"Stay by my side

Stay with me

I'm holding your hand

Please don't let go"

It started when she came back from the doctor's, Taehyung recalled. He had been waiting for her, he knew how much she hated the yearly mandatory visits. There was a bucket of ice cream, mint chocolate ch-no. She had hated that flavor before she met him. It probably would have been vanilla. Or maybe strawberry. It doesn't matter, Taehyung supposed, but I care. There had been a movie in the slot, one of her favorites, "Up", even though she cried every time Carl's wife died. She always hugged him and nuzzled her head in his chest every time that scene came on, whispering how much she loved him. Taehyung's eyes crinkled into an empty smile as he remembered those moments. But on that day, she had come home, her eyes already filled with tears, and the "I love you"s had already been pouring out the second she stepped into the apartment that all of Bangtan shared. And he had held her as her tears drenched his shirt and filled the silence around them.

The first incident came two weeks later. They had been joking around with the rest of Bangtan while a movie played in the background. Taehyung's eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to focus. The Fault in Our Stars. Another movie that she had loved that made her cry. It's odd, Taehyung reasoned, that such a sad movie was playing while the people watching it were laughing hysterically. But that's Bangtan for you. She had been laughing so much, probably at some stupid joke someone had made, when her eyes glossed over, and her body collapsed in on itself. She had woken up not even a minute later, but the happiness of the last minute had faded, only to be replaced by worry and concern. But she had laughed it off, crediting her passing out to a long day at work and a lack of sleep. And then she had gone home, Taehyung remembered, and I let her.

The next incident was a week, maybe a week and a half, after the first one. Taehyung remembered the frantic phone call that he had recieved in the middle of dance practice. It turned out that she had fainted in the middle of the subway, and a nearby passanger was the one on the phone. It was after this incident that the previously perfect couple had a fight. He wanted her to rest, take a break from work, sleep. And she had been resistant to all of it, claiming that she "was not a child" and could "make her own decisions." She was stubborn, and he gave up eventually. I guess I never really thought that things could end up like this,Taehyung reflected. 

The third incident happened while he was in China. That call was from the hospital. She had out during work, and she had just woken up after four hours. I had never felt that helpless in my life, Taehyung recalled. He had called her, partially to check up on her and partially to convince her to quit her job and rest, but her voice was so tired. And so he hung up with tears dripping past his own cheeks, unable to convince himself to yell at her or even raise his voice. I didn't want to hurt her.

And so life continued like this. The third incident blurred into the fourth, which blurred into the fifth, which blurred into the sixth, until everything was a mess of crying, argueing, and loving. It was awful.

The last incident happened three weeks after their anniversary. She had been with him at that moment, and she out. Again. But this time, he couldn't hear the regular breaths that had always assured him that she was alive. They were gone. And so 911 had been called, and medics had rushed in to try to save her. And they did save her. She ended up in the hospital, her skin deathly pale, her lips slightly open and the color of paper. She had seemed frail, but her stubborness drove the conversation. 

"I guess we'll never get to be Ellie and Carl," she had whispered.

"I would compare us more to Augustus and Hazel," he had murmured back to her as he took her hand in his. 

And in a fading quiet voice, she asked him to sing to her. She always said I had a soothing voice, Taehyung remembered. And so he had sung the only song that seemed appropriate. A song about love and pain and missing a person so much it hurt. And with that song, he pleaded her to stay with him, for tomorrow, for next week, for forever. I can't even listen to that song anymore without crying, Taehyung thought.

When he had opened his eyes after the last note, she closed her eyes, and the long steady beep of the hearbeat monitor said everything. And then he was screaming, screaming that they had to bring her back, that he couldn't live without her, that he had made a promise. He cried after that.

In time, Jimin tried to talk to him. So did Hoseok. And Seokjin. And Jungkook and Namjoon and Yoongi. They all did. 

"It'll be okay."

"Things will get better."

"I'm willing to talk to you about anything when you're ready."

"We miss you."

"You have to try to pull it together. We'll help you."

"Goddammmit, she wouldn't want you to live like this!"

And that was the comment that woke Taehyung up. "Do you think she wanted to die, hyung? How would you know what she wants from me anyways?"

And today, Taehyung was on ledge of a building. He stood up, feeling the wind rush past his ears. He thought about everything that had happened, not just his relationship, but his group, his family, his career. And then, he made his decision. 

Author's Note

Hello! This is my first angst scene, so please leave some feedback. Also, the story was Taehyung reflecting back while he was on top of the building. Was that confusing? Also, do you think Taehyung jumped or not? This song one of my favorite songs right now, and Taehyung (BTS) and J-Hope (BTS) did a great cover of it, which is what inspired me to write this. Please subscribe, comment, request, and upvote. Thanks!

Song Info

Hug me by Jung Jun Ill

Original Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hk8etj1VwSY

V+J-Hope Cover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tv_HQ-0upns