Kyungsoo: How are things going?

You: Terrible.

Kyungsoo: You'll get used to it.

You grumble under your breath as you bury your phone into your pocket, not really caring when Kyungsoo sends another few messages. You bite the inside of your cheeks and hiss a sigh when a low voice asks, "May I sit with you?"

It's not really a request- more of an invitation, really.

"How's it going?" Jongin asks, sliding into the seat across from you and propping himself on his elbows to gaze at you intently. You tear your eyes away from his mesmerizing chocolate gaze and attempt to feed yourself a few more forkfuls of your salad, but you’ve already lost yourself in ignoring Jongin.

Empty seats and welcoming students pepper the university cafe, yet Kim Jongin has decided to sit across from you for the past two weeks.

“You have economics after this, right?” Jongin asks, attempting to spark any sort of conversation.

But you make sure to put out the flame each time he strikes the match.

Another ten minutes of trivial questions and Jongin’s whimsical jokes pass, until you finally decide to draw in a sharp breath and respond.

“I don’t have any intention of talking to you, and I assure you, it’s going to be the same way in the future,” you sigh, putting down your fork. “So you should stop trying.”

Jongin ignores you, his smile remains, and he continues trying.

Your eyes travel from your plate to Jongin as he pushes his bowl of soup towards you with a warm and gentle smile playing on his lips. “You really seem to like the chicken soup here,” he says, brushing back the hair from his chocolate gaze. “You’ve gotten it almost every day.”

You simply glance between the bowl of soup and Jongin’s eyes, wondering if he really cares or if he’s just trying to break you out of your shell.

“That must’ve sounded weird,” he chuckles, the contours of his face creasing into a brilliant smile. “I’m just a very observant person,” he says, and there’s a mischievous glint in his eyes that you haven’t noticed before.

You have to admit, Jongin seems to be a good person and he looks exceptional with his tousled brown locks and wrinkled t-shirts.

So you have to pull yourself away before you fall in too deep.

You’ve left the university cafe without eating, and although you’re sure you’re going to face Kyungsoo’s nagging for not eating, you’d rather face Kyungsoo than Kim Jongin.

You hear a familiar low voice behind you and the sound of rapid footsteps, and you wonder if there’s any way to block out the sound.

A warm hand gently places itself on your shoulder, followed by Jongin asking, “Where are you going off to in such a hurry without eating?”

It’s not even a second after you feel the warm gentleness of Jongin’s hand against your shoulder when you recoil, pulling away from Jongin and his kindness that surrounds you, threatens to tear down your walls. “Don’t touch me!”

You meet Jongin’s eyes, and you can tell from the way he slowly withdraws his hand and glances at the ground guilty that he had meant no harm.

You’ve mistaken deceit for affection once, so why can’t it happen again?

“You may think that we’re friends, but we’re not,” you say. “Don’t act like we’re close. We’re roommates, and that’s all we’re ever going to be.”

“I’m sorry,” Jongin mumbles, bringing his hand to the back of his neck. He can tell from the solemnity in your glare that he’s made a mistake and he’s really crossing the border.

You hate knowing that he finds amusement watching you build up walls to keep him out when he knows they'll topple over. You especially hate knowing that he's not the first one to have discovered the chink in the walls, the truth that rests behind this iron mask that you clad yourself in.

April 21, 2014

"Kyungsoo's been scolding me for years," you say, recollecting every moment where Kyungsoo has rambled on for ten minutes about your health or safety while you roll your eyes. "But he's usually right."

"Oh really?" Chanyeol asks, twirling his pasta with his fork.

"We were walking a neighbor's dog years ago, and I thought tying the leash to my belt was my brilliant idea," you mumble, wincing as you recall scraping your palms against concrete and planting your face into a patch of grass. "I learned my lesson," you sigh.

Chanyeol lets out a deep chuckle.

Perhaps it's your paranoia or your intuition, but you feel that Chanyeol has been slightly disinterested these days. His actions seem rather forced, and he's been quite hesitant.

