during the entire walk from the bus station into their apartment building, jeno had made joke upon joke hoping to draw laughter from jaemin and jisung. however, the other two were determined to not laugh at any of his jokes. finally, jeno gave up whining like a small child, which then actually prompted jisung and jaemin to burst into laughter as they entered the hallway leading to their dorm.

in the midst of laughing, jaemin spotted a pair of familiar black shoes which belonged to donghyuck’s sitting in front of the dorm. as he removed his own shoes off and placed them down, he smiled hard knowing that donghyuck’s shoes being where they were meant that donghyuck was home early.

as jisung and jeno ran to the kitchen looking for snacks, jaemin called out for donghyuck. after quickly entering and scanning their shared room, jaemin found the outline of donghyuck’s body hidden by his blanket. throwing his winter coat on his bed, jaemin moved towards donghyuck’s bed.

“shouldn’t you be out with the others right now?” jaemin asked the covered donghyuck. jaemin paused as he heard a slight shuffling, but he still didn’t hear an answer. “isn’t it a bit early for you to be sleeping? it’s only five.”

jaemin stopped talking after he removed the blanket revealing a red-eyed donghyuck. he immediately dropped onto the bed grabbing donghyuck’s arm with concern. “are you okay? what’s wrong? donghyuck, speak to me.”

donghyuck shook his head mumbling something incoherently.

“your lips are so dry, and your voice sounds hoarse. you need some water,” jaemin mentioned.  

softly calling jaemin’s name, donghyuck interrupted the other from continuing to talk.

jaemin stood and said, “i’ll get you some right now. stay here, and don’t move. i’ll be right back.”

“can you just stay here with me?” donghyuck suggested weekly grabbing onto jaemin’s arm.“i don’t need water.”

“i told you i’ll be right back,” jaemin said as he pulled his arm away.

“that’s not it. i don’t need the water,” donghyuck replied with more force as he sat himself up.

“yes, you do. don’t be stubborn.” jaemin argued back.

“will you please just stop it!” donghyuck cried out before whispering, “i’m not debuting. okay?”

jaemin stopped and looked down at donghyuck. “w-what are you talking about?”

“the producers said that i’m not debuting. asked me why i would even think that i had a chance,” donghyuck trailed off. he laughed to himself bitterly. “i don't even know why i did. i am so stupid. untalented. worthless.”

donghyuck coughed violently wincing as he rubbed his chest. concern replaced the confusion which was on jaemin’s face.

“you’re going to hurt your throat even more if you don’t calm down,” jaemin said meekly.

“at this point,” donghyuck stopped talking to continue coughing. “i don’t need it.”

“donghyuck just let me get you some water, and we can sort this all out,” jaemin pleaded.

“don’t worry. we got you covered,” jeno said as he and jisung entered the room. the younger of the two held a cup in his hand. jisung handed the cup to jaemin who thanked him.

jaemin guided the cup up to donghyuck’s mouth and watched as the other slowly and reluctantly drank. after donghyuck finished his last gulp, jaemin took the cup and handed it back to jisung.

once his attention was back on donghyuck. “now speak again, but this time don’t rush yourself.”

“i don’t think we should force him to say anything. he is clearly distraught,” jeno contemplated from the other side of the room.

“no,” jaemin refuted sternly, “we need to know exactly what he was talking about.”

“i’m fine, i was overreacting. it’s nothing really. it’s just i’m not debuting after all,” donghyuck said as he looked up at the ceiling, a single tear threatening to fall from his eye.

“you would think that i wouldn’t be making such a scene considering just last week it seemed like i didn’t even want to debut. and i know it’s selfish of me to say this, but for one moment, one quick moment i felt like i was content.”

oh donghyuck what did they do to you thought jaemin

“and what about now? it hurts. it hurts so much, and i want it to stop.” donghyuck hung his head low. his hair covered his eyes but jaemin had seen the hurt that plagued them.

jaemin did not speak for, he did not know what to say. but he did the one thing he knew he could. he leaned forward and engulfed donghyuck into a tight hold. he told the other that when he was ready the three of them would be there for him with listening ears and open arms.

as donghyuck recounted his day to the other three, he attempted to fight back his tears, yet he ended up crying harder. he raised his hands to wipe his face but jaemin pulls donghyuck’s hand down and uses his own hand to wipe away donghyuck’s tears.

