Yunho awoke to the sound of a gasp and a short yell.

He frowned, vaguely aware through his closed eyes that it was still dark. He attempted to roll over from his side onto his back, and he was immediately aware of his sore back and muscles, and the fact that he was so, so uncomfortable. He opened his eyes and saw that a few of his teammates were stirring too.

He slowly to his back – he was pretty sure the side of his hip was bruised from being slept on – and that was when he realized that the athlete beside him was letting out ragged breaths and swallowing as if to force something down.

Yunho turned his gaze towards Changmin, who was sitting up, and clutching at his chest. Even in the faint light of the moonlight shining through, Yunho could see that Changmin was soaked in sweat. Yunho shifted a bit and made to sit up in concern, but Changmin stood up on his shaky legs before Yunho could do anything, and rushed out of the gym.

The door fell closed, and there were a few groans of annoyance in the gym from his teammates – none of which Changmin was there to hear anyway, which Yunho was a bit grateful for. Yunho sat up too, and blinking his sleepiness away, he gingerly got up too and followed Changmin out of the gym, taking care to close the door as quietly as he could as not to disturb his sleeping teammates.

Yunho stopped just outside of the basketball gym and looked around, squinting to let his eyes adjust to the bright fluorescent lights of the hallway.

Changmin had already gone, and Yunho just stood there blankly and groggily, trying to figure out where Changmin might be.

Yunho started walking aimlessly through the deserted halls, rubbing her face.

Then, he heard a clunk.

Yunho, immediately more awake, took a few seconds to decide where the sound had come from, and then turned a corner. And when he did, he heard soft footsteps, too, then the sound of a heavy door opening and closing. Yunho followed the footsteps along the hallway, passed a couple of vending machines, and figured that Changmin had gone through the exit that led outside.

Yunho quickened his footsteps now, jogging slightly, and then he stepped outside too.

It was almost spring, but it was still pretty cold at night; Yunho winced a bit at the sharp winds before looking around for Changmin, who had just sat down on a bench nearby and concentrating only on something that was in his hands, so much so that he wasn't even aware of Yunho approaching him.

When Changmin raised his head, Yunho saw a face of shining with tears, and his heart dropped – but then, Changmin lifted his hand, and brought a stupid chocolate bar to his mouth and took a large bite.

Despite everything and perhaps in relief, Yunho let out a soft chuckle.

Changmin heard the chuckle, and jumped. He looked up, and he looked as shocked as ever to see Yunho.

"What are you –"

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." Yunho held back the urge to say, I know how much you hate it when I do that, remembering the time when they both fell into the pool together, but there was this distance between them now, and he couldn't bring himself to say it.

Changmin grunted and turned his attention back to his chocolate bar. He chewed slowly and swallowed. Yunho stood there awkwardly for a while, still not quite sure what he'd done to deserve this awful silent treatment from him, and then he decided to approach him and sit next to him.

"Back to your chocolate bars? You haven't eaten them in a while."

Changmin took one look at Yunho with his watery eyes, wiped his face of his tears, and just took another bite of his chocolate bar without looking at Yunho.

Yunho swallowed down how hurt he felt and tried to make conversation again. Well, at least Changmin wasn't getting up and leaving.

"Couldn't sleep?" asked Yunho.

"No," said Changmin curtly and decisively.

"Yeah. It's different," said Yunho without thinking. "It's kind of like camp."

Changmin glared at him.

"No, it's not. It's kind of like the basement floors of those foster homes," he spat.

Yunho flushed.

"Sorry."

Changmin sighed in clear distress and tilted his head back. "God, it's been ing years. I need to get the over it."

He paused.

"But then I'm like, how am I supposed to get over that? How am I supposed to get over everything that happened to me?"

Yunho didn't know what to say and just stayed silent, but then Changmin turned and looked at Yunho, looking very angry at himself.

"And why am I even saying this to you? I'm so –"

"Because we're friends!" said Yunho incredulously. "That's what friends are for, we listen to each other and support each other!"

Changmin positively scoffed.

"Okay, that's very sweet and everything, but what are you going to do when I'm no longer welcome in your life? I'm not going to let myself be so – so ing – vulnerable to you when –"

"What do you mean? You're always going to be welcome –"

"I'm not always going to be welcome in your life!" exploded Changmin. "How in the world could I expect you to take care of me for the rest of my life? How? It's completely unreasonable! We were only friends because we happened to be on the same team and we happened to be roommates! You think we're still going to be friends when we're not on the same team anymore and we're not roommates anymore?"

Yunho just stared at Changmin, speechless. How could Changmin think that way?

"Changmin, you're always, always going to be welcome in my life, I promise –"

"You know how many foster parents told me that? That I'm welcome in their lives? How many do you think I was able to keep in touch with? Zero, hyung. Zero."

