2:00 a.m 

the night was going deeper and the hospital quieter , the same was to apply on the emergency department 

lights flickered on in the emergency operation room , and a few nurses rushed inside to prepare for the upcoming emergency patient 

while seohyun and Dr.jung stood side by side washing hands thoroughly by the betadine gel and fierce water gush striking too loud against the stainless steel basin 

 an emergency operation was a battle with unexpected events and un-calculated steps , it needs a skillful team work which is in complete harmony with each other for a chance of success . with these thoughts seohyun had to display peace upon the collaboration  

“ it’s my first time assisting you in a major operation , let’s work hard on it “ 

yonghwa had the betadine liquid rubbed vigorously over his hands and up to his elbows , he corrected “ i’ll be the one assisting you and not vice versa “ 

it took her a moment to realize , seohyun crooked her eyebrows “ so that was your plan ? “

“ if you follow my lead and do whatever i order you , no why or but , no self over or underestimation , i’m confident i can guide you through this “ 

“ like a puppet ? “ seohyun washed her hands with water and was now giving her full attention to yonghwa 

“ high quality puppet performance is the best scenario case “ he replied

yonghwa passed his arms under water allowing the stream to remove all the soap bubbles and into the basin 

with a step back , the water shut off automatically

he made a direct eye contact with her  dropping the serious note “ if you succeed and he lives , you get all the recognition for it , if you fail; he dies and you lose your job , your skills determine both your fates “ 

seohyun’s skin trembled for the familiar words she heard from him , when she was an intern , similar words were directed at Pro . Han 

she could feel the same wave of disgust gushing through her , the bitterness filling  

she was hoping for climbing the stairs one at a time , but going this extreme to save her position .

doing the same thing she dissed yonghwa for , gambling with patients lives for materialistic goals .. fame and money 

how was she any different from him and Prof.han and the rest of the gang 

also , what if she doesn’t have the skills for it , what if she messed up the patient chance to survive , hell she was no where close to Dr.jung ‘s level yet for this play

that was all too much stress for her to handle , it’s someone’s life they were talking about ! 

minhyuk had a last sip from his instant coffee before he threw the paper cup in the bin , he head toward the washing bar where he found both yonghwa and seohyun at the spot talking in a sharp exchange of statements  

“ hyung “ he greeted Dr.jung and glanced over seohyun who looked a little bit distressed “ seohyunn~i , i look forward working with you “ 

“ me.. too , Dr.Kang .. “ seohyun’s lips cracked into a weary smile , her eyes lingering at Dr.jung’s back as he head quietly to the operation room 

“ you shouldn’t be this anxious , not if you want to pull this up  “ minhyuk went closer and got some brown betadine gel over his hands , he rubbed them together for a minute , “ you should get in there act like some sort of god , decide wether your patient will survive this or not “ 

those words were enough to exert mountains’ weight worth on her shoulders , to set her nerves out of control .. 

~     ~

the glass door of the operation theater slid open , and a couple of paramedics rushed with a trolley occupied with unconscious man in his thirties , wearing what appears to be a white shirt and dark pants , however the white shirt had a crimson colored stain over the chest with a streak of blood flowing from the center all the way and onto the floor , filling the room with rusty smell 

“ 1,2,3 “ the paramedics said and promptly switched the patient to the operating bed , “ male in his mid thirties , single gunshot wound through the chest since 15 minutes , 80/60 , 110 HR , intubated on gasping “ 

rather than unconscious , seohyun had a gut feeling that there was more to it , she pressed her fingers over his carotid and felt nothing “ he’s dead .. “  

seohyun gritted her teeth in annoyance , she half tore half opened his shirt , clutched one hand over the other and exerted downward pressure over the lower sternum of the patient 

, blood gushing vigorously out of his chest with each compression she did

“ what ! “ one of the paramedics exclaimed 

yonghwa held the patient hand momentarily “ he’s still warm .. when was the last time you checked on his vitals ? “ he asked the paramedics 

“ just now , prior to the transportation here “ one answered 

the other replied “ i’m sure it’s less than a minute ago “ 

 “ stop the CPR “

was yonghwa’s command . when he earned a glare from the exhausted seohyun he explained “ you’re emptying his heart out of the blood “ 

now with patient laid dead and no CPR could be done , everyone attentively waited for the answer 

“ we’ve got approximately 8 minutes before he’s brain dead , of course there’s individual variations “ yonghwa announced 

minhyuk replied “ i need at least 10 minutes to get the ECMO in action “ 

* ECMO is a machine which could pump the blood in the circulation regardless of heart condition * 