◉

sometime later, donghyuck ended up crying himself to sleep while in jaemin’s embrace. naturally, the other didn’t mind, and when he felt the crying subside and donghyuck’s breathing slow, he carefully tucked donghyuck back into his bed.

jaemin had brought upon himself to cheer up donghyuck with the help of jeno and jisung, so when donghyuck awoke, they called him into the living room. huddled together, they played his favorite movies on the small tv.

through the night, the other members besides nct-u trickled into the dorm one by one, and immediately they joined the younger boys on the couch.

while donghyuck fell asleep, jaemin called the older members who were off on individual lessons to tell them of what happened. he asked them to not bring up what had happened in order not to upset donghyuck even more. they understood.

at first, it was quiet and uncomfortable, an obvious change in the dynamic of the group, but as usual johnny and yuta made jokes which brightened up the mood of the dorm. the others laughed even donghyuck. slowly but surely the tension from before was gone.

◉

the five boys were watching the lion king, when the front door unlocked and opened. donghyuck, whose head was in jaemin’s lap and his leg draped over jeno and jisung, sat up. his face reverted back to the hurt one from before.

yuta paused the movie as the attention of the movie watchers moved to the six quiet members who entered and removed their shoes. immediately doyoung and taeyong found their way to donghyuck. taeyong spoke first as he reached out to hold onto donghyuck’s hand.

“hyung is sorry about what happened to you today. i should have done more as your older brother to protect you. i should have said something, but i didn’t. i’m sorry i failed you.” taeyong said as he squeezed the hand.

donghyuck stared at their entwined hands and wonders would it have stung less if he was holding taeyong’s hand the whole time or would that have made him weaker.

his other hand is taken by doyoung. doyoung’s eyes are large as ever but they aren’t shiny as usual. it's almost as if he has cried himself.  

“donghyuck it’s my fault. i knew didn't feel right. i should have done something first. please forgive hyung.” doyoung says before he and taeyong both latch themselves onto donghyuck.

donghyuck could see the moving mouths of the other members, but he couldn’t tell what was being said. their consolidations had begun to morph into a soft buzzing. his head started to feel like it would explode again. he needed to leave, so he rose his head and smiled.

“hyungs, i’m fine. please don’t worry about me. none of you had an idea that would have happened today. besides, i’ve been doing just fine since the afternoon even now. actually, i’m pretty tired and probably should go to bed, so if you’d excuse me. i’ll see you guys tomorrow,” donghyuck said before bowing.

donghyuck stood up to which jaemin does the same as he planned to follow the other boy, but before he could, donghyuck raises his hand and shakes his head. jaemin hesitantly drops back down on the couch his eyes watch as donghyuck drags his feet to their room.

◉

something was off.

that was the only thing that crossed jaemin’s mind as he ate dinner alone in the kitchen.

while the other members had been extremely expressive in their thoughts when they crowded donghyuck, there in the corner mark stood quietly, yet of all the members, jaemin expected for mark to be the most vocal among the members.

he recalled that while the other members’ faces were filled with pity for donghyuck, mark wore a face of what seemed to be guilt, regret even.

jaemin gripped his spoon as a scowl grew.

after finishing his meal, he found his way to mark’s room while the other members were busy among themselves washing up and preparing for bed. without knocking, jaemin barged into the room and went up to the older boy. surprised, mark stood to face jaemin.

before mark could ask jaemin as to why he is in his room, jaemin spoke accusing mark. “you knew didn’t you?”

“know what?” mark asked. his face wrinkled in confusion.

“that donghyuck wouldn’t debut with you,” jaemin continued without faltering.

mark paused. the room became quiet, and that was all jaemin needed to know the truth.

jaemin got closer to the older male close enough he could feel the other’s body heat radiating.

“i was just trying to protect him,” mark reasoned weakly clutching his fists.

“and you thought that keeping it a secret from him was protecting him?” jaemin questioned incredulously his voice rising in pitch.

again jaemin was met with no answer.

“you’re unbelievable. you know that?” jaemin said impatiently shaking his head before pushing mark leaving the older member alone.

walking back to his room, jaemin sat on the edge of donghyuck’s bed the other facing the wall. his heart still raced from confronting mark. he looked down at donghyuck’s head of brown hair and sighed.

jaemin stood and fixed donghyuck’s blanket before moving to turn off the light of the room. after lying down in his bed, jaemin rolled over to continue to stare at donghyuck’s shadow.

“as long as you’re by my side, i’ll do my best to make sure nothing will ever happen to you,” jaemin promised before drifting to sleep.