Chapter 44.

Chances are we are the same;
Against the odds, against the grain
We lean, like gardens toward light.
We reach with all of our might
For such a noble aim as love.

Jaehyun was curled into a ball on the floor, hands over his head as he tried to calm his own breathing. The door opened and his dad stood there, eying the water before coming into the bathroom and dropping down beside Jaehyun, embracing his son his arms and hearing the boy cry. 

  “Let’s go to the hospital immediately,” his father said as he pulled away. Jaehyun looked into what would’ve been him in the future, he looked so much like his dad. Would he ever age like that? Would he get to see his own hair turn grey and struggle with the awkward hair loss and try his best to wear hairstyles that covered up that fact? That color in the toilet told him otherwise and Jaehyun and his father were both thinking the same. Had the cancer spread?

Jaehyun quickly got dressed, and his dad packed a bag for two nights in the hospital. He took one of his jackets and threw it over Jaehyun’s shoulders and Jaehyun wore the jacket; slipping his hands around the sleeves and feel the fabric brush against his skin. It felt like his dad’s protective embrace and he followed the other downstairs with cautious steps. His dad kept pushing up his glasses, fear was evident on his face but he tried to seem calm and reassuring. Jaehyun squinted when they went into the brightness of a spring day and they got into the car.

The car was new. They had gotten it a month ago since they needed a bigger car that could fit the whole family. Jaehyun glanced back at the extra seats in the back where Johnny and Ten always sat unless Mark and Jaemin got to them first. 

Thinking of them made him feel anxious. Taeyong would be on his way home in the bus in this moment. He would find them gone and wonder. He would probably check the calendar and frown when there was no hospital visit scheduled. 

Jaehyun tried to remember if they even flushed. His dad was pulling out of the parking lot and Jaehyun tugged on the seatbelt. “Dad.” He said and his father turned to glance at him. Jaehyun continued. “What about Taeyong?” 

Jaehyun’s dad inhaled as if he just remembered the other boys. “Text them that we’re at the hospital and I’ll update them later.” 

Jaehyun fished his phone out of his pocket, but froze with it in hand. “Won’t that make them worried?” He asked.

  “They should be.” His father said. He sighed deeply and took a left. “We should be.” He repeated and Jaehyun looked out the window. He saw a group of students on their way home, how they laughed at something and one boy threw and arm around the shoulders of another. So free-spirited. Their only worry being their grades and their reputation in school. Jaehyun wanted to go back to that so bad; he wanted to be free of this. He hated how death loomed over him as if a set of limited days were written on his skin. Everybody looked at him as if the wind would soon sweep him away and he’d be gone. They smiled a little too brightly when their eyes connected with his, they said no bad words, but their hands were trembling. This was all a lie. It’s all pretend. 

His dying days were a ing play; people said things he’d heard before and it all seemed staged. They put on masks to entertain, they laughed too loud, spoke too loud, even the stills behind them looked like they pretended to be brighter. Jaehyun didn’t notice when they’d reached the white building of the hospital but he felt the hum of the car vanish and heard his dad unbuckle his belt before quickly going out. Jaehyun tried to follow but before he could grab the handle his dad had also opened the door for him. There was so much panic in his father’s eyes. Like the day his mother started showing symptoms nobody could overlook anymore. The first time they went to the hospital to get it looked at. Jaehyun hugged his father’s jacket closer around his thin frame and followed his dad who had a firm, protective grip around him. Jaehyun felt as if he could fall on the floor and beg for life not to leave him, for one more chance in this very moment, but he just stood there and stared at the nurse which his father spoke to. Their words didn’t reach him and he just watched her eye him with an alarmed look when he thought his father asked for their doctor and said it was urgent. Jaehyun pressed his lips together and let his father lead him towards the benches where they sat down. Jaehyun looked up and saw Jisoo enter to get one of her checkups. They hadn’t seen each other in quite a while, but that only proved they were getting better. Or so he thought. 