“ i know “ yonghwa nodded , “ scalpel “ he asked the nurse 

when he got the sharp instrument in hand , he handed it to seohyun “ start the repair “ 

seohyun received the scalpel on her end , she cut through the skin in anterolateral approach then asked for the rib spreader 

she understands why Dr.jung asked for the heart repair since it’s the sole cause of death , the heart with a major wound was spitting the blood out the circulation , even with massive blood transfusion the main pump would empty the circulation again and again considering it was beating .. now the only approach was to repair the pump first , the dead heart would make it easier for repair but the time given for the act was impossibly tight , 8 minutes were no where enough for a cut through the skin , spreading ribs and looking for the inlet and outlet damage of a bullet , then suturing them one after the other , 8 minutes were especially short for someone as green as seohyun in the field 

when seohyun got through the thick skin and bones , she managed to lay her hands on the heart in a pool of blood 

“ 3 minutes passed “ a nurse said , who had a timer started on minhyuk’s note , since the later was busy with sitting the ECMO 

seohyun could feel her own heart pulsating throughout her body as she held the heart between her hands looking for any tissue damage 

the pooling blood made it slippery and difficult for visual detection , so she used her finger tips cautiously sliding over the organ in slow motion 

when she started to feel a vague irregularity over the smooth surface anterior inter ventricular septum , the heart slipped from her hands and back into the pool of blood 

“ 4 minutes passed “ 

seohyun gulped as she rose her gaze and looked at yonghwa for assistance or even a word of guidance but he had his gaze fixated on the organ in question with not much reaction , radiating with - expect no help from me - vibes 

she wondered if he actually cared about the patient or was he that immersed in the silly plan they discussed before 

as she had no time to waste , she reclaimed the heart again between her hands , this time extra cautious but quicker she looked for the damage as she had a slight idea of it’s location  

when she found it , she asked for a thread and immediately started with the surgical knots , there was some technical difficulty to handle the heart and suture the defect with both hands , yonghwa stepped in and held the organ for her 

“ not too tight , not too loose “ he spoke his first words 

“ 5 minutes passed “ 

with so little time left , she was only done with one surgical knot not even done with the first defect , she had in mind there was another outlet defect which needed repair also 

she sighed nervously and started immediately on the other knots , she could feel her nerves melting as she raced unreasonably against time 

“ your speed is alright “ 

regardless of his intentions , yonghwa’s words came to assure and calm her nerves down a bit 

“ cut “ seohyun ordered and yonghwa steadily did , then she started looking for the other wound 

“ 7 minutes “ 

“ check the posterior aspect of the left ventricle “ yonghwa displayed a helpful hint and seohyun checked that part in a blink 

she indeed found the other wound , her mind now filled with the repair after math “ cut ...“ 

seohyun was done in time , and without hesitation she started the manual cardiac massage over the heart , it was her first experience but she figured out she couldn’t be wrong by watching the step done countless times before

the heart still beatless between her hands when she heard a worried nurse call “ 9 minutes passed , Dr.Seo . what should we do ? “

nothing . she could think of nothing again 

however , seohyun continued what she had started , ambitious about her first surgery she won’t allow this to end on an ominous note 

she believed that as long as she didn’t give up on the patient , the patient shouldn’t abandon her either .. 

the nurse pressured “ Dr.jung ? “ 

seohyun felt a twerk into her hand , thinking it might be her nerves playing tricks on her she continued with the massage till it was clear the wounded heart is the entity beating indeed   

“ it’s beating ! Dr. jung , it does “ she looked up at yonghwa for confirmation 

“ okay , let’s continue with the operation then “ yonghwa said and asked for some other instruments to expose the major blood vessels 

“ the ECMO is started “ minhyuk infromed

she should know better , she couldn’t celebrate early with a the patient laying on table , the real surgery yet to start and who knows wether his brain affected by the off time or not 

seohyun buried those questions inside her head and assisted yonghwa with the ongoing operation , they still got long way to go ; looking for the bullet line and getting everything in that direction repaired 

as time passed , the staff supported their weight on their heels in absolute exhaustion  

it took 4 more hours for the operation to end 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9:00 a.m - ICU ward 

it was dawn’s soft bluish sky when the surgery ended , i let my guard down for a moment and i woke up on a bright golden sunlight rays irritating my still unfocused vision ..

