HER STORY 

~last week of internship 2016~ 

leaning on the wall in front of the cardio-thoracic operation theater at seoul university hospital ..

 i could name , age and define all the surgeons passing by .. 

they looked confident and trust worthy , rather than them being so confident about their skills they had to show it off so people would trust them easily , believe in them and accept whatever decision they would take .. 

the ' people' i mentioned were the patients guardians and lovers , who sat outside the operation theater waiting anxiously and counting the minutes passing by ! wether they expressed their fears with crying , or chose to quietly stare at nothing , the only strength they clang onto in the moment was their trust that their sick loved one will be saved by the surgeon they believed in .. 

i once knew that feeling too clinging onto those surgeons as my only hope , those fighters who wore a plain scrub suit and walked past me in lightning speed as if it was the end of the world , as if they really cared .. 

unconsciously a smirk lifted my lip to the side as i dropped my gaze to stare at my black converse shoe .. 

i once was such a fool as those 'people' until i realized ~ it was all a lie ~ 

surgeons don't save lives , they don't know any magical spills and they don't care , they are just employees who fulfill their jobs to achieve their objectives which is barely ; fame and money .. 

although i'm a trainee who needed to be a cardiothoracic surgeon the most , i hated those cold surgeons who passed people pain and suffer as an occupational habit ..

99 % of surgeons consider it as a mere job where it's a pass if it's success , a fail if they messed up , nothing more nothing less ! 
well , they're just being human so we can't really blame them ..

while the remaining 1% of surgeons aren't even human

" yaaah seohyun !! i knew you would be lurking here " 

a firm slender arm crawled around my neck strangulating me , i clang on that arm trying to steal a proper breath " unnie !! that hurts  " 

tiffany unnie loosened her grip and adjusted her white coat as she checked out the patients around us with a glance , getting her professional poker face back 

tiffany unnie a second year cardiologist , she was my neighbor and subsequently our friendship lasted for over two decades .. she was sincere , funny and impulsive , and those traits were the one i admired the most so let's skip the rest

i grew up dealing with the boyish her most of the time and  spending the rest of my time with my overprotective father when he was alive , that's why i couldn't get any feminine preferences , i couldn't blend well with the cute girls who were glowing with fashionable accessories and mini skirts in the streets .. 
and when i decided i have to be a doctor no matter what , my life didn't change much - i just lived in my own shell with my grandma between books and papers and never got a proper life ..
 
 " have you forgotten about the meeting in the surgery ward with Dr. jung " tiffany snapped me 

" i totally forgot about it "  
Dr. jung's name was enough to bring out my worst mood and ultimate shock 

tiffany dropped her head exaggerating a pained expression " you never learn , do you ? " 

" i will definitely be there before him " i clenched my fist determined  

" i'm not going on that marathon with you , i'll take the elevator and meet you there .. seriously young people nowadays " tiffany unnie murmured lazily and walked a turtle like steps toward the elevator

while i had to run toward the ward , taking the emergency staircase rather than the elevator just to arrive there on time , since it's Dr.jung out of all people - i bloody needed to be there before his arrival .

i arrived the ward panting , and thankfully dr.jung wasn't here yet 

instead minho , choa and juniel were there waiting for Dr. jung arrival too ,  they were a trainees waiting for their speciality request acceptance just like me

" annyongggg " i smiled brightly as i walked in   

" you're always late " minho acted uninterested 

he had known me since my college years and i definitely never skipped an opportunity to be late 

i giggled and spoke " being early isn't my style ... "

 i was distracted by how everyone were getting nervous and adjusting their white coat so i glanced the door  cautiously and yonghwa was already here  

 " oh god he's so handsome today too " i heard choa whispering to juniel 

juniel nodded giggling , and i glanced him again justifying their words ..
his deep chocolate eyes , feminine long lashes , pointed nose , sharp chin and plumped lips were just an eye candy for any woman out there ..
i've always thought that if he decided to quiet the medical field to debut as an actor or idol , he'll certainly do the world a big favor 

he walked past us reaching out for the patient who was in coma , slightly pressed his fingers on the patient neck feeling his pulsation and next held the patient wrist feeling his other pulsation .. 
his beautiful slender fingers caught my attention as always , he was gifted by such a perfect hands which surely made it easier for him to perform perfectly in his endless successful operations ..

he gestured for minho to start viewing the patient chart .. 

minho started " songki , 70 years old , was admitted on .. " 

" skip " yonghwa ordered his gaze fixed on the patient 

minho nodded and jumped the chart lines and continued " for the operation , yesterday he went for operation at 8:00 a.m which was for .. " 

" skip " yonghwa finally gave his full attention to minho reflecting his obvious impatience 

minho took a deep breath toning down his frustration and nodded again , trying to jump the lines which yonghwa considered - less important - 

 " if you're not interested in the details , why did you ask minho to review the chart in the first place " i ended my daring words to find dr. yonghwa staring right through me ! 

i stared back at him , i was never afraid of him 

after all , there's something mutual between me and Dr.Jung .... 

he took a step toward me , getting closer and confronting me so i would feel the inferiority between our ranks 

" Dr. seo , do you think i wouldn't know about my own patient getting into a cardiac arrest yesterday ? " 

" so what ! should we bury this chart somewhere since your own patient got into a cardiac arrest ! " i replied sharply staring back at him .. thankfully i know how to hurt a surgeon's pride 

no one was even shocked witnessing our ugly relationship , they got used to it by now   

dr. yonghwa's lips curved into a faint yellow smile - the only kind of smile i've seen on his face since i started my internship here 

he looked at minho and ordered  firmly " increase the digixoin dose and start cold infusion line " 

" yes , Dr.jung " minho nodded 

he threw me a hostile glance next " and you ? " 

i knew it .. 

