-Jae Eun POV-

On this Tuesday morning, I was surprised to see a rather large bag on my desk. As I peered inside, I noticed three familiar boxes and a large packet of spaghetti. I assumed it was Yunho ssi who was returning it. Then I noticed a folded white piece of paper. I opened it and it read:

“Dear Lee Jae Eun ssi,

I’ve washed your containers for you. Thank you for the spaghetti. Changmin ate most of it but the little that I ate was really delicious. Your cupcakes were great too. You’re a really good cook.

Kim Jaejoong

P.S. Yunho told me what he did with the spaghetti so I thought that we should at least give you back a packet in return. I hope its enough.”

I definitely was a little surprised. I wasn’t expecting it from him since I never really interacted with him. But it was a nice gesture nonetheless. I would have to thank him the next time I saw him.

This was a good start to my day. That was what I thought. But it all changed just when I was about to leave for home.

As I packed my things, I felt my phone vibrate. I looked at the number.

“Hello? What do you want now?”

“Lee Jae Eun is that how you answer the phone?”

“Well? What do you want?” Then I remembered this morning. “Oh wait. Is Jaejoong ssi there?”

“Jaejoong? Why? Why do you need to talk to him for?” I could hear a “what” in the background. It sounded like it was Jaejoong ssi.

“Is that him? I need to talk to him for a bit.”

“Yah! I’m talking to you so why do you need to talk to Jaejoong for.”

“What’s wrong with you? I just need to tell him something. It will only take a minute.”

“I don’t care. I need to talk to you so come to recording room 3. I now you’ve finished work so you’d better be here in five minutes.”

Even before I could say anything he hung up on me.

As frustrated as I was, I still found myself heading towards the familiar room. In a way I was kind of curious about what he wanted to talk about, a little of me wanted to thank Jaejoong ssi and quite a lot was because I wanted to give him a piece of my mind.

When I knocked and entered the room, it seems I surprised all five members. Before anyway said or did anything I quickly went up to Jaejoong ssi. It seems to have surprised everyone. I said in a soft voice so the rest couldn’t hear. “Jaejoong ssi thank you for this.” I lifted up the bag in my hand. I got a nod in reply. “It was really thoughtful of you.”

“Its the least I could do. Besides you really are a good cook. I don’t really know how to cook western food but I would like to learn.”

“It really isn’t hard. I can teach you. But I’m not good at cooking Korean food even though I’m trying to practice. Since I don’t have anyone to cook for I’m usually kind of lazy when I cook for myself so I don’t really get much practice.”

“Maybe we can help each other then. You teach me western and I’ll teach you Korean.”

“Its a deal. But I guess we have to see when you are free.”

“That’s true.”

We both just ended up laughing happy we found something common to talk about.

“Yah! I asked you here so why are you talking to Jaejoong.”

I quickly walked over to where he was standing and slammed the bag hard on the table. I was frustrated with his attitude. “What’s wrong with you? First I asked you nicely to just let me talk to Jaejoong ssi and you act like a spoilt child and hang up on me. All I wanted to do was thank him. Even though he didn’t need to he returned me the spaghetti which you used up. What’s so wrong about that? Since you didn’t let me talk to him I just wanted to thank him and we just talked about food. Is it so wrong to have a conversation? If I knew you were going to be rude I shouldn’t have come.”

When I finished, all the people in the room were silent shocked by my outburst. They probably thought I was some crazy woman but it felt good to let it all out.

After a while, I could see Yunho ssi gain back his composure. “If you wanted the spaghetti I could have gotten it for you. How many packets do you want?”

I just sighed. “I’m leaving.”

As I turned to walk out of the room, a hand tugged at my wrist holding me back. “Wait.”

I turned around and stared at him fiercely. “Why should I?” I did my best to shake off his arm but to no avail.

“Wait, I wanted to ask you about something.” He said softly. Then he left me go and grabbed a piece of paper from a file on the table. “I found this. Actually more like Yoochun did.”

I looked at the piece of paper he was holding up. It was a newspaper article and as I read the title a sense of foreboding set in. I think I knew what it was. As I read it confirmed my suspicions. When I finished reading, I looked up at him to let him thing that there was nothing wrong. “Its you isn’t it?” he asked.

“So?” I said nonchalantly even though it was killing me inside. All those feelings just came rushing back. The pain I was in then, it felt like it happened yesterday.

“Well it was six years ago. Apparently you still have a great talent and knowledge in music.”

“What difference does it make? I closed the door on that part of my life. I refuse to open it again. I can’t, I won’t and I don’t want to play.”

“Are you still hurt from the accident? Then you should see a doctor. Can’t you play for us? Its not that hard right. You’re a musical genius aren’t you?”