But your doubt washes away when Chanyeol offers you a smile and his bowl of soup, and you begin thinking that maybe he's just shy in relationships.

"You can have my soup," he says. "You like the soup here, don't you?"

Your eyes gleam in adoration because he's not only taken you out for dinner at your favorite restaurant, but he's noticed even the most smallest details.

You're not quite sure what you and Chanyeol are anymore.

The gaping space between your two bodies has gotten smaller, but each moment you spend with him, the line between "just friends" and lovers becomes blurred. With every text asking to meet you and every smile he offers as your paths cross on campus, your heart is sure that your relationship is one one beyond friendship, but your mind tells you that you're mistaking his mere kindness for affection.

But something stirs in your heart and tells you that Chanyeol has feelings for you as well when you’re walking out of the restaurant and you feel the warmth of his coat being draped around your shoulders and his hand placing itself on your shoulder.

“Aren’t you cold?” he asks, his worried eyes searching you. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to your apartment.”

Each step means a step closer to your apartment and another lingering moment of Chanyeol’s arm around your shoulder. With each step, you find yourself melting into Chanyeol’s embrace, completely vulnerable toward this man.

You’re slightly disappointed when your apartment complex comes into view so soon.

“I guess, I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asks, the corner of his lip tugging into a playful smile.

You pull the warm fabric from around your body and hand it back to Chanyeol. His citrus scent still lingers around you, and you murmur, “Alright.”

He ruffles your hair playfully and calls a soft “Goodbye” before he leaves, and your cheeks burn red.

You know you make a mistake when you let your walls fall and allow yourself to rest in Chanyeol's hands.

Students spill out of the lecture hall, shoulders slumped and bags heavily weighing them down. You hold your head down, eyes narrowed and scanning repeatedly over your own scribbled handwriting in your notebook. A calendar of dates and weeks unfolds in your mind, and you're marking down the days until your exam, when you feel a warm presence hovering over you and familiar deep chuckles.

"Hey," a low voice hums.

You unwillingly tilt your head to face Jongin. He raises his hands to reveal two cups of coffee and he says, "I heard you like lattes?"

Your fingers slowly wrap around the warm cup, and you murmur something along the lines of an appreciative "thank you". You step forward to brush past Jongin and leave the memory of ever meeting him after class behind like his diminishing figure in the distance, but he presses himself closer to you, entrapping you in the sharp scent of his cologne.

"Let's talk," he says.

He proves himself right, and you realize he is quite an observant person when he says, “Don’t use the excuse that you have classes within the next ten minutes because Kyungsoo told me that you’re free this afternoon.”

Your lips part slightly, and your mouth hangs ajar.

Jongin chuckles, “It’s been three weeks since we’ve been roommates, and you don’t think I would’ve caught on to all your little excuses?”

Something compels you to walk away from Kim Jongin and push any thoughts of him into the darkness of the back of your mind, but your feet remain planted when you rest against a low concrete wall beside him. It takes much will to divert your attention to the paved streets and feathery leaves as they drift over the breezes before gently settling on the ground rather than Jongin’s chocolate gaze and warm smile.

“Tell me about yourself.”

Jongin’s words seem much more like demands than casual dialogue, but there’s something about his smooth tone and charming smirk that persuades you to answer.

“Why do you want to know about me?” you ask.

“We’re roommates, and I told you, I want to know about you,” Jongin answers. “This is what people do. They ask questions. They respond. They talk.”

"I'm not like other people," you say.

Jongin turns to you with his intent gaze and repeats, "Tell me about yourself."

You let the silence prolong and linger, until Jongin breaks it.

"I'll tell you about myself," he says. His gaze fixates on the coffee in his hands, before traveling to the sky and reading it as if his story is written somewhere in the clouds. "I guess I'll begin with my future," he begins. "My major is currently undecided, but I know, in the future, I'm going to become a journalist. Writing stories and reports has always interested me."

Your thoughts travel to the papers speckled around the apartment. Articles taped to the refrigerator. Fictional stories sitting on kitchen counters.

"You're a business major, right?" he asks. "You must be really smart. Your friend tells me that you've always been competitive and a little fierce, so you always want to be at the top of your classes."