He glared at Yunho.

"You're not going to be any different. One day, you're going to go to college, and I'm going to do whatever the I'm going to end up doing, and we're not going to see each other, and we're never going to talk to each other anymore. It's as simple as that."

Changmin shook his head.

"I don't know why I fed myself those fantasies for the past year. I was so stupid."

Changmin shoved the rest of the chocolate bar into his mouth, and chewed angrily.

Yunho watched him quietly for a second, and then he reached out for Changmin's hand and held it.

"I know there's nothing I could say to make you believe me when I say I won't be like them," said Yunho quietly. "But I wish you would. Could. I wish you could believe me."

Changmin pulled his hand out of Yunho's.

"But I can't," said Changmin coldly.

Yunho looked at Changmin. "If you can't believe me, then I wish you would let us take care of each other while we are together. And then afterwards, you can put me to the test."

There was a short pause.

"Why would I put myself through that?" said Changmin quietly. "Why would I put you through that?"

Changmin looked into Yunho's eyes for the first time in weeks.

"Listen. As a decent human being – or, I hope I'm one anyway – I can't expect you to welcome me in your life for the rest of your life. That's just… ridiculous. I'm grateful that I got to know you, but I'm not actually your family."

"Mom told you," said Yunho. "We told you to think of us as family."

"But I'm not, hyung. No matter how hard we want to pretend, we're not family."

"Fine, if you insist," said Yunho with a sigh. "But Mom's worried sick about you, and she's asking me about you every day."

Changmin looked away again.

He said nothing for a long time, then he sighed. "Anyway. You should go back to sleep. Your meet's coming up soon."

Yunho narrowed his eyes. "Oh, so you know," said Yunho. "You do know that I'm competing after all."

Yunho was just teasing, and was fully expecting Changmin to say something witty, but –

"Whatever."

Changmin rolled his eyes, and Yunho crossed his arms and pouted. "Stop being a ."

Changmin spun around faster than Yunho ever imagined him, and faced Yunho. "What?"

"Don't be a ," complained Yunho.

But Changmin wasn't angry – or hurt. He didn't even look defensive. He was – confused…?

"I don't get it," declared Changmin.

"What don't you get?"

"Why you think I'm a ."

"Uh, because you've been giving me the silent treatment for the past three weeks? And I did nothing wrong?" said Yunho, stating the obvious.

"So?" said Changmin.

"What? What do you mean, 'so'?"

Now they were both confused – but then it was like a lightbulb went off in Changmin's head. His mouth dropped slightly open, and he tilted his head to the side a bit. And then he looked at Yunho in the eye.

"I've been really mean to you," said Changmin, looking like he finally understood something.

"Um, kind of, yeah. You were a ," repeated Yunho. Changmin looked like he was speechless, and Yunho crossed his arms. "What?"

"Like… why – I mean, like – I didn't think you'd care."

Yunho jumped. "What?"

"Like – I don't get, like – " Changmin stuttered. "Like, why would you care what I think?"

"What? How could I not care?" yelped Yunho.

"Because I'm nothing. Who cares if nothing is here or there or not here?"

Yunho's mouth fell slightly open. "Is that what you think about yourself?"

"You have friends, family – you have everything you need, you don't need me, I – I don't have anything to give you."

"I don't need anything from you," said Yunho. "Just for you to be there when I need it, like I would be –"

"I'm a – a parasite! Why aren't you happy that I'm –"

"You're not any of that! Stop it," ordered Yunho, shaking his head in disbelief. "Shim Changmin, I can't believe you'd think that way about yourself."

"But that's what I really am," said Changmin with watery eyes. "It's what I've been my whole life, and it's what I'm going to be for the rest of my life. I don't have anything to give anyone."

"Changmin, I've never thought of you like –"

"And you," said Changmin, almost accusatory and angrily, "I have no idea what to do with you, because I have no idea why you care about me. I have nothing – I have nothing to give you, and I'm just a burden to you, and you still care about me, and I don't – I just don't understand –"

"How can you say you have nothing to give me?" said Yunho quietly. Changmin stopped talking and looked at Yunho. "If it weren't for you, I would have quit swimming ages ago."

Yunho reached over and put his hand over Changmin's. "If I do anything in swimming, it will be all thanks to you. Whatever I achieve from here on in – whether it's a medal from the Friendlies meet or a medal from the Olympics – it will all be yours as much as mine."

Yunho hadn't convinced Changmin – he knew it.

But maybe, in time, he could.

They sat in silence for a bit longer, then Yunho stood up.

"Anyway. Let's go back to sleep. Like you said, we need to be awake for tomorrow."

Changmin nodded and stood up reluctantly too. They walked to the door back into the building slowly and wordlessly, until Yunho reached for the door handle, and then Changmin tapped him on the elbow. When Yunho turned to him again, Changmin was looking at his feet.

