15.

I was so immersed in my job I hardly noticed any life around me. My head was full of numbers and appointments. My phone rang and I flinched out of it. Mona.

''Yeah.''-I answer.

''You okay? You sound tired.''-she said.

''I feel tired.''-I say resting my forehead on my palm.

''Well you better get some sleep tonight because were having fun tomorrow.''-she said.

''Fun?''-I ask.

''Yes fun. Lake's birthday party.''-Mona said. Crap I forgot about Lake.

''She always throws over the top parties.''-I say.

''She has money for it.''-she said. Lake is one of the richest persons I know. She has her own house, since she was eighteen. Two cars, a bike and a yacht. The thing was, she was my friend because she didn't act like she was rich. I mean, yes she had all those stuff but she got them she didn't buy them. She is cool.

''Yeah. When is it?''-I ask.

''After eight pm. I'll pick you up.''-she said.

''Okay. What will you wear?''-I ask.

''That one piece I bought yesterday.''-she said.

''Yeah it looked good.''-I agree. ''What should I wear?''-I ask.

''Well since most of your clothes is now hanging from you, you can come and borrow something of mine.''-she said. She was right. Nothing fits anymore.

''Thanks.''-I say. A message came to my mail and I open it. Ahn Yeo Reum? Who is that? A video was attached to it. Nothing written. I open it. Mona was blabbing something about shoes but I didn't even hear what. It was the video I saw on YouTube. A fan-taken one. I almost close it but it didn't stop playing. It had more. The video online was cut. I lower the phone from my ear and glue my eyes to the screen.

''Really?''-he asked. She didn't film his face but the camera was on.

''Yes. I saw her. We talked.''-the girl said.

''You talked?''-he said. He seemed confused. Repeating like a child.

''Yes. Oppa, if you date we will understand.''-she said. He said nothing. ''Do you love her?''-she asked.

''I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about.''-he said and his feet went off the screen.

''She loves you.''-she said and the video ended. So he denied it. In the end it comes to this. And my heart wavered. My hopes spiked up. Only to be shot down. A tear fell down my cheek and I realized this week was a hell for me. Not because of work but because of this. My emotions were draining. And I was tired from not sleeping well. Because I only dreamed of him, and every time I did, it felt so real. I was in pain. My heart was in pain.

''Hanna?!''-came from my phone and I realized I haven't hung up yet.

''Sorry I need to go.''-I say and click the red button.

''What was that yesterday?''-Mona asked me. ''Don't just hang up like that and don't answer my calls.''-she said. After what happened I left work a bit early and went straight home to sleep. I cried so much I had a massive headache.

''I had a thing going on. I'm sorry. I can be a real .''-I say.

''You're not a until I call you a .''-Mona said and I laugh. She didn't laugh with me. She wasn't mad, she just acted a bit weird today.

''I guess I don't want to experience that just yet.''-I say.

''No you don't.''-she said and parked the car in front of her house. I came to borrow some clothes for the party.

''Hi miss. G.''-I say to Mona's mom.

''Hi honey. Are you hungry?''-she asked as always.

''No thank you.''-I say passing by and entering Mona's room.

''Are you sure?''-she said. Mona pushed me in.

''Mom she told you she's not hungry. We have to get ready.''-she said and closed the door behind us.

''Don't be so harsh on your mother.''-I say.

''She would never leave you be until you eat a dinner for five.''-Mona said.

''So? There are worse mothers out there.''-I say.

''True.''-she said.

''This is nice.''-I say pointing to a dress on the bed.

''I knew you would like it that's why I didn't put more stuff out.''-Mona said. It was a tight black dress with no sleeves or straps, more like a corset. It was short but not extremely. It would be good if I didn't bend down. It had a zipper in the middle of the dress that went from bottom to the top. It was like my second skin. I never dared to wear something so... little. But somehow it didn't matter to me anymore. I wore the dress and looked at myself in the mirror.

''How do I look?''-I ask.

''Uuuuh girl. Hot.''-she said. ''And I so have the heels for that.''-she said and tumbled underneath her bed trough some boxes.

''Do you even wear any of those?''-I say pointing to the scattered shoes on the floor.

''Maybe once.''-she said and pulled out the last box. It had at least a finger thick dust layer on it. She pulled out one gold strap heel and threw it to me. I caught it and put it on my foot. I sat down tying the heel and I already felt like I will kill myself with these.