" record his vital signs every 60 minutes , i don't care wether it's dawn or night , just do it on time " 

hospitals didn't differ much from other companies and facilities .. 
however you hate your boss or how many ways you came up with mentally to get rid of him forever ; in the end you'll have to follow his orders anyway and bow down in a fake respect  

" yes , Dr.jung " i nodded solemnly 

yonghwa walked past us and left the ward while i watched over his back grinding my teeth with hate 

minho sighed heavily and patted my back with the chart

 " seriously why would you step up for this , juhyun~ah ! why can't you just stay quiet "

just as i felt the pat on my back i came back to my senses and realized what i just did !! just now i lost my opportunity to go home for ... forever !
 
i fell even more depressed at the thought and whined " i can't help it !! whenever i see him i can't help but to lose my temper " 

minho shook his head in pity and decided " i'll help you with this , i'm staying the night anyway " 

minho was the only male friend i collected from college , he's trustworthy and warm , always a step behind to watch over me , although it wasn't my piece to depend on anyone but feeling him somewhere close had always gave me confidence and security 

with a warm smile i recognized his effort " gomawo minho , i can do it myself "  

" provoking the practical head of cardiothorax department ; will never help you secure a position there anytime soon " although tiffany unnie came to the scene later but she witnessed the main event   

well , that's exactly why i worked hard the past years so i wouldn't have to beg jerks to fulfill my dreams ! although the competition is hard for the acceptance with just two candidate for that department , but i was the best in ranking next to minho 

i smiled glowing with confidence " i'm definitely getting my cardiothorax speciality this week , wether he wish or not " 

 i wasn't sure when did all of this start , was it when i knew about his ugly truth last year or was it when he tried his hardest to make my internship a hell one year just because i went against him ! 

Dr.Jung yonghwa perfectly fit into the 1% unhuman category i mention earlier; a cold hearted jerk who published research papers more than saving lives , all what he cared about was his fame, his magazines interviews and getting into a higher positions at a younger age than ever , that's why he acted like a passive doll obeying professors orders blindly and steadily growing genuinely to be one of them , as if we needed another - good for nothing but business- professor in this hospital ..

-----------------------------------
~ flashback ~ one year ago 2015

( so now we'll talk about the 4 Dimensions of Community Medicine .. it's really important to consider those when planning the preventive medicine practice 
first : Paying attention to sociocultural aspects of patient care
second : Coordinating a community’s health resources in the care of patients
third : .. )

seohyun yawned as she sank deeper into her seat , the lecture started an hour ago and it didn't look like it'll end anytime soon but her hopes were up that it might end at least today ..

" how tedious " she whispered 

minho chuckled and teased " give it another thought , maybe you'll decide on preventive medicine as your speciality " 

preventive medicine was all about sitting in office the whole day , preparing questionnaires and getting your computer to calculate the statics by the end of the week .. it was just as boring and dull as it sounded ..

" not even in my next life " she replied lazily and shut her eyes to take a quick nap 

minho smirked " you're such a cardiothoracic surgery freak " 

she smiled flattered by the thought " why do i love hearing this " 

" pabo " minho shook his head at the stubborn her and smiled 

watching over her for the past six years he eventually grew passionate toward the cardiothoracic department too ! 
she hypnotized him by her endless bubbly talk about the department , amazed by her determination to get what she wants and most importantly since he heard from her why she had to be there and no where else ..
although he had no reason to be a cardiothoracic surgeon , he was pleasured just by following her ..

as a wave of admiration shook his heart , he noticed how she abruptly straightened her back on the seat and got her heels ready for a soon run 

" Dr. Lee will never allow you to escape his boring lecture " minho commented calmly , his gaze fixed on Dr. Lee soo man whose walking back and forth on the stage and sharply maintaining an eye contact with almost all doctors there making sure no one would escape even if they really wanted to ! 

" 50 $ ? " seohyun asked with a serious expression , her gaze on Dr.Lee 

" call " minho accepted the bet shifting his gaze to her 

 he noticed her lips pulled to the side in a confident smirk for a second before she frowns in pain " ah ! .. ahhh " 

minho couldn't believe she resorted to that old dusty strategy , Dr. Lee was monotonous but certainly he wasn't that stupid 

she stood up abruptly holding her abdomen with a firm arm , her face dimmed with pain as she interrupted Dr.Lee 

" professor .. ah .. can i .. " she hardly voiced the words in pain , pulling a deep gasp with each word 

Dr.Lee looked at her for a moment justifying her