Changmin POV

Plopping down on the worn powder blue ripped sofa, I stretch my tired limbs as I lay down. The pounding against my temples makes me groan in pain.

TIC TIC TIC TIC

The clock reads 2:03, causing a sigh to escape from my lips. I’ve been working on the Min Yo Han case for the past three days, not to mention trying to find out how his little doll friend could talk and move.

“This doll,” sighs QG, one of Yoochun’s friends in the group of hackers, “Is incredible. If it wasn’t for the fact that the person who gave you this was using it as a torture device, I would shoot your for breaking such a masterpiece,” QG says, as he adjusts the painted mask he’s wearing.

“What do you mean by masterpiece?” I ask, staring at the flattened doll.

“See the stuffing from the doll?” QG point to the white stuffing that looks a lot like the cotton used to remove the nail polish that Jaejoong Hyung likes so much. I nod quickly. “Well, to the eye it looks like normal stuffing put into the same teddy bears I gift my niece every year for her birthday,” He explains, leading me to a microscope. “But examined under magnification we’ve found thin soft metallic-like particles that can come together and make a skeleton-like form,” Despite hiding his face behind a mask, enthusiasm is clear in QG’s voice as he explained this to me. “Not only was it capable of form, but of movement as well! Even smaller particles acted as ligaments,”

“What about the voice?” I ask, “How was it able to speak to us? He said he could see us, could he? How?”

“It’s even better,” QG says, walking over to the head of the stuffed rabbit. “So, the eyes obviously acted as a camera, allowing the person controlling the doll to see its surroundings, but also as a communicator. It’s wireless, which makes it mobile. However, it needs a password to turn on, otherwise it’s useless.”

“So what’s the password?” I ask, surprised by the advanced technology.

“I don’t know,” QG sighs. “But without the password I can't track his IP address,”

TIC TIC TIC TIC

Finding out about Min Yo Han was even more difficult. Everything we know about this guy is speculation, not even the feds could get him to spill his guts, or if they did try get deleted that file. I looked in every database the government has, and narrowed the search down to whatever we have, and still nothing popped up. I'm beginning to wonder if that's his real name. Ugh! We need this to pull through, so we can help Kyuhyun, but nothing is going right. Please, we can't go back to square one.
 

Kyuhyun’s POV

This is all my fault. They’re in trouble because of me, because of my selfishness. If I wasn’t selfish and did not pursue my dream of becoming a singer, then they wouldn’t have met me. They wouldn’t be in danger now.

But you would have never met them, a quiet voice in the back of my mind reminds me, and you would have never known true happiness.

I think of all the memories I’ve had with my members, from Siwon and Ryeowook fighting, to Heechul making fun of Donghae’s easy-flowing tears, to Kangin telling me that he and the other members ate all the meat my fans sent me, to Hangeng and Zhoumi teaching me Mandarin in the dorms in China, to Eunhyuk holding me as I laid on that snow filled freeway while I fought for my life, to all us singing ‘Marry U’ on stage along to all our fans. These memories cause my eyes to flood with tears. They are my brothers, they are my world, and because of me they will die. I love them more than I love my happiness, because they gave me my happiness, so yes. If I could I would still go back so I would never have met them, so they would not have to be subject to the wrath of this mad man. Even if I never found happiness.

And the same with DBSK? With Changmin? The voice questions once more.

The thought of Changmin stops my heart for a second. Never meeting Changmin? I can’t imagine my life without Changmin, nor would I ever want to. There is no way that I would have not met him, I-I can’t regret Changmin. I wish I could, I wish I could regret meeting him, becoming friends with him, caring for him, but I can’t. And I hate myself for that. Changmin is my closest friend, my soulmate. He knows everything about me, well almost everything. But he knows me. I want to say that I would even give up Changmin for his own safety, but I can’t. I’m too selfish.

I can't even do anything to protect him. I hate myself, what am I good for but having mental breakdowns? Changmin is the most important person in my life and I can't protect him.

And I'm supposed to be a genius, that's the reason I was at the freakin camp, yet I can't even figure out a way to save the people I love. I hate myself for being so weak, for being so dumb. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself!

"Kyuhyun!" A familiar voice screams my name, startling be out of my mantra. Looking around I spot the owner of that voice, speak of the devil, Changmin.

His eyes were bloodshot, as a shadow of a beard appeared on his face, yet despite his obvious exhaustion, his eyes stranded of fear. I've never really seen that look on his face before, and I'd do anything to never see it again. What could have caused such fear? Was it him?

