This was, Sehun realized as the first of December rolled around, going to be his first Christmas as a father. Sehun’s own family was Buddhist, so he hadn’t really celebrated the holiday growing up. In fact Christmas hadn’t really become a thing for him until he’d met Jae. Then there’d been church, presents, and Sehun bidding his time until it was the moment to gorge himself on the most luxurious and delicious food of the year.

But this Christmas? This was the first Christmas he was going to be a father, and regardless of the religious connotations shared with the holiday, Sehun wanted to celebrate the miracle of having Youri in his arms after so much time spent thinking he’d be alone for all the foreseeable Christmases.

“You’re not even Christian,” Suho protested as Sehun dragged him to the store, determined to do everything right. And that meant first and foremost, he had to get a Christmas tree to decorate and place presents under.

“And you are,” Sehun said back completely distracted, searching down some of the aisles for the tree in question. “Shouldn’t you be spurring me on or something?”

Suho trailed after him, looking completely out of place in his heavy peacoat, an immaculately pressed suit underneath. He’d met up with Sehun almost right after getting off work, and was a stark contrast to Sehun in his jeans and windbreaker.

“You know my parents, Sehun,” Suho said, bright and colorful lights flashing across his skin as Sehun led them down a fully decorated Christmas aisle. “For them Christmas is a very religious holiday. Jae and I didn’t grow up getting dozens of presents, which is something I have to remind you of all the time. We grew up sitting in church all morning long, breaking for dinner, then going back to church for a second service. My parents are extremely critical of how commercialized the holiday is becoming.”

Sehun wanted to yell victory as he spotted the boxes of trees against the far back wall. “You know, in places like America and Europe it’s completely secular. I mean, I’m sure there are still a lot of people who celebrate it for its religious background, but most of the people who enjoy Christmas there, do it because it represents a time to be together with family and loved ones. Nothing religious at all. That’s what I want this holiday to be for me and Luhan and Youri.”

Sehun had been doing his homework online.  He knew that in America in particular, most people chopped down live Christmas trees, dragged them back to their houses and then spent weeks, if not months, fighting with the tiny needles that fell off as the tree dried up and died.  In Korea a live tree wasn’t really an option, and Sehun was kind of thankful.

The needles.

Sehun could already imagine Luhan having a heart attack. Luhan’s paints certainly made a mess, but otherwise he kept everything quietly contained and in order. He liked things clean, even more than Sehun did, and for quite a while now he’d been cleaning almost compulsively. And nesting. There’d been nesting too, but Sehun didn’t dare say a word about the way Luhan was hoarding blankets and pillows and enough warm clothing to provide for at least half of Korea.

“My parents wanted me to ask you something, actually,” Suho said, helping Sehun lift the heavy boxed Christmas tree into the cart. “They want to know if they should expect you for service Christmas morning. The want me to ask you to come, actually.”

Sehun tried not make a face, and to reply as respectfully as possible, “You know I only went to Church because of Jae. I’m not religious in the slightest. I don’t believe. And honestly I don’t want to go. I never really enjoyed myself.”

Jae seemed to take some comfort from the pastor at the church they’d gone to every Sunday for years.  But Sehun? Sehun had found his sermons dry and boring and irrelevant.

“I know,” Suho allowed. “But you’re forgetting, this is their first Christmas without Jae. They’re extra lonely, and you know they love you. You being there for them, even for a few hours, would mean a lot. I guarantee you, they don’t care if you’re a believer or not. They care that you’re one more person who loved Jae and will remember him with them. That’s all they want, even if they don’t know how to say it.”

Sehun sighed, “Let me talk to Luhan, okay? I want to spend the day with him, but I’m not really sure what he’s doing with Xiumin.”

“He’s doing something with Xiumin?”

They drifted towards the strings of lights and Sehun was having a hard time deciding between something classy like all white, and something bright and colorful and fun.

“He’s staying with him, remember?” Sehun wondered which lights Luhan would prefer, and regretted not bringing him intead of Suho. “And from what Luhan’s told me, Xiumin’s parents are hardly ever around. In the past, Luhan’s spent almost all the major holidays with Xiumin and his sister, but since Eunji’s in the country for Christmas this year, and so is Chen, I think those two will pair off. That leaves Luhan and Xiumin. For all I know, I might end up spending my Christmas holiday with both of them. They are a package deal in a lot of ways.”

