'HE'S PRETTIER THAN ME'

written by ichigoainosuke, aizawanikka, greyrani, and sayumi_yuma

Guests: Zakiyama, Shida Miyu, and a small mention of Abe Hiroshi & Kazuga of Audrey

Mirai was casually reading a magazine she just bought. 

She was going to read on a particular segment of the magazine, in which her boyfriend was regularly featured there.

And then, this was what she found.

And this was her reaction

Well... she didn't stop there.

So, here's what happens next.....

Mirai: (immediately grabs her phone and dialed one of the most recent number) YAMA-CHAAAAN! 

Ryosuke: (picks up the phone and immediately moves it away from his ear) WHAT THE HELL, WHAT'S UP WITH THE SCREAMING?!!

Mirai: I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU! 

Ryosuke: WHAT?! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?! 

Mirai: What did you do wrong?! Well, you're prettier than me!

Ryosuke: EH?!! 

Mirai: We're over!

Ryosuke: Look, it doesn't matter who is prettier. What's important is my heart only belongs to you, Mirai

Mirai: I DON'T WANT YOU'RE FREAKIN' HEART! I WANT YOUR BEAUTY! 

Ryosuke: Then what the hell am I suppose to do?!! 

Mirai: DO WHATEVER IT TAKES! HAVE A PLASTIC SURGERY! ASK THEM TO MAKE YOUR FACE LOOK LIKE ABE HIROSHI!

Ryosuke: EEH?!!

Mirai: WE'RE BREAKING UP, END OF CONVERSATION! 

Before Ryosuke could respond, Mirai had ended the line.

Ryosuke: ......... 

********

The next day...... 

It was early in the morning, and Zakiyama had just woken up from his sleep. When suddenly, his house bell rang.

Zakiyama: (opens the door with eyes half open. He found a figure standing before him) Who the hell are you? 

Ryosuke: (smacks Zakiyama's face hard to wake him up) DUDE! IT'S ME!

Zakiyama: (narrows his eyes) Kazuga?

Ryosuke: It's Yamada you idiot! How can you mistaken me for Kazuga?! That was just pure insult!

Zakiyama: Oh. It's you (yawns and rolls his eyes showing no interest)

Ryosuke: WHAT'S WITH THAT REACTION?!! 

Zakiyama: What do you want?

Ryosuke: (suddenly grabs Zakiyama's hands) I need you to tell me how to become ugly!

Zakiyama: DEME! WHY WOULD YOU COME TO ME FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS?! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM HAAH?!!  

Ryosuke: Aren't you a master of being ugly? 

Zakiyama: (smacks Ryosuke) OI CHIBI! I'M THE MOST IKEMEN IN THE ENTIRE JAPAN ISLANDS!

Ryosuke: (examines Zakiyama's face carefully) Yappari, only you can help me!

Zakiyama: OI!

Ryosuke: Come on Zakiyama! I don't wanna do a plastic surgery! I need a traditional method that ugly professionals like you can do!

Zakiyama: (got more irritated and prepares to snap back at Ryosuke. But then he examines Ryosuke's face carefully. He was shocked.) DAFUK, THERE'S NO WAY THIS KIND OF FACE CAN BE TURNED UGLY UNLESS YOU SHOVE IT TO A BURNING FIRE!

Ryosuke: NOT THAT KIND OF METHOD! Come on! Help me Zakiyama! You gotta do something about this!

Zakiyama: (scratches his head, scratches his armpit, then picks on his nose as he tried to think of a solution. Then, he clicked his tongue in annoyance) Fine. Come in, I'll think of a way...

********

A few days later...

Mirai: Yama-chan dissapeared completely since that day (sighs) Did I went overboard this time? 

Suddenly her door bell rang 

Mirai: (rushes herself to open the door and was shocked upon seeing the view in front of her) OMG WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! 

In front of her, Mirai saw a creature. His teeth was entirely black, his eyes were squinted, there was a thick moustache under his nose, and his face was covered with ugly dots of black. His front upper teeth was entirely off-side, they were crooked. He was wearing baggy clothes with dirts and holes all over the place.

Ryosuke: I'M KHOOMEE KHOONEEY! (has difficulty in speaking due to his bucktooth) 

Mirai: (recognizes the voice and her eyes widen) YAMA-CHAN?! DID YOU SLAMMED YOURSELF INTO A MILITARY TANK?! 

