the others could feel an uncomfortable air radiating off mark as he practiced after donghyuck left the room. his moves were not as precise as before. he was a beat behind. he was not acting mark-like, perfect. after calling for the next break, mark went silent as he stared off to donghyuck’s spot. jeno exchanged worried looks with jisung and then nudged jaemin.

“mark hyung, are you okay?” jaemin asked.

“of course, i am,” mark said, not looking at them. he then stood up and stretched out his body.

“why wouldn’t i be?” he turned to stare jaemin in the eyes.

◉

four days ago, mark had gone to retrieve water bottles as the others continued on with practice. not wanting to keep the others waiting too long, he had picked up his pace and started a light jog. he must have been too excited because he bumped into one of the company’s producers. in the process of colliding with the producer, he had knocked the papers from the producer’s hands to the ground. mark rushed to the ground to collect the papers.

before mark picked up the papers, he looked down to read a loose paper titled nct; team nct-u. the paper listed the names: moon taeil, lee taeyong, kim dongyoung, chittaphon leechaiyakul, jung yoon oh, and lee minhyung. from what mark could make out, the paper had a timeline of sorts, but what caught his eyes was “debut: april eighth”. at the bottom was lee soo man's signature written in dark, bold red ink, indicating this paper was an official document from lee sooman himself.

mark quickly shuffled the papers together and handed them back to the producer. only after the producer thanked mark and walked away did he realize it was the producer who single-handedly produced exo.

he ran until his lungs cried for air. mark stopped and rested his back against a wall.

he was going to debut.

he was finally going to debut after four years of training.

moon taeil, lee taeyong kim dongyoung, chittaphon leechaiyakul, jung yoon oh, and lee minhyung.

he was going to debut without donghyuck.

◉

mark’s head fell back, and he let out a soft laugh. the others were visibly baffled. jaemin and jeno shared a similar frown, while jisung scratched at his neck.

“i don’t know why you guys are acting like this. i’m fine,” he said, his voice unwavering.

“i really am. just trust me,” he smiled at them. mark put his hand on jaemin’s head and ruffled his hair, causing the other boy to pout and reach his arms up to fix it. hyung, he whined as the other two laughed. and, for a moment, the awkward air was gone.

“break’s over. get back into formation.”

◉

donghyuck doesn’t remember when or how he got to the dorm. all he knew was that his legs were sore, and his head was pounding. the weight of the world must have been on his shoulders because he couldn’t seem to lift them as he opened the door to an empty dorm.

it’s quiet. quiet was nice especially when donghyuck felt like a thousand voices were calling out to him in his head.

donghyuck closed his eyes and fell onto his bed, mark’s scarf in his hand. he does as promised and falls asleep, or at least he attempts to.

◉

mark believes that donghyuck is made for the stage. everyone thought that. no one could deny that donghyuck had something that drew people in. at times, his performances were lacking, but they were charming; donghyuck was charming. donghyuck was also funny, unbelievably funny. he had built-in variety skills, something the other younger members didn’t have. he could create laughter from nothing, and leave people wanting more.

like a star, donghyuck shines and blinds those around him.

but stars don’t always shine.

sometimes donghyuck’s confident front breaks down, and a scared helpless boy peeks through. this boy is afraid, afraid of being left behind, afraid of being forgotten.

no one was supposed to know about that side of him, but mark knew. mark always knew.

mark tried his best to protect donghyuck, but there are just some things that can’t be prevented. in those moments, mark can’t do anything but watch as chaos unfolds right in front of him.  he can hold donghyuck in his arms and whisper sweet lies into his ears to comfort him. he can, but he won’t because he can’t. at the end of the day, the words that he wants to say tickle at the back of his throat, but they don’t escape his mouth because although mark is a terrible optimist, he isn’t a liar.

◉

“is he asleep?” taeyong asks doyoung as he exits donghyuck’s room. the taller male nods his head and sits next to taeyong.

“manager-hyung said he didn’t take the news so well,” taeyong recalls, handing doyoung a mug.

“of course, he didn’t. it’s donghyuck,” doyoung states bluntly.

“because he’s donghyuck? that doesn’t mean anything. honestly, i don’t get it. if i found out i was debuting, i would be excited,” taeyong confesses as he rubs his arm.

“that’s because he needs mark, and you don’t,” doyoung sips his tea, blowing softly.

“that’s just an exaggeration. he’s an independent kid. they’re just best friends,”

“you’re wrong. you don’t get their relationship,” doyoung starts, “but that’s besides the point. unlike the rest of us, he doesn’t understand that considering how much money the company has put into promoting us, we will all debut. it isn’t an if we debut but just a matter of when we will debut.”

“so you’re saying he feels sorry for the people that aren’t going to debut,”

“bingo,”

“but, he shouldn't feel sorry. we’re all happy for him, all of us. we’re proud of him,” taeyong argues, upset that donghyuck could doubt himself like that.

“well, i wished that he knew that, but he doesn’t.”

◉

if donghyuck knew he wasn’t going to debut, he would be destroyed, and mark wouldn’t be able to save him.