Suho reached over and selected the colored strands and said, “Get these. They’ll look better if you don’t plan on flocking the tree.”

Sehun frowned. “Flocking?”

“It’s essentially frosting the tree. It sort of makes it look like the tree has snow on it.  But it can also be a mess, so just so with the colored strands, Luhan will like it, and promise me you’ll talk to Luhan about what I offered him.”

Sehun had been able to go weeks now without thinking about how Suho was soon leaving for America and he wouldn’t be coming back for a very long time. Or rather he was more than just leaving for work. He was moving. He was moving away and he’d only be coming home for holidays. Few of them at that.

In a year Suho would have a whole new life in America, and he might even like it better than the life he had in Korea. He might buy a home in America, or meet and fall in love with someone.

“I already asked Luhan to essentially sublet my property,” Suho said, tightness in his words. “I was afraid he’d see the offer as nothing but a handout, or pity, so I tried to word the offer as if he was doing a favor for me. I stand by the fact that it would be a favor. He said he’d think about it and consider the proposition, but I think too much has happened since then for him to feel comfortable taking anything from me.”

Sehun paused. “You apologized. You apologized more than the rest of them combined.”

“I also implied that he’d taken advantage of my generosity to mislead you in the worst way possible. He may have forgiven me, but he doesn’t trust me any longer, and that’s fair enough. I was the one person he was supposed to be able to trust no matter what, and that turned out to be false. And he’s about to be a father, with a child to worry about. He won’t want to take chances with someone he can’t trust.”

“So you want me to talk to him?”

Suho shrugged. “It couldn’t hurt to mention that the offer is still open. And if he’ll feel more comfortable, I’d be more than willing to have a contract of agreement with him.”

Next were the ornaments that would go on the tree. They were even more varied than the lights had been, and Sehun wasn’t sure where to start. He wanted the tree to look good. He wanted to take pictures with Luhan and Youri in front of the tree and send them out to family.

With a snort, Sehun remarked, “Well, Luhan certainly likes his contracts.”

“Hm?”

All of it. Sehun decided, he was just going to get all the ornaments. He’d sort out which ones he wanted to use later, or better yet, he’d let Luhan decide. Sehun just wanted the tree to look good and for Luhan to be happy. Everything else, including what he was prepared to spend to make that happen, was inconsequential.

“Luhan and I have a contract for the baby,” Sehun said, not making eye contact with Suho. “We signed the papers a week ago.”

“Contract?” Suho asked with uncertainty.

“After I thought he was trying to take Youri from me, and after I almost ed everything up by trying to do that very thing, Luhan wanted some insurance. He couldn’t trust me anymore. Maybe he still can’t. the point is, we got some paperwork drawn up that says how we split custody of her.”

“You’re okay with that?”

Sehun stilled. “No. Of course I’m not okay with the fact that the person I love, the person who I conceived my daughter with, can’t trust me and wants it in paper so I can’t do something shady and terrible.”

Suho leaned against the basket with a sigh. “What does it say? The paper you signed.”

“Don’t.” Sehun leveled a dark gaze at him. “Don’t you dare say what I think you plan to.”

“Don’t say what?” Suho demanded. “Don’t say you’re an idiot to have signed anything without letting me look it over? Did you sign away any of your custody rights?”

Sehun could barely stand to look at Suho. “You know, Suho, Luhan had every right to never forgive me for what I tried to do. A lesser person would have held it against me for the next twenty years, and made my life hell with Youri over it. But Luhan? He said we needed a formal agreement, at least until we figure this out a little better, so that we can be the best parents to Youri possible. But more than that, he said we needed an agreement to make sure that we didn’t hurt each other anymore. What does that say about us that we need something written on paper to stop that from happening? What does that say about me, because I’m the one who forced this?”

After some reluctance, Suho offered, “Maybe the two of you should think about taking a break.”