"What are you doing?!" He screams, running towards me. Shocked, I look around to see what he means. "Look at your hand!" He continues, "You're freaking bleeding," Suddenly I feel a sharp throbbing in my right hand, making me wince. As I glance down, blood drips onto the floor, collecting into a tiny puddle of red. Shocked, I turn around only to see a shattered mirror with blood, my blood, with my reflection in every broken shard. The mirror, it was punched. “Why were you punching the mirror?” Changmin demands. I look back to the mirrors, then at my hands. I had punched it. Pain rips through my body as this realization hits. I punched it. “Kyuhyun,” He says once more, gentler, wrapping his arms around me. I stare at him, still in shock.

“I did that?” I ask him, though fully aware of the answer.

Sighing, Changmin lifts my arm, leading me into the corner of the room where his infamous backpack lay on the floor. He pulls out tweezers, antiseptic, and a bandage. Squatting down, Changmin motions for me to come closer, hesitant, my feet move slowly towards him. I wince as he grabs my hand, but don’t pull away. A whine escapes me as the cold pointed metal tugs on the bloodied crystal shards buried in my hand, but I stay put. I know Changmin is helping me, so despite the pain, I will try my best to stay put. Changmin softly lets my hand drop after he pulls out the last shard. I’m breathing hard now, because I know what will come next. Unconsciously, I take a step back. Noticing my movement, Changmin stares at me before lifting up a finger, motioning for me to come back to my previous spot. I close my eyes and obey, trembling as I lift my injured and throbbing hand. An intense sting burns through my flesh and I try to hold back a cry, biting my lips, but I could only tolerate it for a few seconds before I crumble onto the floor, clutching my hand to my chest.

“Kyuhyun,” Changmin says, voice deep and annoyed, trying to mask the worry that was there. I whimper and shake my head. No more. I want no more. “Kyuhyun, we need to do this,” Changmin says firmly.

“It hurts,” I say, voice thick as I try to swallow my tears.

“But it didn’t hurt to punch the practice room mirror?” He questions me sharply. “Multiple times?” I stare up at him, not knowing what to say.

“I didn’t realize what I was doing,” I mutter quietly. Unable to look at Changmin any longer I close my eyes and lower my head. I hear Changmin shuffle around before I feel a tight grip yank my arms forward. I cry out in pain and surprise.

“Stop it,” Changmin says, and I can feel the anger ooze out in his voice. He continues to clean my wounded hand despite my cries and proceeds to wrapping it. Changmin has never been this rough with me, and I’m shocked and scared from this action. Finally, he drops my hand and goes back to his backpack. I try to get a hold of myself, but all I want to do is run to my dorm and hide under my bed. I want to hide from the vindictive Min Yo Han, I want to hide from this angry Changmin, I want to hide from everybody and from myself. “Here,” Changmin’s strained voice calls out as a white t-shirt lands in front of me. “Your shirt is all bloodied. Change.” Without a word, I pick up the shirt and walk to the other corner of the room, wiping any trace of tears away. I carefully remove my bloodied shirt, placing it on the floor and pull the white one over my head. It’d a bit baggy, allowing the cold air to hit my chest, but I ignore it. I just stay standing in that tiny corner, wishing it would swallow me. Despite his anger, I know Changmin is just trying to show me that he cares. “Kyuhyun,” I hear him call my name, softly. I bite my lip to keep from crying once more. “Kyuhyun,” He calls once more, emotions in his voice. Wiping my tear-stained face, I turn and walk over to him.

We stare at each other in silence for a good while, before Changmin breaks it.

“Why?” He asks, anger flashing through his eyes as he looks at my hand. “What could possibly make you so ing pissed that you felt the need to put your ing fist through a walled mirror?” He questions, standing up, harshly rubbing his face before pulling at his hair. I flinch as I see him grow livid. His anger is evident in the way his lips form against each word, at the widening of his exhausted eyes, at the hunter-like steps he takes around me. I feel something bubble at the tip of my tongue, but I have no excuses that can explain it to him, and I know he takes my silence as a rejection of his question but I have no sensible answer to give. “I don’t ing understand Kyuhyun,” He continues, backing me up as he steps closer to me. “What the were you thinking about that-”

“You,” The word slips out before I could catch it, and utter regret follows as I see shock and hurt settle itself on Changmin’s beautiful face. I try to retract the statement, but no words come out to take it back, not that they could even if they did.