Her eyes widened when she saw him, but no smile took over her features when she noticed the state Jaehyun and his father was in. She stopped walking and her parents looked at her questioningly. Jaehyun couldn’t hold back anymore, he was so scared. 

Jisoo shook her head and covered and Jaehyun hid his face in his hands. Would they lose another friend? Was it his turn to go?
 

  “Don’t worry, I’ll call them.” Jisoo promised as they waited together. Jaehyun was still crying and he didn’t care if people were staring. He just kept his face hidden in his hands. His dad was calling Jenny and he had stepped away from them, knowing Jisoo would comfort Jaehyun while he spoke to Jenny about the situation. Jisoo’s parents went to buy some coffee for them and Jaehyun’s father. 

  “I can’t die too.” He sobbed and Jisoo nodded, her hair had gotten longer and it looked fuller too. She had gained weight and her skin looked healthy. Jaehyun was happy that she looked better, he couldn’t bear to see her sick too. Her brown eyes were glistening yet they had so much warmth in them when her slim fingers cupped his face. 

  “Have faith,” she said. “We don’t know for sure.” 

  “What else could it be?” Jaehyun asked and her gaze dropped before she looked up at him with a sure gaze. 

  “There could be a lot of reasons… Don’t give up yet.” She pleaded and he nodded. After some time of them sitting together Jaehyun’s father came over. 

  “Jenny told Taeyong and he, Mark and Ten are on their way here.” Jaehyun looked up at his father and the other gave a look. That look. That look a parent could give you, making you feel safe and taken care of.

A nurse came over and Jisoo’s parents came just in time when she stopped in front of Jaehyun’s father. She looked down at Jaehyun. 

  “Jaehyun, Doctor Choi is ready for you.” 

The woman didn’t show how she felt, she showed empathy but not panic or worry. They had to do a lot of testing and they would scan him the next day. Jaehyun was back in the hospital gown and as he sat in the bed he didn’t feel like he had much faith. There was nothing to believe in. There were so many holes that he could fall in, believing in the most terrible thought seemed much easier than believing in hope. 

Taeyong, Mark and Ten were out of breath when they came into the room. Taeyong and Jaehyun’s eyes locked and Jaehyun saw the fear and worry, but he felt relieved. Because Taeyong had come and he hadn’t hidden. Mark got to him first, hugging him tightly. Jaehyun found himself smiling at Mark to reassure the younger. Where that strength came from he didn’t know, but he couldn’t let Mark down. The younger stepped away for Ten to give Jaehyun a hug and Jaehyun held Ten close. He felt newfound strength falter as his best friend pulled away and gave him that knowing look. 

  “ cancer.” Ten said. “It’s not that.” 

Jaehyun chuckled a tear dropped from his eye and Ten wiped it with his thumb. Jaehyun leaned into the other’s touch and nodded. The fierceness in Ten’s eyes calmed Jaehyun and the smile continued to stay on his lips when Taeyong came over. Whatever hope he thought was impossible to hold onto seemed a bit closer. Jaehyun kissed Taeyong and he remembered the first one. He remembered them sitting in the window, the way Taeyong’s face had somehow managed to change through all this time. Yet still, he was beautiful and the attraction Jaehyun had felt on the court under that blaring heat had never diminished. There was something in Taeyong that Jaehyun needed and those brown eyes told Jaehyun that Taeyong felt the same way. They completed each other in the areas they needed. Taeyong buried his face in Jaehyun’s chest and Jaehyun inhaled the scent of Taeyong’s hair. He sat on the bed with his legs hanging over, Taeyong leaning against him, standing between his legs and Jaehyun looked over to see Ten hold Mark close. Mark was taller than Ten and this amused Jaehyun a little bit. Ten always complained about that. 

Jaehyun’s father came inside with Jenny. Mark’s mother carried bags full of food. Jaehyun knew that by the amazing smell that reached him. “You can eat now, but no breakfast.” Jenny explained. “The doctor said that you going a whole day without food wouldn’t be good, so eat a little bit.” 