“I can’t take a break from loving him,” Sehun said, head cocked as his eye was caught by a miniature Santa Claus. “And I don’t want to. We’re going to make this work, we’re just implementing a learning curve, and it’s taking some time to get used to.”

They shopped for at least a few more minutes in silence before Suho asked, “Is your therapy working?”

“I think so,” Sehun said, and his gut said yes. “I feel better afterwards, and I’m learning how to deal with my self-doubt and anger in ways other than shoving it down like it isn’t there until it explodes out of me. My therapist thinks that in a couple of months I’ll really be able to see the difference. I don’t care if I can see it. I care if Luhan can.”

Suho’s eyes narrowed. “Then you really love him that much?”

It sounded like a vow when Sehun said, “I’m going to marry him one day, Suho. I’m going to have more kids with him, if it’s what he wants. I’m going to spend the rest of my days with him making him happy, and being made happy, and I’m going to do all the things with Luhan that I know I deserve.”

It was more than a little embarrassing how long it had taken him to feel that way, and how much longer to say it out loud. But as the weeks had passed, and with more and more he told his therapist, listening to what she had to say in response, the more he felt like he deserved Luhan. He deserved to be happy again. He deserved Youri in his life, and to be a father. It was okay to want and deserve.

His therapist had long since convinced him that if he wanted to have a life, one with Luhan and Youri, he had to accept that he was deserving, and live up to expectations.

Luhan was expecting him to co-parent. Youri was expecting him to be her father. Sehun was expecting of himself, that he wouldn’t let the people he loved down.

“So,” Sehun said, steering their cart along, “I’d really appreciate it if you could stop doubting Luhan and myself. We’re not perfect. We’re making mistakes. But we’re strong and we’re going to endure. Things will get better--very soon, in fact, and all we want is for the people important to us to support us. That’s all.”

Sehun had really expected Suho to mull those words over, but almost immediately the older man was replying, “You’re a pain in my , Sehun.”

“Huh?”

“But,” Suho said, slinging an arm around Sehun’s neck, “you’re family, so I’ve got your back. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Luhan does,” Sehun pointed out. “How about I talk to him about … subletting for you, and you talk to him about how he’s family too. Deal?”

A smile pulled at Suho. “Deal. Now, what are you getting Luhan for Christmas? He’s getting you a baby, technically.”

Sehun offered tentatively, “Money?”

“Money,” Suho deadpanned. “For your first Christmas with him, you’re getting him money?”

There was a flash of panic in Sehun. “But that’s what people usually get each other. It’s a traditional gift here. Your parents gave you and Jae money for Christmas, and even when you were adults.”

Suho declared, “You can’t get Luhan money, not for his first Christmas with you. You have to get him something nice and special.”

Sehun asked in a nervous way, “Do you think he’s getting me something nice and special for Christmas?”

“You mean other than a baby?”

Sehun nodded almost frantically.

“I think you need to go shopping,” Suho said, barely holding back a laugh. “Luhan is the type of person to buy a gift from the heart, and not carelessly. Not to mention, this will be the Christmas that he tells Youri about when she’s old enough to understand. He’ll tell her all about the first Christmas the three of you had together as a family, and how special it was. Imagine how irritated Luhan will be if he has to end the story on a sour note because you didn’t get him something nice?”

“I …” Sehun looked down at the contents of the basket. It all seemed so inconsequential now. A tree? Who cared about a Christmas tree. He had to go shopping for a gift for Luhan. He had to go immediately. “I …”

“But you’ve got a little breathing room,” Suho said, patting him on the back.

“How so?” Sehun’s mind was racing. Did he get Luhan Jewelry? Something more practical? Did the amount of money he spent count? If it did, why couldn’t he just give Luhan money? Jae had never made a fuss about presents. He’d never really wanted any. But this felt completely different from that.

Suho reached for strands of garland and tucked them in the cart. “Because, Sehun, Luhan’s in love with you. So even if you get him something embarrassingly bad, he’ll probably lie and say he likes it anyway. Love does stuff like that to a person, especially one already as considerate as Luhan.”

That felt like the truth to Sehun, but it was still something he wanted to avoid.

“Do you have any ideas for me? Sehun asked. “Any suggestions?”

