03/17/2015

Namjoon didn’t write in his blog again until almost two weeks later. The neon green glow of his clock read 2:13 am and everything else slept. But Namjoon was awake, hunched over his keyboard and typing like his life depended on it. In a way, perhaps it did. Ironic how even surrounded by people Namjoon felt he had no one to talk to except the internet and the single mysterious follower of his blog.

HELLO WORLD 

3.17.2015

Today I went to Hongdae. It’s been a while. I missed it in a way, the way people jumble together in tiny spaces, each one jockeying for just eight bars in the limelight. I missed the plastic glamour and glimmering pizzazz of sequins and bright red lipstick painted over desperate lips that move restlessly under the flashing influence of the bass. There’s poetry in the way girls’ dresses cling to them like sweaty saran wrap and boys trip over themselves to buy drink after drink, showing off foreign cars and credit cards in a competition to bring home the best meat. It’s like a joke, where alcohol manufactures love and neon lights make everything romantic.

Maybe that’s why I missed it. It’s a place like me, alive in the most deceptive way.

I wandered the street with Yoongi and Hoseok, waiting for our set. We’re a trio, rapping together, sometimes in collaboration and sometimes solo. Each of us has our own fans and all of us have released amateur mixtapes. Yoongi is intense. Hoseok is vibrant. I am philosophical. We each draw separate crowds, yet they all come together to watch us, tied together by their admiration and their desire to belong.

It was three minutes until we’d take the stage, dressed in our ripped jeans and practiced appeal, when Jin called.

Jin never calls.

Hoseok brought me my phone, his forehead bent into creases and concern dripping from his eyes. He asked if everything was okay. I held my phone to my ear and Jin’s voice crashed over me, rushing through me and leaving me gasping, desperate for air. Hoseok could tell in my face that nothing was okay. I stuttered out that I’d be leaving, apologized for missing our set. Hoseok patted my back, assured me it was okay to leave.

Yoongi didn’t turn around.

Perhaps it should hurt more, bug me more that my roommate doesn’t seem to care. It should bother me that Yoongi seems numb. But honestly, can I be surprised? We used to be closer, but now our on