14.

''Where have you been? I went to your house and you weren't there.''-Mona said to me while we were drinking our much needed coffee at Starbucks. I glued my eyes to my cup.

''At Andrei's.''-I say and wait for the attack. It never came. I looked at her and met a worried gaze.

''Is he your rebound? Because I can tell you that is not gonna end up well. I don't know what he has with heartbroken women, but he dumps them right after .''-Mona said.

''Don't worry nothing happened.''-that was not exactly true but I will spare her the details.

''Come on, no woman has entered that apartment without being impaled on his stick.''-she said.

''Not true. I recall you sleeping there once.''-I say drinking my coffee when she turns away and I almost choke. ''No way?''-I ask. She sighs. I start laughing. ''You and Andrei?''-I ask.

''I know, but it happened somehow. After my break up with Lucas.''-she said. ''At that time, it just seemed like a good idea. But it wasn't. I mean.. the was good.''-she said.

''Mona I don't want to know about your life.''-I say chuckling.

''Well forgive me Mary.''-she rolled her eyes.

''But I didn't sense anything weird with you and Andrei.''-I say.

''Well he's a pro a that kind of thing already and I didn't want to talk about that ever again so we kept it buried.''-she said. ''Hey, I forgot to tell you yesterday. Do you know who made an Instagram account?''-she asked me.

''Someone we know or someone we wanna know?''-I ask.

''Someone you really wanna know.''-she said. ''I'm not that into ballads.''

''Shut up!''-I almost jump from my chair and grab my phone. I type in Park Hyo Shin and there it was. parkhyoshin.official. This is like a dream come true. He wasn't a public person so international fans really didn't know much about his life. And this... this is everything. I almost cried. I put my phone next to my cup and scroll down the feed. I haven't logged in in a while.

''Hey girls.''-Ella said joining us with her shopping bags. I wasn't overly excited with her here but whatever. She was a drama I didn't need. ''Oh my god, how can you drink those? So unhealthy.''-see what I mean?

''But delicious.''-Mona said.

''I'm gonna order some green tea.''-she said and went to order.

''Who cares..''-I mumble and Mona gives me a look. She looks at my phone than at me.

''Hanna... can I borrow your phone?''-she said taking it in a second. But not before I saw his picture.

''No! You can't. Give it back!''-I yell and everybody looks at me. ''Give it back.''-I repeat with a lower voice. She gives me the phone and I search trough the feed again until I found it. His selfie. He looked like he was straight out of gym. Still tanned from the sea sun. He looked... as if he was crying. But maybe I am wrong. I wrote his name in the explore. There was a lot of his pictures but nothing new. Maybe here and there when he met his friends but nothing else. Doesn't he work. I was about to lock my phone when I saw the picture. Of us. I kept scrolling and there were more.. a lot more. My face was blurred and he was smiling while we were walking and holding hands. Us at a dinner. Us on the beach... he was swimming and I was standing in the water with just my feet covered. And the earliest one was us... fighting... secluded... the time he kissed me. First time. There was a screenshot of an article. -Ji Chang Wook reported by korean tourists. -he looks happy with a girl. -dating for about a month. -fans crushed. -agency and Ji Chang Wook deny the rumors.

''Who is that? He's hot.''-Ella said from behind me and I lock my phone.

''Nobody.''-I say.

''You are so possessive of your korean boys.''-she said.

''Let it go.''-Mona said.

''What? I'm just saying. It's not like he knows you exist.''-Ella said and sipped on her tea. I stood up and left.

''Wait Hanna.''-Mona walked after me but I raised my hand to stop her.

''Keep her company. I need to be alone for a while.''-I say and walk away. She knew when I needed time for myself so she went back inside. I didn't care that he denied the rumors. Okay maybe it hurt a little, but I knew he would. I knew. It's just, in past few days I kept thinking how that part of my life was just a dream. That maybe we didn't happen. I didn't know how to think of it, as a dream or a nightmare. But seeing our pictures now, made it so real. It felt like I was ripping off a band aid and the wound that was stuck to it was ripped open again. It hurt. Bad. My eyes got blurry and I almost tripped. I decided to sit down until I calm.

''Excuse me.''-I tiny voice came from above. I squint my eyes at a small asian girl.

''Yes.''-I say.

''Are you this person?''-she asked me and showed me a picture of me and him. I stayed quiet. ''Don't worry. I wont tell. I was there and I saw you a couple of times. You looked.. so happy. I wondered why you broke up. But you don't have to tell me.''-she said. I look away.

''I was really stupid and we broke up.''-I said. I was about to cry and she sat next to me and patted me on the back.

''Did you fight?''-she asked.

''No.. it was actually perfect. I could never imagine a relationship like ours. But I was scared of his fame. I thought I wasn't good enough for him. I didn't let him decide. I decided for him. And I couldn't take a step forward.''-I say.

''You left him?''-she asked.