“Me?” He asks, pained, and worried. “I made you that angry?” I shake my head weakly. “What-What did I do?” Changmin looks at me, worry and shock mingled on his face. 

“N-Nothing,” I try to reassure him, but instead am met with furry?

“Seriously Kyuhyun?!” Changmin yells, throwing his hands up in the roughly. “Why do you always do this?!” He asks loudly, furiously. “Nothing? Right, so when you thought of me nothing happened and you punched the mirror for no reason,” He says sarcastically. “You’re hiding something,” He accuses, but is not wrong. I bite my lip in shame. “Why can’t you trust us?!” Changmin basically yells, before coming to silence. He looks at me with pain filled eyes. “Why can’t you trust me?” He asks softly, desperation filled in his voice.

His words cut me deep, and a pain worse than my hand, worse than my car crash, worse than nearly any other pain I’ve ever felt before fills me. Yo Han hasn’t hurt Changmin, I have. I can’t make the pain go away, there is no way to treat it. Yo Han is a threat, but I am actuality.  This realization drops me to my knees, my breaths become shallow as tears just our down my face. I really can’t do anything right. I worry my hyungs, the company, my family, and my friends, but even worse, they think I don’t trust them. Changmin thinks I don’t trust him.

“Kyuhyun,” Changmin says, the anger in his voice gone. I gasp for air, but it doesn’t suffice. “Kyuhyun,” he repeats, as I see his footsteps grow closer to me. I shake my head, dizzy and panicky. I feel Changmin kneel next to me, trying to get my attention, but I can’t look at him. “Look, I’m sorry, please, calm down.” I shake my head rapidly, why should he be sorry? I’m the one at fault. I’m the problem. Suddenly the world around me start to spin, even though my eyes are closed. I grip the ground for support, but I feel myself slipping. “Kyuhyun,” Changmin calls in a panicked voice, sounding muffled, as if he was far in the distance, but I know he’s right next to me. I can’t hold on any longer, and slip into chaos.

Beep

Beep

Beep

 Groaning, I try to open my eyes, but eyes are too heavy. I feel something in my arm, finally whipping my eyes open in alarm.

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

I’m hooked up to a heart monitor and an IV drip.

“Kyuhyun?” The familiar voice calls my name, though it is thick with grogginess and exhaustion.

“Chwang?” I look around and spot Changmin in a chair not too far away from me. I meet his blood shot eyes with my exhausted own. Memories of what happened flood back to me, and I can’t help but tear up. “I-I’m sorry,” I whisper, lowering my head in shame. I hear shuffling before warmth embraces me.

“Hey,” Changmin says softly, arms tight around me. “Hey, it’s not your fault. What this is, it’s not your fault.” He rubs my shoulders, warm breath down my neck. “I shouldn’t have pushed you, shouldn’t have treated you like that. I’m sorry Kyuhyun.” I pull myself closer to Changmin, as close to this warmth as I can get. “I-I just really care about you.” He explains. I close my eyes and breathe in the scent that is Changmin. “I want you to trust me, to tell me what’s bothering you, what’s hurting you. I’ll do anything to make it go away.” I settle down in his arms, where it’s safe, familiar, and kind. I never want to leave them. “I just, I just need you to be honest with me.” Biting my lips, I contemplate. I know the hyungs deserve to know the truth, that Changmin deserves to know the truth.

I am trying to protect them, the less they know the better, but they don’t understand that. I know what Min Yo Han is trying to do, and I know what they need in order to accomplish it. T-They can’t know these horrors, they need to have their innocence. Yo Han is after me, and he won’t hesitate to use them against me. I need them to distance themselves from me, but I’m too weak to be on my own. I-If I warn them, I know my Changmin well enough to know that he’d try to find Yo Han and stop him. They won’t listen to me, they won’t listen to how Yo Han is ready for a confrontation, how he needs them to find him, so I’d give myself to him. They won’t listen to how the memories are not buried or forgotten, how I remember all of the formulas and all the blue prints. They won’t listen to how I am not strong enough to go through that torture again without giving in this time, and despite them trying to comfort me, reality says he’ll eventually get to me. How? How do I tell them this and expect them to function properly? Not only can I not bring myself to tell them, but I am forced not to because of the settlement that the government made with my family. I mean, the gag that was placed on us ended when I entered the military, part of the agreement. We were given the option to renew it, with an even bigger settlement, but I refused. How do I explain this to them?

