Chapter 3.

When will I feel this as vivid as it truly is? Fall in love in a single touch and fall apart when it hurts too much.

Jaehyun turned around and walked back towards the house. Ten was pulling at his wrist, digging his heels into the ground but making no difference. Jaehyun didn’t know what was happening, but now he was starting to realize what had happened. He stopped a few houses away, hidden by a tree that stood on the sidewalk. Ten held onto his arm tightly, as if being afraid of letting Jaehyun go.

Jaehyun recognized Johnny and he immediately recognized Hansol too. They were beating up some guys. “Give me that phone!” Johnny roared and somebody laughed and sprang away from Johnny’s reach. Jaehyun frowned and leaned forward, he recognized the group of boys behind Johnny to be seniors and few people from his team. On the other side was Taeyong, he was on his knees being held up by a guy Jaehyun recognized but he didn’t know his name. Taeyong almost couldn’t stand. Jaehyun wanted to go help him, but something made him stop himself.

  “I’m not gay.”

  “I’m saying it so that you don’t misunderstand this.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened. He stepped into sight and threw Ten off him before running forward. The boy trying to help Taeyong up only got to turn his head before he was pushed away and Taeyong was kicked straight in the face. People jumped on Jaehyun and then they were pulled off him. Jaehyun could only focus on Taeyong’s bleeding face. “WHAT DID YOU DO?!” He yelled and grabbed the front of the other’s shirt. A drop landed on Taeyong’s face and the other’s eyes looked up at him. He didn’t look like he would be conscious for long. Jaehyun shook him. “TELL ME!” He cried and Taeyong reached up and gripped onto Jaehyun’s hair, pulling him down.

  “I won’t.” The other said his voice breaking and Jaehyun ripped Taeyong’s hand off him and stood before kicking Taeyong in the gut while the other was lying down.

  “ you!”

Someone gripped onto his hair and Jaehyun watched Taeyong’s eyes close as he was pulled away.

Jaehyun was sitting in the kitchen with his face in his father’s hands. Ten was rambling on about what happened but he left out some details. Jaehyun just focused on his father’s face and the worried lines on his forehead while he treated Jaehyun’s bruises.

Jaehyun only got to kick Taeyong two times before someone attacked him. The fight died out when some lady from the neighbor house said she had called the police and everyone scattered.

Jaehyun was shaking from clenching his hands so hard, he still thought he could hit a few  more people before the police would arrive. Ten had stopped talking.

  “Mr. Jung.” He said in a small voice. Jaehyun’s father turned to look at Ten. He looked exactly like Jaehyun, just older.

  “Yes, Ten.”

  “You will accept Jaehyun no matter what, right?”  He asked and Mr. Jung closed his eyes and sighed.

  “I have accepted him no matter what,” he said and Jaehyun and Ten shared a gaze. “And I will continue to do so.”

Ten sighed. “Good… because I’m afraid the future won’t bring any good news.”

Jaehyun closed his eyes, his tears pressing on. He knew he would drown. He just didn’t realize Taeyong would be the first wave to hit him. He should’ve known. He should’ve known.

And he drowned and he drowned and he drowned. Ten’s smile continued to falter. Even Johnny looked gloomy as hell when they met in school that Monday. Jaehyun though didn’t hear anything about what had happened and even though Ten had explained to him in detail afterwards, he almost couldn’t believe it. Mostly because he didn’t want to admit that he was as stupid as he had been.

Still the only reason why people stared was because of their bruises. Johnny met with them in the cafeteria and he leaned over the table before whispering. “Nobody talks about it.” He said. “They haven’t leaked the picture.”

Yes. Picture. Jaehyun was still aching just by the thought of it. Somebody had been standing in the front yard or the street and taken a picture of Taeyong and Jaehyun. Johnny had told him that it was clear that it was Jaehyun, but Taeyong was a little in the dark. Jaehyun wished nothing more but follow his mother’s steps.

  “They’re waiting.” Jaehyun said while stabbing his food. Ten and Johnny looked at him, Jaehyun kept looking down.