''Yeah.''-I said and wiped my tears. ''And now I have to pretend everything is fine, because there is no going back. There is nothing left behind us or between us. Just an unfillable void.''-I say.

''Did you love him?''-she asked.

''Yes.''-I say.

''Do you still love him?''-she asked.

''Yes.''-I say.

''Then there is something left.''-she said. ''Did you know I am a big fan of his?''-she asked. I look at her. ''That's what you were afraid of. His fans and his career being over because of this scandal. But I am his fan and I want to give you my support. Any true fan will. They want him to be happy. And hate you may receive shouldn't bother you because those were not his real fans. If they were, they would see how happy he was with you.''-she said.

''Thank you. Really. I didn't think of it that way.''-I say.

''Are you going to call him?''-she asked.

''No. We are over. I hurt him, and myself, way too much.''-I say. She looked at me sadly. She looked very frustrated.

''That's a shame. Not many couples who deserve to be together are together.''-she said. Why is it that everybody thought they knew something about us? Sad thing was, sometimes people who saw our relationship knew more than me. I was being deliberately stupid. ''When I go back to Korea in a few days. If I see him, I will tell him I saw you. Just a name is enough to see how he feels. And people will know. Then you will know.''-she said.

''No. You said you won't tell anyone.''-I say grabbing her hands.

''Yes. But that didn't count him.''-she said. I let her hands go and stand up.

''This isn't a fan-fiction. A fantasy. We are real people. He shouldn't be bothered with this anymore. Thankfully he will be doing just fine. There is no need to remind him of what is over already.''-I say and turn away. I wasn't solving any of my problems I was just turning away. Running from them.

''You may start on Monday.''-Andrei said trough the phone. He found me a job at a company he works for. He is a tourist agent and he manages translators and guides for groups of tourists. I will be his secretary until I find a more permanent job. His secretary is on vacation for two weeks and that is how long I will work there.

''Thank you.''-I say. ''I owe you.''-I say.

''You know how you can pay me back.''-he said in a low voice.

''Don't push it.''-I say and he laughs. ''Gotta go.''-I say.

''Alright. See you on Monday.''-he said and hung up. I wasn't really busy, I just didn't want to talk to him that much. Things weren't the same anymore and I couldn't pretend they were. He was good at it, I wasn't.

''Hanna do you need something from the store?''-mom asked from the hallway.

''No.''-I say back.

''Seriously who do I cook for. You didn't even touch this.''-she said. She went in the kitchen to get her grocery list.

''I wasn't hungry. I will eat later.''-I say.

''Don't push it. You should eat.''-she said standing on the doorway to my room.

''I know mom. I will eat later, I promise.''-I say gentler and she leaves. I sigh. I grab my laptop and search for a drama to watch. After a while I gave up. Nothing spiked my interest. I turned to YouTube so I can listen to so music while I read at least. That's when I saw it. -Ji Chang Wook interview with Vogue. It was a recent one so I dared to click on it. He had a pictorial for the magazine. After showing some pictures the video of him and some lady sitting on the couch started. She was a beautiful woman. I instantly felt jealous. I looked at his face. Studying its every line. What surprised me was that his face didn't give anything away. He smiled but it was like he didn't. Like he was cut off from any emotion. Like me.

-'You picked up a good tan at your vacation. Do you prefer a darker skin?'-she asked.

-'Well I don't mind either. But when I prepare for filming I tend to stay out of the sun for a while.'-he answered.

-'When can we see you on TV again?'-she asked.

-'I don't know about that just yet. There is nothing that spiked my interest.'-he said.

-'Sounds like you're a tough man to satisfy.'-she said with a over the top smile.

-'Not at all.'-he just said and she moved on.

-'Let's talk about what we really want to know. The vacation scandal.'-she said with an evil gleam in her eye. He shifted in his seat.

-'What about it?'-he actually sounded pissed off. He probably has to lie his off about hundred times a day.

-'Well who is the lucky lady?'-the woman asked boldly.

-'Even if there was a lady, I think she would be unlucky before anything.'-he said. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

-'Why is that?'-she asked.

-'Well who would date a guy like me? Apparently I am not worth it.'-he said with a sour smile and it was like he put a hand in my chest and squeezed my heart. Not worth it... I wasn't worthy of you Ji Chi.

-'I can think of millions of women who stand in line waiting for a chance with you.'-she said.

-'They are in for disappointment then.'-he said.

-'You must have been very heartbroken that you think this way.'-the woman said. He was quiet for a while. He must be thinking of a lie good enough to tell.

-'No comment.'-he said with a sustained smile and I knew he had said it for me. He wanted me to know he was heartbroken.

-'Then are you saying the rumors were true?'-she asked.

-'Well...'-he stuttered.

-'Your agency denied the rumor. The pictures taken by fans say otherwise. You must agree that the pictures don't lie. You looked very lovey dovey with your lady.'-she said. Why is she so bold? They can't just ask him stuff like that. But he lets her. Why?