in the corner of my eyes , i saw a movement from the patient we operated on till few hours ago . not wasting a moment i stood up and hurried toward him 

his eyes wide open , he moved his right hand 

“ Mr , do you hear me ? “ i asked hopefully 

unable to voice words since he was intubated at the moment , he gave a nod as a reply and i breathed a relieved air , my first critical patient was saved ! 

i had to report the news to Dr.jung and the staff as soon as possible so i hurried to leave the room 

i opened the door , to be faced with countless people , some were standing straight , while others sat on the floor , some carrying heavy equipments and cameras , and others holding some recorders in hands 

i panicked at the scandalous scene which i could identify from dramas and news channels 

“ Doctor , tell us what is his condition now “

“ what was the surgery about “ 

“ do you know who was the one who shot him “ 

“ Doctor , do you ..” 

receiving multiple questions all at once and not registering a single one of them in my head , i took a step back and shut the door again 

“ what’s going on “ i murmured as i watched the patient who went back to sleep despite the world boiling outside for him 

does that mean i’m locked in here forever or until i answer them ! 

i heard a knock on the door and i protectively held the knob “ who is it ? “ 

“ it’s me seohyun~ii , minhyuk “ 

i opened the door for him , he entered quickly and we shut the door closed together 

“ wow , there’s a whole army of reporters out there “ minhyuk sarcastically wiped an imaginary sweat drops on his forehead , he approached the patient next “ how is he doing ? “ 

i left the door side , feeling a little at ease now with minhyuk sharing the situation with me “ he’s conscious , thankfully “ 

he went closer to check on the patient without actually alerting him  

“ amazing seohyunni~ “ using a low voice he showed impressiveness 

“ i wasn’t the only one who did the job , we worked together Dr.kang “ 

“ if you act this humble , you’ll get on hyung’s nerves “ minhyuk chuckled , he sat on the cement shelf underneath the window 

i glanced the patient making sure he’s fast asleep and went closer to minhyuk , my voice lower than what could be heard from the patient distance 

“ i can’t help thinking that ..  if this had went wrong , at any point .. would Dr.jung step in and save the situation or would he follow his word to the last ? of course he did help me from the side and i couldn’t have done it without his guidance but still , it might have ended badly  “  

he said it was up to my skills , saving or killing the patient .. he said those but did he mean it , was he ready to intervene at any moment 

“ hmmmmm “ minhyuk thought deeply , “ if hyung gave you a mission then he knows how capable you are , think positively “ he ended his words with a kind eye smile 

“ i’m not sure about this .. “ i murmured 

“ hyung actually cares and rather than admitting that himself , he does all what in his hands to help his patients ; i think that what matters the most “ 

he’s a talented surgeon but not an ideal human , he does hurt people by his words 

“ you have a lot of respect for him “ i said , he was almost blinded by love and respect for Dr.jung , “ how did you get to know each other ? “

“ he found me “ minhyuk smiled , “ it was all too bland before he came .. i got sick of surgeons cautiously patting their next step , taking operations with 101% survival rates and calling themselves gods ! what’s the point of even being there “ 

it was unexpected , the way minhyuk always showed a calm air around him and his thrilling preferences in work 

“ and then one day , hyung approached me and said this ..” , minhyuk continued seriously “ - there’s a good symgapsol store close from here , want to join me ? - “ 

he laughed “ the symgabsol was really good , i’m on his team since then “ 

“ THAT’S IT ! “ i reacted louder than i intended to

i shook my head in disbelief , that was a too simple minded story 

minhyuk concluded with a serious tone “ hyung is a good man “ 

i pressed my lips in a flat line hindering my self from saying further , i wouldn’t wish to distort the respectful image the youngest had for his hyung 

minhyuk started again reluctantly  “ actually i’ve heard about your encounters with hyung “ 

he continued “ but when i saw you both together .. it’s like you both shared a bubble regardless of the world outside , that’s when i realized your effect .. jinjja i felt it “ 

what .. does that mean ! 

surprised by his believes ,i waved a hand denying “ that’s a bit of stretch though “ 

we were alarmed by the door opening , Dr.jung entering and closed the door after him

his usual cool wind was not disturbed by the press conference camping outside 

i walked a step toward him , telling him the most important news “ Dr.jung , the patient is conscious now “ 

“ hmm “ he murmured , his eyes were too occupied for such a news to matter to him in the moment 

i didn’t have to look for his object of interest since it was no thing and no one but me  

his brown wide eyes solely checking me out , from head to toe intently and almost in embarrassing way 

