~ between black & white , grey exists

between angels & devils , human exists

we judge others' slips , only because we have hidden our sins perfectly ~~

--------------------------------

seohyun pov ~ 12:30 a.m

the thinking always comes after the calamity had been established , when there's no way back you feel scared and regret the most
following the glimpse of hope in ways , gets you tired and lost ..

waiting for tomorrow to arrive , was like waiting for a battle which i didn't have a clue what was my strength nor my weapons to face it ..
too stubborn to back off too scared to step in , i buried my face into my knees and hid into my body shell on the few stairs of my building entrance ..

since Dr.jung left couple of hours earlier , i lurked at the doorway so i wouldn't have to greet my halmoni back and be interrogated more about the sudden marriage

" what did you do this time ? "
it was tiffany unnie voice , she could easily guess something went wrong , since i had the habit of waiting at the door step to reflect , to wait for her ..

i rose my gaze up to her face , she had the exhausted sleepless face which marked her long shift days

" unnie " i let the mere word out to calm my heart , finally someone arrived who could accompany me to the battle

" yah , did you kill someone or what ? " she frowned in concern

with lifeless eyes , i didn't deny " what if i did ? "

" mmmm , i know a good place to bury " she grinned

i pulled my lip into a faint smile " you know we can't do this "

we weren't as flawless as Dr. jung at hiding the dead

" then what ? " she asked impatiently

" unnie , you know how i was busy studying the past decade , that i never really got to cause any troubles "

she looked at me with clueless eyes

i gulped nervously " so i was thinking i'll probably regret when i'm older "

" you will " she replied definitely

" i probably got several 6 months in my life span , so if i live 30 years more , multiply 30 years by 12 months then divide them on 6 , i got like .. "

" and i got less than 4 hours to sleep so .. ??? " she was getting annoyed with how i talked in endless circles

when i tried to say it directly , no words were processed in my brain

" i'm listening ?? "

i blurted out " i'm getting married "

" WHAAAT !! "

her loud voice was capable effortlessly to wake up the whole nation rather than our close by families

she shouted " i can't believe you were hiding a man all along and now you're getting married before your unnie ! how can you "

i jumped from the stairs and palmed shut
" unnie , if you hear the story , it's actually a troublesome marriage "

" what troublesome , a marriage is never troublesome who are you kidding " she scoffed and continued with disbelief " and here i thought you never cared for men but you were active in the market - you're even getting married ! have you ever thought about your poor unnie's feelings who will probably live and die alone , will you be able to enjoy a honeymoon when your precious unnie is locked in the filthy hospital "

i sighed big , there was no way to stop my unnie who felt betrayed

" unnie , it's unlucky marriage - i'm going to get married to someone i REALLY really hate "

" as long as it's not Dr. jung you'll surely be fine " she challenged me with a raised eye brow

i replied impulsively " well , it's Dr. jung indeed "

" ha ha ha right !! " she faked a mocking laugh , still feeling sorrow by what she thought a 'betray ' to our friendship

i stared at her with blunt expression for a few moments , until she toned down her anger and stared at me

she grew concerned and asked with a denying tone " it's not Dr. jung yonghwa from the cardiothoracic department in our hospital , right ? "

i gulped the lump in my throat , terrified by my own words " i'm getting married to Dr. jung yonghwa from our hospital "

" the one from the cardiothoracic department ? " she ridiculously made sure

i nodded " yeah , that's him "

she had a variety of successive face expressions , until she resolved to think objectively about it " well .. he's handsome and rich .. though a little .. "

" an " i reminded her

and she nodded " yeah exactly , but whatever !! he could pay for a Hawaiian honeymoon "

" unnie ! "

" he got a cool car , house and celebrities like salary "
she was lost calculating the goods that she didn't notice my ealier snap

" unnie ! " i snapped again

her eyes finally focused on me as if she realized something critical " but wait ! "

i was relieved she finally came to her senses and realized the something missing

" isn't his family live in Paris ! he could get you a honeymoon there "

when unnie consumed fully her chance to guess , i started explaining probably
" it's a contracted marriage for 6 months , he will help me get my residency and i'll help him get a university staff position in Paris " i told her the whole story in details , and also what happened when Dr. jung met halmoni , and asked her for help to convince my halmoni about the marriage

we eventually sat on the stairs by that time , leaning on each other , lost in thoughts

" please help me convince my halmoni , tell her that we're dating since a while and you knew we were getting married eventually "

" your halmoni is scary , i don't want to risk my neck if she ever find out the truth "