  “For what?” Ten wondered but then he smashed his fist down in the table and a group of girls shrieked in surprise. “We’re playing a game next month.”

  “We can win a camping trip with the team.” Johnny said. “We need to choose members from the senior and junior team, sophomore and freshman team for this.” He bit into his finger. Then he looked up. “Train together.”

  “I’m out.” Jaehyun stated and stood.

  “What?!” Johnny and Ten gasped. “No!” Johnny then said, reaching over the table, grabbing Jaehyun’s arm and pulling him back into his seat. “You’re one of our best players!”

  “They’ll use the picture as blackmail. I don’t want it out.”

Ten chewed on his lip. “But there’s nothing wrong with it…”

Jaehyun groaned. “I know, but I was a fool! I’ve been fooled and played with and I don’t want people to find out that I’m that easy!”

Ten silenced and Johnny nodded. “I know what you mean. We’ll have to do something.”

  “If we’re planning to win they’ll use it against us.” Ten realized and ran a hand across his face in annoyance.

  “I’m not even sure if you leaving the team will help the situation, they know we all care about you.”

Jaehyun was gripping his utensils so hard his knuckles turned white. “Then don’t.” He said through gritted teeth and this time he was fast enough to get up before any of the two could stop him. He hurriedly left the cafeteria only thinking one thing. If Taeyong as much as showed his ugly broken face, Jaehyun would crush it even more.

But he couldn’t. Jaehyun stood frozen as he saw Taeyong sit in the seat he normally sat in, face looking down, but his nose was bandaged and his lip was bruised and he looked terrible. Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile, because Taeyong deserved it. His wave deserved to break, no, never reach shore. Jaehyun had two rocks that protected him from Taeyong and that were Ten and Johnny.

Jaehyun walked past Taeyong and he didn’t miss the other turning his head. Jaehyun took place in his usual seat and he bit down on his lip as he remembered the kiss. It didn’t feel like it hadn’t meant something. The way Taeyong gripped onto his hand… Jaehyun couldn’t understand it. For the first time he didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t know the cause of the wave that was coming towards him, he didn’t know if the wave even wanted to.
Jaehyun stared at the back of Taeyong’s head and he felt anxious. The future didn’t look too good right now.

Johnny forced Jaehyun to practice with them and somehow Jaehyun felt determined to become better than he was before. He still had to watch Johnny’s subtle signs of affection towards Ten, but he could live with it. If only he could’ve had the same. He remembered the time he needed Ten, but right now he didn’t need him like that. He missed their nights together but, he felt as if just thinking about it was betraying the love that Johnny and Ten shared.

  “Young boys shouldn’t do such things.” They were told. Jaehyun ran his hand through his hair as he thought back to the time when Ten’s parents caught them. He still remembered the terrible sensation that went through him. It was the worst feeling he had ever felt.

It was only four years ago that they were caught and then they went through the time of separation and meeting shrinks. Jaehyun’s father was quick to focus on the fact that Jaehyun had lost his mother, while Ten was being taught how to love girls.

Which he would never do in that way. Jaehyun knew that.

Ten was laughing and Jaehyun closed his eyes, being brought back to the darkness where Ten softly laughed, and they spoke of places they wanted to go, while Jaehyun drew patterns on Ten’s shoulder.

No matter what the shrink had said. Their touches had always been innocent.

Jaehyun eyed Johnny’s now healed face, the bruises were gone and Taeyong only had a small tape covering his nose when he sat on the bus. Jaehyun looked great again, his cheek wasn’t swollen and purple. The game was only a week away, and now the nerves began to settle into his skin. When he went home from school that day Taeyong came running towards his bus-stop again. Jaehyun avoided the other’s gaze and stared straight ahead. Ten had told him not to provoke Taeyong and his friends, because none of them wanted these pictures out.

  “Ready for the game?”

Jaehyun nearly screamed. How dared the other to talk to him? He had to calm himself before he could answer. “I am.” He said through gritted teeth. Why should he hide his anger? He had every right to be angry.

  “Don’t be.” Taeyong then said and Jaehyun glared at him. Taeyong was looking at him, his eyes painfully reminding Jaehyun of the party… of them sitting in the window. Where were Ten and Johnny?