"I'm really sorry," said Changmin quietly.

Perhaps what he was feeling was relief – relief that Changmin didn't hate him after all. But whatever this emotion was, Yunho couldn't help but give his roommate the biggest hug he's ever given in his life.

Over the next few weeks, Yunho and Changmin's relationship healed much quicker than Yunho might have expected, with each of the two of them making the small steps each day to get close to one another again. It didn't have to be a lot – just Changmin poking Yunho awake again in the mornings, and Yunho finding Changmin at dinner and sitting with him.

Yunho put in the extra two hours every day as not to lose his place on the National Team, but honestly, he wondered whether his coach checked – or even remembered that he'd assigned the work to him. He wasn't sure, because he was sure that there were days when his heart rate dipped below 190 within the two hours that he was supposed to be working out, but he didn't comment about it the next day.

His coach had taken to ignoring Yunho now, during practice or otherwise. It was ridiculous, really – Yunho had a meet coming up, but he was training exactly the same things as everyone else. They were just working on strength and endurance and technique, but not actually putting all of it together for a race. Yunho was nervous about that, but on the other hand, he was also too scared to ask his coach for more help, because he was on the brink of burnout as it was, and wouldn't be take his coach pushing him as hard as he had before winter break.

Yunho wasn't as ready as he could have been for Germany, which was a strange feeling – of course, in the past, he had known before certain competitions that he wasn't at the peak of his season – but he had never felt like he was not ready.

When he confessed that to his roommate as he was packing the night before he flew out for the meet, Changmin didn't look concerned.

"You're going to kill it," Changmin said, rolling over on his bed. "I don't know why you're not seeing it, but you're really close to where you were before that crazy woman tried to poison you."

"I'm not," said Yunho, shaking his head. "I still feel out of breath and sore, and my muscle mass just isn't the same, and –"

"I think the only thing that's not the same is your confidence," said Changmin pointedly. "I don't know if you've been bothering to check your times, but –"

"Coach hasn't had me time my sprint swims since we got back," muttered Yunho. Changmin ignored him.

"You're still clocking in your long-distance swims pretty much at the same time as your old records."

"But long distance and short distance races aren't the same."

"Do you want me to time you?" said Changmin.

Yunho hesitated. On one hand, he was curious; on the other hand, he was too scared to know. "Not really," said Yunho honestly. It wouldn't really matter what his times were at this point, really. He would swim his hardest anyway, and there was no time for Yunho to change anything.

Changmin shrugged. "Suit yourself. But to me, you're heads and shoulders above everyone else who's going – at least from our team. I mean, you are a world champion after all."

"It's not about the past, it's about now," said Yunho with a sigh. "I'm not better than them now."

"Oh, yes you are," said Changmin, looking right at Yunho. "Have you even seen –"

Changmin was interrupted by his phone ringing. He lazily picked up his phone, but then looked at the screen, froze for a second, looked at Yunho, then looked back at his phone and continued to let it ring.

"Why aren't you answering it?" asked Yunho suspiciously.

"Wh-What?" stammered Changmin. "I – I mean, I will answer it."

Yunho raised one eyebrow, and Changmin sat up.

"It's not a big deal," muttered Changmin.

He then took a deep breath, cleared his throat, and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

Changmin's voice became smaller, as if to try to keep his conversation from his roommate, who was still able to hear everything anyway.

"Hi, yes, I know. Were you able to find anything? …Oh… yes. Um… okay. " He glanced at Yunho again. "Can I answer the questions later? …Okay. I will call you back tomorrow."

Yunho looked away, since it looked like Changmin wanted privacy, and was contemplating leaving the room, but Changmin hastily ended the call.

Changmin plopped back down on the bed and let out a breath.

"Oh my God. I thought I was going to have a heart attack."

"What was that?" asked Yunho.

Changmin hesitated.

"I wanted to tell you after you come back from your competition."

"Why?"

"I didn't want to distract you."

Changmin seemed like he was debating whether or not he wanted to tell Yunho, but he sighed.

"Well… okay. I hired a private investigator to help me find my parents."

Yunho's mouth dropped open. "What?"

"All my life, I've always tried to be okay with the fact that other people have families," said Changmin defensively. "Because all my life, I thought, I'll find a family too. Either I'll find my real ones, or I'll get adopted, or something. But now that I'm where I am, I'm getting really freaking jealous, and I want to find my parents, no matter what it takes. Don't judge me."

"Why would I judge you?" said Yunho hastily. "I just didn't expect that. I thought you were having your social worker help you with that."

"She can only do so much," said Changmin, shaking his head. "She couldn't find them. I just want to do it as soon as I can."

"Why are you in such a hurry?" asked Yunho.

"Because I'm turning 18 in a few months, and I still don't have it sorted out," said Changmin.