Suho gave him a shrug. “Something heartfelt. I think you’ve known Luhan long enough to know what his likes and dislikes are. You already know what his hobbies are, too. And going with something baby related is always good.”

“That’s it?” Sehun asked, fingers gripping the shopping cart tightly. “I was kind of hoping you’d just tell me what to go get.”

After a second Suho reached over and gave Sehun a terrible pinch that was sure to bruise. “Can you explain how my brother put up with you for long?”

Flabbergasted, Sehun replied, “I have no idea.”

At least for a few days Sehun was able to put that panic from his mind. Chen had promised to help him shop before he left for the holiday, though it had required some bribery, and that left Sehun time to concentrate on the tree.

“It’s really cute,” Luhan said from the nearby sofa as he watched Sehun string up the lights. He had ornaments scattered around him and looked like he was still deciding. “You did a good job picking the tree out.”

Sehun felt his face heat with the praise and tried not to preen too much.

Instead, he asked, “I know you didn’t have the best childhood growing up, but were there any Christmas celebrations?”

Luhan set his chin in the palm of his hand and said, “I had a strict and uncomfortable childhood, but not a bad one. I had to keep the things that made me happy secret, but I still had them.”

“I guess,” Sehun said. “But our baby won’t ever have to hide anything from us.”

Luhan gave a quick and loud laugh. “Sehun, I know it’s an impossible thought right now, but eventually she’ll be a teenager. She’s going to hide everything from us.”

Sehun tossed a strand of garland at Luhan and hit him in the head with it gently. “We’re not mentioning the teenage years. I still remember my own. I’m terrified of Youri’s.”

Luhan tossed the garland back at Sehun. “It doesn’t matter if Youri wants to keep secrets from us. All kids do. What matters is if she knows she can tell us if she wants to.”

“You’re going to be such a great father,” Sehun said, feeling a little breathy. He’d always known with Luhan, but there were quick moments that reaffirmed the notion to him in such a startling way that he had to make note of it. “Youri is so lucky to have you.”

“Us,” Luhan said back, and he said it in a way that challenged Sehun to say otherwise. “We’re not going to be perfect parents, Sehun. But we’ll do right by her. That’s all that matters.”

An almost painful smile on Sehun’s face, he turned back to the tree. “So, Christmas in China?”

“Not even close,” Luhan said. “I grew up near Beijing so there was a constant Western presence, but my parents are staunchly traditional Taoists. To them, Christmas was too much of a Christian holiday, and they never let me celebrate it. New Year’s was the big holiday. I got presents and attention from them then.”

Sehun hated the way he’d said it. It gave Sehun a good idea of how little attention Luhan’s parents had paid to him growing up, outside of trying to control what he did or said.

“It was the only time of year,” Luhan added, “when I got exactly what I wanted.”

“How?”

“I asked for it,” Luhan laughed. “The rest of the year, my birthday included, my parents got to give me whatever they wanted. But it’s sort of a rule that you get what you really want during the New Year. It’s supposed to signify good luck for the coming year. So every New Year, since I was very little, I’d ask for sketch books, paints, and one year I even asked to take a class at the local community center. It was a class on the basic mechanics of drawing, and back then I thought I wanted to draw manga or something like that.”

Sehun sat himself next to Luhan on the sofa. “You didn’t always want to paint?”

“No,” Luhan said, a smile on his face. “Wei was obsessed with manga when we were young. He had a couple of friends who’d get it smuggled in from Japan under their parent’s noses and you could always get a kid at school to do some rough translations for a couple of yen.”

Sehun felt his own face sour. “Wei.”

“I told you he came and apologized,” Luhan said.

Sehun had heard the whole story, but it didn’t make him feel any better. Wei might have been Luhan’s childhood friend, and even if Sehun was willing to accept that he was trying to absolve himself now of the wrong he’d done, he was still the man who’d helped Luhan’s parents hold him prisoner in China. And he’d been willing to try and force Luhan to marry him.

“That doesn’t mean I have to like him,” Sehun shot back. “I’ll rethink my position on him when he proves himself a little more.”

Sincerely, Luhan said, “Wei is a brother to me.”