“I know,” Changmin whispers, pulling me out of my thoughts, “That you are trying to protect us, you’ve always tried to protect us, but we are more capable than you know,” He whispers. “I will help you,” His warm breath combined with the safety of his touch makes me want to believe him. “Let me,”

They deserve to know.

Changmin deserves to know.

Swallowing hard, I in a deep breath, and prepare myself for what I’m about to do. Pulling away I turn to say something to Changmin, what, I’m not sure. As I turn to stare at Changmin, the words get caught in my throat.

Changmin is so close I can taste him, I want to taste him. I want him to pull me closer, kiss me, and tell me that everything will be okay. I want it to be true. I want to kiss him back and be able to say “Yes, you’re right. I’m just being silly. It will be okay”, because he makes everything okay. I’ve never wanted anything so badly.

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

Changmin doesn’t move, doesn’t look away. Does he want this too? Hesitantly, I inch closer to Changmin, my heart pounding.

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

BEEP

BEEP

I don’t even know how it’s possible, but he draws me even closer. I place my bandaged hand on his chest, and he leaned his forehead against mine.

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

I close my eyes as I feel the bed dip, and Changmin lean into me. His hot breath on my face, on my lips. I lean in, ready.

“Kyuhyun!” A voice startles me, and I pull back automatically. My eyes, now open, see Changmin has done the same. Embarrassment colors my face red, and I look away. “Are you okay?” The voice asks worried. “Your heart monitor is going crazy!” He says, and I look up to see the oblivious Leeteuk hyung, and as embarrassment fills my cheeks, it also floods the monitor. I hang my head.

“I-I’m fine,” I whisper, unable to look up.

“I’ll get the nurse” Leeteuk hyung says, racing off, leaving Changmin and me alone once more. I can’t look up at him, shy, embarrassed, disappointed.

“Kyuhyun?” Changmin calls my name, so sweetly. Gathering all my courage, I look at him. He smiles that beautiful smile that I love, lifting my hand to his tender lips, pressing a delicate kiss onto it. I smile a small smile.

If there was any chance that Changmin can be spared, I need to take it. I can’t, I won’t let him hurt my Changmin.

Think Kyuhyun, think.

Knowing Changmin, he’ll try to find out why I have been acting the way I have, even possibly going to his police buddies at the station he used to work at. He’d look to see if I put a restraining order or something out on someone, they’d probably pull up a restricted file and he’d get curious. He’d probably tell the others, and then together they’d beg or blackmail Yoochun in getting his hacker friends to find the file and what’s on it. It’s most likely out, but that won’t stop Min from investigating. He might even find the names of the others, might even try to track down the other two. Fear strikes me like a lightning bolt. No, what if they try and track down…no. He’s crazy. They can’t find him. Last time any of us were in contact with him he…I shake my head. No, I can’t let that happen.

I pull away from Changmin, and he looks at me confused.

Either way. Either way Changmin and the others will be in danger, so I might as well be the one to warn them.

“Changmin,” I say, voice shaking. “Are you sure you want to know the truth?” I ask. His eyes widen, “You don’t have to know. You and the others can know nothing and maybe I can find a way to save you guys, even if I can’t save anyone else.” I warn him. “Once I tell you, you can’t go back. Whatever you think you know, will either be confirmed or contradicted. Either way, once you know the truth, you can’t un-know it.” He stares at me for a second, contemplating maybe, before nodding. His eyes look tired but determined. I nod, swallowing. “Maybe you’ll be smart and hurt me,” I tell him. “And leave.”

“Well, unfortunately for you,” He smiles, “I only pretend to be a genius.” I smile, before turning serious and looking around the room. I see the camera, and I know that there must be a mic in here too.

“Once we’re out of here,” I whisper. “We’ll get the others and find a safe place to talk. We need to go somewhere the government won’t be listening to our conversations.”

“I know just the place,” Changmin nods, confusing me.

Hey Guys, 

I'm so sorry for not updating in such a long time. I promised a reader that I would update a little over a  month ago, but between medical issues, and school (college senior, thesis stuff, man), I haven't had the time. Thank you for sticking with me and supporting this story. Hopefully this chapter can get the ball rolling. I don't know when I'll update next, I have exams within the next three weeks, then summer school and work, but I'll do my best to be a better more consistent author. Thank you again for reading and supporting me and this story. 

-ALL4ALL