Jaehyun nodded and made space for Taeyong, Mark and Ten who all had decided to sit on the bed with Jaehyun. They ate with little chatter, because there was still that looming shadow. Was the cancer really back? Was the hope of Jaehyun getting better shattered? 

Would Jaehyun leave Taeyong? His friends? His family? 

As he looked at Taeyong eat the noodles - lips pursing and moving as he chewed - and Mark sip on his soda before letting Ten pour him some more; he couldn’t imagine himself without them and he couldn’t imagine what they would do without him. 

Jaehyun felt eyes on him, and he glanced at Taeyong who was looking at him too. Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile. A tingling warmth spread over his hand as Taeyong’s fingers found their place around his palm. The touch spread through him and he closed his eyes. 

One thing he knew. He didn’t want to die. And even if this could be the cancer. He’d live as much as he could. Because there were people to live for. There were moments to live for. There was something to live for and Jaehyun wanted it with all his heart.

Jaehyun stared up at the machine has he heard it hum. He lied as still as possible while it scanned him. As he lied there his thoughts were racing. None of the others had gone to work or school, all of them waiting for him outside of the room. Jenny and Mark had prayed for him and Jaehyun almost laughed when Jisoo came running into his room with Johnny behind her, both of them slipping on their way in the door. 

  “We met each other in the lobby.” Jisoo explained and went over to Jaehyun. She re-adjusted the beanie before smiling kindly. “How are you?”

Jaehyun smiled back at her and on the same time noticed Johnny give Ten a kiss. Such a soft kiss yet Ten looked out of breath when Johnny pulled away. The taller looked at Ten with reading eyes, checking if the other was okay. Jaehyun’s heart swelled and he glanced at Taeyong only to catch the other in eyeing Jisoo. Jaehyun gasped before trying to find anything to say to reply to Jisoo but she noticed what Jaehyun looked at and Taeyong was caught glaring at her. Her eyes widened and then she giggled. 

Jaehyun grinned. “They’re doing a scanning and then I should get the results by tonight.” Jaehyun replied but couldn’t help but chuckle at Jisoo who was wiggling her brows at Taeyong who huffed in annoyance. 

  “I guess he’s the jealous type.” She whispered to Jaehyun before going over to join Mark. Jaehyun looked at Taeyong who moved closer to Jaehyun before taking his hand in his. 

  “Are you?” Jaehyun asked which forced Taeyong to look away from Jisoo.

  “What?” He asked before glaring at Jisoo again.

Jaehyun smiled. “Jealous?” He asked and Taeyong huffed again.

Then he pouted. “She’s really pretty.” He muttered and Jaehyun chuckled.

  “You are too.” He said with loving eyes and Taeyong blushed. Jaehyun tugged at Taeyong’s hand in order to get a kiss from him. In that second when their lips met there was no worry and no one but him and Taeyong. He wish he could stretch that moment into forever.

How could he leave this? How could fate take this away from him? He wondered. He belonged with these people so who dared to tear them apart? 

They were eating when doctor Choi came into the room. No one had eaten much, Jaehyun was too nervous to even chew. When she stepped inside his stomach seemed to hollow and he was filled with dread. He noticed Ten grip Johnny and Mark’s hands. Taeyong’s hand found his and their fingers laced together. Jaehyun’s father stood and Jenny did too, her hand in his. 

Jisoo folded her hands and prayed. 

Jaehyun just tried to read the doctor’s expression, but he couldn’t make out any clues as to what she was about to say. Yet there was a slight seriousness and something grim around the tug of the corners of her lips. Jaehyun inhaled deeply when she opened and his heart dropped. 

A/N:

I finished this chapter in one week!! Yet... it seems like some hard times are coming my way so I don't know what to expect. 
I hope for the best! So I'll also do my best and write the next chapter! All your comments inspired me so much, thank you all for your kindness! 

Love,
Emma <3