" she will never find out !"

i planned on getting my 6 month divorce and keep it from her for a year or so before revealing it , Dr. jung will be already living abroad so she'll never question why we're not together until i announce the divorce myself

" argh ! i'll try my best , when did you sign the contract ? "

" earlier today " i answered

she asked again " then when did he meet hamloni ? "

" few hours ago "

she sighed and asked for last " and when are you planning on getting married ? "

" tomorrow " i replied nonchalantly and she gasped in shock

" geez , why your timeline is so fast forward !!! are you getting any kids by next week ! " she nagged in disbelief

" it's Dr. jung who asked for the abrupt wedding "

she felt pressured by the urgent situation , she thought she had all the time to convince my halmoni but the main issue was our short time

" what happens if you don't get married tomorrow , like asking for more time to prepare "

i avoided her gaze and explained " any breach in the contract conditions and i'll have to be in money debut for Dr. jung , then probably he'll just report me next day to spend the rest of my life in prison "

" aish money debut ! you are such a fool " , she lectured , " you cornered yourself with that contract ! ? "

i collected my fading voice " i know , that's why i'm really scared in the moment , when i re- think about everything i'm in the disadvantage "

that's what i realized when i actually had the time to think about it , i was a fool who was played on !

my heart trembled in fear and worries tickled my throat ..
what if things went so wrong with no way to step back !

unnie caressed my back assuring " don't worry seohyun~ah , let's think about the positive side , only the positive side and you'll definitely feel much better "

i looked up at her with hopeful eyes waiting for her assuring words

" well , let's face it ! there's nothing positive about getting a contract with yonghwa " she packed off her support eventually

even it was a joke , it was awful " unnie "

she sighed and reached for my both hands squeezing them " seohyun~ah , even if things went wrong , i'll be always there to help you out "

i nodded too much like a lost kid who was promised to be returned to his parents

she asked with assuring smile " how much is the money debut anyway ? "

" 600000$ "

dropped in disbelief and corrected " 'spiritually ' help you "

-------------------

next morning - wedding day - 10:00 a.m university hospital

in the morning , i received a mail from the department manager , so i headed to the hospital knowing exactly what was i called for

i knocked the department manager door and got in " manager-nim , you asked for me "

" Dr. seo , you're finally here " with a fake smile the manager stood up from his desk and greeted me

" yes , what is the matter ? " i acted clueless

" first of all , please have a seat " he gestured for me with a polite hand

" i'm okay "

" no , please have a seat " he insisted until i sat down

the luxurious treatment made me feel as if i just went out for dinner in an expensive foreign restaurant , would he pour a wine next !

he walked from behind the desk and went all the way to sit on the chair facing me

" would you like to drink something ? " was the next offer by the manager

here he goes !!

i hardly concealed a chuckle as i shook my head politely refusing " thank you "

" congratulations Dr.seo juhyun , you've been accepted in the department " the middle aged man informed me with a fake admiration ; the same man who acted blunt toward my complain one day ago

" khamsamida "

he smiled proudly and introduced the ID tag to my hands " this is for you , Dr.Seo ; you can start your residency from today "

i bowed " khamsamida "
and reached for the ID tag

Dr/ Seo juhyun - cardio thoracic surgeon , written in a clear letters

my world paused for a moment , to take a full look at my name and my long awaited speciality

i couldn't remember i wished for something else other than what was already between my hands in this moment

my long caged pain numbed for the mere thought that i fulfilled my promise

are you proud appa ..? i hope you are

" i'm surprised you were recommended by Dr. jung , you probably got some connection here and there and i'm surprised you kept it low key until now , i should have believed in you when you got here few days ago and complained about some mistake "

ah ... right .. i was overwhelmed by the play i almost forgot ..

it wasn't even my hard work that got me there , it was the contract with Dr.jung

anyone around the hospital who accepted Dr.jung proposal would have been here instead of me , getting this ID and being congratulated by the fake department manager ..

i stood up and decided to leave , bowed " khamsamida again " and walked toward the exist

there was no meaning in being here

the manager asked me one more time before i left
" if you have any questions or difficulties , please find me "

i flashed a smile to him and went out

who said i hated marrying Dr. jung !! i'm already loving it

i collected my senses back and dropped by the intern resting room to get my yellow box which was left there since yesterday , then the next stop was to drop by my new resting room ; cardio thoracic residents resting room ..

i stood by the door of the destined room , holding the box between my arms and inhaling deeply ..

when i opened the door , i almost got a mini heart attack for the surprise

" congraatssssss "
loud cheering and plain handmade confetti were thrown into my face

with a single glance , i realized that minho , nana and Dr. lee joon prepared that ridiculous heart warming event for me , and i couldn't be more thankful ..

only if i had deserved it , i would have been happier for sure ..