I knew I had to leave. I couldn’t stay here anymore. The hurt and pain was too much to bear. I was afraid I might break down right there and there if I didn’t. So I grabbed my stuff and wanted to leave but someone held me back again. I turned around and saw Yunho ssi holding on to my wrist again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself down. But when I opened them again I could feel the tears threatening to fall. I gathered as much of my will as I could and looked him straight in the eye. “You don’t know how much pain I went through. The vulnerability. The disappointment. The feeling of being thrown away. You will never understand. You have no right to bring me into a world I don’t want to be in.” I could feel the tears roll down my cheeks as I said this. At the same time I could feel the grip on my hand loosen, so I took the chance and shook his hand off and made my exit. Not looking back even when I heard the calling of my name.

 

-Yoochun POV-

I was contemplating whether I should tell Yunho hyung. Ever since that day at the recording studio, I was just curious about her. On Sunday when I was free I thought I could try my luck and google her. Maybe I might find something about her. It was worth a try. When I hit the enter key I was shocked. I didn’t even know which one to look at.

She had started playing when she was six. After two years she joined numerous local competitions and had come up 1^st in most of them. When she was 9, she was invited to join the prestigious Menuhin competition and came in 3^rd. The year after she joined again and came in 1^st. In the same year, she took part in the Bowdoin Music Festival. When she was 10, she won 1^st place in the Brussels International Competition for Young Pianists and Violinists. I managed to find some pieces she played and some she composed herself. As I listened to them, I could feel my whole body lighten as if the music was drawing me in.

Shock was the least of my emotions. I was amazed. The problem was why she stopped. Such talent seemed to have been wasted. Then I came across the newspaper article. She had gotten into a serious accident and was unable to play. Was she still unable to do so? Even so she could teach others. She could have taken a music degree instead of doing business.

But now, after seeing this scene I regret telling anyone. The words “The vulnerability. The disappointment. The feeling of being thrown away” was what struck me the most. I couldn’t imagine what she had to go through.

I saw Yunho hyung stand there in shock as he watched her leave. When he realised what had happened, he tried to go after her. But Jaejoong hyung stopped him. Yunho hyung looked at Jaejoong hyung angrily wondering why he stopped him. “Yunho, you shouldn’t go after her. It would make things worse. She needs to be alone and sort out her thoughts.”

After that I saw Yunho hyung stop resisting and calm down. He slumped down on the chair looking depressed, unsure of what to do and regretting what he just did.

I looked around the room, looking at everyone’s faces. No one knew what to say or do. That day, after reading the article we were all in shock. Not really sure what we should do. Should we ignore it? Should we ask her about it? We really didn’t know.

But one thing we agreed on was that she had talent and that she should be making music. Even though she told me not to I told the rest about what she had done that day in the recording room.

We hoped she could teach us, create songs for us and play for us. With that in mind, we decided that we should ask her about it. But apparently it was something we shouldn’t have done.

Luckily, our schedule was done for the day. In our current mood, we probably wouldn’t be able to do anything.

We sat around the house doing in particular. I guess everyone was wondering what we should do.

I sat at my table listening to some music, hoping something might come to me. Then I remembered. I rummaged through some papers trying to find something. I finally found the small piece of paper under some music sheets. Then I grabbed my phone and dialled the number on it. As I heard it ring, I walked onto the balcony hoping to get some privacy.

There was a click and a voice said “Hello? Jae Jin imida.”

“Hello. This is Park Yoochun.”

I heard a squeal come from the other side. “I’m sorry. I didn’t really expect you to call.”

“No its fine. Thanks for the cupcakes by the way.”

“Your welcome. Is this about Jae Eun?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“Well, we found out about her. Her musical achievements and talents and the accident too.”

“Oh. Then?”

“We wanted to ask her about it and we ended up making her upset.” I heard silence on the other side of the line. I was getting a bit nervous. “We didn’t mean to. We weren’t expecting her to act that way.”

“I know you meant no harm but its a very touchy subject for her. Even I can’t talk to her about it. She went through a lot before deciding to quit. I was so worried when I heard about the accident. She didn’t answer my calls or reply my emails. Then one day she suddenly replied me. On that email there were only two words ‘I’m quitting.’ I tried to get an explanation out from her but she didn’t give me much. Her answers were always vague so I couldn’t fully understand. I did the only thing I knew I could do as her friend. I supported her. Did what I could support her even though we were in different parts of the world. But I knew her passion for music is still there. I remembered when we were young. It was as if the violin was part of her body. I loved it when she played. She looked as if she was glowing.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I shouldn’t be telling you all this. Its not my place. Jae Eun has to tell you herself. But don’t force it out of her. “

“I wonder if she will even speak to us again. Truthfully, I think Yunho hyung really likes her. We all think she’s really nice. But we just feel that she has such talent. Its a waste to just not do anything.”

“I know. I would love to hear her play again. I know she wants to play too but her fears are overpowering.”

“What fears?”

“Sorry but I really can’t say. You need to find out by yourself.”

“Alright and thanks.”

“No problem. If you have anything you need help with tell me. Especially if it involves Jae Eun and music. I’m in.”

“I will.”

“Oppa I have to go now. Bye.”

“Bye.”

As I hung up the phone I could feel myself calm down, getting a hold of my senses.

When I walked out of the work room, I saw everyone in the living room sitting in a circle all looking at Yunho hyung.