-'She...'-he started and I jumped off my chair. What is he doing? -'Is a very good friend of mine.'-he said and my muscles relaxed. A bit of sadness settling in my stomach.

-'No doubt about that.'-the woman said. -'Too bad we don't have any more time. It was very interesting to talk to you Ji Chang Wook shi. Hope we can work together again soon. I wish you luck in your future projects.'-she said. He stood up.

-'Yes I hope we can work together again. Thank you.'-he said and waived to the camera. The video ended. I was still standing in the middle of the room. I heard buzzing in my ears. It was different seeing some random star talking about their scandal and him talking about us. My video automatically changed to the next one. Fan-taken video of him entering a cafe with some friends.

''Ji Chang Wook look here!''-the girl said. It took only a second for me to recognize her voice from a few days ago. He took off his sunglasses and waived at her. ''I met her a few days ago.''-she said and he kept walking. ''You look better than her, she was crying.''-she said and started to lower the camera when I saw his shoes step forward and it looked like he pulled her hand.

''Really?''-he asked and the video ended. I gasped and my hand shot to my mouth. I closed my laptop quickly. I swore to myself I won't turn it on again soon.

I hate Mondays. They always came way too quickly. And getting up early was a murder to me. I hated it. I was walking down the street toward my bus stop and it was foggy. That means it was really ing early. The streets were empty. But that can change in minutes. It was always tricky in the city. I rubbed my hands together and wondered if I should have worn something warmer than a leather jacket but later in the day will be warmer.

I entered 'my' office and sat down. I put my head on the table. I wasn't ready to be a grown up yet. I can't do grown up. Maybe I should just quit, I was a quitter after all.

''Don't even think about quitting.''-Andrei said and put a cup of coffee in front of me. I looked up and he was wearing a shirt and tie outfit and I wanted to laugh.

''You look like a real gangster now.''-I say chuckling. ''A badass.''-I add.

''Ha-ha. Real funny. Let's see how well you will work without my help.''-he said lifting an eyebrow.

''I work for you dumb . If you don't teach me then you loose.''-I say and makes an 'o' with his mouth.

''I'm an idiot.''-he said. ''Okay start with these. This is easy. When you're done we'll move on to something harder. You just have to input all this scheduled meetings into the computer and send me a copy of it.''-he said handing me a bunch of papers.

''Okay sir.''-I say and he laughs.

''This will be fun.''-he said and looked under the table. ''Could you wear a skirt?''-he asked

''No.''-I say.

''Tough woman.''-he said and walked into his office. I look at the papers and turn on the computer. This will be a long day.

After I was done with work, my was flat and my back hurt like hell. Who can sit for that long? Not to mention my eyes. They were square shaped from staring at the screen. I stood up and took my jacket and my back. I never been so happy to see sky in my life. I was in that office for nine hours but it felt like an eternity. *starts singing Vixx*.

''Do you need a ride?''-Andrei asked me catching up with me.

''No. I want to walk. That was a body suicide in there.''-I say.

''True. It to sit all day.''-he said. ''You sure? I won't take you to my house I promise.''-he said jokingly. I still wasn't up for joking about that.

''I'm sure. Go away.''-I say.

''As you wish.''-he said and hurried off.

It took all my might not to go on YouTube today at work. My self control was amazing. I didn't even know what to expect. It was probably taken down already. At least... at least I could hear the worry in his voice. My phone vibrated. Mom.

''Hello.''-I answer.

''When are you coming home?''-she asked.

''In about half an hour. Why? Do you need something?''-I ask.

''Could you pick up your nephew from the day care?''-she asked.

''Sure.''-I say.

''Do you know which floor he's on?''-she asked.

''Yeah it's not m first time.''-I say.

''Okay. If you don't know call me.''-she said.

''I know. Bye.''-I say and hang up. I can't wait to see my cutie-pie nephew. He was three years old and the most precious boy in the world. Only boy who made me happy. My phone rings again. ''I said I know which floor he's on.''-I say into the phone.

''Who?''-a male voice came and startles me.

''Who are you?''-I ask looking at my phone. Unknown number.

''Umm... Hyun Woo.''-he said and I stopped walking. People behind me almost crashed into me.

''Hyun Woo?''-I ask.

''Yes. I'm sorry if this is a bother.''-he said.

''No, no. It's fine.''-I say, a bit too desperately.

''I wanted to ask... if you had any difficulties with rumors?''-he asked.

''No... nobody knows it's me.''-I say.

''Oh, okay then. I just wanted to make sure.''-he said.

''Right. Well, it's all well on my side. I... don't know about him though.''-I say.

''You don't search for it?''-he asked.

''Not actually.''-I lied. Well I didn't search. It popped up on its own.

''Here is good too. There were some rumors but we killed them quickly.''-he said. Wow, that stung. There was silence. Nobody said nothing and maybe a minute passed. I wondered.

''Is he there?''-I ask quietly. As soon as I did the line went dead.