Ryosuke: NAW YHOU'RE PHRETTIER THAN ME, RIGHT? HEGEGEGEGE 

Mirai: (grabs a giant kitchen basin out of nowhere and smacks it hard at Ryosuke's head) THAT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY YOU IDIOT! 

Mirai immediately whip out the moustasche under Ryosuke's nose without pity

Ryosuke: ITTE!!! 

Mirai grabs a napkin and rubs Ryosuke's face savagely to get rid of the ugly dots all over his face 

Ryosuke: HEY! THAT REALLY HURTS! 

Mirai grabs a vacuum cleaner and shoves the snout of it into Ryosuke's mouth and began cleaning the black taints all over Ryosuke's teeth

Ryosuke: ADSHGGHASFHKDFSHFKKGADKFGHKADFJHK 

Mirai slaps his cheeks hard to normalize his squinted eyes and to spew out the fake buck tooth he was wearing

Ryosuke: WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT?! YOU PLANNING TO KILL ME?! THIS IS A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! 

Mirai ignores Ryosuke's rant and examines Ryosuke intently. His face was back to normal, but his clothes were still ugly and his hair was all over the place.

Mirai: Now, this is my Yama-chan! (immediately pulls him to her embrace) 

Ryosuke: .....?? 

Mirai: Don't ever change, okay? Just stay like this forever (tightens her hug on Ryosuke and closes her eyes)

Ryosuke: (grins to himself non stop)

Then Mirai pulls Ryosuke into her room.

*********

Mirai: (laughs her off on the floor) So you went all the way to Zakiyama's place just so he could turn you ugly?! 

Ryosuke: (nods)

Mirai: WHY WOULD YOU HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY THERE JUST TO GET YOUR TEETH TAINTED BLACK AND GETTING BLACK DOTS ALL OVER YOUR CHEEKS, WEARS FAKE MUSTASCHE AND FAKE TEETH? I CAN EASILY DO THAT FOR YOU (laughs even more until she cries) 

Ryosuke: EH? You're right! (slaps his forehead hard) 

Mirai: Seriously though, why is your idiocy super accute??! (laughs even more)

Ryosuke: So... You're not mad anymore? 

Mirai: ...... 

Ryosuke: So... you don't feel I'm still prettier than you right? Does this mean you forgive me? 

Mirai : Hmm... wait... (pulls Ryosuke into her room)

Mirai: After a thought... Ryoko-chan really is pretty. So, would you be my Ryoko-chan instead? (takes out all of her make up and accessories from her drawer and smiles wide. An evil smile.) 

Ryosuke : Uh-oh....

Mirai: (smirks even more)

Ryosuke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!! (prepares to leave the room)

Mirai: (races him towards the door and immediately locked it. Then, she took out her corset from her wardrobe, and puts it on Ryosuke. She tighten the corset until Ryosuke had a difficult time breathing)

Ryosuke : NOOOOOOO!!!

********

Meanwhile, Miyuu, Mirai's sister, who was in her room the whole time, heard a suspicious loud thumping sound from her sister's room. 

Miyuu : What is Onee-chan doing at this hour? Don't tell me she's practicing smack down again... -_- 

Then, she heard a girly scream out of nowhere.

KYAAAAAAAAAAA~ 

Miyuu: OMG. THIS IS WAAAY TOO SUSPICIOUS

Immediately rushes to her sister's place and knocked on the door hard. 

Getting no answer, she took the duplicate of the key and opens her sister's room door.

After she did, her jaws dropped open. 

She saw a figure of an angel, dressed in white gown, being tied up to a chair in the middle of Mirai's room. Her face was red, and was tucked by a cloth so she wouldn't be able to speak. 

Miyu: ONEE-CHAN... WHO'S KID DID YOU KIDNAP?! 

Mirai: Miyu, you wanna join the fun? (whispers to her) This is Yama-chan... 

Miyu: (her eyes widen in surprise. But then she grins back)

Ryosuke: (desperately tries to free himself from the ropes, but his efforts were in vain) 

********

A few minutes later... 

Mirai and Miyu finally finished their entire make over of Ryosuke.

Mirai: (glances at Ryosuke and admires her creation) Kireiii~

Ryosuke: (pouts)

Mirai: Why aren't you smiling? Your beauty will fade, you know

Ryosuke: (mumbles to himself) THE HELL ABOUT BEAUTY!