You wonder how often Jongin has been talking to Kyungsoo.

"You and Kyungsoo are best friends, right?" Jongin asks. "You guys seem really close. I have a best friend, too."

Your eyes snap towards Jongin, who is smiling warmly at you.

"Her name's Jinhee," he says. A smile plays on his plays, and you can see the memoirs flickering in his eyes. "We've known each other since high school, and since then, we've been inseparable. She’s also a student on this campus. I should introduce you to her,"

You wonder if Jinhee is as bright as Jongin.

"I bet you think I'm always carefree and really stupid, right?" he chuckles. "I may always seem to be happy, but honestly, I'm stressed out all the time."

Perhaps Jongin hasn't completely settled or perhaps you're just slow, but you're realizing only now that you're not the only one who wears a mask.

Only now have you noticed how Jongin is a different person when he's working. You remember watching him as he studied over splayed textbooks, his gaze sharp and his lips pursed.

"I may not know a lot about myself," Jongin says, "but one thing I know for sure is that I'm persistent. And that means I won't give up on my mission to rid you of that mask and show everyone that you're not really who they think you are."

But you want him to stop.

You can tell from the way his lips pull into a smug smirk that he knows the reason:

You're already being shaken by him.

"I know that it's already working, though," he announces.

"How can you tell?" you ask.

"Why else would you ever agree to talk with me and drink coffee together?"

You hear a part of yourself that you've buried away beneath your pain telling yourself to let yourself trust Kim Jongin, but your masked self is telling you that he's just going to betray you like someone else you had once trusted.

May 30, 2013

"Don't forget the chicken!"

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes with his phone pressed against his ear. "Is there anything else you need, your majesty?" he asks in a ridiculous voice.

Laughter resounds on the other end of the line, and you shout, "Finals are over, so the least we can do is eat chicken at midnight and watch movies until the morning!"

"Alright," Kyungsoo huffs. "See you at my place?"

"Definitely."

A soft click resonates, and Kyungsoo drops his phone into his pocket when your voice has diminished to silent static.

As Kyungsoo repeats your favorite style of chicken in his mind while following the string of sidewalks to the restaurant, he happens to come across a familiar face in front of the coffee shop.

"Chanyeol," Kyungsoo calls to the male.

Chanyeol looks to Kyungsoo with wavering eyes, and Kyungsoo reads the trepidation in his trembling gaze.

"Do you have a moment?" Chanyeol asks.

The sky is splotched with hues of a bright blue and orange stripes of the nearing sunset. Chanyeol leans archetypally against a low brick building, presumably one of the science departments on campus.

"What's this about?" Kyungsoo asks.

"I know this may sound sudden," Chanyeol answers. “But I was offered the opportunity to study abroad, and I agreed.”

Kyungsoo squints through the glare of the sun against his glasses and begins, "Wait, what about you an-"

"About that," Chanyeol huffs. He digs his hands into his pockets and continues, "Can you tell her for me? Just tell her that I’m leaving to study abroad and that we won’t be able to meet each other in the future.”

“What is that supposed to mean? You’re not going to talk to her ever again?” Kyungsoo has to bite his tongue between his teeth to prevent the anger from seething. “What about these past five months you’ve been with her?”

“We weren’t technically dating each other,” Chanyeol says. “Anyways, the truth is, I’m not really interested in her.” Chanyeol continues, “She seemed nice like you said, but I don’t think this will work out because she’s obsessing over me, you know? Besides, she’s really fierce when it comes to competing with other students, and sometimes it can be kind of terrifying. I prefer quieter girls who have more tender personalities.”

“You want me to tell her that you’re leaving?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol responds. “But don’t tell her how I actually feel about her. I don’t want to create any tension. You can do that for me, right Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo swallows the reluctance and trepidation that pools in his throat and forces it down to his knotted stomach, before muttering, “Sure.”

What in the world is he going to tell you?

~~

Note: I've had so much fun writing Masked, and I hope you all enjoy reading it, as well! As always, comments are welcome!