When Yunho's initial anger subsided, he realized how much of an he'd just been.

What Changmin had said was true – Yunho didn't really know who Changmin was, despite living with him for the past several months. He didn't know what his history was besides what was mentioned in the papers – no details except that he lived in a group home, and no reason given why – and he didn't know why Changmin chose swimming. With some amount of guilt, he realized that he actually didn't know Changmin at all, and hadn't ever made an effort to find out.

And honestly, what did it matter what Changmin's motivations were? Changmin earned his berth on the Worlds Team with hard work and sheer talent, and it wasn't Yunho's place to discredit any of that. Whether or not Changmin wanted to win in competition honestly mattered very little, because he performed well regardless.

He lay in bed, unable to sleep and feeling so, so guilty. He swore that he would apologize to Changmin once he came back, and even thought about what he should say to his roommate once he returned.

When it was midnight, leaving them only four more hours of sleep, and Changmin hadn't returned to their room, Yunho was starting to get worried, so he decided to try to find the younger. He stopped at a vending machine for a chocolate bar before trying to find his roommate.

It didn't take very long; Changmin was sitting on the couch in the empty common room alone with the TV on. He wasn't really watching, though, clearly deep in thought.

Yunho approached Changmin carefully and took a seat next to him. Changmin glanced at him, gave him an annoyed glare, and then proceeded to ignore him.

"…You have to go to bed. We only have four hours until we have to wake up."

Changmin continued to ignore him.

"We're going to be exhausted tomorrow if we don't sleep now."

"So sleep. You don't have to pretend you care about me after you've just told me you want me gone."

"I didn't mean that," said Yunho softly. "I'm sorry."

Changmin raised the volume on the TV and went back to ignoring Yunho.

"Changmin… you have to tell me what happened," said Yunho quietly.

" off."

"You have to tell me what happened to you so that I can apologize to you properly."

"I don't need your ing apology."

"Yes, you do. And I owe you one."

"I don't need anything from you. Just off."

"…Wanna share a chocolate bar?"

"No. God. off."

Yunho hesitated.

"I'm really sorry."

Changmin snorted and spoke without looking at Yunho. "I'm sure you are."

"…So you'll tell me?" asked Yunho, eyeing the younger. "Because –"

", do you ever shut up?" snapped Changmin turning around towards Yunho. "Do you ever use your brain, or is swimming the only thing you know how to do?"

"Changmin…"

"You're a judgemental who makes no effort to understand anything, why are you bothering to even talk to me right now?"

Yunho hung his head. He couldn't even defend himself.

"… I'm… I'm sorry," whispered Yunho.

Changmin gave Yunho one last dirty look, got up, and left the common room.

Yunho followed timidly as Changmin made his way back into their room. Changmin just got into his bed with his back turned against Yunho, and didn't speak to Yunho for the rest of the night.

The next day, Changmin swam extremely well – he finally had that really fantastic day in practice. He even finally earned a compliment from the coach, and was sent to have an early dinner.

The same couldn't be said for Yunho, who probably just had his worst swim of the year.

Needless to say, Yunho had more bruises by the end of the practice.

He struggled to deal with the pain that night, for one of the first times ever, bringing out a bag of ice. Changmin watched the whole thing from his bed wordlessly – he hadn't spoken to Yunho all day – but when Yunho struggled to place the ice bag on himself, Changmin got up from his bed and slowly walked towards Yunho.

"Lay down," instructed Changmin quietly. "Give me that."

Yunho did as Changmin told him, and Changmin helped arranged the bag over Yunho. "Thanks," said Yunho.

Changmin crossed arms and watched Yunho for a moment, then spoke again.

"You know, I don't sit there thinking about it and crying about it or whatever, so you don't have to either. I've moved on. Take care of yourself, because you doing this to yourself isn't going to change anything."

Yunho buried his face into his pillow again, and soon, Yunho felt Changmin's hands on his back for a massage.

"You don't have to do that," said Yunho timidly, but Changmin continued on.

"You know… last night…" said Yunho quietly. "You know… I really didn't mean what I said."

Yunho heard Changmin let out a sigh. "I know."

"You're a really great swimmer who made the World Team with really hard work. Why you work so hard isn't important, in the end, and it's none of my business. But I just… wished you wanted to win. Because you'd be so, so good, and I'm actually really jealous of you for being so good."

"You're better than I am."

"I won't be for long."

Changmin laughed a little. "I'm not sure about that."

"Anyway. The bottom line is that I was an last night and I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. I overreacted too."

"No, you didn't," said Yunho.

"I did. I just… I don't know. I don't like thinking about what happened before."

Yunho let Changmin massage him for a little while in silence, then spoke.

"What… what happened?"

Changmin hesitated.

"I don't want you to look at me differently. I don't want you to look at me like some charity case."

"I won't," promised Yunho.

Changmin sighed. "I've never told anyone before… but…"

He took a deep breath.

"Well… I guess I was given up when I was a baby for some reason or other," said Changmin. "I don't remember my birth parents at all, so… Anyway. I bounced around from foster home to foster home for most of my life, and most of them were really ed up, you know? Like… long story short, if you're going to have a foster child, don't beat them, starve them, lock them in the basement for days, or lock them out of the house in the dead of winter."

Yunho made a noise of assent, but he really didn't know how to react.

"But anyway. I went through probably thirty foster homes by the time I was thirteen, and that's when I decided to go into a group home for abandoned youth instead, and surprisingly, they let me," said Changmin. "That was a bit more reasonable. At least I didn't have to move every couple of months, and I hated not knowing how my next foster home was going to be."

Changmin took a deep breath.

"So at the group home, at least you get a bed, three square meals, and a desk, maybe. There are constantly volunteers and other people coming through to make you feel bad about yourself, but whatever. And then like, they want to pretend they're like… helping us live a normal childhood and stuff, so they make you go to school, and they make you learn a sport or music or something like that. I chose swimming, and I didn't want to be at the actual group home much so I spent a lot of time at the pool."

"Good thing you chose it," breathed Yunho.

Changmin laughed again, but it didn't sound like his usual laugh. Regardless of how bravely Changmin told the story, Yunho could tell that it was still painful for him.

"You said I was lucky to have made it this far," said Changmin quietly. "But I don't think I'm lucky. If anything, it's the complete opposite."

Changmin's hands on Yunho's back were finally still, and when Changmin spoke again, his voice was shaking.

"Hyung, you're really lucky that you always had someone to look after you, to take you to and from swim practice, to cook for you, to love you, and that you have someone to call when you have good news to share."

Yunho finally sat up and turned to Changmin, and Yunho realized that Changmin's eyes were filled with tears – and Yunho felt his heart breaking. Oh, god.

"I wasn't as happy as you when I found out that made it to Worlds, because making it to the World Team doesn't mean a lot when there's no one to celebrate with you… and no one to be really happy for you."

A tear fell from Changmin's eye.

"You're really lucky that you're not alone in the world, like I am."

Yunho didn't know what to say except I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.