There was a very brief pause.

“Yeah,” breathed Yixing. His voice cracked a little from lack of usage and he laughed effortlessly. He coughed to clear it up.

“So the concert tonight,” Junmyeon awkwardly began. He twiddled with his thumbs under the covers. “Really exciting. Awesome close, right?”

“Right.” He was smiling. “It was good of them to close with Lucky.”

In an instant, the mattress ruffled and Yixing was standing next to Junmyeon’s bed. Junmyeon’s heart started pumping again. Blood rushed to his face. He was suddenly glad that the room was completely dark so Yixing wouldn't see his flush of embarrassment. Junmyeon shifted over towards the wall and lifted the sheets for Yixing.

Yixing didn’t question this, but when Junmyeon realized what he had done, he almost jumped again.

Why the hell did I just do that?

Yixing climbed in next to him. It became alarming to Junmyeon how quickly they were moving ahead. They had just kissed in the concert and in the elevator and now this?! They knew nothing about each other aside from their common love for Chen and EXO.

But somehow with Yixing next to him, everything felt warmer. Yixing’s voice broke the blanket of silence.

“You know, when History first came out, I learned their dance so I could impress this girl I liked.”

Wait, girl?

“Yeah?” Junmyeon encouraged him to keep talking, though a tiny bit of dread was starting to gather at ihs stomach. Was Yixing attracted to guys? Why did he kiss him if he wasn’t? On top of that, it sounded like this story would go sour soon. For the first time in ages, Junmyeon felt sympathy. This feeling started to shift around though, because then it just became something like hurt. It just hurt when he felt like Yixing was in pain.

“I went pretty far with it, too. I begged my closest dancing friends to do it with me for her,” said Yixing. “She liked it, but she said I just wasn’t Exo. She rejected me outright. Funny, don’t you think? That I’d come to love a group that caused rejection.”

“No,” said Junmyeon. Initially, he was mad at this girl. How could someone not like Yixing? He wanted to tell Yixing, if someone is going to reject you because of a reason like that, then they’re not worth your time. But then he realized that he was thinking the same thing just a few days ago. If his future husband didn’t look like Chen, he wouldn’t marry him. Those were his own words.

How many times did Yixing have to make him feel self-conscious about his opinions? Junmyeon felt that in a way, he had contributed to Yixing’s pain.

“Really, she missed out,” Junmyeon chose to keep it simple and vague to conceal some extra unnecessary feelings. “She’s not worth your time. Clearly she’s more happy chasing exo members around.”

A stream of laughter erupted as he rolled around the bed like a bunny, clutching his stomach. His laughter was periodical, sounding like rapid tiny coughs more than the usual throaty laugh most other people possessed. Even when Junmyeon’s head hurt from the inability to sleep, he thought Yixing’s laughter was the happiest sound he had ever heard.

“I stopped talking to her a month or so after that. She got herself a boyfriend who was a Luhan lookalike. Good for her, I guess. Happy ending for everyone.”

“But... what about yourself, Yixing?” Junmyeon asked with concern. On one hand, Yixing’s selflessness made Junmyeon feel vulnerable. He desperately wanted someone to protect Yixing. Not everyone was worthy of his trust. Not everyone would love him as he should be loved.

“I don’t really know. I think I’m pretty happy, who wouldn't be happy with EXO in their lives, amirite?” He laughed.

“I wanted to be a pastry chef,” said Junmyeon. “That was all I ever wanted to do. That’s also why I found it disturbing that Le Cafe served English pastries.”

A little giggle came from Yixing at his side. Yixing pressed his nose into Junmyeon’s shoulder. “What happened?” He asked. “I’m sorry, I’m just imagining you as a little chef.”

“A lot of things happened. I guess I decided that baking was just not the way to go for me.”

“That sentence sounds awfully familiar,” said Yixing.

“When I was little, I just knew I wanted other people to be happy after eating what I made, you know? It’s like a writer wants to bring certain emotions to their readers.”

“Isn’t that reason enough to follow through?”

“But a normal job is just safer. Normal life, normal beliefs, normal...” Junmyeon trailed off when he realized just how much he didn’t want what he described. If he were to lead a normal life, he would literally not like anything about his life. That was why he allowed EXO to take over his life for the time being. EXO was freedom but EXO was also prison. He could not enjoy EXO without wondering how much he owed real life. “I didn't make it into culinary school. My mom took it as a sign that it wasn't my designated path. She’s right, it really isn’t.”

“You’re a liar,” said Yixing. “Please don't lie to me, Junmyeon.”

The very fact that he was here with Yixing meant something was changing.

“Maybe you’re right,” sighed Junmyeon. “Maybe I still want to be a pastry chef. Maybe I’m finally thinking it’s still possible.”

Junmyeon didn’t look at his rejection letter. As soon as he held the envelope in his hands, he knew what was inside. He had closed himself in his room for the next three days. Everything that he had worked for- the days he spent learning from his father, they all went to waste. He just wanted to be good enough. The past eighteen years of his life had given into the wind dreaming for the impossible.

“Junmyeon, please come out,” his brother had said, knocking softly on his bedroom door, afraid that he would be startled. “If you're not going to come outside, then please let me in.”

His brother was terrified for his safety, and for a good reason too. Most of students who suffer from the same failure as Junmyeon take months to recover from suicidal thoughts. Junmyeon’s brother was ready to do anything to save him.

“Junmyeon, don’t you dare do anything.”

But what was left for him? He had worked so hard to get here. Junmyeon thought about all the positive comments and the negative responses he had received on his work. That's it. He would never be good enough to make it in the school if there were so many as one person who disliked his cooking.