“To you he is,” Sehun agreed. But he couldn’t help wondering if that was mutual with Wei. Sehun had no way of knowing, but he wanted the man to stay as far away from Luhan for as long as possible.

Rolling his eyes, Luhan said, “Anyway, when Wei and I were in school, everything about manga was exciting. It had all these storylines and characters that were fresh and edgy and interesting. The art style was always top notch and it was really exciting to know that we were reading things that our parents and elders said we weren’t supposed to. Wei is a talented writer, and even when I was young, I could draw pretty well. We made all these plans to run off to Japan and put out our own manga. It was our dream.”

Curiously, Sehun asked, “So what changed?”

“Back to the tree,” Luhan said, giving Sehun a teasing nod and handing him a package of ornaments. “Put these up, please. They’re the best of the bunch.”

Sehun leveled himself up to his feet. “Finish the story.”

“Is it that interesting?” Luhan asked.

Sehun told him, “Everything about you is interesting to me.”

“Okay,” Luhan said, his face so bright he was practically glowing. “Get back here.”

Sehun found himself bracing his hand against the back of the sofa as Luhan tugged him down into a firm kiss.

“Tell me,” Sehun requested, catching Luhan’s mouth once more before forcing himself back over to the tree.

Luhan leaned back a little smugly on the sofa from their kissing. “It was a moment of fate, Sehun. Because that drawing class I asked for? The one my parents were going to sign me up for no matter how little they wanted to? It was actually full.”

Sehun found his eyes widening. “No.”

“Yes,” Luhan chuckled out. “It was heartbreaking at the time. So while I was busy being upset over that, my parents, I suppose desperate to shut me up, just signed me up for the next class available. Actually, I’m not even sure it was them. They worked a lot while I was young and their assistants did almost everything for them like that.”

“Let me guess,” Sehun said, “they signed you up for a painting class.”

“Got it,” Luhan confirmed. “Fate. It had to be. Because from the second I had that first class, I was absolutely in love. I knew right away it was all I wanted to do with my life, and so I guess indirectly at least, my parents are responsible for my love of art.”

Loudly Sehun laughed. “I bet they love that.”

“I doubt they’ve made the connection,” Luhan said, and looked certain of that. “But that’s got to be the best irony I’ve ever heard of in my life.”

Sehun carefully set the ornaments on the tree. “I say you let them know they’re to blame for you being an artist the next time to you talk to them. See what they have to say for that.”

“I don’t think that’ll be happening any time soon,” Luhan told him. He was starting to look a little sleepy and Sehun was wondering if it would be too presumptuous to offer Luhan to stay the night. He didn’t want Luhan to think he was wanting anything of a less than chaste nature.

They hadn’t really talked about .

Sehun barely remembered what with Luhan had gone like. There were faint traces in his memory of pleasure and satisfaction, but nothing clear. And it wasn’t that Sehun didn’t want to sleep with Luhan again. Luhan was incredibly attractive and Sehun was desperately in love with him. But seemed like something they weren’t ready for. The part would be easy, but Sehun was more concerned about everything else.

So it seemed better to wait. would come with time. They loved each other, and they wanted each other. When the time was right, it would happen.

It just probably wouldn’t happen with Luhan in his ninth month, constantly uncomfortable and Sehun perpetually worried over him.

“You could say I got a severance package from my parents.”

That jolted Sehun. “What?”

Luhan said, “I noticed that an absurd amount of money recently appeared in my bank account. It came from my parents. So I called them to ask about it, especially considering what just recently happened.

“I doubt your parents are rewarding your good behavior here.”

Luhan nodded. “My thoughts exactly. So I called them. They said that I was finally getting what it wanted. They’re officially disowning me. That money is their way of cutting the cord.”

“Wait. Wait, Luhan.” Sehun searched Luhan’s face for any sign of sadness. “I thought you said before that they’d already disowned you.”

Luhan waved a dismissive hand. “They hadn’t done it officially. They cut me off financially, and stopped contacting me, but that was more an attempt to flush me out of Korea and back to China. It tells you how little they know me that they thought a lack of comfortable living would force me back under their thumb. But no, I wasn’t officially disowned. If my parents had died before now, I would have inherited everything. But not anymore.”

“So what’s changed.”