"Age is just a number," said Yunho automatically.

"You don't get it. It's a very important number that actually means a lot," sighed Changmin. "It means I'll have no more support from the system, because I won't be a child anymore. It means I won't be able to go into a group home for children anymore, and it means that I have no chance at adoption anymore. Not just that, but the social support, the financial support – all of it ends. And then I'm really, for real, carved into stone, on my own."

Changmin shrugged.

"Anyway, I only hired him last week. I thought he was calling to tell me that he found them, but he just had more questions for me."

"How long do you think –"

"It's probably going to take a pretty long time. It's also not important right now. Focus on your meet," said Changmin. "I will update you if anything changes."

Yunho nodded and continued to pack. After he finished, he climbed onto his bed and spoke.

"Hey," said Yunho cautiously. "If you don't… you know. If it doesn't work out…"

Changmin looked at Yunho. "For who? You or me?"

Yunho winced a bit. "For you."

Changmin was the one to wince now. "Yeah?"

"Don't get too upset about it. Like I said. You'll still have me. No matter what happens, even if you find your parents or not, we want you home for the holidays, and we want you to let us know if you ever need anything. Although, I know it's easier said than done."

Yunho had expected Changmin to roll his eyes and dismiss him, but instead, Changmin looked thoughtful. He then nodded, and smiled.

"I appreciate that."

Yunho smiled back shyly and turned back to his things, but then Changmin spoke again.

"By the way, make sure you sweep all the wins, okay?" said Changmin. "I really, really want to go to the Olympics with you."

Yunho stared.

"That's the first time you ever said you wanted to go to the Olympics."

"With you," emphasized Changmin. "I want to go to the Olympics with you."

Yunho couldn't help but smile.

The team that was travelling to Germany wasn't in the highest spirits – they all knew that they were B-listers, after all, and the competition was very low stakes for everyone else besides Yunho.

Soonil was there, which was pretty devastating for the veteran National Team member, since it was like the selection committee telling him that he didn't have a chance at the Olympics anymore – but Soonil was still very young, being only Changmin's age. Yunho had no doubt that Soonil had a good chance for the next quad.

Everyone was downcast for the entire flight there, barely even speaking to each other. To make matters worse, their main coach wasn't even travelling with them. It was obvious that no one was excited to spend four days in Germany.

Yunho was stretching in the warm-up gym that was provided for them when Soonil came to Yunho's side and tapped him on this arm.

"Look," muttered Soonil. "It's Brandt."

Yunho's heart dropped. "What?"

Brandt was one of Germany's best swimmers, a seasoned veteran with not only multiple Worlds medals, but also an Olympic medal from the last quad. Yunho squinted at the German team that was coming into the gym, and saw the tall, muscular figure walk in.

Yunho looked away quickly.

"Well, you're here," grunted Soonil. "So they brought one of their A-listers too."

Soonil walked away to start stretching too, and Yunho felt a wall of nervousness and anxiety.

Yunho felt himself starting to sweat, breathe faster, his chest closing in on himself, and he knew he needed to just get out of here right now –

He rushed to the exit, but on his way, he had to pass the German swimmer that was so, so out of his league, and to add to his discomfort, Brandt tapped him on the shoulder. Yunho had no choice but to  stop and look up him.

Yunho had rarely felt so, so small.

Brandt said something to Yunho that he didn't understand, and held out his hand with a smile. Yunho swallowed and reminded himself – this is a Friendlies meet – even though it may actually dictate the end of my Olympic chances.

Yunho took his hand and shook it. He hoped that his competitor didn't notice how sweaty his hands were.

Yunho rushed out of the gym and into the bathroom, and there, he locked himself into a stall. He felt his legs weaken, and he leaned against the wall.

God. Why does everything have to be so hard?

He closed his eyes and balled his hands into fists. His fingers were becoming numb, and he squeezed so hard that his hands were starting to shake.

Yunho's mind raced, grasping at straws, racking his brains for anything that may help him through this, and eventually, he recalled Changmin's voice from just a couple days prior.

You're going to kill it. I don't know why you're not seeing it, but you're really close to where you were before.

Yunho swallowed. He had brushed Changmin off at the time, and Changmin had no doubt made the comment offhand, but Yunho clung on. He clung on, because it was the only thing he had.

"I'm going to kill it," he whispered aloud. "I'm really close to where I was before."

Changmin had never lied to him, and Changmin was an athlete that Yunho deeply respected. Yunho was training hard, and even if the coaches didn't recognize it, Changmin did. And for some reason, Changmin's opinion and recognition mattered. In fact, Yunho realized, it mattered deeply.

Yunho raised his head and opened his eyes again.

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

Yunho took a deep breath.

"I can do this," he said out loud.

And this time, Yunho believed it.