''I like this.''-I told Mona. She was making her way into her one piece and I was doing my make up.

''What?''-she asked.

''This eye-shadow.''-I said.

''Looks good.''-she said.

''Are you ready?''-I ask her.

''In a minute.''-she said and I went trough my hair with my hands to fix it and I was done.

''Is Lucas coming?''-I ask. She winced a little. Still a sore spot.

''He should be. The rumor is... he's with her.''-she said. Maybe that's why I thought she was off all day.

''Really? That .''-I say patting her on the back. ''You deserve better.''-I say.

''I know I do, but my heart doesn't.''-she said and I totally understood. The heart answers to no one.

''Tonight, let's have fun.''-I say taking her hand.

''Hanna... I have something to tell you.''-she said. My smile fell. She looked at me nervously then blew out air. ''You look amazing.''-she said. I had a feeling that was not what she wanted to say at all.

''Thanks Mo.''-I say and we head out to her car.

The music was blasting trough the house way too loud. There was about hundred people only on the first floor. The alcohol smell was almost as intoxicating as drinking it. Mona handed me a shot of tequila.

''Drink up.''-she said and I did. Then she handed me another.

''Mona..''-I pause.

''Drink up.''-she said. I drank.

''Okay. Are you feeling it?''-she asked.

''A little, yeah.''-I nod swaying to the music.

''Chang Wook is in the Capital.''-she said and I almost loose my balance for a moment.

''What?''-I ask.

''He is in the Capital. I wanted to say it earlier but I was afraid.''-she said. I fanned myself with my hand.

''Are you sure?''-I ask.

''100%. What are you going to do?''-she asked. 'I don't know what you're talking about.' - his voice said in my head.

''Nothing. I'm gonna drink.''-I say.

''That's what I'm talking about baby!''-she said and slapped me on the while we walked farther into the house.

''Hey girls. I wondered where you were.''-Andrei said holding two drinks in rainbow colors. ''Try this.''-he said and gave them to us. I poured it down in one go. ''Hey, easy. What's going on?''-he asked Mona.

''I'm right here.''-I say to him.

''Pardon me. So, what's wrong?''-he asked again.

''Absolutely nothing.''-I say grabbing another shot from the bar we passed by on the way.

''I give up.''-Andrei said. I down the shot. Lake danced in the middle of the room and I went to hug her.

''Happy birthday Lake!''-I screamed in her ear and she looked at me strangely.

''You're having fun... already.''-she said looking at me than at Mona. ''Well that's what you're here for. Enjoy!''-she said and a group of people shouted from Joy. I plopped down on the couch and Mona was swaying back and forth between some guys I didn't know. Andrei plopped down next to me casually but I knew he did it for me. I couldn't concentrate on anything solid. Music went trough me and my eyes just followed any movement. Why is he here? For me? Can't be. He doesn't care. He did care. But I hurt him. Really bad. It's only reasonable if he doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

''But I want...''-it escapes my lips.

''What?''-Andrei asks and I look at him.

''I want him to want me back.''-I say. Andrei sighs.

''Just who is that guy?''-he asked.

''He was a dream.''-I say. I stand up and pour myself a beer. Just the color of it looked so dull so I grabbed a green colored vodka and poured that in the cup too.

''Maybe I shouldn't have told you.''-Mona said grabbing the cup from me.

''It's okay. I'm okay.''-I say. So not okay. I take my cup back.

''We haven't been here for fifteen minutes and you're half drunk. How can you be okay?''-she said.

''I'm not half drunk.''-I say drinking half a cup. ''I am more.''-I giggle.

''Hanna...''-Mona starts.

''A ing birthday!''-I yell but the music dulls it out. ''It's a party. I can get drunk if I want to. I am twenty years old. Twenty!''-I say.

''You go girl!''-a guy I didn't know fist bumped the air. I greeted him with my cup.

''As you wish.''-she said letting go of me.

''Mona...''-I say and she turns. I point my finger at Lucas. He was in the corner some belly button. ''Welcome to the land of booze.''-I say and give her the vodka bottle. She drinks straight from it.

After about two hours of walking around and occasional dancing I got sick to the point that I couldn't move. If I moved I would throw up. But I had to get fresh air. I stumbled toward the door holding onto a wall. I walked to the terrace outside and lied down on the table. Nice and cold. Just what I needed.