“Well,” Luhan listed off, “I’m officially out of the line of succession, so to speak. I can’t inherit anything. But I’m also unable to access anything through my family’s influence, I can’t officially recognize myself as my parent’s son in China, and if I were to try and get a job in China, where family loyalty is prioritized over things such as work ethic and experience, I would be blacklisted. I am, essentially, black listed from the professional world in China.”

Sehun offered, “So … no getting a job through nepotism?”

It was the right thing to do because Luhan looked a little amused. “Yes. It means that my parents have taken everything from me but the genetic code I carry, which if they could take that, they would have. I am no longer their son, and there is likely no coming back from this.”

Gently, Sehun asked, “Are you upset?”

“I don’t know,” Luhan said honestly. “I don’t need their money or influence. My home is here, in Korea and with you. But the future is hard to predict. And this means my children are disowned as well. They’ll never be recognized by my family now.”

“Your old family,” Sehun said quickly, cutting in. “Youri, and anyone else who comes along, will be loved and accepted by our friends. They’re our family. No one else matters.”

Luhan nodded. “I’m not sad to see them go. Not really. But this is a very serious thing in China. I’ll never be able to go back home. I won’t be there for my parent’s funerals when they die, and none of the rest of the family will ever contact me ever again. For any reason. They’ll blame me. They’ll say this is my fault. And I’ll be accused of trying to ruin the family.”

Deliberately Sehun put the ornaments evenly on the tree. “Good riddance then.”

“They’re still my family,” Luhan said, voice thinning out. “Or I suppose, they were.”

Sehun didn’t know what to say to make things better, or if there was anything that could be said.

“Wei told me his parents did the same.”

Sehun reared back a little. “Wei?”

“Yes.” Luhan sat up and tucked his legs under him. “The Wei told me, his parents were so unhappy with him letting me leave the country, they issued him an ultimatum. They said he had to come to Korea and take me back, or he didn’t need to worry about coming back. They threatened him with being disowned as a way to incense him. Needless to say, Wei accepted that, booked a flight to Korea, and came here to tell me he was going to start over in America.”

“Oh,” Sehun said. He hadn’t known that.

“Wei and I are both the only children of our parents,” Luhan added. “It’s serious in this regard, because now we’ve got dozens of cousins who’re squabble over power as if there were still dynasties.  That’s why our parents were pushing for our marriage, to unite power firmly and in an iron clad way. And now everything is a mess.”

“Nothing is a mess,” Sehun said. “We aren’t a mess and I’m sorry, but that’s the only thing I care about.” He reached for a nearby box and held it up. “Want to do the honors?”

Sehun had to help Luhan struggle up to his feet, but when he did, Luhan hugged him appreciatively. “I will always remember where I came from, but I won’t lose sight of where I’m going, either.”

Sehun pressed his face into the warmth of Luhan’s neck and simply held him.

Luhan cleared his throat seconds later and lifted the lid off the box to examine the contents. “You sure you want me to do this?”

In the box was the gold colored star that Sehun had paid and arm and a leg for. It was meant to go on the top of the tree and shine like a beacon. He’d read online that families had all kinds of different tree toppers, from angel figures to decorative abstract pieces. But Sehun liked the idea of a gold star the best.

“Ideally,” Sehun said, and he’d give it all some proper thought, “I think it would be nice if we had a tradition where Youri puts the star on the top of the tree every year, but since you’re carrying her right now, I think it only seems fair you’re the one to do it.”

“Okay.” Luhan reached long fingers into the box and pulled the star out reverently. “It’s so beautiful.”

Sehun put his fingers against the back of Luhan’s neck and tugged him in for a careful kiss. “You’re crazy if you think it’s the star that’s beautiful here.”

“You’re so greasy,” Luhan teased, then he reached out and put the star carefully on the top of the tree, making the decorations complete. “And I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sehun said immediately, then wrapped Luhan in his arms and together they watched the tree sparkle.

As it turned out, it was Sehun who was too tired soon enough. “You look dead on your feet,” Luhan joked, but was serious a second later when he added, “You’re working yourself too hard.”