He was good, just not good enough.

It was always like that.

“Good, just not good enough,” murmured Junmyeon. “I don't think I will ever be good enough.”

Yixing kept a respectable inner distance between the two of them. He did not blindly tell Junmyeon that he was okay or that he was better than he thought. Quite frankly, he knew those comments wouldn't have made Junmyeon feel very good.

Junmyeon’s brother had talked him to sleep that night. The entire house was filled with tension. His mother refused to speak, and though it appeared to be because of Junmyeon’s failure, Junmyeon’s brother assured him that it was because she was worried for his well being.

“I finally left my room on the third day. I was scared,” said Junmyeon. “I thought my mother would yell at me for staying in my room for three days. I thought she would be disappointed... because I was disappointed. It’s an understatement. I didn’t want to see her.” Junmyeon’s last words came out slower, as if he grew afraid of saying them. When he closed his eyes, he could see his mother’s eyes in the back of his eyelids. It scared him that he could only see what he thought she had looked like. Junmyeon knew fully well that it might not have been the way she actually looked at him. He had imaged her disapproval so much that it felt like certainty. Even now, sometimes he mistakenly remembered her gaze as harsh and cold.

“When I finally came out of my room, my brother led me to the dining room. My mother had cooked all of my favorite foods and set them out on the table.”

It was kind of like telling a bedtime story to Yixing. Junmyeon wondered if he was boring him, because this wasn’t necessarily an eventful story or a very happy one. When Yixing let out a relaxed sigh, Junmyeon continued.

“I found EXO about a week after. I heard there were going to be four Chinese members, too, so I decided to stick around and watch their teasers. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t that into them at the time.”

Junmyeon felt Yixing’s head move up and down in agreement on his shoulder. Junmyeon’s chest eased from the tension. It was so comforting to hear Yixing breathe next to him. There was only the two of them in the world at the moment. The two of them and the rest of the world rushing quietly at their side like blurry silhouettes. Feeling braver, Junmyeon turned his body to face Yixing. He placed his chin on top of Yixing’s head.

“I kind of just allowed myself to disappear from the world for a moment, I guess. I decided to not think about anything except the fun stuff, like Anime and... and EXO. Soon, one song came out after the other and they just kept blowing my mind. There were so many of them. They were all so different, and I felt like I had ten different guys all to myself. Like I said, I adored Jongdae because when I looked at him, I felt like my failures weren’t that important.”

Yixing responded to Junmyeon’s body shift by lacing his right hand over Junmyeon’s body and pressing him closer. He buried his nose in Junmyeon’s warm chest and inhaled deeply. Junmyeon smelled sweet and fresh.

“Junmyeon, I never told anyone this, but I tried out for SM secretly when I first came to Korea,” Yixing said softly. His voice sounded a little tired, so Junmyeon pulled the cover ups further over them so they were nestled between the mountain of pillows and the mattress and the fluffy blanket.

“Wow, really?” Junmyeon was shocked. “How... how was it?” He had a slight idea of which direction this story was gonna go, much like the incident with the EXO fangirl crush.

“Well, but not well enough,” echoed Yixing. “I’ve wanted to be a star since I was little. I liked performing. I was very extroverted with my large family. I wanted more than anything to keep entertaining others. I liked their smiles.”

Yixing loved dancing, the rhythmic flow of his limbs fascinated him from a young age. He used to attend Kung fu classes when he was in elementary school. His mother decided to take him there because she’d had enough of him prancing around the house with enough energy to knock down some of their walls. At the Kung Fu classes, he became somewhat of a little star amongst a few kids his age and few who were older. Yixing was known to be enthusiastic and loud. He was so loud he could blow down the ceiling at his house.

“Sometimes we had dance sessions between the students in the class, just for giggles and relaxation, you know? I always went first simply because I liked moving around. Eventually I just started looking forward to the dance breaks rather than the classes themselves.”

Junmyeon smiled, imagining young Yixing making unnecessary sound effects as he kicked around. Those who were older wouldn’t help but fawn over him.

“When I was little, I never legitimately planned my future. I mean, who did?” Asked Yixing. “No one would think about what they needed to do if they failed. No one spent their days making backup plans, alternative routes. If you wanted to be a dancer, you told yourself it would happen. And then you spend the rest of your life making backup plans. Now I’m too afraid to take a step back on the original track.”

Junmyeon recognized the feeling because he felt the exact same way.

“You don’t have to worry, Yixing,” assured Junmyeon. “I’m sure every EXO member has been in our shoes. You are a phenomenal dancer, and I’m not just saying it because I can’t dance.”

“Shut up, you really aren't that bad,” Yixing chuckled.

“Think of all the idols that have endured the doubt of their parents,” said Junmyeon. “How many Korean parents would let their child become a celebrity? How many times do these celebrities have to be rejected by companies before they’re finally accepted into one? Between disapproval from family and disapproval from the companies, how bad do they have to feel?” Junmyeon ranted. “How much time do you think they spent doubting themselves?”

“They doubt as much as we do,” said Yixing. “Maybe the doubt is worth it, the dream is worth it, and so is EXO.”

“Yeah...” Junmyeon trailed and then stated very dramatically,“I mean, I don’t know about those other things, but EXO is definitely worth it!”

There was a moment of silence.

Then Yixing burst out laughing, convulsing and hiccuping against Junmyeon’s body as Junmyeon’s eyes widened a little bit at the fear for Yixing’s well being. But hearing Yixing laugh made his chest beat wildly with happiness. His face pulled up into a secretive smile and he held on to Yixing tighter.