“Aish! She still won’t answer my calls. It all goes to voicemail. Maybe I should go to her place and apologise.”

“Yunho hyung, I don’t think its a good idea.” Everyone turned around to look at me startled at my sudden presence.

“Why?”

“She needs time to calm down. Let her sort through her thoughts. I spoke to her friend Jae Jin and she says that it was a tough time for her. We can’t make her go back into music, she has to want to do it. Also she said that her fears were holding her back. I couldn’t anything else out of her. She said that we have to find out for ourselves.”

“I don’t want to sit here and do nothing.” Shouted Yunho hyung.

“Yunho this will give you time to think about what to say to her.” Added Jaejoong hyung.

“Alright.”

 

-Jae Eun POV-

Somehow I managed I get home though the taxi driver though I was kind of worried I was crazy since I was crying the whole way back. By the time I reached home I could feel the tears stop but its probably because they were all dried up.

I walked to my room with Haemin at my heels. I sat on my bed not knowing what to do. I needed some air to sort out myself. I couldn’t stay in this house with Haemin looking at me worriedly. I needed to be alone.

I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed my keys and left the house. I just walked where my legs could take me not really having any destination. Unconsciously, I ended up at the same park bench looking at the darkness.

No one was there, I was all alone. Like when I was in England. No one wanted me, I was an outcast. That place, the amount of strength I had to put in to get through each day till the point where it hurt.

No I wasn’t that frail little girl. I’m not her anymore. She’s gone. I have a new life. I needed to stop my memories from resurfacing.  I had closed the door on them. I had locked it and promised myself to throw away the key.

The problem was why the door seems to have opened. It seems so hard to convince myself of all these things.

Why?

 

-Jae Jin POV-

I was happy that Micky Yoochun ssi called me, even if it wasn’t about me. It means he didn’t throw away the paper I had secretly put in the cupcake box.

But that wasn’t the issue now. It was Jae Eun.

Knowing her, she would be crying somewhere. I hated when she cried because of this. With the amount of work she put in to get to her level, she didn’t deserve to have that happen to her. She got into music to make people happy, to be smiles on their watch, to let them feel calmed and relieve their old memories. I never expected it to end with her wounded and in tears.

Especially since she was living alone, I was worried. There was no one to look after her.

First, I called her house phone but there was no answer. I tried her cell but still there was no answer. She would answer. This wasn’t like her. I was starting to get worried. I just needed to see if she was safe.

I quickly got ready to leave. As I was about to leave the house, it started to rain. I could only hope she wasn’t out in this rain.

When I reached, I saw that the lights of her house were off. She had given me a key for ‘in case of emergencies’ situations and I guess this was such a case.

I opened the door to have Haemin jump on me and start barking. It was too dark and I couldn’t see a thing. I quickly found the switch and turned it on lighting the whole first floor. As I searched, I could hear Haemin continuously barking at the front of the house. After looking through the whole first floor and finding no trace of her, I headed to the second floor. There no sign of her either. The only think I could find was her cell phone sitting on her desk.

Then I realised why Haemin was still barking. She had gone out. I rushed down to the front door seeing Haemin with his lease in his mouth. He really was a clever dog. His name suited him really well.

Despite the cold wet rain, once we were outside he bolted off. I had to run to keep up with him while balancing the umbrella in my left and his lease in my right.

After a few minutes, I could tell where he was bringing me. The park. Knowing that I felt myself run even faster to get to her. As the park came into view, it was dark and I couldn’t see anyone. But on closer inspection, I saw a lone figure sitting on a bench not moving. There she was her face void of expression, being pelted by the rain. The water that ran down her face, I couldn’t tell if it was the rain or her tears.

“Jae Eun, Jae Eun.” I lightly hit her cheeks to see if she was with me. “Jae Eun can you hear me?”

Slowly she turned to meet my eyes. That was a good sign. “Jae Jin. Jae Jin don’t make me go back there. I’m scared. Please.” Looks like I was wrong. She definitely wasn’t alright.

She was cold, I needed to get her changed. If not she’ll fall sick.

I quickly looked at Haemin hoping he would understand me. “Haemin I can’t hold on to you and Jae Eun so you will have to follow me alright. Don’t wander off.” As I said this I let his lease go but his gaze didn’t waver from the person on the bench.

So I grabbed on to Jae Eun and pulled her onto my back while holding the umbrella making sure she didn’t get any wetter than she already was. Even though she was taller than me she weighed less. She just ate so little. She didn’t care much for her health. She’d probably get a fever from this.

 Luckily as I walked, Haemin didn’t stray from my side. Somehow we’d managed to reach her house without any accidents.

I quickly got her into the bath tub and washed her. Then I changed her into a warm set of pyjamas placing her into her bed. As predicted she got the fever. I found some medicine and managed to get her conscious to eat it and she fell back into a deep sleep after that. It didn’t look like it was anything serious. She should be fine after a day or two.

So I and a clean dry Haemin slept by her bed, every few hours waking up to change the towel on her head.