" khamsamida everyone "

minho reached out for me non chalantly , hooking my neck under his arm as a special sincere meaning of congratulation " so you're a cardio thoracic surgeon now huh "

" yaah " i tried to escape his grip , acting as if i hated the aggressive affection but he just and went hugging me instead

" you really did it Seroro , i'm happy for you " he muttered sincerely with a thick voice , his emotional congrats directly shaking my heart

" gomawo , minho~ah " i gulped my vulnerability which may have sounded as a sincere gratitude while it was out of pure guilt

i wanted to tell him too , about the reckless contract , the stupid decision and how i didn't care about any morals to accomplish my goals .. but he would surely be disappointed in me , he would probably cut our friendship because i wasn't really worth the trust we shared ..
or maybe i was afraid he might stop me from going into this ; from being a cardio thoracic surgeon

" so it's a women majority now ! back in my days even guys avoided this department " Dr. joon joked and directed his next words to minho " we shall find you somewhere else to sleep minho , it's all girls in here "

minho grinned " don't mind me Dr. joon , i'll find my way home and rest there probably "

Dr. joon smirked " as if that's any possible ! " , he seriously advised us
" it's true you're not interns anymore so you don't have to fulfill the staff random errands ! however you are all specialist residents now and if this means anything then it is about time you take full responsibility for your deeds , one wrong move and you may lose your license forever "

we looked at him worriedly , so he lessened the impact with other words " don't worry much about this , you will learn one thing per time .. but always remember to ask your seniors when uncertain ! don't be stubborn that you have a little more authority now "

we all nodded with a bow

Dr. joon glanced his watch and directed his words to me " since it's your first day seohyun , i'll go easy on you but starting tomorrow you'll have to work harder than ever "

minho nagged " you didn't go easy on us on our first day Dr. joon , why are you playing favorites now "

" because she didn't get to celebrate with us on that night minho .. and stop nagging me , i liked you better before your precious friend joins us " he sharply spotted minho with a glare

i chuckled and minho bowed apologizing " i'll behave Dr.joon "

Dr. joon shook his head with a smile giving up on the overly childish vibes and walked to leave

Nana checked her phone and headed toward out too
" congrats again seohyun , see you later "

i was left with minho all alone , the air getting thicker as it was our first reunion since our last quarrel , not that we ever had the apologizing policy between us .. yet it was different this time , i probably had to answer a lot of questions regarding this sudden turn of events - magically to the better

minho looked at me , his hand passed through his hair awkwardly " so , what happened .. you're here in the department ! "

my eyes traveled the room as i walked aimlessly checking the new environment " i got recommended .. "

" oh really ! "

" for my marvelous efforts and outstanding skills .. they said " i sounded at ease and touched the bed feeling it's soft squishy blue mattress

" seriously ? what a joke ! " he mocked in disbelief

" chincha " i confirmed or lied - it was written in the letter however not the whole truth

i sat on the lower bed and looked up at him with heavy eyes

he held onto the bunk bed frame with one hand , gazing down at me for a moment

he started talking " honestly , i thought you would be happier in a day like this , the seohyun i know wouldn't have stayed still acting this calm after getting her long awaited speciality "

although i forced myself to smile but my heart was so doomed to fake happiness

i pulled my lip into a faint smirk " i thought i would be happier too "

he gazed deeper into my eyes trying to solve my emotional puzzle , but then he easily gave up and changed the topic

" you should have heard Dr. jung congratulatory speech " minho mocked , he mimicked Dr.jung icy cold voice and talked " better. if .you .give up sooner , cuz .there's. only .one .jung .yonghwa .in . this. field "

the perfect imitation brought up my heartful laughing " arghhhh !! what a freak "

minho laughed harder " you should have heard the real thing "

i chuckled and waved my hand declining " No thanks ! i'm thankful i missed that cocky speech "

" well , you're stuck with him for a little longer now that you're sharing his department " minho teased

i had to register how today was the worst day in my life ; lying to minho , the speciality i cheated , and the worst was yet to come .. getting married to the cocky in person

i thought it would be easy , lying to everyone the one who trusted and loved me .. but why it's so heart stinging hard , why it's throttling me tighter the more i get further into this fake play ..