 “ Dr. jung ? “ awkwardly , i took a step back as he advanced toward me 

taking of full glance of me , he tilted his head in suggestion “ why don’t you let your hair down “ 

i stared at him in confusion “ what .. why ? “ 

minhyuk voiced an aha and explained “ a tied hair gives off a hard worker vibes , but with your hair down it’s the over confident woman who knows when to show off herself and victories “ 

dividing my confused gaze between Dr.jung and minhyuk , i realized what was their intention 

it was all part of the plan Dr.jung mentioned before ; getting recognition and passing as the best surgeon the hospital had known .. 

a hospital celebrity would have a perfect alibi to keep her ground saved 

who knew the fantasy of yesterday would turn out into reality in one night ..

it’s insane , this life i’m living is insane 

“ i think it’s un...necessary “ i cautiously said the words as i fished for their reactions , when i felt the mood got ridiculously heavier i followed their instructions anyway and took off my hair tie 

without a mirror - fuzzy strands of hair were blocking my vision , haphazardly they fell over my face and i lost my sense as i managed to group them into two bulks shoving each one behind the respective ear

another pair of hands stretched to help me out , slender fingers passed through my hair smoothly adjusting it , my silky slick hair made it hard for him to re-shape my hair properly . however his moves were detailed even for the part of tucking a few strands of hair behind my right ear 

daring to touch my hair as if i belonged to him .. Dr.jung felt no shame just because it was for the sake of the plan , 

and who i am to complain when i married a stranger for the residency position 

Dr.jung talked “ Mr. Park yowen , your patient .. is a congressman politician who changed campaigns last year , he was shot last night after a restaurant meeting with his acquaintance from the new campaign , the one who shot him was probably paid by the old campaign .. in politics , switching campaigns give advantage to your new rather than old campaign “ 

i nodded despite getting dizzy by the heavy politician talk 

“ it’s your chance , i’ll give you the cue “ he opened the door and got us outside

in an instant , i was surrounded by a circle of impatient people .

everyone of them had their attention and equipments directed at us . 

strong flashlights blinded me for a few seconds while their recorders advanced a few inches closer to our faces 

one reporter standing in the second row, shouted “ assistant Prof. Jung , a word please “ , while pushing the front line of reporters more toward us 

subconsciously i took a step back behind Dr.jung , whatever they’re doing in the moment wasn’t safe  

despite the mess , Dr.jung maintained his professionalism and replied “ yes , what do you want to know ? “ 

the same reporter asked “ did the police catch the culprit , do you know anything about it “ 

“ we wouldn’t know such details “ he answered 

another female reporter squeezed herself to the frontline  “ Dr.jung , what about Mr. park condition , is he stable ? “ 

a flat hand rested on the small of my back and pushed me a step forward , he answered the crowd “ Dr. Seo juhyun here , the one who performed the surgery will answer you “ 

i spared Dr.jung a quick eye contact before preparing an answer

“ ah t... the patient is still recovering “ 

the female reporter asked me again “ did you realize your patient was the politician Mr.park “ 

i replied “ we treat our patients with equity “ 

a male reporter this time asked “ what kind of surgery exactly did you perform ? “  

i answered “ we had performed an open heart surgery , repairing the bullet advancement line , the Left ventricle , descending aorta and osephagus were all severed “ 

Dr.jung talked “ initially , the patient arrived dead to our hospital , if it wasn’t for the quick intervention and Dr. Seo juhyun who took the risk , the results might’ve been ominous by now . however , let’s wait for the patient full recovery “ 

the crowd exclaimed at his words “ ooohhh ! “ 

“ now , if you excuse us . we have work to tend to “ he excused us and walked fast .. 

his eyes glued to his phone , he raised his iPhone and recorded a voice note  (( i’ll be the one giving the lecture instead , keep the students seated )) 

i left him to tend to his work and head to the Residents room 

~    ~      ~     ~

Residents room 9:30 am 

the room was empty for once. since the ER consecutive nights , i didn’t get the chance to come back here ..

rather than the surgery , the media meeting was more intense . burning the last ounce of energy i had within my body 

the day was only starting so i reached for the ramyon conveniently placed there and waiting for me to dig in . 

i prepared the water in the boiler and waited for the thing to do it’s magic .   

as i stood there waiting , i caught my reflection in the mirror over the wall .. the mirror 50cm x 50 cm which had endless colorful sticky notes stuck to it and a plain yellow frame 

i removed the sticky notes one after another from the center , to re-stick them again at the border as i read them