03/21/2015

Namjoon liked college. Or more accurately, he liked ideas. They were his thing. He liked to take thoughts and bat them around in his head, turn them over and around and upside down until he’d thoroughly picked them apart. Then he’d put the ideas in the back of his brain and move on to something new. He spent a lot of time with his professors. They talked about everything. Abstract philosophical theories. Burnt toast vs burnt marshmallows. His brother Taehyung’s cancer. So Namjoon wasn’t sure why he didn’t want to tell any of them about his blog. He knew for sure that Dr. Steckel, his English professor, would read it. So would Ms. Davis. So why wouldn’t he tell them about it? It was the only thought Namjoon didn’t touch. He didn’t want to think about it. It made him uncomfortable, like his blog was some dirty thing, a secret. When he wrote in it again, four days past his last entry, he tried not to wonder why he wouldn’t share it with anyone he knew.  

HELLO WORLD

03/21/2015

I got an A on my Shakespeare paper. I’m not surprised. Honestly, I can’t remember ever not getting an A on anything. School is easy to me.

My parents used to brag about how smart I am. They’d bring me out in front of their friends and parade me around.

“Namjoon, say something in English for them.”

“Namjoon, tell them about that thing about electrons you learned in science today.”

“Namjoon, can you show them the poem you wrote?”

I was like an exhibit in a zoo. I was happy though, I think, back then. I think I liked that they noticed me. I think I liked that they recognized I was smart. I think I liked being told I was special. I’m not special anymore.

It doesn’t bother me like it should.

When I went to university I barely missed getting a full ride. Even though I was smart enough to win I applied for the scholarship just a bit too late. That was the start of it. And then I majored in Cre