Jaehyun laughed. “Oh, but I am.” He said and stood, Taeyong stepped back. Jaehyun didn’t know if he liked the way Taeyong flinched away from him, but he still smirked and watched the bus slow to a stop. “You’re the one who should back out. You have no right to play.” He said as final and he went into the bus. He needed to find a plan, because he was really screwed.

  “Are Taeyong’s parents accepting?” Jaehyun asked Johnny the next day in school. Johnny tapped the envelope that lied in the middle of the table. Jaehyun had received it and in it was a picture of him and Taeyong. Taeyong’s head was titled away from the camera; you could only see his jaw. Jaehyun though, looked very clear and he felt his stomach turn. He almost couldn’t keep himself standing when he opened the envelope.

Johnny hummed, and then shook his head. “Not that I know of. Hansol was friends with Yuta, Taeyong’s best friend.” Jaehyun gasped, Yuta was the name of the boy who tried to help Taeyong up that night. Now he remembered. “Hansol heard that they never went home to Taeyong, his house is off limits to any of his friends. Sometimes Taeyong would wear a mask for three days saying he was sick, but he sounded perfectly normal. Hansol said something about bruises… He thinks that Taeyong’s father is abusive or his mother, who knows?”

Jaehyun thought hard. “So if I… if I said that Taeyong and I were together.... The rumors would soon spread and then they can’t use the picture against me?”

Johnny narrowed his eyes on Jaehyun. “Every chance with a girl is ruined by then.” He said and Jaehyun shrugged.

  “What if I am gay, who cares.” He said and dug into his rice with his spoon. “If I could drag Taeyong with me into this mess, then I wouldn’t feel so sorry for me, but him.”

Johnny gasped. “We could do that!”

  “But how?” Ten asked with wide eyes.

  “Approach him, I know you want to strangle him, but just approach him subtly.” Johnny put down his spoon. He looked like as if he had figured out the hardest problem in math. “When they sense that we’re up to something they’ll hesitate with the picture, we have a week.”

Jaehyun dropped into his newfound seat beside Taeyong who visibly flinched, almost making himself one with the wall of the bus. “Hi.” Jaehyun said shortly and smiled at two students from his school who eyed the interaction between Jaehyun and a student from their rival school.

Taeyong was as stiff as Jaehyun had ever seen somebody be. Jaehyun though just casually took out his phone and changed the song playing in his headphones. Taeyong didn’t say a word, but Jaehyun felt oddly amused.

When Jaehyun had to get off he stood up and exited the bus without saying goodbye, he didn’t need to do more than that. He could feel Taeyong’s piercing eyes on his back and he tried to walk as casually as he could but felt like he was stumbling by every step. Now he just hoped this would delay the picture... was he gay? Was he ready to be known by everyone? Was he ready to be displayed as a fool that fell for a trick? Nope. The last thing Jaehyun wanted to be was a fool and Taeyong would have an ugly nose for the rest of his life if he as much as tried to make him one. Jaehyun wasn’t afraid of dying, suicide didn’t sound like anything scary, but he couldn’t help but want his representation to be good. If he left with the last impression of being a fool… how much shame would he put on everyone that knew him? Jaehyun couldn’t do that. He had to fight, at least try to keep himself above surface.

Two days later Jaehyun received another letter.

“Do you have the nerve to ignore the consequence of your actions? .”

Jaehyun kicked the locker and gathered attention from nearby students. He immediately shut the locker and hurried down the hall. He wasn’t a . He was a human being… He was human, he had a worth, he…

Jaehyun ended up upon the roof. “Mom…” He cried and fell to his knees. “Mom what should I do?”

A/N:

Hello! Thank you for the comments mitchihyun, twiskleyoureyes and k0rinn3! ^^

I'm already planning ahead for this story, and I can't wait to explore more characters!^^ I've decided to add a few other idols to the story, just as some small characters. Can't wait to update again, I'm really excited to share the chapters!

I'll see you guys soon! <3
 

Love,
Emma. <3