i lost my attention for a moment which i quickly claimed back with a fake smile

" seohyun ~ah what's wrong ? " he asked in concern

of course if i'm being this emotional thinking about everything in this moment , he'll end up realizing something wrong , pabo me , a real pabo

" nothing ! i'm fine ! "

" you shouldn't attempt to lie to me if you're this bad " his eyes clouded with concern and he sank down to sit beside me on the lower bed , our eyes met effortlessly on same level in deep intense connection

" you can tell me anything and i'll surely be on your side .. "

his sincere eyes warm voice were assuring , greedy enough i wanted to hear from him comforting words about the contracted marriage , he said he would be always on my side , didn't he ?

i started with tentative voice " do you trust Dr. jung ? "

" it's not about trusting him , Dr. jung probably wants his patients to live too but i wouldn't go as far as dealing with him outside the hospital settings "

" but Dr. jung ... " i was saying when someone opened the door and went in

even though we tried our best not to panic , the situation was still awkward

the young boy didn't show much reaction , instead he looked at me thoroughly

" she's Seohyun , the new cardio thoracic resident " minho introduced me

" Dr.Kang , i'm seo juh... "
minho's sudden introducation rushed me to stand up for a proper introduction thats when i bumped my head onto the upper bed painfully , " aww ..yun the new resident , please take care of me "

minhyuk smiled a cute eye smile which made my cheeks flush with heat " i've been waiting for you , seohyun .. please call me minhyuk " , then he bowed for me although he was a one year senior anesthetist

i bowed back quickly

he had that refreshing smile on his face when he informed minho " Dr.jung asked for you "

i had the urge to smell the cute guy , he will definitely smell like flowers

" i'll be right there " minho answered him and stood up , the later walked out

" he's so cute , the anesthetist " i giggled

minho gazed at the door direction and kept his catious silence until minhyuk's foot steps echo disappeared

he sighed " he is , isn't he ? however be cautious he's Dr. jung's little boy "

Dr. jung's little boy ! i was a little unfamiliar with such a label , didn't sound right a bit however i tried to comprehend it

i widened my eyes shocked " no way ! "

couldn't blame Dr. jung !

" hey , i gotta go now ! let's celebrate later ? tonight ? " minho suggested in hurry

" no not today , let's do it later "

" wae ? "

" i got some plans with halmoni today .. so , later "

minho was so in hurry he couldn't question me further and just gave up on the spot , he ran out in eye blink and i was left in the room

------------------------------
operation theater ~ 

" the vitals are stable Dr. jung " minhyuk informed

at the note of the operation success , yonghwa wrapped up the surgery with further stitches

" cut " , " cut , hurry up cut "

" yes Dr. jung " nana replied and tried to accommodate to yonghwa's speed

she took the scissors away when she thought he was done , but swiftly he had knotted one more suture " cut "

nana quickly brought the scissors again into the surgical field and scrambled with cutting the thread , however she did it casually without a supporting index *

yonghwa paused his hands movement abruptly

" out ! " he hissed

" ah i'm .. "

" i said out " he demanded and nana handed the scissors back to jimin and left the theater

*there's a surgical way to hold the scissors with thumb and middle finger of the right hand handling the scissor while the left hand index should support the the blades , otherwise the scissor could slip accidentally and cut vital tissues - beginners usually forget about the supporting technique when they're hurried

one hour later , the operation ended and yonghwa left the theater to find nana waiting for him

he took off his mask and gloves tossing it into the garbage can , then took off his gown tossing it into another can

" Dr. Jung , i'm sorry for what happened .. "

" what are you sorry for ? nothing happened " yonghwa assured and continued mocking " apologize when things happen and you do slit his heart "

" i was attentive ... "

" jimin , scissor !! " yonghwa called out loud for jimin who was still in the theater next door

jimin definitely heard his loud call across the thin wall , she ran out of the theater to question " Dr. jung ? "

" bring me a scissor now " he ordered again , holding a firm eye contact with nana

jimin looked at both Dr. jung and nana in confusion , however in the end she ran back into the theater getting a sterilized scissor from the instruments' shelf and handing it carefully to yonghwa

yonghwa held the scissor and handed it next to nana , which the later received in confusion

" show me how do you hold it correctly " he requested

by now , a whole bunch of surgical staff were watching the scene

nana stared at him for a moment , she already knew he did it on purpose back there , he actually fooled her into thinking he was done yet added one more knot to test her reflexes

she pressed on her lips in self control and demonstrated the right way of using the instrument to him

" good