Mirai: Yama-chan.... you're not happy seeing me happy? (pretends to pout and made a crying face)

Ryosuke: (turns at Mirai) But this is not the way to do it, Mirai! Do you know how hard it is to breath with this thing wrapped up tight to your entire body?! Then what's up with this whole lipstick! Vanilla flavor, really?!! You could've at least made me wear the strawberry one!

Mirai: (still pretends to cry) Fine, I'll take it all off. Yama-chan has changed. You don't want to make me happy anymore.

Ryosuke: (suddenly felt defeat. He sighed deeply) Fine, fine. Just keep it this way for a while. But what do you want to do with me in this?

Mirai: (eyes widen and twinkled in excitement) Let's go to Disneyland!

Ryosuke: EEH?!! YOU EXPECT ME TO GO TO DISNEYLAND IN THIS CONDITION?! (points at his entire body)

Mirai: (smirks, and without further exchange immediately drags Ryosuke out of her house)

Mirai: Miyuuu, I'll be going for a while~ Ittekimasu!

Miyu: (nods excitedly at her sister in pure support and waves at both Mirai and Ryosuke) Haik~! Itterashai! 

Ryosuke: WAIT NOO~ MIYU-CHAN! AREN'T YOU GONNA SAVE ME?!!

Miyu: Ganbatte onii-chan! (waves more at Ryosuke)

********

As soon as the two of them arrived in Disneyland, Mirai forced Ryosuke to go through various rides.

A few hours later....

Ryosuke: Can we stop now? I'm tired....

Mirai: Tired? You're so lame. I'm not!

Ryosuke: Hey! That's because you're wearing a sneaker the entire time! I'VE BEEN WEARING HEELS FOR HOURS BY NOW!!! (points at the heels under his feet in fury)

Mirai: (smirks)

Ryosuke: Your smile kinda creeps me out. They're giving me the goosebumps

Mirai: Can we do it one more time? Okay? Pleeease~ (attacks with her puppy eyes)

Ryosuke: (gives up) Promise me, this will be the last time, okay?

Mirai: Got it! (immediately drags Ryosuke again)

They were both heading to the Ferris Wheel. Ryosuke's face was pale. He sat through the entire ride frozen still in terror. Mirai grins throughout the entire ride.

Inner Ryosuke: Dang it, if it wasn't for Mirai there's no way I'm riding all these

Mirai: Don't you think it's romantic? Riding a ferris wheel~ Oh look! There's a light show!

Ryosuke: Who cares about stupid light shows! (focuses himself on his acrophobia, whispering prayers to himself)

Mirai: Are you mad?

Ryosuke: Hmh.

Mirai: Aren't we even now?

Ryosuke: Hmh.

Mirai: Yama-chan?

Ryosuke: Hmh.

Mirai: Are you really mad?

Ryosuke: Hmh.

Mirai: Seriously, the light show is really beautiful you know

Ryosuke: (still in silence) Hnn.

Mirai: You really hate riding this, do you?

Ryosuke: Well clearly you know that I'm afraid of heights!

Mirai: (moves and takes the seat right next to Ryosuke, and hugs him from the side) Are you still afraid if I do this?

Ryosuke: (blushes) Ng... I STILL AM! 

Mirai: Then how can I make you feel better? 

Ryosuke: (grins evilly) There's only one way...

Mirai: That is....?

Ryosuke leans forward fast and captures her lips.

As he did this, the fireworks from the light show explode in the background.

(end)

or..... not.

Omake (extra):

The next day, Friday magazine published it's latest scandal of an actress. The article was entitled:

"A great secret has been leaked! Shida Mirai was seen kissing a beautiful lady in front of her house!"

Ryosuke happes to read the article.

Ryosuke: How..... in the world... am I dating that psycho (slaps his forehead hard and makes a crying face)

Note:

Abe Hiroshi is Mirai's favorit actor. Her love and respect for the actor is really high. Unlike her real life boyfriend, Abe Hiroshi's facial features is really masculine and cool. This is Abe Hiroshi:

Zakiyama is a famous comedian who appears in School Kakumei with Yamada, Chinen, and Hikaru. He's a close acquaintance with Ryosuke and really loves to bully him, so the writers decided to include him in this one. This is Zakiyama:

Kazuga is also a comedian from a duo called Audrey, also appears in School Kakumei, whom Zakiyama mistaken Ryosuke for him in this story. Kazuga's jokes are mostly lame and he gets bullied a lot in the show. This is him:

Of course, the sweet moments were nicely done by greyrani. The rest of the mayhem and disaster were the works of the other shameless writers xD