“I’m taking my paternity leave on Sunday,” Sehun said. “That’s a week sooner than I told my boss I would. I have to get my current projects finished up.” He rubbed at his forehead. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to snap at you.”

Luhan put his hands on his hips. “I admire your work ethic, but I don’t want you to burn yourself out. Also, you don’t look awake enough right now to drive me home in a straight line. Should I call Xiumin to come pick me up?”

A quick glance to the nearby clock revealed it was even later than Sehun had thought it was. “You should just stay the night.”

Luhan wasn’t quick to disagree. He merely asked, “Are you sure? I know you have to work early in the morning.”

“You have a key, right?” Sehun asked. He’d returned Luhan’s house key to him weeks earlier, though Luhan hadn’t had a reason to use it yet. “If I leave before you get up in the morning, just lock up before you go. You know you have a room here, Luhan. It’s yours any time you want it.”

He wanted to ask Luhan to start bringing some of his clothes over, just in case. He wanted Luhan to slowly start to invade, and for his toothbrush to show up next to Sehun’s in the bathroom, and for Luhan to feel as comfortable in Sehun’s house as Xiumin’s.

“All right,” Luhan said. He cracked a smile. “I’m so tired, you don’t have to do much talking to convince me.”

Sehun put a hand at Luhan’s back and walked him carefully up the stairs as slowly as he needed to go.

It was purely psychological. Sehun wasn’t stupid. He knew there was nothing logical about feeling as if he slept better knowing Luhan wasn’t far from him. But it was the best sleep he’d had in ages, and when he rolled out of bed in the wee hours of the morning, he wasn’t a complete beast until he got his coffee.

Before he left, Sehun took a quick peek in at Luhan, smothering down a small laugh at the way Luhan was stretched out across nearly the whole bed. Sehun wondered what it would be like to share a bed with him sober. Luhan seemed like the kind of sleeper to hog everything. That was nothing like Jae who’d always just burrowed into Sehun’s side and then not moved a muscle the entire night.

It would be nice to have someone to lay next to.

It would be better if that someone was Luhan.

With Luhan fidgeted on the bed, his breathing picking up a little, Sehun was quick to close the door. He didn’t want to wake him, and Luhan seemed so tired now all the time.

It was harder to leave that morning than ever before, despite it being the best he’d felt in forever. It was hard to leave Luhan behind, even though he was only sleeping, and even if it was just to go to work.

He wondered if this was how codependency started.

“You’re here early,” Chanyeol remarked when Sehun stepped of the elevator to their floor of the building. Chanyeol was dressed casually, which meant he didn’t have any meetings for the day, and had a steaming cup of coffee in one hand.

“So are you,” Sehun remarked. “Why? You usually try to sneak your way in at the last second.”

Chanyeol gave a loud yawn. “I was up late. Working on something big. What about you?”

“Putting up a Christmas tree,” Sehun said. “I’m still not sure if Luhan was helping or distracting. I’ll get back to you on that one.”

“Probably the second option.” Chanyeol elbowed Sehun softly. “Want to get lunch?”

Sehun offered him a passing wave and nodded. “See you at noon.” Then he was off, heading away from Chanyeol and to his office.

A Christmas present, he reminded himself. He had to get Luhan a Christmas present, and it had to be something good. This was their first Christmas together. It had to be outstanding. This was the Christmas they’d tell Youri about some day, and remember most fondly.

It had to be a present comparable to Luhan delivering a baby for them.

Sehun collapsed in the chair at his desk and leaned back in it. Suho had made it seem so easy. He knew Luhan’s interests, but Luhan didn’t need more paints. And getting Luhan anything related to the baby was something that had probably been covered a million times already.

Something heartfelt, Suho had said.

Sehun tipped forward and buried his arms on top of his desk hiding his face in them.

He was really starting to question all the gifts he’d gotten Jae over the years. Was he really as bad as it seemed?

“Hey,” Chanyeol’s voice ran out. “I forgot to ask you about the … Sehun?”

Sehun’s head rose a bit. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

Growing increasingly paranoid, Sehun asked, “Am I a bad gift giver?”

Chanyeol paled a bit.

“Damn,” Sehun mumbled, and his head dropped back on the desk with a heavy thud.