''Look at this chick.''-someone said close to me. ''She is so wasted.''-they laughed. Oh, they were talking about me.

''I will throw up on you I swear.''-I said and they backed off a little.

''You look like you will.''-a guy said and walked away. The other one stayed.

''What's your name?''-he asked.

''I don't want to hook up.''-I say.

''Me neither. Your name.''-he said.

''Hanna.''-I say.

''Okay Hanna, who are you with?''-he asked. Why do I have to talk?

''My friend Mona but she is just as wasted as I am.''-I say.

''Hmm... a boyfriend?''-he asked. I snort.

''Hell yeah I have a boyfriend. A wonderful boyfriend. So beautiful and talented. Created by Gods. He is sunshine and moonlight. A God. Which I obviously don't know because we didn't have any. But never mind. I still love him a lot.''-I say.

''Wow, I can see that.''-he said. My phone rang in my purse and I didn't want to move to get it out. The guy took it and searched trough my bag. ''Is your boyfriend... Ji Chi? Must be asian.''-he said.

''Yeah. How did you know? I gave him that nickname.''-I say giggling. He ignored me and answered my phone. ''How rude.''-I say.

''Are you her boyfriend? She's drunk. I don't know her. Yeah. I can tell you. Do you have a pen?''-wow such a boring person. He left me already. ''Here's your phone. Your boyfriend is gonna pick you up.''-the guy said. ''My name is Wren.''-he said.

''Yeah I don't care.''-I say.

''And you tell me I'm rude.''-he said.

''You heard that?''-I ask giggling again.

''Yeah I am not deaf.''-Wren said.

''Thanks Ren.''-I said and chuckled.

''It's Wren.''-he said.

''Okay Ren. Hey, do you know Nu'est?''-I ask.

''No. What is that?''-he asked.

''That? A band, a group. Whatever. You're not worthy of the story.''-I say.

''Really?''-he asked.

''Yeah. Why are you still here Ren?''-I ask.

''I can't leave you alone. And it's Wren.''-he said.

''Of course you can. You're a big boy now.''-I say patting his head.

''I have been a big boy for a while.''-Wren said laughing. The screeching of tires snapped me out of it and I put hands on my ears.

''What a hell is that?''-I ask.

''Judging by how asian he looks, your boyfriend.''-Wren said. ''I'll take a leave now my lady.''-he said and disappeared in the crowd that spread out trough the door onto the terrace. I focused on the way he walked first. Furiously and model like. His hands were clenched into fists. Then I looked at his face. Angry, so hot. His hair was wet for some reason. I checked around for rain but there was none and he did have a car. Stupid. He scanned the entrance and then his eyes landed on me. He stopped walking. I waived happily at him and his hand lifted slightly but he put it back down. He walked over to me. I pushed myself in a sitting position. His smell hit me hard it made my heart beat so fast it hurt.

''Stop right there mister.''-I said pointing to him. He stopped. ''I think I might have a heart attack.''-I say holding my left . He rolls his eyes and walks over.

''Stupid.''-he said touching my forehead with his finger. His slightest touch. Small touch. Woke me up. My body was on fire and aware. My mind cleared. But still drunk. I looked at him and he looked at him. That was a look I have seen before. And I mean before us, when we fought a lot. A reserved look. A wall. It was never this painful to look at a wall. But this time it felt it was crumbling and the bricks were hitting me.

''Yes I'm stupid.''-I say. He scanned my body slowly I almost didn't notice.

''What did you do to yourself?''-he asked. Pain leaked behind the wall and it was shown in his eyes.

''What?''-I ask.

''You're so thin.''-he said and took my wrist into his hand.

''Aren't I beautiful now?''-I smile.

''You were beautiful before.''-he said and let go of my wrist.

''Not enough.''-I say.

''How many times do I have to say it was enough for me!''-he yelled and a few heads had turned in our direction. I never cried when somebody yelled at me but when he does it... it's too much. Tears spilled down my cheeks. He touched my shoulder. I grabbed his shirt with both of fists and closed the distance between us. I hugged him so tight I didn't even notice that he didn't hug me back.

''Please. Please. Please. Please.''-I whispered into his shirt which was getting soaked in my tears.

''Pathetic.''-someone whispered and I froze.

''I'm sorry.''-I say and push him away. I try to jump of the table but he catches me and puts me back.

''Do you know why I am here?''-he asked looking straight into my eyes.

''Because I am drunk and stupid.''-I say. He shook his head.

''Guess again.''-he said.

''Please don't play with me.''-another sob escapes my lips.

''Who's playing?''-he asked.

''I don't know why you're here.''-I say.

''I am here to break up with you.''-he said and more tears spilled from my eyes and more heads had turned. ''I didn't get any closure from our break up and I realized that you broke up with me and left. But I still haven't broken up with you.''-he said.

''I'm sorry. I regret it. Since the day we separated I regret it. I really do.''-I say.

''Shut up.''-he says and I close my lips tightly. ''I came here to break up with you because I hated you. I loved you so much and you left me. And it's not like I can put your name into the Google and everything you say or do pops up. I can't see you anymore. And all I can think about is how well you must be doing. While I rot in hell. It's hell when you're not being able to tell or show how you feel. And I faked smiles so you will not feel sorry. So you can have the care free life you wanted. But I couldn't do well. And I hated you for putting me trough it all alone.''-he said.

''But...''-I stuttered.

''I told you to shut up. So I plan to visit. To get my closure. And in my head it's all perfect I see you smiling and doing what you like and we separate like a grown man and woman. But what happens then? A fan of mine tells me she saw you. And all I felt in that moment is that I would dig her eyes out just to have seen what she had seen. And she tells me you cried and that you love me. My break up trip...''-he sighs. ''Turned into I must get her back to me trip.''-he said looking down and my heart leaped into my throat.

''What?''-I ask searching for his eyes. And when he looks at me I see the wall is almost gone.

''I was holding on to every bit of hope against my will.''-he said. Warmer. I grabbed his collar and kissed him. But he didn't kiss me back. Why? It hurts.

''Ji Chi. I do love you. I really do.''-I say.

''But you can't take responsibility for us. How can I trust you again?''-he asked. His eyes full of hidden agony.

''Please..''-I say crying harder.

''Please what?''-he asked harshly. ''You brought this on yourself.''-he said and walked away. He really did. I felt so cold and bare without the warmth his body was giving me.

''I will take it!''-I yell. He turns around a little.

''What?''-he asked.

''Responsibility. I will take it. Proudly claim that you're mine.''-I say.

''Oh really?''-he snorts and keeps on walking. He went inside his car and closed the door. He toyed with me and now he will leave. Just what I did to him. But his door opened again and he stepped out. He walked over to me again. ''Responsibility?''-he asked.

''Yes.''-I said.

''Then take it.''-he said and threw a little box into my lap. I picked it up with my hand and opened it. There was a ring inside. I look at Ji Chi with my mouth open. He stood in front of me like a statue. ''Are you ready?''-he asked. He stepped closer to me. His legs were touching mine. He put his hands on the each side of my legs and leaned on the table. ''For this? Are you ready?''-he asked.

''I was always ready.''-I say and his lips crash to mine. It was like ecstasy. Our feeling being poured into actions. I thought I will never feel my hands going trough his hair again. I'm so happy I was wrong. He gripped my thighs and my legs opened and closed around his waist. Our kiss was fire and passion. Everything love was meant to be.

''Get a room!''-somebody yelled from the crowd and Ji Chi broke the kiss.

''Don't worry I'm about to do just that.''-he said. He took the ring from the box with one hand and took my hand with another. He put it on and it was a perfect fit. Just as beautiful as he is. My hand shook so hard.

''I love you.''-I say into his ear.

''I love you more.''-he said into mine. He picked me up from the table and carried me to his car. ''I'm sorry this was not more romantic. I got carried away.''-he said.

''As long as it's you, it was perfect.''-I say kissing his cheek. He smiled. Oh how I missed that smile. More then I miss air on daily basis.

''I hope you know that this night you belong to me.''-he said while putting me in the car. I felt the blush creep up my neck to my face.

''I'm drunk.''-I blurt out.

''You're not that drunk.''-he said and kissed me again. His tongue trailed my lip and made my toes curl. ''I will have you either way.''-he said. ''After all, you will be my wife.''-he said and closed the door.

''Oh my God.''-I whispered to myself.